People complain because their 6 MB internet is slow, WHEN THAT'S THE FASTEST INTERNET CONNECTION THAT CABLE COMPANIES HAVE TO OFFER IN MY COUNTRY. FML.
Seeing that I am a demigod, I merely sidestep the staples, freezing them in mid-air.
I grab a few hairs off my head, exhale into them and turn them into several duplicates of myself. The staples suddenly snap back into action and fly in a barrage towards the next poster, followed by me and my duplicates, now brandishing gold-capped magic quarterstaves....
I teleport away, while placing a block of TNT where I used to be, I teleport back and place a redstone torch next to the tnt, I use /home to get away from the whole mess. The TNT explodes on the next user
Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I go completely berserk with an AwesomeSword® on the next dude.
EDIT: ninja'd.
I use the Power of Notch to smite the next user!
I punch to death the next user with a nokia 3310
I send 10 Antlion Guards after the next user.
I summon Iron Golems and an Ender Dragon to attack the next user.
Next user gets hit by my fire sword.
Next user gets stapled to the wall by my wall staples.
Please click my dragon!
I grab a few hairs off my head, exhale into them and turn them into several duplicates of myself. The staples suddenly snap back into action and fly in a barrage towards the next poster, followed by me and my duplicates, now brandishing gold-capped magic quarterstaves....
'Nuff said.
I wrap you in Vines and slowly strangle you with a Rope.
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
Next person shall deal with the entire batch of muffins piloting solid gold death stars I just cooked up.
The next user must survive all matter except their body in the universe disappearing all at once with my Physics-Breaker-Machine
If you want to see a great idea for Minecraft, click the banner! Over 400 supporters and counting!
I use the power of Herobrine to through the next user into the void.
I use Chuck Norris on the next user to roundhouse kick
Next person must deal with Fats Domino.
Next user gets their feelings hurt.
Please click my dragon!
Next person is now going to be followed around by a stormcloud that rains grenades.
Poison grenades.
With snakes wrapped around them.
Anacondas.
Explosion-proof anacondas.
They're also poison-proof.
(for good measure)
Next user is hit with 64 arrows, pre-1.8 style!
Throws onion & mayonaisse soup at the next person.
0011 protected itself!
0011 used Fissure!