Minecraft Forums

Just one problem with that plan of yours: I’m under a divot in the ceiling. I become immediately stuck, and no amount of grabbing or attacking is able to set me free. As the pausing feature has been disabled, you can’t cancel the match in a No Contest result either. Oh, and before you mention a time limit, this was an infinite time stock match. You have only one option available to you; you’ll have to throw yourself all the way to a blast line to die until you deplete all your stocks. Oh, and also, you WILL die and lose if you decide to turn off the console. So much for making it inescapable.

I unleash every Final Smash upon the next poster.

I unleash MY OWN, Giga MagiStamp, which, by smashing every attack with the stamp, cancels them out. Then I end the Final Smash by throwing the stamp at you.

I hit the next poster with a Beetle AGAIN, with the same modifiers applied, but I make sure they're not under a divot in the ceiling. Even if they are, they will now no-clip through it.

*gets grabbed and levitated into the ceiling*

Connection to the game server has been lost.
        Error Code: DEADDEADDEAD

When you reconnect, you die instantly before being banned for 136 years. I, on the other hand, have no kills or deaths added to my total when I rejoin, only getting a message saying:

The player you were fighting against has
      been banned for cheating.

I send the next poster to a place outside of, while I’m not going to lie and say reality, it’s as close as you’re going to get. By that I mean a place outside of any omniverse within the Grand Omniverse. They are almost instantly deleted by the Realmal Subspace that exists there.

/tp Player_Miner MmanGamer14.

Hah hah, you got deleted too!

/tp [nextposter] ~ ~-10000000 ~

I swap our entity names so you end up sending YOURSELF to the void.

I backstab the next poster. Why? It deals lotsa damage!

You seem to have forgotten that I'm a Sniper, and that I have a razorback.

Que Pyros being called upon, as you suffer the wrath of a thousand (no actually three) W+M1 Pyromaniacs...

I fart really badly.

I don't know why this is an attack.

I fly away with Draconic Armor (more specifically the chestplate) at high speeds to avoid the fart. You, however aren’t so quick to escape.

MishaPlayer couldn’t stand their own stink

I set the next poster’s Walk Speed to Infinity a frame after I leave the server.

Admins spot me dashing around the map at infinity, and ask me who did it.

I tell them that you did it shortly after you left, and they call authorities who IP-Track you.

At the same time, I anonymously tell them that you have a nuclear bomb and aren't afraid to set it off.

Shortly after, you are swatted and...

Connor_Miner was turned to swiss cheese!

I curbstomp the next poster.

I attach a springboard to my back a nanosecond before you land on me. The springboard causes you to bounce high in the air and land on the hard concrete face-first, and you die from concussions.

I double-wrap the next poster in duct tape, trap them in a car, throw a grenade in, then push the car off a cliff. Also, there's a teleportation disruptor attached to you.

As you are preparing to kill me, a vigilante sees what you’re doing and very nearly kills you. You try to run, but you trip on a random branch and die from the blow.

I trap the next poster in an infinite loop of taking 3.14 quadrillion damage.

As you had simply left the chair too far from the monitor to turn it off, and didn't chain my arms to the point of uselessness, I pull out a sonic probe.

I proceed to blow up the screen and break the chains.

When you come back to check on me, I use the probe to turn you into a Reddit Moderator, disable all electronic equipment on your body, and paralyze you.

I replace the monitor, play an endless playlist of Tik Tok ads, and repeat the same thing to you, this time making sure there is no way of you using your body, even after the stun option on the probe wears off.

I pick up an explosive oil barrel with a supercharged Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator, and fire it at the next poster with the force of the Tsar Bomba thrusting it at them.

*MISS!* *portal sound* *BOOM*

MishaPlayer mishandled unusually-explosive oil

I send the next poster to an alternate universe, then make them grow so big at such a rate that it bursts.

I teleport you to the same AU (short for Alternate Universe) and put you inside the blast radius.

I make the next poster strap a C4 to themselves. You can't get rid of it in any way, and you can't put me inside the blast radius either.

I quickly call for an ubercharge, and as it explodes, I call for a machina sniper to kill you... by sniping the taxi driver that is driving the escape taxi you're in.

*Snap.*

I break the next posters neck.

But I am you and you are me

I kill the next poster with a more well thought out killing method.

I counter-kill you with an even more well-thought-out counter-killing method.

I cut the next poster's arm, and throw dirt into the wound, giving them an infection.

I use a Potion of Healing and throw my status markers at you. This second part somehow transfers the effects to you. Too bad the infection is caused by a superbug that kills within hours.

I send the next poster to an alternate universe, and then shrink the border of it on them in a nanosecond after a nanosecond. The computer I used to do this is certified virus free, and is only accessible via a cognitive link. You can only access it via cognitive links, of which I have the only one for this device.

You didn't take into the account of who developed the linking software, and from the alternate universe, I act as a man-in-the-middle, shrinking your universe instead!

I force the next poster to feel my fist on their face.

I switch my face with yours, so you're effectively attacking yourself.

I kill the next poster with no specification needed.