To: Mobs of Minecraft Subject: RE: Wanton Destruction
Look, I know they're just pixels. But I spent a lot of time putting those pixels where I want them. I really don't appreciate you guys just wandering in and messing stuff up.
I'm sure there's some hard feelings about that whole mob tower thing... I can see where you'd be angry that I built a giant tower of water and lava for the sole purpose of killing your friends and family by the dozen and harvesting their remains. But it isn't my fault that the only way to get enough gunpowder to build my giant, exploding penis statue is by slaughtering hundreds of creepers.
Speaking of creepers... Look, I know it sucks. I'm sure you get lonely. It can't be fun to explode every time you get close to someone. It's got to be hell. But I can't help. Go hug a zombie or something... Just do it away from my stuff.
Don't think I'm just talking about creepers here, though. You neutral mobs are a pain in my ass when I'm trying to do some farming. Did you think maybe I tilled that soil for a reason? You think maybe there's a purpose for those channels full of water, and the torches, and the seeds? You think maybe you ought to go wander someplace else? Maybe I wouldn't have to kill as many skeletons for bonemeal if you guys stopped trampling all my crops.
From now on, I'd appreciate it if all of you would confine yourselves to the clearly-labelled mob zones I've indicated in the enclosed map. You'll see they're conveniently located right next to the nearly-bottomless chasm, the giant lavafall, and the mob tower.