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Mojang's long history of killing Minecraft


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64 replies to this topic

#1

BlackMonarch

Posted 12 November 2011 - 02:57 AM

May 10, 2009

Notch begins working on "Cave Game", but doesn't release it to the public because he's a dick like that. Everybody gets angry and quits playing Cave Game; Mojang goes bankrupt.

May 14, 2009

"Cave Game" is renamed "Minecraft: Order of the Stone" or some bullshit. Everybody gets angry about the new name and quits playing; Mojang goes bankrupt.

May 17, 2009

Minecraft is released to the public (AKA n00bs and posers) for the first time ever. Everybody quits playing Minecraft so they won't be mistaken for a n00b or poser; Mojang goes bankrupt.

June 1, 2009

Multiplayer functionality is theoretically added, but the public doesn't have access to it because Mojang is a bunch of dicks like that. Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

June 8, 2009

Multiplayer functionality is released to the public. Everybody quits playing Minecraft in order to avoid interacting with the n00bs and posers; Mojang goes bankrupt.

July 11, 2009

Notch implements the "options" screen. Options, Notch? Seriously? You wanted players to have OPTIONS? Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

August 4, 2009

Notch adds a "Survival" mode in which you are still indestructible. What the hell is this guy smoking? Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

August 18, 2009

Wait, players can actually DIE in Survival mode now? NOOOOOO!! Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

August 31, 2009

Creepers make Minecraft effectively unplayable. Everybody ragequits; Mojang goes bankrupt.

October 22, 2009

Rain makes Minecraft so laggy as to be unplayable on any computer made more than 15 years ago. Everybody ragequits; Mojang goes bankrupt.

December 23, 2009

Development on Classic ceases; Notch focuses all of his attention on some new game called "Indev". Everybody quits playing; Mojang goes bankrupt.

January 29, 2010

Notch adds something called "crafting" to a game called "Minecraft". Everybody gets confused and quits playing; Mojang goes bankrupt.

February 5, 2010

Adjustable difficulty, including a "peaceful" setting? You added a PEACEFUL setting to SURVIVAL mode, Notch? Blasphemy! Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

February 6, 2010

Minecraft as we know it ceases to exist, and becomes all about farming instead. Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

February 27, 2010

Notch abandons Indev to work on some new game called "Infdev". Everybody quits playing; Mojang goes bankrupt.

June 17, 2010

Notch adds the ability to die of suffocation when glitches entomb you in solid blocks, making the game unplayable. Everybody ragequits; Mojang goes bankrupt.

July 3, 2010

Wool now regrows on sheared sheep. Nobody ever complains about sheep again, nor suggests how they can be further improved.

July 9, 2010

Notch adds worthless Hoth biome and several new bugs, just because he's a dick like that. Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

July 16, 2010

Notch continues dicking around with the Hoth biome and adds even MORE bugs, just because he's a dick like that. Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

July 22, 2010

Notch finally allows us to play multiplayer survival, but only on the Mojang server, and only if we're invited, because Mojang is a bunch of dicks like that. Everybody who doesn't get invited quits playing Minecraft in a jealous rage; Mojang goes bankrupt.

August 4, 2010

Alpha is released, finally allowing any seven-year-old retard to set up his or her own multiplayer survival server. Everybody quits playing Minecraft because there aren't any "good" servers; Mojang goes bankrupt.

August 20, 2010

Notch adds several new bugs, just because he's a dick like that. Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

October 30, 2010

The Halloween update adds a completely bullshit "hell" dimension to what was otherwise a flawlessly realistic game. Everybody quits playing Minecraft; Mojang goes bankrupt.

(more to come; feel free to suggest your own)
Attention, retards: "just ignore what you don't like", "just play 1.7.3", "just play creative", and "just quit" are NOT valid solutions. If you don't understand why, then you don't understand the issue at all, and need to STFU. Get it?

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#2

Jcdesimp
    Jcdesimp

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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:00 AM

This Is one of the funniest posts I've seen on this since I joined.
My Twitter:@Jcdesimp My YouTube: http://youtube.com/jcdesimpPosted Image

#3

kalih27
    kalih27

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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:00 AM

Hmm... bankrupt much?
Posted Image   <- Click it. (I know you want to)

#4

Dinoswarleaf
  • Location: minecraftia
  • Minecraft: 3000hunter

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:00 AM

dude, 4,000,000 people have bought minecraft and people never stopped playing minecraft from the halloween update in fact, it got new people I stopped after the halloween update and laughed to death XD
Posted Image[/url]

#5

Relly200117

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:01 AM

Mojang has gone bankrupt over 20 times, damn they can really bounce back  <_<

#6

Adebar
    Adebar

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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:01 AM

Awesome sarcasm is awesome.

#7

bryan21122112
  • Location: Massachusetts, US
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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:01 AM

Is this to be funny sarcasm or are you really that ignorant?

#8

kingdavidd

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:03 AM

November 11, 2011

1.9.6 comes out and features the end of the game, everyone beats it and stops playing the game; Mojang goes bankrupt.

#9

vX_INSANIAC_Xv
  • Location: England
  • Minecraft: vX_INSANIAC_Xv

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:03 AM

That must have been a nice waste of time for you.
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#10

Dinoswarleaf
  • Location: minecraftia
  • Minecraft: 3000hunter

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:05 AM

View Postkingdavidd, on 12 November 2011 - 03:03 AM, said:

November 11, 2011

1.9.6 comes out and features the end of the game, everyone beats it and stops playing the game; Mojang goes bankrupt.
...wait you agree?
Posted Image[/url]

#11

Vimerius
    Vimerius

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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:05 AM

November 12, 2011

The Full Release is going to come out very soon, but Notch hasn't released it yet, because he's a dick like that. Everybody throws their computer because they have Minecraft in it and bought a new one WITHOUT Minecraft, and thus "Minecraft" is now called "Minecrap" with only 1 server and 1 person in it whose name is "Notch" that's a fucking dipshit that smokes weed and rapes little boys down the alley with gay Ghasts.
Posted Image

#12

kingdavidd

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:05 AM

View PostDinoswarleaf, on 12 November 2011 - 03:05 AM, said:

...wait you agree?
very much so.

#13

KrloOs
    KrloOs

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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:05 AM

hahaha too many bankrupts, so you're saying you've been playing MC from a long time ago and hating it, but still being a considerable participant in the forums and probably you still play it?? you really have a problem boy :P

#14

Champer99
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:07 AM

I pretty sure he is just trolling. well.. maybe.

#15

BlackMonarch

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:09 AM

I just love the fact that some people STILL don't get that this is sarcasm. :D
Attention, retards: "just ignore what you don't like", "just play 1.7.3", "just play creative", and "just quit" are NOT valid solutions. If you don't understand why, then you don't understand the issue at all, and need to STFU. Get it?

#16

bobmister
  • Minecraft: bobmister

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:09 AM

why not add notch adds potions game gets complicated and even less realistic, mojang gets rich then bankruped

#17

EpicNade
  • Minecraft: EpicNade

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:10 AM

At first I was like this: :angry:  then like this:  :blink: then like this: :lol:  :iapprove:

#18

Sir_Veillance
  • Location: United States
  • Minecraft: Sir_Veillance

Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:17 AM

View PostBlackMonarch, on 12 November 2011 - 03:09 AM, said:

I just love the fact that some people STILL don't get that this is sarcasm. :D
I know, I was laughing so hard while I read this, then I started reading the comments and was unable to breath for about 3 minutes... I wonder if anyone has actually died from laughter...
Posted Image

#19

Jcdesimp
    Jcdesimp

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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:27 AM

View PostSir_Veillance, on 12 November 2011 - 03:17 AM, said:

I know, I was laughing so hard while I read this, then I started reading the comments and was unable to breath for about 3 minutes... I wonder if anyone has actually died from laughter...
RIP "jcdesimp" (incase you couldn't tell, people, that was also sarcasm, JUST LIKE THIS POST!)
My Twitter:@Jcdesimp My YouTube: http://youtube.com/jcdesimpPosted Image

#20

TXF
    TXF

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Posted 12 November 2011 - 03:29 AM

View PostSakuchi, on 12 November 2011 - 03:05 AM, said:

November 12, 2011

The Full Release is going to come out very soon, but Notch hasn't released it yet, because he's a dick like that. Everybody throws their computer because they have Minecraft in it and bought a new one WITHOUT Minecraft, and thus "Minecraft" is now called "Minecrap" with only 1 server and 1 person in it whose name is "Notch" that's a fucking dipshit that smokes weed and rapes little boys down the alley with gay Ghasts.


You forgot mojang going bankrupt.
Posted Image