I take the blue creator and promise to send him through utter hell. Firstly, he'll be forced to play a modded Binding of Isaac: Rebirth, where the Lost is the only default character, and he starts without flight. Characters must be unlocked in a specific order, and with modified requirements. In order to actually get the list, he must clear a room consisting of four Mr Maws, rerolled with the D10 so that each section of their "chain" becomes an enemy, while the creator has no items. He receives a list printed out of the computer.
Isaac: Kill Mega Satan with no items[/p]
[p]Magdalene: Have 12 heart containers and one soul heart at once[/p]
[p]Cain: Hold 100 pennies at once[/p]
[p]Judas: Kill Satan and yourself using Kamikaze![/p]
[p]Eve: Take the Razor Blade in a devil room and immediately use it[/p]
[p]???: Kill Mega Satan 400 times in a row[/p]
[p]Samson: Kill 1,000,000 enemies[/p]
[p]Azazel: Become Satan[/p]
[p]Lazarus: Die 5,000 times within four hours[/p]
[p]Eden: Play as Magdalene and Cain
The creator is furious because Magdalene, Cain, and Eden are literally impossible to obtain (at 12 heart containers, you can't pick up soul hearts. The penny cap is 99). He starts self-mutilating with his computer monitor, then throws himself out the window. I look confused and drop the rest of his computer out the window on top of him.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
I tell the Blue Creator that I am a sniper with the American army with over 1000 confirmed kills, and that I have a very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives. They laugh it all, because they've seen the comments on YouTube, but it turns out that both my claims are true! I don't use my fist claim for anything though, because that would be highly, highly, highly illegal. Instead, I use my very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives. First, I use my amazing Minecraft skills to brutally murder them in game. That's... that's basically the extent of my very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives.
I think in my head of what I'm going to do and whisper in Nyrah's ear what I'm going to do about all this. Very top secret I then smack around some of the blue mooks with my sword!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Daw! A B-!?
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"
I chant, "Nyrah, rah rah rah!" Nyrah thinks I have defected and am cheering him on, but doesn't hear me whisper, "Roh, Shaggy!" at the end of the "rah rah rah". Suddenly, a gigantic Great Dane bursts into the arm straight through the iron block walls, and licks all of Nyrah's face in one swoop with its disturbingly large tongue! Then it starts speaking in a hideously inhuman garble, saying things like, "I ranna Rooby Rack!" and "Roinks, a r-r-r-roast!" all th while exhaling its sulfurous breath in Nyrah's face. Nyrah assumes the hellhound from some twisted mind's wizardry is scared of roasts and wants a Rooby Rack, whatever that is, so he says, "Look, over there! A Rooby™ brand shower rack!" and then viciously snarks a storm of biting insults and SICK BURNS at the horrible beast. It doesn't do anything but make it angry, though, and the nasty thing jumps straight through Nyrah's chest as easily as if he were made of plasticine, leaving a gaping hole in his body and pushing a plug of chest meat right out. Then it devours the plug in one bite (without even chewing! How rude!) and gallops into the distance, turning people in its way to meaty gristle as it goes. Nyrah comically looks down into his chest wound and pokes his hand through it. However, his massive health doesn't let him die, so he laughs at my pitiful attempt to vanquish him by horrible halitosis hellhound hacking his head's holder. Just then, a fly buzzes in through the hole in the wall, and lands in Nyrah's wound. Nyrah winces and makes an ugly face, and tries to swat the fly away, but it tunnels into his insides, prompting some nasty shrieks from Nyrah and one of the blues saying, "Oh my god! I was eating!" Nyrah then tries to SWAT the fly away, by reporting it to the police while it's streaming a game, but Nyrah gets arrested in real life for SWATting, and goes AFK for a few hours while he explains to the police what's going on, which is more than enough time for everyone to kill him in game.
Nyrah gains masterful negotation skills and gets away from the police with just a fine of $5,000, but not before taking 250 damage! +49 XP!
I take out a bunch of skulls, and toss them onto an enemy, along with a pyramid with an eye inscribed on it. I then point out that there is a triangle hidden in the pile of skulls, which has coincidentally formed a pyramid base, and an Eye of Providence image falls onto the enemy! I then get told that the triangle is "RIGHT THERE YOU F**K", and notice another triangle, causing yet another Eye of Providence to smack into the enemy. I then notice a triangle on the Eye of Providence, causing another Eye of Providence to smack into the enemy. I then notice that the Eye of Providence is a triangle, causing yet another Eye of Providence to smack into them. I then get assaulted with a picture of a koala, whose forehead I draw a triangle onto, causing yet another Eye to hit the enemy. And then Bill Cipher shows up and devastates their mind, after which Captain America punches them. And then Peridot slams a handship into them.
I pull out a massive gun and imagine Nyrah as the new editor. I immediately bash her with the gun with the wrath of a thousand paragraph tags, then send her on a quest! Unfortunately, the editor breaks the quest and she ends up trapped in the ground! I then cast BREAK SPACING and she immediately turns into a line of atoms!
I take the blue creator and promise to send him through utter hell. Firstly, he'll be forced to play a modded Binding of Isaac: Rebirth, where the Lost is the only default character, and he starts without flight. Characters must be unlocked in a specific order, and with modified requirements. In order to actually get the list, he must clear a room consisting of four Mr Maws, rerolled with the D10 so that each section of their "chain" becomes an enemy, while the creator has no items. He receives a list printed out of the computer.
Isaac: Kill Mega Satan with no items</p> <p>Magdalene: Have 12 heart containers and one soul heart at once</p> <p>Cain: Hold 100 pennies at once</p> <p>Judas: Kill Satan and yourself using Kamikaze!</p> <p>Eve: Take the Razor Blade in a devil room and immediately use it</p> <p>???: Kill Mega Satan 400 times in a row</p> <p>Samson: Kill 1,000,000 enemies</p> <p>Azazel: Become Satan</p> <p>Lazarus: Die 5,000 times within four hours</p> <p>Eden: Play as Magdalene and Cain
The creator is furious because Magdalene, Cain, and Eden are literally impossible to obtain (at 12 heart containers, you can't pick up soul hearts. The penny cap is 99). He starts self-mutilating with his computer monitor, then throws himself out the window. I look confused and drop the rest of his computer out the window on top of him.
I tell the Blue Creator that I am a sniper with the American army with over 1000 confirmed kills, and that I have a very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives. They laugh it all, because they've seen the comments on YouTube, but it turns out that both my claims are true! I don't use my fist claim for anything though, because that would be highly, highly, highly illegal. Instead, I use my very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives. First, I use my amazing Minecraft skills to brutally murder them in game. That's... that's basically the extent of my very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives.
His death in minecraft causes a rapid spiral into depression, and he fails at more things in life, causing more depression, and it continues forever and ever! 120 damage! +23 XP!
I think in my head of what I'm going to do and whisper in Nyrah's ear what I'm going to do about all this. Very top secret I then smack around some of the blue mooks with my sword!
8 damage to three blue enemies! +9 XP!
ENEMY PHASE:
Two blue fighters activate TEAM FIGHTING! They grab CobaltShade, ManiacMasteR, and Netpatham. and put them in a cage above lava! They slowly lower it in while taunting them, but right as the cage gets close, the players realize its actually boiling kool-aid! Phew... But then they realize it's still boiling, as they get dunked in anyway! They are turned into fried fruit punch, which the blue fighters have a drinking contest with. They both tie at 10,000 gallons. Each. This deals 600 damage to the targets, and, needless to say, they ALL DIE! Luckily, Cobaltshade's revival talisman activates!
A third fighter activates FLAMING DESTRUCTION, and grabs Bioshock_Rules and Overlord_Xcano! He puts them through a practical joke, that is to say, giving them a fake lottery ticket, where they "win" a one-way trip to DEATH ISLE, which consists of...INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE TOURIST TRAPS THAT THEY MUST VISIT FOR ALL ETERNITY!
The last fighter intimidates your team by setting up a stake with a replica of Tazz's head on it! Nyrah decides to help, by making it Tazz's REAL head! 150 damage to Tazz! The blue mage casts Lightning, finishing off Tazz's body! The creator helpfully builds a barricade!
CobaltShade: SYNTHETIC VOCALS ⤨ QUESTGIVER: THE QUEST-GIVING COURSE
I take a bunch of computer voices and force them to take a questgiving course with me as the instructor! I then give them questgiving training with one unlucky blue fighter with 140 max HP as the training dummy!
MICROSOFT SAM: PART TWO HUNDRED EIGHTEEN: THE HIGHWAY BEER CHALLENGE
Sam sends the Fighter on a quest to find a gallon of Highway Beer and chug it! Unfortunately, Highway Beer is stored only in the fluoroantimonic acid production plant! When he gets there, he finds that a massive wave of fluoroantimonic acid is moving towards him at 50,000 m/s! He must chug all the fluoroantimonic acid, because the fluoroantimonic acid IS Highway Beer!
DR. SBAITSO: PART TWO HUNDRED NINETEEN: TORTURE CHAMBER
Dr. Sbaitso sends the fighter to his office, where [DATA EXPUNGED]. The results are horrible - the fighter is now suffering from brain damage, his eyes are missing, his ears have been clawed off, his skin is burnt off, his limbs are amputated and his face is disfigured. The fighter immediately screams so loud he explodes.
RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY: BALONEY'S REVENGE
Scotty challenges the fighter to eat a special baloney sandwich he prepared. Unfortunately, the baloney sandwich is laced with SCP-409, SCP-009, EAS Tones, the Really Sucky Virus, the Moving Victoria Virus, the Really Nooby Virus and the Gangnam Bieber Virus. This causes his body to become infected by SCP-409 and 009 while he listens to EAS Tones and has a Roflcopter Seizure.
IVONA BRIAN: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY ONE: EARTHLINGS
Brian takes the fighter to a planet under attack by aliens. The fighter must dodge 30,000,000,000,000 nukes falling on it simultaneously, followed by 30,000,000,000,000 lasers aimed all at it from 30,000,000,000,000 different angles. Finally, the aliens abduct him and perform [DATA EXPUNGED], which was basically what Dr. Sbaitso did but worse.
OLIVER V3: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY TWO: LAVENDER TOWN SYNDROME Oliver forces the fighter to listen to him singing Lavender Town Syndrome, with the creepy tone playing in the background. Unfortunately for the fighter, the deadly tone has been replaced with a variant of SCP-1012 that only affects the Fighter. The fighter immediately decays into fundamental particles.
THE MOONBASE ALPHA TTS VOICE: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY THREE: AEIOU
The Moonbase Alpha TTS voice forces the fighter to listen to "aeiou" repeated nonstop. It turns out that "aeiou" repeated 200 times causes this particular fighter to explode, despite the fact that the modified Lavender Town tone already made him decay into fundamental particles. The fighter reforms himself into a pile of biological sludge, then explodes back into fundamental particles.
The computer voices all succeed at attacking the blue fighter and continue with the next part of their training...
I take out a typewriter, and type out everything ever mentioned in #DTG2, as well as the DTG MST, and reveal that the typewriter was actually the SMITH CORONA BLOTSPITTER, and shoot it at the blue fighter.
I remove the Pike from my head and poorly pretend that even remotely hurt, then call BS because I should have face-tanked the Flaming Destruction in place of Net, the guy I was guarding.
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
California
Join Date:
8/2/2011
Posts:
280
Minecraft:
abricahohoho
Member Details
I activate Flaming Destruction, and then slam Nyrah and friends into a barrel, then slam the barrel into one of those barrels from Donkey Kong, then slam that barrel into a barrel cannon from Donkey Kong, then that barrel into an explosive red barrel from every video game with red barrels in it ever made, then I cram that barrel into a BARREL OF FIRE! Then I slam that barrel into a fireproof barrel seconds before it explodes, and then kick it over the edge of Niagara Falls! The barrels all crash into Niagara's rocky floor, but don't break, until the fireproof barrel makes a "wump" noise and smoke comes out of it, then the top blows off as the barrel cannon launches the barrels out over the Falls. They fly back up, and the barrel from Donkey Kong disintegrates from the high speeds, and the barrel inside that one turns into a cloud of splinters, which give the entire blue team nasty infections. Then they realize they're still miles over Niagara Falls, and crash through all twenty floors of a tourist building, into the basement, through a cave, into a deep chasm, straight to Hell, through that into Hella Rad (guitar riff!), and into the void, where they roll over the depth limit and go right back above where they fell! Nyrah, with his overprotective spirit, guards the whole team, but it does nothing, since he gets skewered on a railroad spike conveniently being carried point upwards by two burly guys fixing the hole the blues made. However, it turns out the spike was made of bouncy rubber! This is despite the spike stabbing through Nyrah, the gunner, the mage, the creator, all four fighters, and even the barricade (Why did they take the barricade with them?) like a giant shish kabob. They get bounced into SPAAAAACE, and fly past all the planets in the solar system and smash right into a magical school bus! The impact punctures the magical school bus's magical hull, which sucks all the kids inside into the depths of space,, who all freeze into blocks of ice instantly! The blues smash through the entire bus and out of the front window, lacerating themselves on the glass, and then crash into the kidsicles, fracturing them into ice splinters, which get all in Nyrah and friends' business! Then they pass by a tiny planet, whose gravity is exactly enough to bend them back towards Earth, and teach them all about Kerbal Space Program in the process. However, the little snot-nosed kid on it fires a slingshot at them, but the slingshot actually shoots CRUISE MISSILES. By which I mean CRUISE SHIPS, DEPLOYED FROM MISSILES. The cruise ships also fire missiles, that separate into mini-missiles. Needless to say, the blue team is thoroughly rekt. They fall back to Earth, and burn to specks in the atmosphere, but they get so small that they turn atom-sized, then subatomic-sized, then strong-sized, and then they loop back into being the largest objects in the universe, but they burn into specks so tiny they turn right back to where they started, but with unimaginable burns! Then they hit the roof of an apartment building, and a bunch of old people swarm out of it and yell stereotypical old people things at the blue team. Nyrah tries to apologize, but the elderly seniors attack with rocks and canes! The blue team runs away, but are suddenly assaulted by a brontosaurus! The blues, however, are well-versed in dinosaur technical names, and say that it's actually an apatosaurus. The apatosaurus doesn't care, and devours all of them whole! They then say that apatosauruses aren't carnivores, but herbivores. The apatosaurus doesn't care either, and a couple of hours later the blues emerge, now thick with processed apatosaurus food. Suddenly, a Monty Python convention appears! A big crowd of fans just quoting Monty Python over and over again without saying a single conversation floods the area, squishing the members of the blue team in its mighty throng. Nyrah cries out, "Hey! Monty Python was all about unexpected humor and funny twists and surrealism! You're completely contradicting their ideals by just quoting Monty Python!" The convention goers become confused, then angry, and start beating each other up for defying Monty Python, the great god of humor, and beating themselves up, for defying Monty Python, the god of humor. The blues sneak out of the wild ruckus, but not before getting a few punches to the face and some flying kicks. Wanting to heal themselves, the blues travel to a marketplace selling healing items. The fighters group off to buy some revival talismans, but when they ask the merchant for revival items and pay him vast amounts of money and even their own life essence, find only glowy bird feathers, which they toss in the trash, wasting the health they sacrificed. The gunner purchases some medkits and uses them on himself, but they are expired medkits that make him really, really sick. The creator waves down a taxi to take him to the local trauma inn, but he's using the wrong semaphore flags and accidentally waves down the Grand Fleet of Generally Highly Hostile Generic Bad Guys! He is swarmed by goddamn bats, bitten by demonic spiders, and crushed to his last hit point by an invincible minor minion with a touch of death. The mage goes to buy some food in a nearby grocery store, and walks out with some cereal boxes. He immediately pours all of them out into a bowl and gulps it down greedily, but neglects to read the label on the cereal, which is actually Scrapple Jacks. The mage remarks, "Hey, these don't taste like scrapple!" and then promptly falls over unconscious from a horrible case of food poisoning. Nyrah tries to locate some health potions, but finds nothing, so he decides to brew some himself. Unfortunately, he accidentally drops a fermented spider eye in the mixture right before brewing a batch of healing potions and distributing them out to his teammates to drink, and selfishly keeping a few for himself to swig all at once. The harming potions are the final straw for the blue team, and they all die instantly. The barricade doesn't buy anything, but gets damaged anyway for some reason. I don't know, maybe three little pigs at the market rolled over it on the way home in their Jeep. Yeah, okay.
I start making a epic speech. " Gentlemen. Who gives a damn what color our side represent? We could all be friends. And I know that's corny, but its the honest truth. We can all get al*vomits up the rest of the soy milk from eariler on the blue mooks grossing them out and thus preventing them from attavking*
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Daw! A B-!?
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"
Seemingly out of nowhere, a rift in space and time enlarges just enough to let a bookcase stand in this dimension just long enough for me to find and grab a book titled "Sparrow training for dummies-- oh, and also how to give someone a really bad headache" from it. I read through this book, and use the knowledge gained from it (the part about the really bad headache, that is) to cast Pestilence on Nyrah
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Keep in mind that i am quite silly quite often. If you don't like what i'm saying, please calmly point it out to me. I wish it said "Soarvivor"
CobaltShade: SYNTHETIC VOCALS ⨧ QUESTGIVER: THE QUEST-GIVING COURSE, PART 2
... which is to send the other blue fighter with 140 max HP on a one-part quest!
Team Questgiver: SYNTHETIC VOCALS ⤨ QUESTGIVER: ONE-PART TOURNAMENT
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY FOUR: BATTLE TOURNAMENT
He must participate in an epic 4-on-4 battle tournament! His partners are... goanna67, an AirPhone 4 and a bowl of moldy cereal. The first round has them pitted against Dr. Sbaitso, Microsoft Anna, Anon and Kanon. The other team is armed with assault rifles. The fighter's team is armed with... wait for it... air and whatever the Fighter has on him. The Fighter tries to aggress Dr. Sbaitso, but fails horribly as Microsoft Anna shoots the Fighter's chest. Dr. Sbaitso [DATA EXPUNGED], leaving the Fighter horribly injured. goanna67 promptly pulls out the maltec_interventionbytes, but is obliterated by the Anti-Goanna67 Turret. The AirPhone 4 dissipates into air. The bowl of moldy cereal is destroyed by Microsoft Anna's ROFL-47. Anon and Kanon proceed to obliterate the Fighter. They high-five and walk away.
CobaltShade: SYNTHETIC VOCALS ⤨ QUESTGIVER: THE QUEST-GIVING COURSE
I take a bunch of computer voices and force them to take a questgiving course with me as the instructor! I then give them questgiving training with one unlucky blue fighter with 140 max HP as the training dummy!
MICROSOFT SAM: PART TWO HUNDRED EIGHTEEN: THE HIGHWAY BEER CHALLENGE
Sam sends the Fighter on a quest to find a gallon of Highway Beer and chug it! Unfortunately, Highway Beer is stored only in the fluoroantimonic acid production plant! When he gets there, he finds that a massive wave of fluoroantimonic acid is moving towards him at 50,000 m/s! He must chug all the fluoroantimonic acid, because the fluoroantimonic acid IS Highway Beer!
DR. SBAITSO: PART TWO HUNDRED NINETEEN: TORTURE CHAMBER
Dr. Sbaitso sends the fighter to his office, where [DATA EXPUNGED]. The results are horrible - the fighter is now suffering from brain damage, his eyes are missing, his ears have been clawed off, his skin is burnt off, his limbs are amputated and his face is disfigured. The fighter immediately screams so loud he explodes.
RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY: BALONEY'S REVENGE
Scotty challenges the fighter to eat a special baloney sandwich he prepared. Unfortunately, the baloney sandwich is laced with SCP-409, SCP-009, EAS Tones, the Really Sucky Virus, the Moving Victoria Virus, the Really Nooby Virus and the Gangnam Bieber Virus. This causes his body to become infected by SCP-409 and 009 while he listens to EAS Tones and has a Roflcopter Seizure.
IVONA BRIAN: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY ONE: EARTHLINGS
Brian takes the fighter to a planet under attack by aliens. The fighter must dodge 30,000,000,000,000 nukes falling on it simultaneously, followed by 30,000,000,000,000 lasers aimed all at it from 30,000,000,000,000 different angles. Finally, the aliens abduct him and perform [DATA EXPUNGED], which was basically what Dr. Sbaitso did but worse.
OLIVER V3: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY TWO: LAVENDER TOWN SYNDROME Oliver forces the fighter to listen to him singing Lavender Town Syndrome, with the creepy tone playing in the background. Unfortunately for the fighter, the deadly tone has been replaced with a variant of SCP-1012 that only affects the Fighter. The fighter immediately decays into fundamental particles.
THE MOONBASE ALPHA TTS VOICE: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY THREE: AEIOU
The Moonbase Alpha TTS voice forces the fighter to listen to "aeiou" repeated nonstop. It turns out that "aeiou" repeated 200 times causes this particular fighter to explode, despite the fact that the modified Lavender Town tone already made him decay into fundamental particles. The fighter reforms himself into a pile of biological sludge, then explodes back into fundamental particles.
The computer voices all succeed at attacking the blue fighter and continue with the next part of their training...
The attack breaks through the barricade! Blue fighter killed! +42 XP!
I take out a typewriter, and type out everything ever mentioned in #DTG2, as well as the DTG MST, and reveal that the typewriter was actually the SMITH CORONA BLOTSPITTER, and shoot it at the blue fighter.
I remove the Pike from my head and poorly pretend that even remotely hurt, then call BS because I should have face-tanked the Flaming Destruction in place of Net, the guy I was guarding.
Okay, assume the attack on you happened BEFORE the attack on Net. In a weird, retroactive way.
I activate Flaming Destruction, and then slam Nyrah and friends into a barrel, then slam the barrel into one of those barrels from Donkey Kong, then slam that barrel into a barrel cannon from Donkey Kong, then that barrel into an explosive red barrel from every video game with red barrels in it ever made, then I cram that barrel into a BARREL OF FIRE! Then I slam that barrel into a fireproof barrel seconds before it explodes, and then kick it over the edge of Niagara Falls! The barrels all crash into Niagara's rocky floor, but don't break, until the fireproof barrel makes a "wump" noise and smoke comes out of it, then the top blows off as the barrel cannon launches the barrels out over the Falls. They fly back up, and the barrel from Donkey Kong disintegrates from the high speeds, and the barrel inside that one turns into a cloud of splinters, which give the entire blue team nasty infections. Then they realize they're still miles over Niagara Falls, and crash through all twenty floors of a tourist building, into the basement, through a cave, into a deep chasm, straight to Hell, through that into Hella Rad (guitar riff!), and into the void, where they roll over the depth limit and go right back above where they fell! Nyrah, with his overprotective spirit, guards the whole team, but it does nothing, since he gets skewered on a railroad spike conveniently being carried point upwards by two burly guys fixing the hole the blues made. However, it turns out the spike was made of bouncy rubber! This is despite the spike stabbing through Nyrah, the gunner, the mage, the creator, all four fighters, and even the barricade (Why did they take the barricade with them?) like a giant shish kabob. They get bounced into SPAAAAACE, and fly past all the planets in the solar system and smash right into a magical school bus! The impact punctures the magical school bus's magical hull, which sucks all the kids inside into the depths of space,, who all freeze into blocks of ice instantly! The blues smash through the entire bus and out of the front window, lacerating themselves on the glass, and then crash into the kidsicles, fracturing them into ice splinters, which get all in Nyrah and friends' business! Then they pass by a tiny planet, whose gravity is exactly enough to bend them back towards Earth, and teach them all about Kerbal Space Program in the process. However, the little snot-nosed kid on it fires a slingshot at them, but the slingshot actually shoots CRUISE MISSILES. By which I mean CRUISE SHIPS, DEPLOYED FROM MISSILES. The cruise ships also fire missiles, that separate into mini-missiles. Needless to say, the blue team is thoroughly rekt. They fall back to Earth, and burn to specks in the atmosphere, but they get so small that they turn atom-sized, then subatomic-sized, then strong-sized, and then they loop back into being the largest objects in the universe, but they burn into specks so tiny they turn right back to where they started, but with unimaginable burns! Then they hit the roof of an apartment building, and a bunch of old people swarm out of it and yell stereotypical old people things at the blue team. Nyrah tries to apologize, but the elderly seniors attack with rocks and canes! The blue team runs away, but are suddenly assaulted by a brontosaurus! The blues, however, are well-versed in dinosaur technical names, and say that it's actually an apatosaurus. The apatosaurus doesn't care, and devours all of them whole! They then say that apatosauruses aren't carnivores, but herbivores. The apatosaurus doesn't care either, and a couple of hours later the blues emerge, now thick with processed apatosaurus food. Suddenly, a Monty Python convention appears! A big crowd of fans just quoting Monty Python over and over again without saying a single conversation floods the area, squishing the members of the blue team in its mighty throng. Nyrah cries out, "Hey! Monty Python was all about unexpected humor and funny twists and surrealism! You're completely contradicting their ideals by just quoting Monty Python!" The convention goers become confused, then angry, and start beating each other up for defying Monty Python, the great god of humor, and beating themselves up, for defying Monty Python, the god of humor. The blues sneak out of the wild ruckus, but not before getting a few punches to the face and some flying kicks. Wanting to heal themselves, the blues travel to a marketplace selling healing items. The fighters group off to buy some revival talismans, but when they ask the merchant for revival items and pay him vast amounts of money and even their own life essence, find only glowy bird feathers, which they toss in the trash, wasting the health they sacrificed. The gunner purchases some medkits and uses them on himself, but they are expired medkits that make him really, really sick. The creator waves down a taxi to take him to the local trauma inn, but he's using the wrong semaphore flags and accidentally waves down the Grand Fleet of Generally Highly Hostile Generic Bad Guys! He is swarmed by goddamn bats, bitten by demonic spiders, and crushed to his last hit point by an invincible minor minion with a touch of death. The mage goes to buy some food in a nearby grocery store, and walks out with some cereal boxes. He immediately pours all of them out into a bowl and gulps it down greedily, but neglects to read the label on the cereal, which is actually Scrapple Jacks. The mage remarks, "Hey, these don't taste like scrapple!" and then promptly falls over unconscious from a horrible case of food poisoning. Nyrah tries to locate some health potions, but finds nothing, so he decides to brew some himself. Unfortunately, he accidentally drops a fermented spider eye in the mixture right before brewing a batch of healing potions and distributing them out to his teammates to drink, and selfishly keeping a few for himself to swig all at once. The harming potions are the final straw for the blue team, and they all die instantly. The barricade doesn't buy anything, but gets damaged anyway for some reason. I don't know, maybe three little pigs at the market rolled over it on the way home in their Jeep. Yeah, okay.
MAX DAMAGE! 350 damage to Nyrah, blue fighter and blue mage killed! +89 XP!
I am So Angry after the 5 Hero Deaths (ManiacMasteR Netpatham The_Nonexistent_Tazz BioShock_Rules and OverlordXcano) and i used the Flaming Destruction at Nyrah to Ruin her life
You don't use it since it's unnecessary, and instead just finish off Nyrah! Her XP goes out to the whole team! +70 XP to all level 10 units!
ManiacMasteR levels up! +6 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap! +.5 mana regen!
Ka_Doink levels up! +6 HP! +3 MD!
NEW SKILL LEARNED! Minicrits: Every third attack you launch, you get an extra power boost, making said attack deal double damage!
Twinbuilder levels up! +5 HP! +2 MD!
Cobaltshade levels up! +6 HP! +2 MD! +2 Mana cap!
NEW SKILL LEARNED! Siphon: Whenever you attack an enemy, a portion of the HP you take from them heals you.
Netpatham levels up! +5 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap!
TheIdeaModpackMan levels up! +9 HP! +1 MD!
The_Serpent levels up! +5 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap!
OverlordXCano levels up! +5 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap!
I start making a epic speech. " Gentlemen. Who gives a damn what color our side represent? We could all be friends. And I know that's corny, but its the honest truth. We can all get al*vomits up the rest of the soy milk from eariler on the blue mooks grossing them out and thus preventing them from attavking*
The blue fighter freaks out, and won't be able to attack this turn!
Seemingly out of nowhere, a rift in space and time enlarges just enough to let a bookcase stand in this dimension just long enough for me to find and grab a book titled "Sparrow training for dummies-- oh, and also how to give someone a really bad headache" from it. I read through this book, and use the knowledge gained from it (the part about the really bad headache, that is) to cast Pestilence on Nyrah
She's dead, so you cast Pestilence on an injured blue fighter, killing it! +23 XP!
CobaltShade: SYNTHETIC VOCALS ⨧ QUESTGIVER: THE QUEST-GIVING COURSE, PART 2
... which is to send the other blue fighter with 140 max HP on a one-part quest!
Team Questgiver: SYNTHETIC VOCALS ⤨ QUESTGIVER: ONE-PART TOURNAMENT
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY FOUR: BATTLE TOURNAMENT
He must participate in an epic 4-on-4 battle tournament! His partners are... goanna67, an AirPhone 4 and a bowl of moldy cereal. The first round has them pitted against Dr. Sbaitso, Microsoft Anna, Anon and Kanon. The other team is armed with assault rifles. The fighter's team is armed with... wait for it... air and whatever the Fighter has on him. The Fighter tries to aggress Dr. Sbaitso, but fails horribly as Microsoft Anna shoots the Fighter's chest. Dr. Sbaitso [DATA EXPUNGED], leaving the Fighter horribly injured. goanna67 promptly pulls out the maltec_interventionbytes, but is obliterated by the Anti-Goanna67 Turret. The AirPhone 4 dissipates into air. The bowl of moldy cereal is destroyed by Microsoft Anna's ROFL-47. Anon and Kanon proceed to obliterate the Fighter. They high-five and walk away.
Most of the fighters are dead or badly injured, so you send the creator on the quest! He dies! +29 XP! Gold sword obtained! Give it to someone who you think needs it!
ENEMY PHASE:
The blue fighters back up as you all menacingly advance towards him, pokes the distracted gunner on the shoulder, and they both get up and dash off! You doubt you'll be seeing their injured selves again...
You advance forwards, to the upper area of the robot's chest! Finally, right as you're in the hall outside the blue control room, ready to bust in, one last wave of guards appears!
Blue shaman: Get them! They've caused us ALLTOGETHER TOO MUCH TROUBLE!
They shouldn't be hard to finish! All dead players have revived!
I press a button on the floor, and 30 seconds later a pizza delivery guy hands me a pepperoni pizza, which i find confusing and odd, until i find that on the side of the pepperoni facing downwards there are words. I rearrange these words 1,402 times beforei get the correct combination, and i say the sentence out loud "Doritus, commus, magnesium sulfate dioxide!" causing a Dorito to come flying at me. I eat this dorito, and while it is in my throat, it collapses into a portal to the stomachs of the blue shamans and gunners, so i start drinking bleach and eating "original" flavor pencil lead.
(I'm casting poison on them)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Keep in mind that i am quite silly quite often. If you don't like what i'm saying, please calmly point it out to me. I wish it said "Soarvivor"
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
California
Join Date:
8/2/2011
Posts:
280
Minecraft:
abricahohoho
Member Details
I point behind the creator and yell, "Look over there!" Then he feels something rummaging in his pants. The creator immediately assumes that I have pilfered his revival talisman, and swings a punch in my face in fury, but I have actually grabbed the non-me-ness off of one of the fighters, turning him into a non-non-me, which the creator thinks is me and punches! As the fighter recoils from the creator's surprisingly strong punch, I loot his diamond sword right out of his hands, somehow without him noticing. However, the diamond sword has an enchantment of KILL THE PERSON STEALING IT! But I have a guard dog that reflects enchantments of killing the person stealing it, but the fighter has an enchantment on his sword that turns being killed by enchantments that kill stealing people back into health for him, which is exactly enough health to restore him back to the health he had before. So really I just stole his sword and 6 MD.
Later, the creator looks back in his pants to see what was rummaging in there before, and finds that I had actually snuck a hungry mouse with numbing syrup on its teeth in his pocket. He finds a hole in his pocket, and another hole in his underwear, and a full mouse, and a bunch of holes in his creator level 16. His girlfriend won't be too happy about this.
I take the blue creator and promise to send him through utter hell. Firstly, he'll be forced to play a modded Binding of Isaac: Rebirth, where the Lost is the only default character, and he starts without flight. Characters must be unlocked in a specific order, and with modified requirements. In order to actually get the list, he must clear a room consisting of four Mr Maws, rerolled with the D10 so that each section of their "chain" becomes an enemy, while the creator has no items. He receives a list printed out of the computer.
The creator is furious because Magdalene, Cain, and Eden are literally impossible to obtain (at 12 heart containers, you can't pick up soul hearts. The penny cap is 99). He starts self-mutilating with his computer monitor, then throws himself out the window. I look confused and drop the rest of his computer out the window on top of him.
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
I tell the Blue Creator that I am a sniper with the American army with over 1000 confirmed kills, and that I have a very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives. They laugh it all, because they've seen the comments on YouTube, but it turns out that both my claims are true! I don't use my fist claim for anything though, because that would be highly, highly, highly illegal. Instead, I use my very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives. First, I use my amazing Minecraft skills to brutally murder them in game. That's... that's basically the extent of my very particular set of skills that can ruin their lives.
I think in my head of what I'm going to do and whisper in Nyrah's ear what I'm going to do about all this. Very top secret
I then smack around some of the blue mooks with my sword!
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"
Nyrah gains masterful negotation skills and gets away from the police with just a fine of $5,000, but not before taking 250 damage! +49 XP!
70 damage to a blue fighter! +24 XP!
75 damage to Nyrah! +22 XP!
95 damage to Nyrah! +25 XP!
33 damage to Nyrah! +10 XP!
180 damage! +30 XP!
His death in minecraft causes a rapid spiral into depression, and he fails at more things in life, causing more depression, and it continues forever and ever! 120 damage! +23 XP!
LEVEL UP! +6 HP! +2 MD!
8 damage to three blue enemies! +9 XP!
ENEMY PHASE:
Two blue fighters activate TEAM FIGHTING! They grab CobaltShade, ManiacMasteR, and Netpatham. and put them in a cage above lava! They slowly lower it in while taunting them, but right as the cage gets close, the players realize its actually boiling kool-aid! Phew... But then they realize it's still boiling, as they get dunked in anyway! They are turned into fried fruit punch, which the blue fighters have a drinking contest with. They both tie at 10,000 gallons. Each. This deals 600 damage to the targets, and, needless to say, they ALL DIE! Luckily, Cobaltshade's revival talisman activates!
A third fighter activates FLAMING DESTRUCTION, and grabs Bioshock_Rules and Overlord_Xcano! He puts them through a practical joke, that is to say, giving them a fake lottery ticket, where they "win" a one-way trip to DEATH ISLE, which consists of...INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE TOURIST TRAPS THAT THEY MUST VISIT FOR ALL ETERNITY!
The last fighter intimidates your team by setting up a stake with a replica of Tazz's head on it! Nyrah decides to help, by making it Tazz's REAL head! 150 damage to Tazz! The blue mage casts Lightning, finishing off Tazz's body! The creator helpfully builds a barricade!
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Ultimate Blue Destroyer Robot, Arm Exit
Blue forces:
Nyrah: Armor Knight, level 5: 367/1000 HP, 60 MD, Gold Sword(+9 MD)/Chain armor(+90 HP) (mirror shield: Ready!)(overprotective spirit, active)(guarding blue gunner)(mid-boss)
Blue gunner, level 15: 160/160(distracted)(being guarded by Nyrah)
Blue fighter, level 16: 120/120 HP, 48 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(team fighting: 0/4)
Blue fighter, level 16: 50/120 HP, 48 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(team fighting: 0/4)(has potion of strength)
Blue fighter, level 16: 132/140 HP, 48 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(team fighting: Ready!)
Blue fighter, level 16: 132/140 HP, 48 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Flaming destruction: 0/3)
Blue mage, level 13: 113/125 HP, 26 MD, 32/32 Mana, Iron sword(+4 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(spellbook: Lightning)
Blue creator, level 15: 80/200 HP, 27 MD, 25/30 Material(has gold sword)
Barricade: 50/50
Players:
ManiacMasteR: Mage, level 9: 0/141 HP, 63/135 XP, 19 MD, 3/24 Mana, Sharpness III Diamond sword(+9 MD)/Protection II Gold armor(+85 HP)(Recharge: 0/3)(heal field: 0/4)(has potion of resistance)
Ka_Doink: Fighter, level 11: 125/125 HP, 96/230 XP, 35 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(Team Fighting: 3/4)(has potion of resistance)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)(has neutralize page, 3 uses left)
Twinbuilder: Fighter, level 9: 123/123 HP, 136/165 XP, 32 MD, Sharpness I Wrap Blade(+11 MD)(legendary, can stun enemies)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: 3/4)(has milk gun, 1 use left)
Fseftr: Fighter, level 10: 121/127 HP, 11/200 XP, 30 MD, Sharpness I Diamond sword(+7 MD)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: 3/4)(has potion of strength)(has revival talisman)
Cobaltshade: Mage, level 11: 174/174 HP, 181/230 XP, 24 MD, 28/28 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP)(Recharge: 0/3)(Heal Field: 0/4)(has golden apple)(has Lightning page, 3 uses left)(has milk gun, 2 uses left)
Netpatham: Mage, level 9: 0/126 HP, 144/165 XP, 21 MD, 24/24 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection II Diamond armor(+60 HP)(Recharge: 0/3)(Heal Field: 0/4)
The_Nonexistent_Tazz: Tank, level 13: 0/295 HP, 110/300 XP, 41 MD, Sharpness II Gold sword(+11 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP) (mirror shield: 0/3)(ground slam:0/4) (overprotective spirit, active) (has milk gun, 3 uses left)(guarding Netpatham)
BioShock_Rules: Fighter, level 11: 0/125 HP, 147/230 XP, 34 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: 0/3)(team fighting: 0/4) (has milk gun, 3 uses left)
omglolsguy: Mage, level 9: 106/106 HP, 11/165 XP, 16 MD, 24/24 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(heal field: 3/4)
The_Idea_Modpack_Man: Tank, level 8: 169/169 HP, 99/135 XP, 18 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (mirror shield: Ready!) (ground slam: 3/4)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)
The_Serpent: Shaman, level 8: 79/79 HP, 86/135 XP, 19 MD, 20/20 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP) (Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: 3/4)
OverlordXcano: Shaman, level 8: 0/94 HP, 133/135 XP, 20 MD, 20/20 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Drain: 0/3)(sacrifice: 0/4!)(has light wall page, 3 uses left)
Knight3165: Shaman, level 9: 84/84 HP, 28/165 XP, 22 MD, 22/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: 3/4)
Pricey12345: Fighter, level 9: 96/151 HP, 67/165 XP, 26 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Thorny breastplate(+80 HP, legendary, damages people who attempt to attack it) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: 3/4)(has potion of resistance III)
Insert_Generic_Username: Mage, level 9: 92/92 HP, 52/165 XP, 17 MD, 24/24 Mana Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: 3/4)
SPELLBOOK:
Mages: Freeze(5 Mana), Thunder(8 Mana), Lightning(13 Mana)
Shamans: Poison(4 Mana), Pestilence(9 Mana), Light wall(15 Mana)
Sage+Druid+Magic Knight(combo spell): Universal combo strike(75 Mana from each)
Other:
Tiny box
Money: $2260
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
I take a bunch of computer voices and force them to take a questgiving course with me as the instructor! I then give them questgiving training with one unlucky blue fighter with 140 max HP as the training dummy!
MICROSOFT SAM: PART TWO HUNDRED EIGHTEEN: THE HIGHWAY BEER CHALLENGE
Sam sends the Fighter on a quest to find a gallon of Highway Beer and chug it! Unfortunately, Highway Beer is stored only in the fluoroantimonic acid production plant! When he gets there, he finds that a massive wave of fluoroantimonic acid is moving towards him at 50,000 m/s! He must chug all the fluoroantimonic acid, because the fluoroantimonic acid IS Highway Beer!
DR. SBAITSO: PART TWO HUNDRED NINETEEN: TORTURE CHAMBER
Dr. Sbaitso sends the fighter to his office, where [DATA EXPUNGED]. The results are horrible - the fighter is now suffering from brain damage, his eyes are missing, his ears have been clawed off, his skin is burnt off, his limbs are amputated and his face is disfigured. The fighter immediately screams so loud he explodes.
RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY: BALONEY'S REVENGE
Scotty challenges the fighter to eat a special baloney sandwich he prepared. Unfortunately, the baloney sandwich is laced with SCP-409, SCP-009, EAS Tones, the Really Sucky Virus, the Moving Victoria Virus, the Really Nooby Virus and the Gangnam Bieber Virus. This causes his body to become infected by SCP-409 and 009 while he listens to EAS Tones and has a Roflcopter Seizure.
IVONA BRIAN: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY ONE: EARTHLINGS
Brian takes the fighter to a planet under attack by aliens. The fighter must dodge 30,000,000,000,000 nukes falling on it simultaneously, followed by 30,000,000,000,000 lasers aimed all at it from 30,000,000,000,000 different angles. Finally, the aliens abduct him and perform [DATA EXPUNGED], which was basically what Dr. Sbaitso did but worse.
OLIVER V3: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY TWO: LAVENDER TOWN SYNDROME
Oliver forces the fighter to listen to him singing Lavender Town Syndrome, with the creepy tone playing in the background. Unfortunately for the fighter, the deadly tone has been replaced with a variant of SCP-1012 that only affects the Fighter. The fighter immediately decays into fundamental particles.
THE MOONBASE ALPHA TTS VOICE: PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY THREE: AEIOU
The Moonbase Alpha TTS voice forces the fighter to listen to "aeiou" repeated nonstop. It turns out that "aeiou" repeated 200 times causes this particular fighter to explode, despite the fact that the modified Lavender Town tone already made him decay into fundamental particles. The fighter reforms himself into a pile of biological sludge, then explodes back into fundamental particles.
The computer voices all succeed at attacking the blue fighter and continue with the next part of their training...
I take out a typewriter, and type out everything ever mentioned in #DTG2, as well as the DTG MST, and reveal that the typewriter was actually the SMITH CORONA BLOTSPITTER, and shoot it at the blue fighter.
Cat drawn by me. Accepting requests, depending on a lot of things. DTG Atsume: http://www.imgur.com/a/tij95
1'-[7']-{'3}-'3-'3 '6-11'-7'-6'-7' '1-{'3}-8'-12'-'3-2'
'10-'5-'8-'11 1'-[7']-8'-7'-'3 '2-11'-2'-'9-7'
'10-'5-'3-'3 1'-[7']-'3 '10-8'-{'3}-['10]-4'-7'
'10-{'3}-'3-'3-'6-8'-4' {'3}-11'-2'-'9-7'
Spam restoration: http://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/forums/forum-discussion-info/2195940-posts-threads-deleted-because-of-spam-filter-place
Official DTG Cards Against Humanity suggestion pad: http://piratepad.net/DTGCAH
I remove the Pike from my head and poorly pretend that even remotely hurt, then call BS because I should have face-tanked the Flaming Destruction in place of Net, the guy I was guarding.
I activate Flaming Destruction, and then slam Nyrah and friends into a barrel, then slam the barrel into one of those barrels from Donkey Kong, then slam that barrel into a barrel cannon from Donkey Kong, then that barrel into an explosive red barrel from every video game with red barrels in it ever made, then I cram that barrel into a BARREL OF FIRE! Then I slam that barrel into a fireproof barrel seconds before it explodes, and then kick it over the edge of Niagara Falls! The barrels all crash into Niagara's rocky floor, but don't break, until the fireproof barrel makes a "wump" noise and smoke comes out of it, then the top blows off as the barrel cannon launches the barrels out over the Falls. They fly back up, and the barrel from Donkey Kong disintegrates from the high speeds, and the barrel inside that one turns into a cloud of splinters, which give the entire blue team nasty infections. Then they realize they're still miles over Niagara Falls, and crash through all twenty floors of a tourist building, into the basement, through a cave, into a deep chasm, straight to Hell, through that into Hella Rad (guitar riff!), and into the void, where they roll over the depth limit and go right back above where they fell! Nyrah, with his overprotective spirit, guards the whole team, but it does nothing, since he gets skewered on a railroad spike conveniently being carried point upwards by two burly guys fixing the hole the blues made. However, it turns out the spike was made of bouncy rubber! This is despite the spike stabbing through Nyrah, the gunner, the mage, the creator, all four fighters, and even the barricade (Why did they take the barricade with them?) like a giant shish kabob. They get bounced into SPAAAAACE, and fly past all the planets in the solar system and smash right into a magical school bus! The impact punctures the magical school bus's magical hull, which sucks all the kids inside into the depths of space,, who all freeze into blocks of ice instantly! The blues smash through the entire bus and out of the front window, lacerating themselves on the glass, and then crash into the kidsicles, fracturing them into ice splinters, which get all in Nyrah and friends' business! Then they pass by a tiny planet, whose gravity is exactly enough to bend them back towards Earth, and teach them all about Kerbal Space Program in the process. However, the little snot-nosed kid on it fires a slingshot at them, but the slingshot actually shoots CRUISE MISSILES. By which I mean CRUISE SHIPS, DEPLOYED FROM MISSILES. The cruise ships also fire missiles, that separate into mini-missiles. Needless to say, the blue team is thoroughly rekt. They fall back to Earth, and burn to specks in the atmosphere, but they get so small that they turn atom-sized, then subatomic-sized, then strong-sized, and then they loop back into being the largest objects in the universe, but they burn into specks so tiny they turn right back to where they started, but with unimaginable burns! Then they hit the roof of an apartment building, and a bunch of old people swarm out of it and yell stereotypical old people things at the blue team. Nyrah tries to apologize, but the elderly seniors attack with rocks and canes! The blue team runs away, but are suddenly assaulted by a brontosaurus! The blues, however, are well-versed in dinosaur technical names, and say that it's actually an apatosaurus. The apatosaurus doesn't care, and devours all of them whole! They then say that apatosauruses aren't carnivores, but herbivores. The apatosaurus doesn't care either, and a couple of hours later the blues emerge, now thick with processed apatosaurus food. Suddenly, a Monty Python convention appears! A big crowd of fans just quoting Monty Python over and over again without saying a single conversation floods the area, squishing the members of the blue team in its mighty throng. Nyrah cries out, "Hey! Monty Python was all about unexpected humor and funny twists and surrealism! You're completely contradicting their ideals by just quoting Monty Python!" The convention goers become confused, then angry, and start beating each other up for defying Monty Python, the great god of humor, and beating themselves up, for defying Monty Python, the god of humor. The blues sneak out of the wild ruckus, but not before getting a few punches to the face and some flying kicks. Wanting to heal themselves, the blues travel to a marketplace selling healing items. The fighters group off to buy some revival talismans, but when they ask the merchant for revival items and pay him vast amounts of money and even their own life essence, find only glowy bird feathers, which they toss in the trash, wasting the health they sacrificed. The gunner purchases some medkits and uses them on himself, but they are expired medkits that make him really, really sick. The creator waves down a taxi to take him to the local trauma inn, but he's using the wrong semaphore flags and accidentally waves down the Grand Fleet of Generally Highly Hostile Generic Bad Guys! He is swarmed by goddamn bats, bitten by demonic spiders, and crushed to his last hit point by an invincible minor minion with a touch of death. The mage goes to buy some food in a nearby grocery store, and walks out with some cereal boxes. He immediately pours all of them out into a bowl and gulps it down greedily, but neglects to read the label on the cereal, which is actually Scrapple Jacks. The mage remarks, "Hey, these don't taste like scrapple!" and then promptly falls over unconscious from a horrible case of food poisoning. Nyrah tries to locate some health potions, but finds nothing, so he decides to brew some himself. Unfortunately, he accidentally drops a fermented spider eye in the mixture right before brewing a batch of healing potions and distributing them out to his teammates to drink, and selfishly keeping a few for himself to swig all at once. The harming potions are the final straw for the blue team, and they all die instantly. The barricade doesn't buy anything, but gets damaged anyway for some reason. I don't know, maybe three little pigs at the market rolled over it on the way home in their Jeep. Yeah, okay.
Complipedia
I take a Blue fighter and slice at them boringly.
I curl up into a ball as the Lost floats upward from my corpse.
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
I do a boring slice x2 combo.
I start making a epic speech. " Gentlemen. Who gives a damn what color our side represent? We could all be friends. And I know that's corny, but its the honest truth. We can all get al*vomits up the rest of the soy milk from eariler on the blue mooks grossing them out and thus preventing them from attavking*
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"
No update tonight guys, real life interjected. I'll have one up sometime tomorrow.
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
Seemingly out of nowhere, a rift in space and time enlarges just enough to let a bookcase stand in this dimension just long enough for me to find and grab a book titled "Sparrow training for dummies-- oh, and also how to give someone a really bad headache" from it. I read through this book, and use the knowledge gained from it (the part about the really bad headache, that is) to cast Pestilence on Nyrah
Keep in mind that i am quite silly quite often. If you don't like what i'm saying, please calmly point it out to me.
I wish it said "Soarvivor"
... which is to send the other blue fighter with 140 max HP on a one-part quest!
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY FOUR: BATTLE TOURNAMENT
He must participate in an epic 4-on-4 battle tournament! His partners are... goanna67, an AirPhone 4 and a bowl of moldy cereal. The first round has them pitted against Dr. Sbaitso, Microsoft Anna, Anon and Kanon. The other team is armed with assault rifles. The fighter's team is armed with... wait for it... air and whatever the Fighter has on him. The Fighter tries to aggress Dr. Sbaitso, but fails horribly as Microsoft Anna shoots the Fighter's chest. Dr. Sbaitso [DATA EXPUNGED], leaving the Fighter horribly injured. goanna67 promptly pulls out the maltec_interventionbytes, but is obliterated by the Anti-Goanna67 Turret. The AirPhone 4 dissipates into air. The bowl of moldy cereal is destroyed by Microsoft Anna's ROFL-47. Anon and Kanon proceed to obliterate the Fighter. They high-five and walk away.
The attack breaks through the barricade! Blue fighter killed! +42 XP!
36 damage to a blue fighter! +12 XP!
Okay, assume the attack on you happened BEFORE the attack on Net. In a weird, retroactive way.
MAX DAMAGE! 350 damage to Nyrah, blue fighter and blue mage killed! +89 XP!
You don't use it since it's unnecessary, and instead just finish off Nyrah! Her XP goes out to the whole team! +70 XP to all level 10 units!
ManiacMasteR levels up! +6 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap! +.5 mana regen!
Ka_Doink levels up! +6 HP! +3 MD!
NEW SKILL LEARNED! Minicrits: Every third attack you launch, you get an extra power boost, making said attack deal double damage!
Twinbuilder levels up! +5 HP! +2 MD!
Cobaltshade levels up! +6 HP! +2 MD! +2 Mana cap!
NEW SKILL LEARNED! Siphon: Whenever you attack an enemy, a portion of the HP you take from them heals you.
Netpatham levels up! +5 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap!
TheIdeaModpackMan levels up! +9 HP! +1 MD!
The_Serpent levels up! +5 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap!
OverlordXCano levels up! +5 HP! +1 MD! +2 Mana cap!
Nyrah: Ugh...I hope...my leader stops you...
33 damage to a blue fighter! +10 XP!
She's dead, so you hit a gunner for 30 damage! +10 XP!
30 damage to the same fighter! +10 XP!
The blue fighter freaks out, and won't be able to attack this turn!
She's dead, so you cast Pestilence on an injured blue fighter, killing it! +23 XP!
Most of the fighters are dead or badly injured, so you send the creator on the quest! He dies! +29 XP! Gold sword obtained! Give it to someone who you think needs it!
ENEMY PHASE:
The blue fighters back up as you all menacingly advance towards him, pokes the distracted gunner on the shoulder, and they both get up and dash off! You doubt you'll be seeing their injured selves again...
You advance forwards, to the upper area of the robot's chest! Finally, right as you're in the hall outside the blue control room, ready to bust in, one last wave of guards appears!
Blue shaman: Get them! They've caused us ALLTOGETHER TOO MUCH TROUBLE!
They shouldn't be hard to finish! All dead players have revived!
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Ultimate Blue Destroyer Robot, Arm Exit
Blue forces:
Blue gunner, level 14: 150/150(distracted)
Blue gunner, level 14: 150/150(distracted)
Blue fighter, level 13: 110/110 HP, 40 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(team fighting: 3/4)
Blue creator, level 17: 230/230 HP, 26 MD, 25/25 Material(has revival talisman)
Blue fighter, level 13: 110/110 HP, 40 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(team fighting: 3/4)
Blue shaman, level 18: 150/150 HP, 32 MD, 40/40 Mana, Iron sword(+4 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP) (spellbook: Neutralize, Light wall)
Blue shaman, level 16: 130/130 HP, 32 MD, 36/36 Mana, Iron sword(+4 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP) (spellbook: Neutralize)
Blue shaman, level 16: 130/130 HP, 32 MD, 36/36 Mana, Iron sword(+4 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP) (spellbook: Neutralize)
Players:
ManiacMasteR: Mage, level 10: 147/147 HP, 1/165 XP, 20 MD, 6/26 Mana, Sharpness III Diamond sword(+9 MD)/Protection II Gold armor(+85 HP)(Recharge:1/3)(heal field: 1/4)(has potion of resistance)
Ka_Doink: Fighter, level 12: 125/131 HP, 21/230 XP, 38 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: 1/3)(Team Fighting: Ready!)(minicrits: 0/3)(has potion of resistance)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)(has neutralize page, 3 uses left)
Twinbuilder: Fighter, level 10: 123/128 HP, 58/200 XP, 34 MD, Sharpness I Wrap Blade(+11 MD)(legendary, can stun enemies)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: Ready!)(has milk gun, 1 use left)
Fseftr: Fighter, level 10: 121/127 HP, 100/200 XP, 30 MD, Sharpness I Diamond sword(+7 MD)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: Ready!)(has potion of strength)(has revival talisman)
Cobaltshade: Mage, level 12: 180/180 HP, 89/260 XP, 26 MD, 30/30 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP)(Recharge: 1/3)(Heal Field: 1/4)(siphon, passive)(has golden apple)(has Lightning page, 3 uses left)(has milk gun, 2 uses left)(has spare gold sword)
Netpatham: Mage, level 10: 131/131 HP, 62/200 XP, 22 MD, 26/26 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection II Diamond armor(+60 HP)(Recharge: 1/3)(Heal Field: 1/4)(being guarded by Tazz)
The_Nonexistent_Tazz: Tank, level 13: 295/295 HP, 170/300 XP, 41 MD, Sharpness II Gold sword(+11 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP) (mirror shield: 1/3)(ground slam:1/4) (overprotective spirit, active) (has milk gun, 3 uses left)(guarding Netpatham)
BioShock_Rules: Fighter, level 11: 125/125 HP, 213/230 XP, 34 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: 2/3)(team fighting: 2/4) (has milk gun, 3 uses left)
omglolsguy: Mage, level 9: 106/106 HP, 84/165 XP, 16 MD, 24/24 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(heal field: Ready!)
The_Idea_Modpack_Man: Tank, level 9: 169/178 HP, 41/165 XP, 19 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (mirror shield: Ready!) (ground slam: Ready!)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)
The_Serpent: Shaman, level 9: 79/84 HP, 26/165 XP, 21 MD, 22/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP) (Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: Ready!)
OverlordXcano: Shaman, level 9: 99/99 HP, 75/165 XP, 21 MD, 22/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Drain: 1/3)(sacrifice: 1/4)(has light wall page, 3 uses left)
Knight3165: Shaman, level 9: 84/84 HP, 124/165 XP, 22 MD, 15.5/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: Ready!)
Pricey12345: Fighter, level 9: 96/151 HP, 150/165 XP, 26 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Thorny breastplate(+80 HP, legendary, damages people who attempt to attack it) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: Ready!)(has potion of resistance III)
Insert_Generic_Username: Mage, level 9: 92/92 HP, 137/165 XP, 17 MD, 24/24 Mana Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)
SPELLBOOK:
Mages: Freeze(5 Mana), Thunder(8 Mana), Lightning(13 Mana)
Shamans: Poison(4 Mana), Pestilence(9 Mana), Light wall(15 Mana)
Sage+Druid+Magic Knight(combo spell): Universal combo strike(75 Mana from each)
Other:
Tiny box
Money: $2260
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
I press a button on the floor, and 30 seconds later a pizza delivery guy hands me a pepperoni pizza, which i find confusing and odd, until i find that on the side of the pepperoni facing downwards there are words. I rearrange these words 1,402 times beforei get the correct combination, and i say the sentence out loud "Doritus, commus, magnesium sulfate dioxide!" causing a Dorito to come flying at me. I eat this dorito, and while it is in my throat, it collapses into a portal to the stomachs of the blue shamans and gunners, so i start drinking bleach and eating "original" flavor pencil lead.
(I'm casting poison on them)
Keep in mind that i am quite silly quite often. If you don't like what i'm saying, please calmly point it out to me.
I wish it said "Soarvivor"
I run to a SHAMAN and do strategic slices to chop off his/her pants. I then kick him/her in the crotch.
THE PROPHECY SEEMED FAR AWAY
BUT FINALLY WE'VE REACHED THE DAY
GIVE UP THE PAST, EMBRACE THE STRANGE
EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT WILL CHANGE
When both sides are doomed, which do you choose?
DOWN HERE IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED
I point behind the creator and yell, "Look over there!" Then he feels something rummaging in his pants. The creator immediately assumes that I have pilfered his revival talisman, and swings a punch in my face in fury, but I have actually grabbed the non-me-ness off of one of the fighters, turning him into a non-non-me, which the creator thinks is me and punches! As the fighter recoils from the creator's surprisingly strong punch, I loot his diamond sword right out of his hands, somehow without him noticing. However, the diamond sword has an enchantment of KILL THE PERSON STEALING IT! But I have a guard dog that reflects enchantments of killing the person stealing it, but the fighter has an enchantment on his sword that turns being killed by enchantments that kill stealing people back into health for him, which is exactly enough health to restore him back to the health he had before. So really I just stole his sword and 6 MD.
Later, the creator looks back in his pants to see what was rummaging in there before, and finds that I had actually snuck a hungry mouse with numbing syrup on its teeth in his pocket. He finds a hole in his pocket, and another hole in his underwear, and a full mouse, and a bunch of holes in his creator level 16. His girlfriend won't be too happy about this.
Complipedia
I cast lightning on some freaks! The freaks are then pissed that I zapped them INSTEAD of the blue mooks! They then eat the mooks.
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"