Fondly regard peace offering.
Spinning roundhouse kick the back of the ship to make it move faster.
You somehow manage to levitate to the back of the ship and kick it. You do not contemplate how, because this is totally awesome. In the sudden rush of speed, the sail is torn from the mast
Quote from Jorgen »
die from massive blood loss from what used to be your penis DX
You collapse on the deck of the ship. Suddenly, the door to the below-deck area bursts open and a rather hairy looking child comes out. Upon further investigation, you learn he is actually a midget. He has a bottle of vodka in his hand.
You also notice that the entire mast has torn itself loose from the ship because of your super-tasty speed.
Quote from DoomWaffle »
Fap whilst singing the Russian National Anthem
I have no penis, how do I pleasure myself without a penis? And I don't even know the Russian national anthem!
Jump in the sea, then return to land kick the snot out off the midget (because he did nothing), steal his gf and then set sail for the end of the world
You leap into the ocean. Upon landing, your exposed burns begin to sting terribly in the salt water. Because you don't EVEN ****ING FLINCH, your toughness goes up by a quarter of a percent. Yeah, you should probably check that **** out.
But no time now! Gotta teach that little drunk **** a lesson!
Probably via the same method as win you kicked the ship into hyperspeed, you float back on deck and RAEG the midget for a few minutes. He stands in a drunken stupor, that enrages you so much that you grab him by his tiny little neck and begin to choke the life out of him.
Through scattered breaths, he tells you of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity he's offering: He'll graft a pistol where your penis was. Free. He also tells you of how he is the only remaining (living) crew member, exploiting your amnesia for his own survival.
You clearly don't have much time to decide: you could kill him now and be done with it, or you could have a ****ing pistol on your groin.