Was just re-reading some of this and I noticed you've got a little bit of tense-confusion in your first paragraph. Nothing too major, it just sounds a little odd. For example; "He realized" should be "He realizes" because you're writing in the present tense.
Also, a bit of inconsistency with your character's thoughts. In the first paragraph you say;
But in the first chapter you say;
Now, you might think I'm being picky, but in terms of things that a publisher looks for, consistency with dialogue/thoughts is a big issue. Typically it's considered grammatically incorrect to put thoughts in quotation marks, as they're never actually said aloud and therefore cannot be quoted by any other character. However, it's sometimes overlooked because really it all comes down to the author's preference. Similarly, italic lettering being used for thoughts can look ugly when overused in my opinion, but it's miles better than using dialogue tags for something that isn't actually said. I would suggest sticking with the italics for now but keeping them consistent, and not ending the sentence prematurely which is a mistake people always make when using italics.
Notice how I changed the first full stop to a comma so that the sentence flows and we get the thought and the thinker in the same sentence.
I hope I've been of help today and when you enter your next creation phase you can take all this in to account.
Thank you very much for actually making some kind of constructive post, but I already knew this. I'm just getting ideas out there, without TOO much care for grammar. After all, it is a ROUGH draft, not a pristine draft. :smile.gif: You'll see my descriptive writing is currently horrendous, I'm simply using minimal descriptions to dictate WHERE I will introduce something and describe it. And when I go back and edit it, I'll make sure I describe it properly, and visually.
I am, however, suprised at your lack of comments about semi-colons. I'm sure I've missed a few somewhere or other. Can't be too sure until I finish the story and go back for editing though.
EDIT: Just realized, you're speaking of the change in character thought. At first I was going to use quotes, but I thought they were completely ugly, and changed it. I probably wouldn't have noticed that later. Thanks!
UPDATE 9: I was unable to do any work last night. Too busy working on some redstone stuff, but I now have it perfectly optimised, and as such can get back to writing. I will be writing some more of chapter 2, probably finishing chapter 2 by tonight!
UPDATE 10: More of chapter 2 done. When I wake up, I will decide whether chapter 2 is complete as is, or if there is still more to write here. I don't think much more would be required.
UPDATE 11 - 500 VIEWS GUYS! Thanks so much for all your support.
I also made a few seemingly useless changes in some text, a few errors that were bugging me. Also, I have decided that what I have is enough for chapter 2. I will begin chapter 3 later on.
Update 12 - REWRITING THE STORY! I'm writing it through bob's perspective. Different writing personality, more descriptive, first person. It's a journal, by the legendary bob himself. Where did the trekking take him? DID THE BACON MAKE IT? Keep checking back to find out. I plan on updating this with chapter 1 and chapter 2 by today, and completely removing the old version.
It's a bit of a drastic change from what's before, but I personally like this a bit more. It's got some humour in it, I've started it out a little differently, and a lot is gonna change. The basic storyline will be there, main events will be there. Same story, different perspective really..
Gosh, I love you all so much! Just EIGHT hours ago, I was happy about breaking 500 views. And now, we are about to break SIX HUNDRED! That's 100 in just 8 hours! But come on guys, post on it, +1 the post, vote on the poll! Show your support!
I feel I have to do something when this reaches 1000 views in a few days.
EDIT:
Yep, just broke 600! Again, I love you all so much! You're great, but I wish I knew who you were and what you think!
Haha, yeah, the first one was just to get ideas out. I never really liked the style from the begining. I'm much more comfortable with this new style however, and as such, the updates should be more frequent, and of better quality.
Thanks for the post! :smile.gif: Makes me happy to see people actually posting.
Dont know why people but 1's and 4's, Yes there is a lil bit of grammar mistakes, but to be honest its a great story and should be continued, If I had to vote(which i will)... 8/10.
Dont know why people but 1's and 4's, Yes there is a lil bit of grammar mistakes, but to be honest its a great story and should be continued, If I had to vote(which i will)... 8/10.
Yeah, it's probably filled with grammar mistakes right now lol. But sometimes, we make mistakes. And on such a large scale as this, it's definitely hard not to make mistakes. I will definitely get around to fixing them all though.
Oh, and the old version is just loaded with problems. I really don't like the old version, which is why the new version is replacing it. Much better in my opinion.
8/10 = 4/5 stars. That's a pretty great score to me. Thanks for your opinion!
Some people just like being assholes lol, but meh. It doesn't bother me. The fact that I am getting about 200 views a day now is pretty AWESOME!
UPDATES:
I still love you all, and I love the fact that I'm getting more posts now! Thanks guys!
UPDATE 15 - Part of chapter two is completed, but any further writing and I won't be as good as I could be. Fixed some spelling mistakes, added a disclaimer, changed some stuff.
Overall, I think it's coming along great. But you guys still need to post and vote more! And +1 if you think it's really great! :smile.gif:
2 hours since we broke 600, and almost 650 views! Think we can break 800 by the end of today? I think so!
Check out my spoiler chain in thread. It's much better than that one. :wink.gif:
OT: I LOVE it. I will use it until somebody makes one that actually relates to Bob and his story.
Yeah well its better than your current sig :tongue.gif: And I would of done something that relates... if I had photoshop. But whateva. And the chain you made... I quit it was too long...
*Edit* You should just fill out a form for those guys or else it'll be a bit hard to make since well you always need descriptions :tongue.gif:
Yeah well its better than your current sig :tongue.gif: And I would of done something that relates... if I had photoshop. But whateva. And the chain you made... I quit it was too long...
It is far better than my current sig :tongue.gif:
Also, I had photoshop... I reformatted my computer to install windows 7, and I lost a few programs. I just have to go and get em back... Erm.. Legally. Without pirating them. For all legal intents and purposes, that is what I will say.
As I said in that post... I actually went through every spoiler. I think it took a good 10 minutes.
EDIT: I just realized you used the same colour scheme! That's awesome! "A wonderful Minecraft story" is slightly hard to read, but it's still pretty great.
EDITAGAIN:
WOW! About to break 700!
That's 500, 600 AND 700 in about... 10 hours??? AMAZING! Creeping up on that 1000 mark. Now, what the hell does Dawn have in store...
I haven't the faintest idea. I better get thinking.
OMG. JUST BROKE 700 VIEWS! WOW!
EDITAGAIN:
I know it's difficult to figure out what somebody wants when the request a signature, but this isn't about what I want. It's about them being creative. I'm half asleep now, and couldn't write it properly but...
It's about YOU being creative. Making a signature that YOU would be proud to use, for a story that you like. Not to any strict requirements.
UPDATE 16 - WE PASSED 700! We'll make 800 before tonight, I can feel it. You guys are all awesome. WE are all awesome!
I updated a bit of chapter 2, changed a few words around in chapter 1, fixed up the introduction. Currently, the status is wrong. What I'm actually doing is working on better organization of the thread, and the 1000 views project. I've gotta do something for it, that's a really great milestone. Trying to figure out what layout will be best, and how to make the thread look even better. Oh, and I completely deleted the old version, pretty much caught up at this point. I think you guys are going to like the project that I am working on, and the new, revised thread organization scheme.
Don't forget to post, and use the sig if you like the story! Show your support in which ever way you want! Make your own sig!
UPDATE 18 - MASSIVE thread revamp. Almost the largest update we've had, but nothing can top the previous update, uhh 14 I believe it was, when I re-wrote the entire story from a different perspective and style of writing.
Nevertheless, I cleaned up the thread a LOT, it's now easier to organize, and if you'll notice, there are plans for events in the future. :smile.gif: Keep checking back to find out what they are, and what the prizes may be.
Thank you very much for actually making some kind of constructive post, but I already knew this. I'm just getting ideas out there, without TOO much care for grammar. After all, it is a ROUGH draft, not a pristine draft. :smile.gif: You'll see my descriptive writing is currently horrendous, I'm simply using minimal descriptions to dictate WHERE I will introduce something and describe it. And when I go back and edit it, I'll make sure I describe it properly, and visually.
I am, however, suprised at your lack of comments about semi-colons. I'm sure I've missed a few somewhere or other. Can't be too sure until I finish the story and go back for editing though.
EDIT: Just realized, you're speaking of the change in character thought. At first I was going to use quotes, but I thought they were completely ugly, and changed it. I probably wouldn't have noticed that later. Thanks!
I also made a few seemingly useless changes in some text, a few errors that were bugging me. Also, I have decided that what I have is enough for chapter 2. I will begin chapter 3 later on.
It's a bit of a drastic change from what's before, but I personally like this a bit more. It's got some humour in it, I've started it out a little differently, and a lot is gonna change. The basic storyline will be there, main events will be there. Same story, different perspective really..
Also, ideas for how Alice looks?
Gosh, I love you all so much! Just EIGHT hours ago, I was happy about breaking 500 views. And now, we are about to break SIX HUNDRED! That's 100 in just 8 hours! But come on guys, post on it, +1 the post, vote on the poll! Show your support!
I feel I have to do something when this reaches 1000 views in a few days.
EDIT:
Yep, just broke 600! Again, I love you all so much! You're great, but I wish I knew who you were and what you think!
Thanks for the help
Haha, yeah, the first one was just to get ideas out. I never really liked the style from the begining. I'm much more comfortable with this new style however, and as such, the updates should be more frequent, and of better quality.
Thanks for the post! :smile.gif: Makes me happy to see people actually posting.
Yeah, it's probably filled with grammar mistakes right now lol. But sometimes, we make mistakes. And on such a large scale as this, it's definitely hard not to make mistakes. I will definitely get around to fixing them all though.
Oh, and the old version is just loaded with problems. I really don't like the old version, which is why the new version is replacing it. Much better in my opinion.
8/10 = 4/5 stars. That's a pretty great score to me. Thanks for your opinion!
Some people just like being assholes lol, but meh. It doesn't bother me. The fact that I am getting about 200 views a day now is pretty AWESOME!
UPDATES:
I still love you all, and I love the fact that I'm getting more posts now! Thanks guys!
UPDATE 15 - Part of chapter two is completed, but any further writing and I won't be as good as I could be. Fixed some spelling mistakes, added a disclaimer, changed some stuff.
Overall, I think it's coming along great. But you guys still need to post and vote more! And +1 if you think it's really great! :smile.gif:
2 hours since we broke 600, and almost 650 views! Think we can break 800 by the end of today? I think so!
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
0
Hope you like it... I bet you wont 0.-
OT: I LOVE it. I will use it until somebody makes one that actually relates to Bob and his story.
EDIT: I fixed your code.
Yours was linked to reply to the thread, not actually the thread. :tongue.gif: Thank you though.
EDIT AGAIN: Since the last post... another 30 views. INSANE. That's a view a minute. Keep it up guys! <3
Yeah well its better than your current sig :tongue.gif: And I would of done something that relates... if I had photoshop. But whateva. And the chain you made... I quit it was too long...
*Edit* You should just fill out a form for those guys or else it'll be a bit hard to make since well you always need descriptions :tongue.gif:
It is far better than my current sig :tongue.gif:
Also, I had photoshop... I reformatted my computer to install windows 7, and I lost a few programs. I just have to go and get em back... Erm.. Legally. Without pirating them. For all legal intents and purposes, that is what I will say.
As I said in that post... I actually went through every spoiler. I think it took a good 10 minutes.
EDIT: I just realized you used the same colour scheme! That's awesome! "A wonderful Minecraft story" is slightly hard to read, but it's still pretty great.
EDITAGAIN:
WOW! About to break 700!
That's 500, 600 AND 700 in about... 10 hours??? AMAZING! Creeping up on that 1000 mark. Now, what the hell does Dawn have in store...
I haven't the faintest idea. I better get thinking.
OMG. JUST BROKE 700 VIEWS! WOW!
EDITAGAIN:
I know it's difficult to figure out what somebody wants when the request a signature, but this isn't about what I want. It's about them being creative. I'm half asleep now, and couldn't write it properly but...
It's about YOU being creative. Making a signature that YOU would be proud to use, for a story that you like. Not to any strict requirements.
I updated a bit of chapter 2, changed a few words around in chapter 1, fixed up the introduction. Currently, the status is wrong. What I'm actually doing is working on better organization of the thread, and the 1000 views project. I've gotta do something for it, that's a really great milestone. Trying to figure out what layout will be best, and how to make the thread look even better. Oh, and I completely deleted the old version, pretty much caught up at this point. I think you guys are going to like the project that I am working on, and the new, revised thread organization scheme.
Don't forget to post, and use the sig if you like the story! Show your support in which ever way you want! Make your own sig!
Fixed Link
Awesome, thanks.
Nevertheless, I cleaned up the thread a LOT, it's now easier to organize, and if you'll notice, there are plans for events in the future. :smile.gif: Keep checking back to find out what they are, and what the prizes may be.