Your vocabulary is subpar, thus lacking many lurid descriptions. You give no backstory, so you just expect everyone to understand the generic and overused names you give all the elements in your story (i.e Dragonbane, Firentis, Shrine of the Elders, everything else). Your sentence structure is so bland and lacking in variety, the story turns into one of those movies you just can't wait to finish watching.
You also seem to put grammatical correctness aside in much of your dialogue. Doing that can be considered alright, if done correctly. However, you have not done it correctly.
My apologies, but this is one of the most insipid pieces of literature I've forced myself to read.
Everyone has to start somewhere. I liked it, although rough. Try expanding your vocab as it will help you construct more interesting sentences. Learn proper dialogue usage and structure. This was obviously just a quick start story, I do that sometimes when I write as it helps me get in the mood and not ponder over an introdction, which can be hard to think of early. Keep working at it and join the awesome community over at www.writingforums.org, tons of help, inspiration and resources.
yeah i give more info on the character later on in the series but thanks for reading!I will put part 2 up shortly and i could post my historic timeline on the kingdom of Degonal soon. although Degonal is not done its ready for a post