I take the creator with the revival talisman and tell him about the 75 Deadly Trials of Deadly Death and their great rewards. He's intrigued and begins attempting them.
Trial five: Trial by Agony
The creator has 72 flaming needles placed into his arms, 44 poisoned needles in his legs, 83 acidic needles in his chest and abdomen, and two poisonous needles burning with acidic fire placed into his eyes. Afterwards, his fingers are broken with a sledgehammer, and eyes are placed on each of his now-broken fingers. He is then told to pick up cactus.
Trial six: Trial by Stupidity
The creator must win an argument with 40 Tumblr social justice warriors, 400 members of the Call of Duty community and their inability to be pleased, and 4,000 general idiots you'll see on the Internet in the YouTube comments. He must convince the SJWs that everything is not offensive, which he barely does with his brain cells intact due to their status as permanently triggered. He has to convince the CoD community members that Advanced Warfare is at the very least somewhat good. The creator refuses because he doesn't like the series as a whole. Angered, I lobotomize him and change his opinions, so he struggles and fails to reason with the community. He'll fail to pass the trial if he doesn't convince the dime-a-dozen idiots that they're just stupid, and that they could be more intelligent. He succeeds, but is infected by the stupidity.
Trial seven: Trial by Tryhards
The creator is forced into a series of five Advanced Warfare lobbies, each containing an increasing number of people using either the ASM1 Speakeasy, ASM1 Magnitude, ASM1 Rigor, or ASM1 Strider. His weapon progressively gets worse, starting out with the semi-decent EPM3, and hitting rock bottom with the incredibad MK-14 Eclipse. As his weapons get worse, his maximum HP gets reduced, until he eventually has only 12 HP. He has to win five matches in a row like this.
Trial eight: Trial by Sawblades
The creator is forced into an NESque platformer loaded with Nintendo Hard elements, such as tiny platforms, moving platforms, sawblades everywhere, sawblades made of smaller sawblades, and instant death pitfalls. Every boss fight is long and tedious, as well as nigh unwinnable. The boss' attacks are always fast-hitting and brutal, while the creator's own attacks are slow and sluggish, but barely chip off 1% of the boss' health bar. Every boss defeated unlocks another world consisting of 40 nearly impossible levels, each one inching closer to total impossibility than the last. The creator feels immense physical pain every time he dies.
The creator gives up after the 734th death on trial eight, but gets drawn and quartered for rage quitting.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
CobaltShade + Team Questgiver: ULTIMATE QUESTGIVER
My ultimate questgiving team and I send a blue shaman on a quest!
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE: PEACEKEEPING
He must first break up an argument between 20,000 idiotic PewDiePie fanboys and 20,000 idiotic PewDiePie haters armed wtih only a banhammer. Except it's a toy banhammer... with no power whatsoever. He attempts to separate the fanboys and the haters, but they happen to all be ten-year-old boys. Angered, he shouts "NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT PEWDIEPIE!" This causes both the fanboys and the haters to beat him up.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY SIX: ESCAPE THE ROOM
He is then thrown into a room! The room is made of tungsten heated to 3000 degrees Celsius and there is absolutely nothing in the room. He is to escape this room through a tungsten door on one side of the room. First, he must find the key by smashing the floor in random places with his own body until it breaks to reveal the key. But there are 99 fake keys and only one working key. He then finds that the working key is made of frozen gallium that melts on touching the keyhole. Enraged, he smashes everything in the room and breaks out with his bare hands, sustaining major burns in the process.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN: TRIAL BY REPETITION
He must then complete: All of Tazz's doom courses ever (including the ones on DTG), all of my quests including incomplete ones, all of Bioshock's 75 Deadly Trials of Deadly Death plus any expansion packs or supplements and any other quest-like challenges that may pop up in this game in the future. Once he is done, he realizes that he is in an infinite loop due to various parts, some of which are the seventh leg of Tazz's second doom course, the final trial of the Trials of Changes, and part 215 of the Quests. He immediately gives up and is shot down.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY EIGHT: FANFICTION
He must then read the epitomes of terrible spelling, Super Smash Bros Mishonh From God and its sequel Subpar Smush Broas Mishan Forum God The REEL Sekwel! LAUREN U R DUM. He is to remain silent and not move besides turning the pages of the book. This is impossible and he vomits, forfeiting the challenge. I then raise a hammer over the shaman and smash him over the head 20,000 times with a hammer made of neutron-degenerate matter.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY NINE: HISTORIAN
He must then remember every Quest, Doom Course and Deadly Trial of Deadly Death and how the person to do the quest/course/trial got through them. This is impossible as he is literally required to predict the future. He optimistically predicts no deaths for the rest of the quest. I punch him 20,000,000 times while saying "WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!"
PART TWO HUNDRED THIRTY: THE GUY
He must then play I Wanna Be The Guy 20,000,000 times without dying once on maximum difficulty blindfolded while at the same time playing NetHack with as many challenge paths as humanly possible forced upon him and Syobon Action (Cat Mario modified to have terrible controls. With every death in any game resulting in a hammer to the head.
I press a button on the floor, and 30 seconds later a pizza delivery guy hands me a pepperoni pizza, which i find confusing and odd, until i find that on the side of the pepperoni facing downwards there are words. I rearrange these words 1,402 times beforei get the correct combination, and i say the sentence out loud "Doritus, commus, magnesium sulfate dioxide!" causing a Dorito to come flying at me. I eat this dorito, and while it is in my throat, it collapses into a portal to the stomachs of the blue shamans and gunners, so i start drinking bleach and eating "original" flavor pencil lead.
(I'm casting poison on them)
Poison cast! 13 damage to the specified group members! Enemies poisoned! +21 XP!
I point behind the creator and yell, "Look over there!" Then he feels something rummaging in his pants. The creator immediately assumes that I have pilfered his revival talisman, and swings a punch in my face in fury, but I have actually grabbed the non-me-ness off of one of the fighters, turning him into a non-non-me, which the creator thinks is me and punches! As the fighter recoils from the creator's surprisingly strong punch, I loot his diamond sword right out of his hands, somehow without him noticing. However, the diamond sword has an enchantment of KILL THE PERSON STEALING IT! But I have a guard dog that reflects enchantments of killing the person stealing it, but the fighter has an enchantment on his sword that turns being killed by enchantments that kill stealing people back into health for him, which is exactly enough health to restore him back to the health he had before. So really I just stole his sword and 6 MD.
Later, the creator looks back in his pants to see what was rummaging in there before, and finds that I had actually snuck a hungry mouse with numbing syrup on its teeth in his pocket. He finds a hole in his pocket, and another hole in his underwear, and a full mouse, and a bunch of holes in his creator level 16. His girlfriend won't be too happy about this.
I take the creator with the revival talisman and tell him about the 75 Deadly Trials of Deadly Death and their great rewards. He's intrigued and begins attempting them.
Trial five: Trial by Agony
The creator has 72 flaming needles placed into his arms, 44 poisoned needles in his legs, 83 acidic needles in his chest and abdomen, and two poisonous needles burning with acidic fire placed into his eyes. Afterwards, his fingers are broken with a sledgehammer, and eyes are placed on each of his now-broken fingers. He is then told to pick up cactus.
Trial six: Trial by Stupidity
The creator must win an argument with 40 Tumblr social justice warriors, 400 members of the Call of Duty community and their inability to be pleased, and 4,000 general idiots you'll see on the Internet in the YouTube comments. He must convince the SJWs that everything is not offensive, which he barely does with his brain cells intact due to their status as permanently triggered. He has to convince the CoD community members that Advanced Warfare is at the very least somewhat good. The creator refuses because he doesn't like the series as a whole. Angered, I lobotomize him and change his opinions, so he struggles and fails to reason with the community. He'll fail to pass the trial if he doesn't convince the dime-a-dozen idiots that they're just stupid, and that they could be more intelligent. He succeeds, but is infected by the stupidity.
Trial seven: Trial by Tryhards
The creator is forced into a series of five Advanced Warfare lobbies, each containing an increasing number of people using either the ASM1 Speakeasy, ASM1 Magnitude, ASM1 Rigor, or ASM1 Strider. His weapon progressively gets worse, starting out with the semi-decent EPM3, and hitting rock bottom with the incredibad MK-14 Eclipse. As his weapons get worse, his maximum HP gets reduced, until he eventually has only 12 HP. He has to win five matches in a row like this.
Trial eight: Trial by Sawblades
The creator is forced into an NESque platformer loaded with Nintendo Hard elements, such as tiny platforms, moving platforms, sawblades everywhere, sawblades made of smaller sawblades, and instant death pitfalls. Every boss fight is long and tedious, as well as nigh unwinnable. The boss' attacks are always fast-hitting and brutal, while the creator's own attacks are slow and sluggish, but barely chip off 1% of the boss' health bar. Every boss defeated unlocks another world consisting of 40 nearly impossible levels, each one inching closer to total impossibility than the last. The creator feels immense physical pain every time he dies.
The creator gives up after the 734th death on trial eight, but gets drawn and quartered for rage quitting.
I use team fighting. I'm not really sure what it does, so hopefully I didn't use it wrong.
Team fighting used! What it does is, if you use it at the same time/turn as another fighter, their attacks are both combined and given a 4x damage multiplier. But if not, then the attack just gets a lonely 2x multiplier.
I activate DUAL TEAM FIGHTING after i Joined Fseftr's Team Fighting Skill with my Team Fighting Skill at Every Blue Guys
You can't hit ALL of them, but you do hit the three shamans! Your combined attacks x4 deal 79 damage to them all, killing the strongest one! +43 XP to you and Fseftr!
CobaltShade + Team Questgiver: ULTIMATE QUESTGIVER
My ultimate questgiving team and I send a blue shaman on a quest!
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE: PEACEKEEPING
He must first break up an argument between 20,000 idiotic PewDiePie fanboys and 20,000 idiotic PewDiePie haters armed wtih only a banhammer. Except it's a toy banhammer... with no power whatsoever. He attempts to separate the fanboys and the haters, but they happen to all be ten-year-old boys. Angered, he shouts "NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT PEWDIEPIE!" This causes both the fanboys and the haters to beat him up.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY SIX: ESCAPE THE ROOM
He is then thrown into a room! The room is made of tungsten heated to 3000 degrees Celsius and there is absolutely nothing in the room. He is to escape this room through a tungsten door on one side of the room. First, he must find the key by smashing the floor in random places with his own body until it breaks to reveal the key. But there are 99 fake keys and only one working key. He then finds that the working key is made of frozen gallium that melts on touching the keyhole. Enraged, he smashes everything in the room and breaks out with his bare hands, sustaining major burns in the process.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN: TRIAL BY REPETITION
He must then complete: All of Tazz's doom courses ever (including the ones on DTG), all of my quests including incomplete ones, all of Bioshock's 75 Deadly Trials of Deadly Death plus any expansion packs or supplements and any other quest-like challenges that may pop up in this game in the future. Once he is done, he realizes that he is in an infinite loop due to various parts, some of which are the seventh leg of Tazz's second doom course, the final trial of the Trials of Changes, and part 215 of the Quests. He immediately gives up and is shot down.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY EIGHT: FANFICTION
He must then read the epitomes of terrible spelling, Super Smash Bros Mishonh From God and its sequel Subpar Smush Broas Mishan Forum God The REEL Sekwel! LAUREN U R DUM. He is to remain silent and not move besides turning the pages of the book. This is impossible and he vomits, forfeiting the challenge. I then raise a hammer over the shaman and smash him over the head 20,000 times with a hammer made of neutron-degenerate matter.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY NINE: HISTORIAN
He must then remember every Quest, Doom Course and Deadly Trial of Deadly Death and how the person to do the quest/course/trial got through them. This is impossible as he is literally required to predict the future. He optimistically predicts no deaths for the rest of the quest. I punch him 20,000,000 times while saying "WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!"
PART TWO HUNDRED THIRTY: THE GUY
He must then play I Wanna Be The Guy 20,000,000 times without dying once on maximum difficulty blindfolded while at the same time playing NetHack with as many challenge paths as humanly possible forced upon him and Syobon Action (Cat Mario modified to have terrible controls. With every death in any game resulting in a hammer to the head.
You totally kill both shamans! +59 XP!
Blue fighter: Come on! Our only hope is to survive and use team fighting!
ENEMY PHASE:
Both blue fighters heal the injured one of themselves, restoring him! Great phrasing!
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Ultimate Blue Destroyer Robot, Arm Exit
Blue forces:
Blue gunner, level 14: 137/150(distracted)(poisoned, -10 HP per turn for 2 more turns)
Blue gunner, level 14: 137/150(distracted)(poisoned, -10 HP per turn for 2 more turns)
I poke myself with Maniac's and Twin's swords, slightly injuring myself with them. I then rummage around in my multiversal inventory and pull out the Gatekeeper's Scythe, which I morph into a Sharpness 3 Wrap Sword. I then carve straight through both Fighters, and turn around and stab both of them with Arctoae, freezing them. (Using Freeze)
Net's apparently gone into an inactive period, though I don't really know, so I switch guards to Generic.
I proceed to pull out a slingshot. Being tiny, it's a borderline y-shaped twig. The Blues would laugh if they didn't already realize that everyone else here is dangerous, the odd and extremely cute floating gold statue of a Pikachu included. I pin the twig-like slingshot to where it is with my powers, then pull back the sling, and cut a hole through space with my pinky digit, making a portal to dead space. I keep pulling back, back, back, back for what seems like an eternity, somehow keeping tension. The blues quickly realize that whatever I'm going to be launching is not going to be fun for them to be on the other end of, so naturally they quickly group together and try to destroy the twig-except, they can't. They can't even get close to the twig without their entire body starting to melt. They try to go around it or hide-the sling just keeps following them, making sure that at least one of them is going to be hit. I then keep pulling, and keep pulling, and keep pulling, further and further back. The blues then recall I didn't put anything in the Sling when I started this pulling back thing, and wonder what I would be launching, if anything.
Meanwhile, I have pulled so far back that I've somehow made a complete trip around the entirety of existence and wound up back in the universe of Infinite War ! It was quite an exhilarating trip, but I've no time to tell you about it. I've finally reached my destination: The planet of Woylywos! It's infamous for a variety of reasons. I touch down and keep tension further and further while I traverse the surface. A majority of it's deadly inhabitants fail to do anything to me as I keep pulling back, heading for a rather infamous location in Woylywos-it's legendary cave of tears. It is named such because it's ultimate treasure is a tear, and it's also impossible to traverse for 99.9% of existence due to power levels, and another 99.9% is also incapable due to size incompatibility. I have neither problem, and enter, and make laughingstock out of the extremely dangerous entities within. It's laughable, really, and they could be useful for so many deathtraps, but I'm not here for them. Yet. I'm here for the prize, and eventually claim it. The prize is a tiny teardrop on a necklace, the cosmos reflected within at every angle, the entirety of existence visible through a single device, not like it wasn't to me already. It is undeniably powerful. Whoever claims it can grant any wish whatsoever-but then it splits into eight after one wish.
I shove it in my inventory for later and keep going. Still not done yet! I go to the very back of the cave, wherein lives a beast that would usually nigh-annihilate the planet should any take the tear. I knew of it in advance, so naturally the reaction I had was to...Well, eat it. Whole. In a single bite. Chomp! And it's gone. I chuckle at how absurdly stupid that was, nothing should just be eating that, not even things that eat entire dimensions of space for dinner. Just far too powerful. And I keep pulling, phasing myself and the sling's extremely far-pulled string even further, passing by the core of the planet and keeping strong, destroying, absorbing, eating, dominating or vanishing whatever entity decides to even remotely look at me funny. I eventually leave the planet entirely-a red herring-and keep pulling.
Meanwhile, the Blues are starting to get really nervous about how long of a time I'm taking to pull back the sling. They resume attempts to stop me, attacking the sling, or attempting to, but alas, everything seems useless to even get close enough to actually touch it at all. They start to contemplate if I'm going to try IRL shenanigans. Forgetting about the GM and the fact I am not THAT cruel (I try to leave IRL selves out of this), they wonder if they should just leave their computers, back away slowly, and detonate some TNT in a ritual to stop me. Of course, nothing could stop me at this point. Nothing.
Back to me, I just keep pulling, passing by several devastation worlds. They are called such because they are basically giant weapons arrays, the largest spaceships in existence by class-the largest can be as large as 2.1% of the known Multiverse, which is utterly immense. Well, the largest known, anyways, and size doesn't equal superiority, as I consistently prove. I keep pulling, eating whatever ammo they think to fire at me like candy. Literally.
Eventually, I finally reach my real destination after all of that sling-pulling: Right back where I started, but coming in from the other side! Literally, I pull behind the blues, and pull the sling, stretched across the entirety of existence, right pass the actual sling, and pull it back just a little bit farther, then pin it with my powers as well. Immediately, Guningness World Record people swarm to the Ultimate Blue Destroyer and to me, declaring my Slign the longest thing in existence, topping existence itself, then giving me utterly massive sums of money. I take it all...Then I let loose the sling.
The Blues, thinking they only have to contend with the most tense object in existence suddenly loosening and coming straight after them, almost breathe a sigh of relief-until they realize that the entierty of existence itself, which the Sling had conveniently wrapped around, was the actual ammunition. They duck-the entirety of Existence flies out of sight, leaving the Two Blues, the Sling, and me, as the Sling finally comes to a rest, returning to it's original proportions. The blues sigh, having taken no damage whatsoever except whatever they took in trying to destroy the Sling earlier.
They then realize that there is nothing except me and them, in a completely blank room. There's not even a white or black color-just [redacted] for an nigh-infinite expanse. I approach-
[redacted for public safety]
[redacted to prevent man from knowing what he should not]
[redacted becau-]and then-[that should not have been seen]
[Data exp] And they keep-[Data expun]No! Let me describe, stupid-Oh, wait. It's over.
The two blues quit the instant they could hit escape and are probably not coming back to this server for a while. They decided that I was a little too scary for them there. If they were their Minecraft avatars they'd have it worse. Namely, they'd be dead after the kind of experience only I can deliver. Bye, Blue fighters!
I immediately retrieve existence from wherever it went, and put it back where it was, and promptly continue on like nothing ever happened whatsoever. If one or both of them is dead, target one gunner or both, just make it two targets apiece.
I take one of the gunners and use him to pave a road in the robot. Said road is quickly littered on, torn up by monster trucks with spiked wheels (which leave some spikes behind, conveniently upright), and quickly left in ruins. Angrily, I take the gunner and use his face to sweep the road up, cleaning it of bent soda cans, upright spikes, bottles of sulfuric acid, canisters of nuclear waste, and various runes. However, every single rune is an Ehwaz rune. I use them all, creating multiple holes to the center of the earth. I use the gunner's ribcage to undo the damage caused to the road by the monster trucks, then use his bone marrow to reinforce the asphalt. The monster trucks come back, so I use the gunner as a barricade, which stops their advance and keeps my pretty road safe, though at the cost of the gunner being reduced to multiple pieces of himself. I throw them all down the holes the Ehwaz runes created, where they combine into a gunner. At the core of the earth.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
I heal whoever needs it by sending them to the hospital. They are healed, however, they end up finding out they have cancer! They then contemplate entering a life of crime a la Breaking Bad, but realize that live in a country with socialised healthcare! After a year, they are cancer free and healthier than ever. I then stuff them into a time machine and and send them back in time a year, but it turns out my time machines gave them cancer and injured them! So I send them to the hospital, and they are healed, but end up finding out they have cancer! They contemplate entering a life of crime a la Breaking Bad, but realize they live in a country with socialised healthcare! After a year, they are cancer free and healthier than ever. I then stuff them into a time machine and send them back in time a year, but it turns out my new time machine doesn't give people cancer or injure them! Not sure why I had to point that out...
I poke myself with Maniac's and Twin's swords, slightly injuring myself with them. I then rummage around in my multiversal inventory and pull out the Gatekeeper's Scythe, which I morph into a Sharpness 3 Wrap Sword. I then carve straight through both Fighters, and turn around and stab both of them with Arctoae, freezing them. (Using Freeze)
30 damage to both fighters! Fighters frozen! +18 XP!
Net's apparently gone into an inactive period, though I don't really know, so I switch guards to Generic.
I proceed to pull out a slingshot. Being tiny, it's a borderline y-shaped twig. The Blues would laugh if they didn't already realize that everyone else here is dangerous, the odd and extremely cute floating gold statue of a Pikachu included. I pin the twig-like slingshot to where it is with my powers, then pull back the sling, and cut a hole through space with my pinky digit, making a portal to dead space. I keep pulling back, back, back, back for what seems like an eternity, somehow keeping tension. The blues quickly realize that whatever I'm going to be launching is not going to be fun for them to be on the other end of, so naturally they quickly group together and try to destroy the twig-except, they can't. They can't even get close to the twig without their entire body starting to melt. They try to go around it or hide-the sling just keeps following them, making sure that at least one of them is going to be hit. I then keep pulling, and keep pulling, and keep pulling, further and further back. The blues then recall I didn't put anything in the Sling when I started this pulling back thing, and wonder what I would be launching, if anything.
Meanwhile, I have pulled so far back that I've somehow made a complete trip around the entirety of existence and wound up back in the universe of Infinite War ! It was quite an exhilarating trip, but I've no time to tell you about it. I've finally reached my destination: The planet of Woylywos! It's infamous for a variety of reasons. I touch down and keep tension further and further while I traverse the surface. A majority of it's deadly inhabitants fail to do anything to me as I keep pulling back, heading for a rather infamous location in Woylywos-it's legendary cave of tears. It is named such because it's ultimate treasure is a tear, and it's also impossible to traverse for 99.9% of existence due to power levels, and another 99.9% is also incapable due to size incompatibility. I have neither problem, and enter, and make laughingstock out of the extremely dangerous entities within. It's laughable, really, and they could be useful for so many deathtraps, but I'm not here for them. Yet. I'm here for the prize, and eventually claim it. The prize is a tiny teardrop on a necklace, the cosmos reflected within at every angle, the entirety of existence visible through a single device, not like it wasn't to me already. It is undeniably powerful. Whoever claims it can grant any wish whatsoever-but then it splits into eight after one wish.
I shove it in my inventory for later and keep going. Still not done yet! I go to the very back of the cave, wherein lives a beast that would usually nigh-annihilate the planet should any take the tear. I knew of it in advance, so naturally the reaction I had was to...Well, eat it. Whole. In a single bite. Chomp! And it's gone. I chuckle at how absurdly stupid that was, nothing should just be eating that, not even things that eat entire dimensions of space for dinner. Just far too powerful. And I keep pulling, phasing myself and the sling's extremely far-pulled string even further, passing by the core of the planet and keeping strong, destroying, absorbing, eating, dominating or vanishing whatever entity decides to even remotely look at me funny. I eventually leave the planet entirely-a red herring-and keep pulling.
Meanwhile, the Blues are starting to get really nervous about how long of a time I'm taking to pull back the sling. They resume attempts to stop me, attacking the sling, or attempting to, but alas, everything seems useless to even get close enough to actually touch it at all. They start to contemplate if I'm going to try IRL shenanigans. Forgetting about the GM and the fact I am not THAT cruel (I try to leave IRL selves out of this), they wonder if they should just leave their computers, back away slowly, and detonate some TNT in a ritual to stop me. Of course, nothing could stop me at this point. Nothing.
Back to me, I just keep pulling, passing by several devastation worlds. They are called such because they are basically giant weapons arrays, the largest spaceships in existence by class-the largest can be as large as 2.1% of the known Multiverse, which is utterly immense. Well, the largest known, anyways, and size doesn't equal superiority, as I consistently prove. I keep pulling, eating whatever ammo they think to fire at me like candy. Literally.
Eventually, I finally reach my real destination after all of that sling-pulling: Right back where I started, but coming in from the other side! Literally, I pull behind the blues, and pull the sling, stretched across the entirety of existence, right pass the actual sling, and pull it back just a little bit farther, then pin it with my powers as well. Immediately, Guningness World Record people swarm to the Ultimate Blue Destroyer and to me, declaring my Slign the longest thing in existence, topping existence itself, then giving me utterly massive sums of money. I take it all...Then I let loose the sling.
The Blues, thinking they only have to contend with the most tense object in existence suddenly loosening and coming straight after them, almost breathe a sigh of relief-until they realize that the entierty of existence itself, which the Sling had conveniently wrapped around, was the actual ammunition. They duck-the entirety of Existence flies out of sight, leaving the Two Blues, the Sling, and me, as the Sling finally comes to a rest, returning to it's original proportions. The blues sigh, having taken no damage whatsoever except whatever they took in trying to destroy the Sling earlier.
They then realize that there is nothing except me and them, in a completely blank room. There's not even a white or black color-just [redacted] for an nigh-infinite expanse. I approach-
[redacted for public safety]
[redacted to prevent man from knowing what he should not]
[redacted becau-]and then-[that should not have been seen]
[Data exp] And they keep-[Data expun]No! Let me describe, stupid-Oh, wait. It's over.
The two blues quit the instant they could hit escape and are probably not coming back to this server for a while. They decided that I was a little too scary for them there. If they were their Minecraft avatars they'd have it worse. Namely, they'd be dead after the kind of experience only I can deliver. Bye, Blue fighters!
I immediately retrieve existence from wherever it went, and put it back where it was, and promptly continue on like nothing ever happened whatsoever. If one or both of them is dead, target one gunner or both, just make it two targets apiece.
I take one of the gunners and use him to pave a road in the robot. Said road is quickly littered on, torn up by monster trucks with spiked wheels (which leave some spikes behind, conveniently upright), and quickly left in ruins. Angrily, I take the gunner and use his face to sweep the road up, cleaning it of bent soda cans, upright spikes, bottles of sulfuric acid, canisters of nuclear waste, and various runes. However, every single rune is an Ehwaz rune. I use them all, creating multiple holes to the center of the earth. I use the gunner's ribcage to undo the damage caused to the road by the monster trucks, then use his bone marrow to reinforce the asphalt. The monster trucks come back, so I use the gunner as a barricade, which stops their advance and keeps my pretty road safe, though at the cost of the gunner being reduced to multiple pieces of himself. I throw them all down the holes the Ehwaz runes created, where they combine into a gunner. At the core of the earth.
I heal whoever needs it by sending them to the hospital. They are healed, however, they end up finding out they have cancer! They then contemplate entering a life of crime a la Breaking Bad, but realize that live in a country with socialised healthcare! After a year, they are cancer free and healthier than ever. I then stuff them into a time machine and and send them back in time a year, but it turns out my time machines gave them cancer and injured them! So I send them to the hospital, and they are healed, but end up finding out they have cancer! They contemplate entering a life of crime a la Breaking Bad, but realize they live in a country with socialised healthcare! After a year, they are cancer free and healthier than ever. I then stuff them into a time machine and send them back in time a year, but it turns out my new time machine doesn't give people cancer or injure them! Not sure why I had to point that out...
You cast it on the last gunner, killing him! +25 XP! +50$ bonus!
You've done it, they're all dead! Now, you just have to open the door slowly...
You all rush at the door and SMASH it down, making a dramatic entrance! Some of you even do epic one-liners!
But, as you survey the room, you see a few weak blue units controlling the robot, and, in the center of the room...
Enderofall10000: Hey.
You don't immediately recognize him. But, when you look at the tag below his name, you see that it's the FIGHTER WARRIOR. And his nametag is clearly blue... No wonder he didn't show up out on the battlefield!
Enderofall10000: You thought I was on your side, didn't you? Well, I've been poking around into the info on red's past, and I decided that they weren't the team I wanted to fight for anymore. I told Nyrah to talk to you, and if she couldn't convince you, then I doubt I'll be able to. So, we should just get to the part where I STOMP you. I do so enjoy taking down the fighters who try to be all high-and-mighty. You guys aren't even promoted yet, how did you do the things you did?
Ka_Doink: Raw SKILL!
Enderofall10000: ...I doubt that. But, I guess you'll just have to show me! The fight begins...NOW! And don't try to attack those controllers back there-I'll stop you!
Time to begin the final fight of this robot
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Ultimate Blue Destroyer Robot, Control Room
TIP: +1 unit attack means the fighter warrior can hit 4 players at any given time instead of 3, "Deletion" multiplies the Fighter Warrior's MD by 10x, but only lets them hit one player, and Final Wave multiplies his MD by 2, but lets him hit any number of targets. "Attack-defense" allows him to use his attacking powers to deflect your attacks!
Players:
ManiacMasteR: Mage, level 10: 147/147 HP, 23/165 XP, 20 MD, 9/26 Mana, Sharpness III Diamond sword(+9 MD)/Protection II Gold armor(+85 HP)(Recharge:2/3)(heal field: 2/4)(has potion of resistance)
I don't get XP for healing people? Well, that's the last time I be a team player. /s
I then notice Enderofall isn't being a team player either, and taunt him about having no allies to back him up. This reminds him that all his friends died in a horrible drunk driving accident two months ago, and he's had no one to play Minecraft with since then. This hurts his feelings so much that he doesn't notice me attacking him.
I cast Flaming Destruction and shove a cherry pie down Enderofall's throat. Said pie is sprinkled with tiny canisters containing pure mercury, as well as the surface of Mercury. Enderofall immediately gets severe indigestion, so I help him out by coating a Carolina Reaper in samples of the surface of the sun, dip it in blazing inferno hellfire sauce, then force feed it to him. His internal organs catch fire, so I attempt to douse the flames with gasoline. It doesn't work out, and he ends up with really bad heartburn. I relieve him of his pain by tearing his heart out, on the grounds that you can't have heartburn if you don't have a heart. I convert the heart into an item, dubbing it "Isaac's Heart". A baby with no skin on his head and rubber cement over his eyes comes along and takes the heart from me, them puts on a creepy wooden mask, then walks away. Enderofall is horrified by the baby, causing him to vomit up the cherry pie, which now seems to have a carving in its crust resembling the baby. Scary pie, if you will. Enderofall is annoyed by my terrible pun, so I furiously weld his clothing to him, then kick him out the window that may or may not exist.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Now, HOLD on just a minute, Endorfall! Nyrah did not claim credentials to actually being a red player of any significance at all, or even a Red Player at all, and we know a few things that she clearly doesn't, including a pretty darned good theory as to why the war's dragging on when Red could instantly win. YOU, on the other hand, MUST have posed enough weight to at least get some office of importance during your stay at Red-and if you didn't I'd be shocked. Plus, you were definitely on the Red's side, and probably not until recently did you change, so you seem far more like you actually mean something's on. In any case, among our reasons for not immediately defecting was, A, gathering more info from red's part, and B, not dying to the tank Unit, Egglord and freaking Yorlu out there when we inevitably defected! But you! You are a different customer.
If you know ANYTHING Nyrah didn't, we might be interested in hearing, and we might even decide to defect-her words were not totally lost on us, and we were pretty suspicious that, if nothing else SOMETHING was up with this place.
...Unless she told us everything you knew as well. In which case, well, we're going to be awfully reluctant to tell you our pretty darned good theory while under fire. I mean, we did see some very compelling evidence when we met the Red Leader in person...I mean, on the server. IRL would be silly, really, he-slash-she seems far too mysterious for that. But yes, we have.
In case my diplomatic attempts failed entirely, and only if they failed entirely and I got no combat pause, I immediately take all that wicked Charismatic power in my words and convert it to a stream of pure Pulchritude, which I then fire at the Fighter Warrior.
I decide to say, " I believe I will join blue everyone. But not before I kick your [EXPUNGED]. Now fight me." I then take out a baseball bat and that scythe from eariler. I beat him on the head with it 93 times, angering him that I did not land on a even number. I even a number.... His HP numbers.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Daw! A B-!?
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"
I take the creator with the revival talisman and tell him about the 75 Deadly Trials of Deadly Death and their great rewards. He's intrigued and begins attempting them.
Trial five: Trial by Agony
The creator has 72 flaming needles placed into his arms, 44 poisoned needles in his legs, 83 acidic needles in his chest and abdomen, and two poisonous needles burning with acidic fire placed into his eyes. Afterwards, his fingers are broken with a sledgehammer, and eyes are placed on each of his now-broken fingers. He is then told to pick up cactus.
Trial six: Trial by Stupidity
The creator must win an argument with 40 Tumblr social justice warriors, 400 members of the Call of Duty community and their inability to be pleased, and 4,000 general idiots you'll see on the Internet in the YouTube comments. He must convince the SJWs that everything is not offensive, which he barely does with his brain cells intact due to their status as permanently triggered. He has to convince the CoD community members that Advanced Warfare is at the very least somewhat good. The creator refuses because he doesn't like the series as a whole. Angered, I lobotomize him and change his opinions, so he struggles and fails to reason with the community. He'll fail to pass the trial if he doesn't convince the dime-a-dozen idiots that they're just stupid, and that they could be more intelligent. He succeeds, but is infected by the stupidity.
Trial seven: Trial by Tryhards
The creator is forced into a series of five Advanced Warfare lobbies, each containing an increasing number of people using either the ASM1 Speakeasy, ASM1 Magnitude, ASM1 Rigor, or ASM1 Strider. His weapon progressively gets worse, starting out with the semi-decent EPM3, and hitting rock bottom with the incredibad MK-14 Eclipse. As his weapons get worse, his maximum HP gets reduced, until he eventually has only 12 HP. He has to win five matches in a row like this.
Trial eight: Trial by Sawblades
The creator is forced into an NESque platformer loaded with Nintendo Hard elements, such as tiny platforms, moving platforms, sawblades everywhere, sawblades made of smaller sawblades, and instant death pitfalls. Every boss fight is long and tedious, as well as nigh unwinnable. The boss' attacks are always fast-hitting and brutal, while the creator's own attacks are slow and sluggish, but barely chip off 1% of the boss' health bar. Every boss defeated unlocks another world consisting of 40 nearly impossible levels, each one inching closer to total impossibility than the last. The creator feels immense physical pain every time he dies.
The creator gives up after the 734th death on trial eight, but gets drawn and quartered for rage quitting.
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
I use team fighting. I'm not really sure what it does, so hopefully I didn't use it wrong.
Hit the Shamans! They have Neutralize!
My ultimate questgiving team and I send a blue shaman on a quest!
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE: PEACEKEEPING
He must first break up an argument between 20,000 idiotic PewDiePie fanboys and 20,000 idiotic PewDiePie haters armed wtih only a banhammer. Except it's a toy banhammer... with no power whatsoever. He attempts to separate the fanboys and the haters, but they happen to all be ten-year-old boys. Angered, he shouts "NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT PEWDIEPIE!" This causes both the fanboys and the haters to beat him up.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY SIX: ESCAPE THE ROOM
He is then thrown into a room! The room is made of tungsten heated to 3000 degrees Celsius and there is absolutely nothing in the room. He is to escape this room through a tungsten door on one side of the room. First, he must find the key by smashing the floor in random places with his own body until it breaks to reveal the key. But there are 99 fake keys and only one working key. He then finds that the working key is made of frozen gallium that melts on touching the keyhole. Enraged, he smashes everything in the room and breaks out with his bare hands, sustaining major burns in the process.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN: TRIAL BY REPETITION
He must then complete: All of Tazz's doom courses ever (including the ones on DTG), all of my quests including incomplete ones, all of Bioshock's 75 Deadly Trials of Deadly Death plus any expansion packs or supplements and any other quest-like challenges that may pop up in this game in the future. Once he is done, he realizes that he is in an infinite loop due to various parts, some of which are the seventh leg of Tazz's second doom course, the final trial of the Trials of Changes, and part 215 of the Quests. He immediately gives up and is shot down.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY EIGHT: FANFICTION
He must then read the epitomes of terrible spelling, Super Smash Bros Mishonh From God and its sequel Subpar Smush Broas Mishan Forum God The REEL Sekwel! LAUREN U R DUM. He is to remain silent and not move besides turning the pages of the book. This is impossible and he vomits, forfeiting the challenge. I then raise a hammer over the shaman and smash him over the head 20,000 times with a hammer made of neutron-degenerate matter.
PART TWO HUNDRED TWENTY NINE: HISTORIAN
He must then remember every Quest, Doom Course and Deadly Trial of Deadly Death and how the person to do the quest/course/trial got through them. This is impossible as he is literally required to predict the future. He optimistically predicts no deaths for the rest of the quest. I punch him 20,000,000 times while saying "WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!"
PART TWO HUNDRED THIRTY: THE GUY
He must then play I Wanna Be The Guy 20,000,000 times without dying once on maximum difficulty blindfolded while at the same time playing NetHack with as many challenge paths as humanly possible forced upon him and Syobon Action (Cat Mario modified to have terrible controls. With every death in any game resulting in a hammer to the head.
Poison cast! 13 damage to the specified group members! Enemies poisoned! +21 XP!
26 damage to a shaman! +8 XP!
Uhh...140 damage to the creator! +24 XP!
Lightning cast! 80 damage to a fighter! +21 XP!
Flaming destruction used! 78 damage to a blue guy! +22 XP!
LEVEL UP! +5 HP! +3 MD!
Creator VERY MUCH killed! +51 XP!
LEVEL UP! +6 HP! +3 MD!
NEW SKILL LEARNED: Minicrits!
Team fighting used! What it does is, if you use it at the same time/turn as another fighter, their attacks are both combined and given a 4x damage multiplier. But if not, then the attack just gets a lonely 2x multiplier.
You can't hit ALL of them, but you do hit the three shamans! Your combined attacks x4 deal 79 damage to them all, killing the strongest one! +43 XP to you and Fseftr!
You totally kill both shamans! +59 XP!
Blue fighter: Come on! Our only hope is to survive and use team fighting!
ENEMY PHASE:
Both blue fighters heal the injured one of themselves, restoring him! Great phrasing!
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Ultimate Blue Destroyer Robot, Arm Exit
Blue forces:
Blue gunner, level 14: 137/150(distracted)(poisoned, -10 HP per turn for 2 more turns)
Blue gunner, level 14: 137/150(distracted)(poisoned, -10 HP per turn for 2 more turns)
Blue fighter, level 13: 110/110 HP, 40 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(team fighting: Ready!)
Blue fighter, level 13: 110/110 HP, 40 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(team fighting: Ready!)
Players:
ManiacMasteR: Mage, level 10: 147/147 HP, 9/165 XP, 20 MD, 9/26 Mana, Sharpness III Diamond sword(+9 MD)/Protection II Gold armor(+85 HP)(Recharge:2/3)(heal field: 2/4)(has potion of resistance)
Ka_Doink: Fighter, level 12: 125/131 HP, 45/260 XP, 38 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: 2/3)(Team Fighting: Ready!)(minicrits: 1/3)(has potion of resistance)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)(has neutralize page, 3 uses left)
Twinbuilder: Fighter, level 10: 123/128 HP, 58/200 XP, 34 MD, Sharpness I Wrap Blade(+11 MD)(legendary, can stun enemies)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: Ready!)(has milk gun, 1 use left)
Fseftr: Fighter, level 10: 121/127 HP, 143/200 XP, 30 MD, Sharpness I Diamond sword(+7 MD)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: 1/4)(has potion of strength)(has revival talisman)
Cobaltshade: Mage, level 12: 180/180 HP, 148/260 XP, 26 MD, 30/30 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP)(Recharge: 2/3)(Heal Field: 2/4)(siphon, passive)(has golden apple)(has Lightning page, 3 uses left)(has milk gun, 2 uses left)(has spare gold sword)
Netpatham: Mage, level 10: 131/131 HP, 62/200 XP, 22 MD, 26/26 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection II Diamond armor(+60 HP)(Recharge: 2/3)(Heal Field: 2/4)(being guarded by Tazz)
The_Nonexistent_Tazz: Tank, level 13: 295/295 HP, 170/300 XP, 41 MD, Sharpness II Gold sword(+11 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP) (mirror shield: 2/3)(ground slam:2/4) (overprotective spirit, active) (has milk gun, 3 uses left)(guarding Netpatham)
BioShock_Rules: Fighter, level 12: 125/131 HP, 34/260 XP, 37 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: 3/4) (minicrits: 0/3)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)
omglolsguy: Mage, level 9: 106/106 HP, 105/165 XP, 16 MD, 13.5/24 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(heal field: Ready!)
The_Idea_Modpack_Man: Tank, level 9: 169/178 HP, 41/165 XP, 19 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (mirror shield: Ready!) (ground slam: Ready!)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)
The_Serpent: Shaman, level 9: 79/84 HP, 26/165 XP, 21 MD, 22/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP) (Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: Ready!)
OverlordXcano: Shaman, level 9: 99/99 HP, 75/165 XP, 21 MD, 22/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Drain: 2/3)(sacrifice: 2/4)(has light wall page, 3 uses left)
Knight3165: Shaman, level 9: 84/84 HP, 145/165 XP, 22 MD, 14/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: Ready!)
Pricey12345: Fighter, level 10: 96/156 HP, 50/200 XP, 29 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Thorny breastplate(+80 HP, legendary, damages people who attempt to attack it) (flaming destruction: 1/3)(team fighting: 1/4)(has potion of resistance III)
Insert_Generic_Username: Mage, level 9: 92/92 HP, 137/165 XP, 17 MD, 24/24 Mana Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)
SPELLBOOK:
Mages: Freeze(5 Mana), Thunder(8 Mana), Lightning(13 Mana)
Shamans: Poison(4 Mana), Pestilence(9 Mana), Light wall(15 Mana)
Sage+Druid+Magic Knight(combo spell): Universal combo strike(75 Mana from each)
Other:
Tiny box
Money: $2260
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
I jump in the air and (somehow) cast IUBEOQUE! A shadow of me appears, and we both charge and attack the GUNNERS. After 3 minutes, my shadow leaves.
THE PROPHECY SEEMED FAR AWAY
BUT FINALLY WE'VE REACHED THE DAY
GIVE UP THE PAST, EMBRACE THE STRANGE
EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT WILL CHANGE
When both sides are doomed, which do you choose?
DOWN HERE IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED
I take a hockey stick, and replace the puck with a blade. Now its a scythe...CONSPIRACY THERYE: TEH GRUM REAPURER REPPED ERF HARKECY
I throw my scythe at the remaining forces and take a nap.
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Daw! A B-!?
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"
I poke myself with Maniac's and Twin's swords, slightly injuring myself with them. I then rummage around in my multiversal inventory and pull out the Gatekeeper's Scythe, which I morph into a Sharpness 3 Wrap Sword. I then carve straight through both Fighters, and turn around and stab both of them with Arctoae, freezing them. (Using Freeze)
Cat drawn by me. Accepting requests, depending on a lot of things. DTG Atsume: http://www.imgur.com/a/tij95
1'-[7']-{'3}-'3-'3 '6-11'-7'-6'-7' '1-{'3}-8'-12'-'3-2'
'10-'5-'8-'11 1'-[7']-8'-7'-'3 '2-11'-2'-'9-7'
'10-'5-'3-'3 1'-[7']-'3 '10-8'-{'3}-['10]-4'-7'
'10-{'3}-'3-'3-'6-8'-4' {'3}-11'-2'-'9-7'
Spam restoration: http://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/forums/forum-discussion-info/2195940-posts-threads-deleted-because-of-spam-filter-place
Official DTG Cards Against Humanity suggestion pad: http://piratepad.net/DTGCAH
Net's apparently gone into an inactive period, though I don't really know, so I switch guards to Generic.
I proceed to pull out a slingshot. Being tiny, it's a borderline y-shaped twig. The Blues would laugh if they didn't already realize that everyone else here is dangerous, the odd and extremely cute floating gold statue of a Pikachu included. I pin the twig-like slingshot to where it is with my powers, then pull back the sling, and cut a hole through space with my pinky digit, making a portal to dead space. I keep pulling back, back, back, back for what seems like an eternity, somehow keeping tension. The blues quickly realize that whatever I'm going to be launching is not going to be fun for them to be on the other end of, so naturally they quickly group together and try to destroy the twig-except, they can't. They can't even get close to the twig without their entire body starting to melt. They try to go around it or hide-the sling just keeps following them, making sure that at least one of them is going to be hit. I then keep pulling, and keep pulling, and keep pulling, further and further back. The blues then recall I didn't put anything in the Sling when I started this pulling back thing, and wonder what I would be launching, if anything.
Meanwhile, I have pulled so far back that I've somehow made a complete trip around the entirety of existence and wound up back in the universe of Infinite War ! It was quite an exhilarating trip, but I've no time to tell you about it. I've finally reached my destination: The planet of Woylywos! It's infamous for a variety of reasons. I touch down and keep tension further and further while I traverse the surface. A majority of it's deadly inhabitants fail to do anything to me as I keep pulling back, heading for a rather infamous location in Woylywos-it's legendary cave of tears. It is named such because it's ultimate treasure is a tear, and it's also impossible to traverse for 99.9% of existence due to power levels, and another 99.9% is also incapable due to size incompatibility. I have neither problem, and enter, and make laughingstock out of the extremely dangerous entities within. It's laughable, really, and they could be useful for so many deathtraps, but I'm not here for them. Yet. I'm here for the prize, and eventually claim it. The prize is a tiny teardrop on a necklace, the cosmos reflected within at every angle, the entirety of existence visible through a single device, not like it wasn't to me already. It is undeniably powerful. Whoever claims it can grant any wish whatsoever-but then it splits into eight after one wish.
I shove it in my inventory for later and keep going. Still not done yet! I go to the very back of the cave, wherein lives a beast that would usually nigh-annihilate the planet should any take the tear. I knew of it in advance, so naturally the reaction I had was to...Well, eat it. Whole. In a single bite. Chomp! And it's gone. I chuckle at how absurdly stupid that was, nothing should just be eating that, not even things that eat entire dimensions of space for dinner. Just far too powerful. And I keep pulling, phasing myself and the sling's extremely far-pulled string even further, passing by the core of the planet and keeping strong, destroying, absorbing, eating, dominating or vanishing whatever entity decides to even remotely look at me funny. I eventually leave the planet entirely-a red herring-and keep pulling.
Meanwhile, the Blues are starting to get really nervous about how long of a time I'm taking to pull back the sling. They resume attempts to stop me, attacking the sling, or attempting to, but alas, everything seems useless to even get close enough to actually touch it at all. They start to contemplate if I'm going to try IRL shenanigans. Forgetting about the GM and the fact I am not THAT cruel (I try to leave IRL selves out of this), they wonder if they should just leave their computers, back away slowly, and detonate some TNT in a ritual to stop me. Of course, nothing could stop me at this point. Nothing.
Back to me, I just keep pulling, passing by several devastation worlds. They are called such because they are basically giant weapons arrays, the largest spaceships in existence by class-the largest can be as large as 2.1% of the known Multiverse, which is utterly immense. Well, the largest known, anyways, and size doesn't equal superiority, as I consistently prove. I keep pulling, eating whatever ammo they think to fire at me like candy. Literally.
Eventually, I finally reach my real destination after all of that sling-pulling: Right back where I started, but coming in from the other side! Literally, I pull behind the blues, and pull the sling, stretched across the entirety of existence, right pass the actual sling, and pull it back just a little bit farther, then pin it with my powers as well. Immediately, Guningness World Record people swarm to the Ultimate Blue Destroyer and to me, declaring my Slign the longest thing in existence, topping existence itself, then giving me utterly massive sums of money. I take it all...Then I let loose the sling.
The Blues, thinking they only have to contend with the most tense object in existence suddenly loosening and coming straight after them, almost breathe a sigh of relief-until they realize that the entierty of existence itself, which the Sling had conveniently wrapped around, was the actual ammunition. They duck-the entirety of Existence flies out of sight, leaving the Two Blues, the Sling, and me, as the Sling finally comes to a rest, returning to it's original proportions. The blues sigh, having taken no damage whatsoever except whatever they took in trying to destroy the Sling earlier.
They then realize that there is nothing except me and them, in a completely blank room. There's not even a white or black color-just [redacted] for an nigh-infinite expanse. I approach-
[redacted for public safety]
[redacted to prevent man from knowing what he should not]
[redacted becau-]and then-[that should not have been seen]
[Data exp] And they keep-[Data expun]No! Let me describe, stupid-Oh, wait. It's over.
The two blues quit the instant they could hit escape and are probably not coming back to this server for a while. They decided that I was a little too scary for them there. If they were their Minecraft avatars they'd have it worse. Namely, they'd be dead after the kind of experience only I can deliver. Bye, Blue fighters!
I immediately retrieve existence from wherever it went, and put it back where it was, and promptly continue on like nothing ever happened whatsoever. If one or both of them is dead, target one gunner or both, just make it two targets apiece.
I set a fighter on fire with a trombone.
Complipedia
I take one of the gunners and use him to pave a road in the robot. Said road is quickly littered on, torn up by monster trucks with spiked wheels (which leave some spikes behind, conveniently upright), and quickly left in ruins. Angrily, I take the gunner and use his face to sweep the road up, cleaning it of bent soda cans, upright spikes, bottles of sulfuric acid, canisters of nuclear waste, and various runes. However, every single rune is an Ehwaz rune. I use them all, creating multiple holes to the center of the earth. I use the gunner's ribcage to undo the damage caused to the road by the monster trucks, then use his bone marrow to reinforce the asphalt. The monster trucks come back, so I use the gunner as a barricade, which stops their advance and keeps my pretty road safe, though at the cost of the gunner being reduced to multiple pieces of himself. I throw them all down the holes the Ehwaz runes created, where they combine into a gunner. At the core of the earth.
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
I heal whoever needs it by sending them to the hospital. They are healed, however, they end up finding out they have cancer! They then contemplate entering a life of crime a la Breaking Bad, but realize that live in a country with socialised healthcare! After a year, they are cancer free and healthier than ever. I then stuff them into a time machine and and send them back in time a year, but it turns out my time machines gave them cancer and injured them! So I send them to the hospital, and they are healed, but end up finding out they have cancer! They contemplate entering a life of crime a la Breaking Bad, but realize they live in a country with socialised healthcare! After a year, they are cancer free and healthier than ever. I then stuff them into a time machine and send them back in time a year, but it turns out my new time machine doesn't give people cancer or injure them! Not sure why I had to point that out...
I cast lightning on a fighter.
18 damage to both gunners! +14 XP!
It hits a fighter for 38 damage! +15 XP!
30 damage to both fighters! Fighters frozen! +18 XP!
Guarding switched!
MAX DAMAGE! Both fighters EXTREMELY DEAD! +49 XP!
The tiny box can't be opened or interacted with! Since people keep making that mistake, I'm gonna add a tag to it...
You hit a gunner for 45 damage! +13 XP!
Gunner killed! +20 XP! +50$ bonus!
Pricey, the most injured player, healed fully!
You cast it on the last gunner, killing him! +25 XP! +50$ bonus!
You've done it, they're all dead! Now, you just have to open the door slowly...
You all rush at the door and SMASH it down, making a dramatic entrance! Some of you even do epic one-liners!
But, as you survey the room, you see a few weak blue units controlling the robot, and, in the center of the room...
Enderofall10000: Hey.
You don't immediately recognize him. But, when you look at the tag below his name, you see that it's the FIGHTER WARRIOR. And his nametag is clearly blue... No wonder he didn't show up out on the battlefield!
Enderofall10000: You thought I was on your side, didn't you? Well, I've been poking around into the info on red's past, and I decided that they weren't the team I wanted to fight for anymore. I told Nyrah to talk to you, and if she couldn't convince you, then I doubt I'll be able to. So, we should just get to the part where I STOMP you. I do so enjoy taking down the fighters who try to be all high-and-mighty. You guys aren't even promoted yet, how did you do the things you did?
Ka_Doink: Raw SKILL!
Enderofall10000: ...I doubt that. But, I guess you'll just have to show me! The fight begins...NOW! And don't try to attack those controllers back there-I'll stop you!
Time to begin the final fight of this robot
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Ultimate Blue Destroyer Robot, Control Room
Blue forces:
Enderofall: Fighter Warrior, level 40: 2500/2500 HP, 600 MD, Titanfall Axe(+150 MD, +1 unit attack), Boost armor(+400 HP, +50 MD), (Deletion: 0/2)(Final Wave: 0/8) (attack-defense)
TIP: +1 unit attack means the fighter warrior can hit 4 players at any given time instead of 3, "Deletion" multiplies the Fighter Warrior's MD by 10x, but only lets them hit one player, and Final Wave multiplies his MD by 2, but lets him hit any number of targets. "Attack-defense" allows him to use his attacking powers to deflect your attacks!
Players:
ManiacMasteR: Mage, level 10: 147/147 HP, 23/165 XP, 20 MD, 9/26 Mana, Sharpness III Diamond sword(+9 MD)/Protection II Gold armor(+85 HP)(Recharge:2/3)(heal field: 2/4)(has potion of resistance)
Ka_Doink: Fighter, level 12: 125/131 HP, 58/260 XP, 38 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: 2/3)(Team Fighting: Ready!)(minicrits: 1/3)(has potion of resistance)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)(has neutralize page, 3 uses left)
Twinbuilder: Fighter, level 10: 123/128 HP, 58/200 XP, 34 MD, Sharpness I Wrap Blade(+11 MD)(legendary, can stun enemies)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: Ready!)(has milk gun, 1 use left)
Fseftr: Fighter, level 10: 121/127 HP, 143/200 XP, 30 MD, Sharpness I Diamond sword(+7 MD)/Protection I Diamond armor(+50 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: 1/4)(has potion of strength)(has revival talisman)
Cobaltshade: Mage, level 12: 180/180 HP, 173/260 XP, 26 MD, 17/30 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP)(Recharge: 2/3)(Heal Field: 2/4)(siphon, passive)(has golden apple)(has Lightning page, 3 uses left)(has milk gun, 2 uses left)(has spare gold sword)
Netpatham: Mage, level 10: 131/131 HP, 62/200 XP, 22 MD, 26/26 Mana Sharpness III Gold sword(+12 MD)/Protection II Diamond armor(+60 HP)(Recharge: 2/3)(Heal Field: 2/4)(being guarded by Tazz)
The_Nonexistent_Tazz: Tank, level 13: 295/295 HP, 219/300 XP, 41 MD, Sharpness II Gold sword(+11 MD)/Protection III Gold armor(+95 HP) (mirror shield: 2/3)(ground slam:2/4) (overprotective spirit, active) (has milk gun, 3 uses left)(guarding Netpatham)
BioShock_Rules: Fighter, level 12: 125/131 HP, 54/260 XP, 37 MD, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: 3/4) (minicrits: 0/3)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)
omglolsguy: Mage, level 9: 106/106 HP, 120/165 XP, 16 MD, 13.5/24 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(heal field: Ready!)
The_Idea_Modpack_Man: Tank, level 9: 169/178 HP, 41/165 XP, 19 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP) (mirror shield: Ready!) (ground slam: Ready!)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)
The_Serpent: Shaman, level 9: 79/84 HP, 26/165 XP, 21 MD, 22/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP) (Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: Ready!)
OverlordXcano: Shaman, level 9: 99/99 HP, 75/165 XP, 21 MD, 22/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Diamond armor(+40 HP)(Drain: 2/3)(sacrifice: 2/4)(has light wall page, 3 uses left)
Knight3165: Shaman, level 9: 84/84 HP, 145/165 XP, 22 MD, 14/22 Mana, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Drain: Ready!)(sacrifice: Ready!)
Pricey12345: Fighter, level 10:156/156 HP, 50/200 XP, 29 MD, Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Thorny breastplate(+80 HP, legendary, damages people who attempt to attack it) (flaming destruction: 1/3)(team fighting: 1/4)(has potion of resistance III)
Insert_Generic_Username: Mage, level 9: 92/92 HP, 155/165 XP, 17 MD, 19/24 Mana Diamond sword(+6 MD)/Iron armor(+25 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)
SPELLBOOK:
Mages: Freeze(5 Mana), Thunder(8 Mana), Lightning(13 Mana)
Shamans: Poison(4 Mana), Pestilence(9 Mana), Light wall(15 Mana)
Sage+Druid+Magic Knight(combo spell): Universal combo strike(75 Mana from each)
Other:
Tiny box(can't be interacted with)
Money: $2360
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
I don't get XP for healing people? Well, that's the last time I be a team player. /s
I then notice Enderofall isn't being a team player either, and taunt him about having no allies to back him up. This reminds him that all his friends died in a horrible drunk driving accident two months ago, and he's had no one to play Minecraft with since then. This hurts his feelings so much that he doesn't notice me attacking him.
... We're dead.
I attempt to perform a WOMBO COMBO on ENDEROFALL.
THE PROPHECY SEEMED FAR AWAY
BUT FINALLY WE'VE REACHED THE DAY
GIVE UP THE PAST, EMBRACE THE STRANGE
EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT WILL CHANGE
When both sides are doomed, which do you choose?
DOWN HERE IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED
"Let's tear this guy apart."
I cast Flaming Destruction and shove a cherry pie down Enderofall's throat. Said pie is sprinkled with tiny canisters containing pure mercury, as well as the surface of Mercury. Enderofall immediately gets severe indigestion, so I help him out by coating a Carolina Reaper in samples of the surface of the sun, dip it in blazing inferno hellfire sauce, then force feed it to him. His internal organs catch fire, so I attempt to douse the flames with gasoline. It doesn't work out, and he ends up with really bad heartburn. I relieve him of his pain by tearing his heart out, on the grounds that you can't have heartburn if you don't have a heart. I convert the heart into an item, dubbing it "Isaac's Heart". A baby with no skin on his head and rubber cement over his eyes comes along and takes the heart from me, them puts on a creepy wooden mask, then walks away. Enderofall is horrified by the baby, causing him to vomit up the cherry pie, which now seems to have a carving in its crust resembling the baby. Scary pie, if you will. Enderofall is annoyed by my terrible pun, so I furiously weld his clothing to him, then kick him out the window that may or may not exist.
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
"....Okay, so there was some truth to Nyrah's statements. Guess I'll be staying out of this fight for now."
Cat drawn by me. Accepting requests, depending on a lot of things. DTG Atsume: http://www.imgur.com/a/tij95
1'-[7']-{'3}-'3-'3 '6-11'-7'-6'-7' '1-{'3}-8'-12'-'3-2'
'10-'5-'8-'11 1'-[7']-8'-7'-'3 '2-11'-2'-'9-7'
'10-'5-'3-'3 1'-[7']-'3 '10-8'-{'3}-['10]-4'-7'
'10-{'3}-'3-'3-'6-8'-4' {'3}-11'-2'-'9-7'
Spam restoration: http://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/forums/forum-discussion-info/2195940-posts-threads-deleted-because-of-spam-filter-place
Official DTG Cards Against Humanity suggestion pad: http://piratepad.net/DTGCAH
Now, HOLD on just a minute, Endorfall! Nyrah did not claim credentials to actually being a red player of any significance at all, or even a Red Player at all, and we know a few things that she clearly doesn't, including a pretty darned good theory as to why the war's dragging on when Red could instantly win. YOU, on the other hand, MUST have posed enough weight to at least get some office of importance during your stay at Red-and if you didn't I'd be shocked. Plus, you were definitely on the Red's side, and probably not until recently did you change, so you seem far more like you actually mean something's on. In any case, among our reasons for not immediately defecting was, A, gathering more info from red's part, and B, not dying to the tank Unit, Egglord and freaking Yorlu out there when we inevitably defected! But you! You are a different customer.
If you know ANYTHING Nyrah didn't, we might be interested in hearing, and we might even decide to defect-her words were not totally lost on us, and we were pretty suspicious that, if nothing else SOMETHING was up with this place.
...Unless she told us everything you knew as well. In which case, well, we're going to be awfully reluctant to tell you our pretty darned good theory while under fire. I mean, we did see some very compelling evidence when we met the Red Leader in person...I mean, on the server. IRL would be silly, really, he-slash-she seems far too mysterious for that. But yes, we have.
In case my diplomatic attempts failed entirely, and only if they failed entirely and I got no combat pause, I immediately take all that wicked Charismatic power in my words and convert it to a stream of pure Pulchritude, which I then fire at the Fighter Warrior.
I decide to say, " I believe I will join blue everyone. But not before I kick your [EXPUNGED]. Now fight me." I then take out a baseball bat and that scythe from eariler. I beat him on the head with it 93 times, angering him that I did not land on a even number. I even a number.... His HP numbers.
If you are seeing this, you are qualified to win.....nothing! Have a nice day! You might wanna click these!
Daw! A B-!?
Bottom of the lake. Nothing past here.
W-W-W-W--W--W-W--W-WW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W
You can win guys! Beat him! Destroy that pyramid! You may need to smoke him out... Go to the top room, and say the decoded words...."MSEKO VLIES"
"Enderofall10000" said "I do so enjoy taking down the fighters who try to be all high-and-mighty."
...does that mean he's committing suicide because of his choice of name? O.o
Keep in mind that i am quite silly quite often. If you don't like what i'm saying, please calmly point it out to me. I wish it said "Soarvivor"