Well...I saw some others, got bored, and decided, "Hell, why not make one!". So here I am.
Dylan awoke in a small cave, with several different things next to him. "Wh-where am I?!" he
exclaimed loudly, into the darkness of the night. He got up and inspected the cave, seeing many
different ores. WOOSH! An arrow flew by Dylan's head, hitting a rock
with black chunks in it. "I have to get out of here...what happened to my family, anyway? Why are
there arrows flying out of the darkness, too!" he thought to himself. Dylan walked towards the cave's
opening into the world, and peeked out. Horrid looking creatures roamed the land, instead of the
humans he were used to.
"No! What happened to everyone! They're all gone!". Dylan walked out of the cave, and
into the ominous wasteland of creatures. He looked around, looking to see if he was safe
from the creatures. While doing so, Dylan caught sight of a small torch-lit cave, with what
looked like windows and an iron door. Dylan rushed in on instinct and peered through the windows,
seeing a man inside. "YA WANNA COME IN!" the man yelled just loud enough for Dylan to hear on
the other side. Dylan nodded yes at the window, and the door opened. Dylan walked in and saw a
hallway that lead far into the back, and branched off to the left. "So, I guess you're surprised by this
all, right? Let me explain first..." the man said.
"I'm Jake, and I run this area down here. There are several hundred civilians down here,
and you're one of the relocated ones." Jake said. "You see, when you were sleeping, several miners sent
by Notch took you to a safer location, because it is said that near the spawn point, havoc will let loose
tomorrow morning. You happened to live there, and unfortunately, several families were split apart by this relocation. Don't worry though, most people go here, like you!". Dylan was then lead down the hallway
by Jake, and eventually found himself into a large city made of what looked like Iron and Cobblestone.
"This is the City of Delsar, which is the area everyone is put in to make their homes and businesses!"
Jake said eagerly, throwing his arms out. Jake then winked at Dylan and left, wishing him good luck.
On his own, Dylan walked over to a chest near what looked like a park, and found iron, wood, cobblestone,
a crafting bench, 2 chests, and a furnace. Dylan then turned around, only to see a bulletin with names on
it. He looked at it and found his name, and saw that under it read "Gender: Male, Age: 23, Relatives: Deceased".
its not clear enough. as a reader, i have a hard time understanding whats going on, not so much the plotline, but i mean the actual events and such. it goes too fast, too. it seams like a chore, like a list of events written down. good attempt at descriptive writing, and so-so use of vocabulary, but after about the very first part, it got too fast and boring... its koo tho
heres your own saber, master jedi. I made it myself!
EDIT: witness the amazement of litesaber beta build! it blends in!
Woah, man. You need paragraphs. It simply isn't easy on the eyes to read a giant block of text.
As for the story, it's pretty interesting but not too clear. Why'd he awaken in a cave if he was moved somewhere safe?
Please do not even bother with the advice, yours was thousands (no exageration) of times better, this couldent hold my attention with the amount of obscurity with no background, no offense to OP, although with a little revising, the beginning would be great, like, maybe a flashback of his former life or something.