Minecraft Forums

I have always been a child of poverty. From elementary to college, it's something I am not proud of, but it may be this weakness that has contributed to my strongest of qualities. From my mental disorder, to my mom raising me alone, and to my mother losing various jobs; money wasn't the easiest thing to come by. Between the school years of elementary and middle school, my mother lost her job, but this time it wasn't something that could be taken lightly. California, the state I was born in, was spiking in prices of housing, food, utilities, etc. Times got really tough, so tough that my mother and I were forced to move in with my grandparents in Idaho, during that summer.

Middle school in a conservative state was vastly different from elementary from a liberal state. It was a change that felt odd, out of place. My mental disorder was receding, but still very much there. I didn't make many friends, nor did I want to try to, fearing for their lives over my social status. However, despite these obstacles, I persevered in school. I got good grades and made it out of high school with no problems, academically. I got enough scholarships to attend a college for a relatively low price and I continued to further my educational status.

Few years after college and working for various companies for various other jobs, I finally landed a job in the state of Idaho, of which I currently am still employed. My disorder, mostly receded, and I do my work well, as best as I can. And that leads us to here and now, where I am currently typing this.

How, or why did I join the Minecraft forums? Honestly, I don't know. Minecraft was a mental support for me, it became a reliever of depression, it was something I enjoyed and clang onto. I guess you can say I joined the forums because I wanted it to become part of this, say, addiction? However, for the longest of time I did not care, I mostly visited the forums to check out servers, and possibly discuss small stuff in discussion. I started like everyone else, I joined for Minecraft.

Through series of posting, going inactive, posting again, etc. I was just a common poster, nothing interesting really to say, nothing to add, I was just a poster, who posted rarely. Then I "left" a server called MCInfected, and then I came back to the forums. That server was probably my biggest addiction, I felt attached to it, but I had to leave it for various purposes and once I did this I needed something else. The Minecraft Forums soon became a place where I could post my thoughts. For the first time, I realized this forum can be more so than Minecraft, it can also be a discussion of various subjects.

I wondered and posted actively in the PPNS for a long time, a long while. I think the majority of late half of last year was where I spent most of my time was in that section. I was contempt, the posts sometimes annoying and the people even more so, but it was a place I felt my voice had a reason to be heard, that my posts made someone think.

Then I discovered the rest of the forums. Having spent so much time in PPNS I lost sense that there was other forums, with other subjects. I expanded myself out to the rest of Off-Topic and discovered the Off-Topic Chat Thread. I became actively participated in that chat thread rather than PPNS, and eventually I came to the thought that the people in the chat-thread would much rather hear my voice than that of PPNS. The Chat-Thread felt natural, it felt a place where one can post whatever they want, to meet other people. It was also during this time I was getting into League, but more on that later.

Then OCT closed and I went inactive once more. Previously I was posting a lot in Forum Games so I still spent time there, but for a few I was mostly wanting to ignore this site. I felt angry at the admins, they closed something awesome for something I cannot simply use for various reasons. I was done with this forum, or I so thought. Then I discovered Discussion once more. Previously I always thought of that place as a crude dumb place, where useless posts reign. This is true to an extent, but I became contempt with it. There may be dumb threads/posts, but there are some intelligent ones and interesting ones as well. My love for Discussion wanted me to expand out further, which I am still trying to do.

That is basically my life here on the forums. Pretty boring if you ask me, but, it was quite a ride. Series of going active and inactive, it really has been an emotional ride. Minecraft may no longer satisfy me, but the community surrounded by Off-Topic and also to an extent of that of Discussion, makes me want to stay and expand myself, to let myself known.

I've been plagued with a mental disease that still follows me to this day. Always holding anger, always mad about...something. Even in my current age, of my current mental state, I consider myself mentally disturbed or mentally unstable. Haven't visited a therapist in years to know if this is true (maybe I should...). I, as a child, was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Aggression, a severe case of it as well. As a child, I always seemed so happy, so...innocent, but in a moments notice I can instantly become a deadly killer, and almost literally become one as well.

When I was 10 I almost killed 2 people. One incident was me losing a Gaelic handball game (always wondered what its official name was called) to a kid I've always hated, always despised. Something about the timing of that day, the timing of the incident, the mood I was in; was just right to flick a switch in my head. I brutally bashed the kids skull into the ground repeatedly. Blood spurted from the back of the head, and his nose bleeding dripping onto my hands. Within seconds I was restrained, but I have done the damage. I can remember the kids eyes, void and empty, most I can tell, he could have easily died if I kept going. The other incident I can barely remember, all I know is it happened, some memories are probably just kept locked away I suppose.

After the two incidents, though, I was subjected to isolation to the fullest. Keep myself away from others; I was a minor with a severe mental disorder, they can't really charge me without calling insanity, at the time, I really didn't know better either. For a few years I was kept away from everyone but my mother and various tutors (and the occasional events I was allowed to attend, with supervision of course). While those 2 incidents nearly resulted in ones death, there have been instances where I have injured many others, after and before. Strong punch to the face, strong kicks to the groin, strong takedowns, you name it, I've probably done it. Even after isolation, I was put in special education, I was to remain separated by "normal" people, and I was like this until I reached the middle of middle school.

It's probably my disorder that we were so poor. I reflect back on it now, and I can see my mother, so anxious, so worried, about everything. Medical bills needed to be payed, I needed special therapy, I needed medication, I was a burden, a huge burden. I thank my mother for everything she did, but I can't see any normal mother be able to handle such a dangerous son such as I. My future could have easily been destroyed if those incidents were kept on a file, but they weren't, thanks to my mother. She did her best, she helped me, and I could never be more thankful.

Rarely does a game ever change my life. In fact, there's only two games that have: Minecraft and League of Legends. I've been into Minecraft since mid-Alpha, it has helped me a great bunch with a depression I was going through and it provided a nice relaxing tone for my disorder. However, after several years of playing a game it tends to get boring, uninteresting, not the same. I finally quit the whole game all together when I "left" MCInfected, a Minecraft server. I've tried other games, Team Fortress 2 was a thing for me for a while, but nothing really stuck like Minecraft. Then, a few friends recommended me to League of Legends, and all changed.

During the time of recommendation I was, yet, going through another depression for various reasons (I wish not to tell these reasons). The reputation of League of Legends (and other MOBAs for that matter) community made me skeptical, how can I ever like a game with such a negative community? I played the game nonetheless with some online friends and...it was fun. People were nice for a while (now that I am getting higher level there is much more negativity, but it doesn't matter anymore) and I had fun. League of Legends somehow provided a gaming environment where I can relax. Unlike DOTA, I was having fun, and not really trying to stress myself to win. Every game is a good game, even if there were some bull behind your loss or your wins were simply too easy. I taught myself the game by watching professional players and the way they play on LCS every weekend. It was a game like no other.

For a long time though I didn't have a preferred champion. I never really bought any of them, I always just played the free ones. One week, though, Annie was a free champion and I played her. She was fun, she was destructive, she gave me my first Pentakill (like a 5 man killstreak, wiping out the entire team). At first I cared no more, I did buy her, but it became nothing special. Time went on though, I got to play her more, and I began to like her. Something about her made me like to relate. Her lore of always being a powerful child, her in-game quotes suggesting her destructive ways, but not really giving any thought behind it. Even though she looks innocent, she really is just a twisted child. It reminds me of...well...me in a lot of ways. Powerful child, capable of killing 5 buff, strong, manly warriors in one shot, then hop skipping away like nothing happened is...interesting for a lack of better words. I like her because she reflects me, and it does help she's not bad as a champion overall.

My futures with League are unknown, like it was for Minecraft. I hope one day to reach Diamond 1 (one of the highest ranked titles you can have) and also proving myself as Best Annie NA would be something nice to earn as a title. The game is awesome, in my opinion, and because of its nonstop action, it's probably something I'll hold on more than I did with Minecraft.

The future is probably the most complex variable of this universe. So dynamic, so volatile, unknown. But, let us try to crack through this complex unknown.

I see myself continuing to visit these forums for a while. As long as the admins don't do anymore stupid things, I have no reason to leave. I got my footing in some of the sub-forums, I'm relatively known, I don't get infractions, and I maybe want to try out for moderator; who knows. What I want to see out of this forum is less negativity and complaining, and more talking about the game, it's positives, criticizing it in a logical and sensible way, and less duplicate threads talking about the same subjects. I only wish to see this forum grow and become a very well known member, that's the future I want to see, hope to see, will see.

I will continue my journey in the League of Legends. Expand my champion pool (character choice, I'm good with quite a few champions, but not enough) become more knowledgeable in other roles (there's, in the current meta, 5 roles, I only know how to do 4/5 of them, and I'm only good at 3/5 of them), and I wish, again, to at least earn the title as Best Annie NA, as that's my favorite champion. I'm no where near close to a good player, I'm a horrible one, I'm a new player, so I just hope that along my journey I become more skilled, become more knowledgeable, and become stronger and well respected as a teammate and an individual.

As for real life, this is the true unknown. I have a job so, that is all well and good. Honestly though, I hope nothing changes. I'm good as I am right now, life is good, and so is the Internet. My future in both mix, but they are separate. This is the best balance, and I hope that futures stays as is.

1. Is the information on your personal information true? Yes, I am 26, I do live in Idaho, there's nothing really to lie about.
2. Why did you decide to make this thread? I've been on these forums for 2 years. While I know it's nothing huge, I feel like my anniversary should go without me doing something, and this thread was that something.
3. Your English is a bit off, is it part of your disorder? Indirectly, I've always hated English. It was the only subject that I could never do well in. If my English is confusing and/or unclear somewhere, please correct me.
4. Which forums do you like to visit? Forum Games, General Off-Topic, Politics Philosophy News & Society, and Discussion. However, I wish to soon be known across various sub-forums, so I will expand eventually.
5. Where do you get all your Annie avatars? I'm a frequent visitor of Reddit and there's a subreddit dedicated to LoLfanart. I occasionally just like to start with the best one (most of them are deviantart) and look through all the suggested ones. Occasionally I find an Annie drawing, but most of them are horrible, or just something that doesn't fit for an avatar. Then there's the few that actually stand out to me. Whenever I'm using an avatar, I will link to the picture directly in my signature. You can visit my profile page to see my previous avatars.
6. Would you mind explaining xyz in detail? If it's something I'm willing to open up to, I might add another chapter to it. However, for the most part, I will just answer it in a Q&A form, or maybe not at all if it's something too personal.

Go ahead and ask any questions and I will answer you in both the FAQ and via a response.