So the long demanded TU 14 was announced for early February. 4J has announced that they'll be adding several new features to the game itself. below are some examples...
Get Over It Mode; (also know as GitMo) 4J's internal algorithms detect when a player has whined about updates taking so long and send operatives to their house to take them to Camp Wannalearnacoding where each person will be forced to listen to an audio file of children throwing a tantrum while they try to program an entire level in a pre-made game and then transfer that level into a different coding language all within 7 days or else have their hand cut off.
PC Mode; for all you PC version on Xbox people out there, this one was made just for you. when enabled, your xbox bursts into flames and a coupon for minecraft on the PC is sent to your windows account email.
Content With What I Have Mode; this mode is more of an easter egg and can only be enabled once discovered in-game when you realize that waiting til an update comes out is the least of the world's problems.
Campaign; the story, you awake on an island. your mission, punch wood and mine.
Upside Down Wood Block; it's better than a Sideways Wood Block, it's Upside Down. This block is truly unique and can be used in a variety of ways for you to decide.
Ender Bed; much like the Ender Chest, you can sleep safely across all dimensions and in any Ender Bed.
Sideways Ladders; for when up and down just wont do.
Tree Roots; because we never thought to look under the trees we punch.
Broken Glass; better than stained glass and lets in a great breeze.
Quick Sand; looks just like regular sand so watch out.
Frienderman; instead of death, he brings hugs.
Zombie Businessman; like a pigman, only with a briefcase and fedora.
Bigfoot; in taiga he spawns as a yeti. his sole purpose is to make you think he's really in the game.
Herobrine; just kidding, he sucks.
Octopus; looks just like a squid but stays on the ocean floor.
Duck; good luck discerning between them and chickens.
Goose; just like the duck only bigger.
Turkey; just like the goose only brown and bald.
Mummy; like a zombie but covered in TP and i aint talkin about texture packs.
Bat; watch out for rabies!(and val kilmer's career)
moonshine; brewed from wheat and blaze powder.
sushi; formerly known as a raw fish.
poisonous mushroom stew; come on. you didnt think that steve was a trained botanist did you?
zombie porkchop; now dropped by pigmen.
ice cream; crafted from milk, ice blocks, and sugar cane.
pumpkin pie; hold the whipped cream.
kimchi; crafted from raw fish and the newly added cabbage.
redstone now emits a high voltage electrical current. when touched in peaceful it takes 1/4 of your health bar. damage increases by 1/4 health bar with each difficulty level.
cave spiders now encase you in silk, inject you with a dissolving venom, or lay eggs inside of you.
squid now wrap themselves around you and attempt to drag you under the water to drown.
cows now stampede.
chickens now flog you.
ocelots now ambush you.
villagers now mug you at night.
wolves now roam in packs and will attack you on sight.
silverfish now infect chests and can destroy food items inside.
slime can now use osmosis to get to you.
creepers can now spawn with armor.
lava can now erupt to the surface.
torches now burn out.
you can now get frostbite.
Steve now has a soul and upon respawn has a chance of spawning in the Nether.
TU 14 may very well be the biggest release of the year. I hope you're as excited as I am!
this thread was made as a joke and as a response to all the things i've seen people say and how they act. it's tagged as satire and i had a disclaimer at the bottom. legally, i'm not responsible. i thought a lot of it was pretty smile worthy. if you didn't like it, this thread was made for you.