So I saw something in #minecraft that got me thinking, and I was kinda bored, so I wrote this to pass some time. For all those who don't understand internet humor,
THIS IS NOT REAL NEWS!
It is just an attempt at humorous satire.
I don't expect it to be REALLY GREAT, but I hope someone enjoys it, so here it is!
EDIT: Added pretty pictures!
EDIT2: Some people didn't catch the huge disclaimer up there, so I made it a bit more noticeable.
Minecraft Single Player Campaign To Be More Mature Than Expected
According to various sources, the popular block-themed building game, known for its whimsical and even silly nature, will be taking a drastic turn in the story department. Interviews with representatives have turned up potential story elements including griefing, rogue ops, server raids, and more equally dark themes.
Photograph from the chaos caused by an op gone rogue.
The hubbub began earlier this week when Markus Persson, the developer of the game, stated in the Minecraft chat-room that “[he wants] the campaign to really have a profound impact on people, not be the silly thing that it is now.” People started asking questions immediately. Would the game cease to be child- or work-friendly? Would Minecraft no longer be a fun pastime, in favor of a more serious experience? The answer to these heavy questions: Yes.
Subsequent interviews with Minecraft representatives revealed that one level would require the player to engage in the griefing of an unmaintained server, complete with game hacks including a poorly-controlled flight ability and the power to move through walls at will. It was asked whether or not the player would be given the option to opt out of such a dramatic area of the game, and the reply was that “the option will be to either grief the server, or stand by and watch, but the server will be griefed either way, that's just how it works.”
An example of a structure which has been griefed.
The Minecraft chat-room is presently buzzing with rumors about another possibility; the idea of a game level requiring the player to endure the horrifying prospect of an in-game server raid. This means they will witness things as awful as leet-speak, boundless griefing, and even offensive player skins.
A NewsCraft representative recently interviewed a critic of the game's turn in theme, Tom Jackson. He had no shortage of unkind words for Markus Persson, nor for Persson's supporters. “Games like Minecraft intend only to further distort modern society's moral values. The fact that Persson is putting such a depraved game into a shell obviously meant to be attractive to children only helps to tell me that Minecraft's developer is a truly disturbed individual, and that his followers must be just as sick,” is what he said to our reporters. When asked, he said, “No, I would not allow my children to play this game. My children see enough filth on television, I don't want them exposed to subjects like griefing at this age. It's just not right.”
Fans of the game seem to have had a more indifferent attitude toward the move. “I don't see the big problem here,” one said, “this just seems like an overreaction by the press to me. This is really not very controversial stuff if you ask most anyone in the gaming community.”
No matter what the response to the move, Persson seems determined to stick to his vision. “I'm not going to let people like Tom Jackson change the way I make my games. He's just stuck in an old world with different taboos.” Regarding the game itself, “The only thing missing from the campaign right now,” he says, “is a human-alien lesbian sex scene.” I guess we'll just have to wait and see what this game will be like when it's released for real information, but for now, remember, NewsCraft is your best source of news on this and other topics.
Possible screenshot from the scene mentioned by Persson, supplied by associates at IGN.