The rest of the series. Can be found here.
Yes, I am writing the third in the Survival Chronicles series. I got so much good feedback from the first two, I have decided to make another. I hope you enjoy.
The Survival Chronicles: Fate of the Risen
Anticipation
Your body is jolted awake by the soft strike of a foot. "Wake up, Fayne." Cynic's familiar voice calls through your dreams. You open your eyes to see the same face you see every morning. You pick your head up and stretch out your arms. You look outside and see that it's still dark. "Another hostility has been spotted just in the woods." Cynic says with a calm but Stern voice.
"Were you attacked by this one?" You ask.
"No, but it's not safe to take a chance." Cynics voice seems to trail off a bit.
'what's wrong?" You ask teasingly, "You're not scared, are you?" You chuckle a bit, but Cynic isn't amused.
"This one's serious." He replies agitated, "Luigi seems very worried." You stop laughing and realize how serious this is. If Luigi is frightened, this foe is truly something to be feared.
"Alright," You hop off your fluffy blanket of wool and take a silver scythe off the wall. "Let's go take care of this quickly, I need more rest." You say as the two of you head to Cynic's tent.
Cynic walks into his tent and comes out holding a silver dagger. The two of you head over to Luigi's. Luigi is shaky, and he's never frightened. "I can not possibly stress this enough." He says, "it is important that you do NOT look into this creature's eyes." You're confused.
"Why can't w-" Luigi cuts you off mid-sentence.
"Just don't." He snaps, "Just kill it and report back to me." You and Cynic both nod and walk out of the tent.
"He is always so calm," Cynic says, "I don't know what's gotten him so shaken up."
"whatever it is," You reply, "We had best be careful." The two of you head into the woods.
"It's been a half hour," You say, 'We had best turn in."
"Yeah," Cynic agrees, "Whatever got Luigi spooked, it's gone now." You both turn around and start heading back. Another half hour passes. "We're lost." Cynic says in frustration. You examine the trees, and then the sky. You begin uttering directions to yourself, when something grabs your shoulder. As soon as you turn around, Cynic clamps his hand over your mouth. "SSsshhhh..." He whispers and points to something about ten feet away. It looks human, but it's skin is a light grey. It turns around and you see it's horrifying face. The creatures that looks back at you has a human form, but its eyes are milky white, and it has brownish scars on each eye.
The three of you stay silent. After about a minute of silence, the creature approaches you. you looked into the creature's eyes, but nothing happened. It reaches its hand out, but Cynic stabs it it. the creature lets out a terrifying howl of pain, and recoils the wounded hand. An oily black liquid runs from the cut like blood. The demon's face twists with rage. It reaches behind its back and pulls out a staff. The staff looks like any ordinary stick, only it has a stone tied to it, a stone that glows red. "Brace yourself, indeed." It says angrily. The fact that it can talk is the scariest thing about this encounter.
I love this series. It has that 'umph' that I love so much. I'm addicted, what can I say?
Okay. First of all, if you're too lazy to proofread, let someone else do it. I had a journalist proofread my story. (It helped that the journalist happened to be my English teacher. :tongue.gif:) If you have a really kind teacher who has some time, I'm betting that they'll read though your story and give you suggestions.
Second of all, you gave me faith that Second perspective was a viable choice of narrative style. You do it beautifully, the narrative style sounds slightly reminiscent of Ernest Hemmingway (a great American author), besides the fact it's in 2nd perspective. Your stories make me want to make a Minecraft-esque story in 2nd perspective.
I like how this is the prequal of the trilogy, and I just can't help but wonder what will come next. I can't help but wonder the fate of Steve, whether he really died or not.
I can't think of any advice to give you. If you layered foreshadowing into your earlier stories, you did it so well, I can't find it (unless I read it more carefully again). I'd really like to show the story to my teacher, so I could give him an example of 2nd perspective, and a good read too.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
[12:41] Coffeeeeeee!
---
[16:29] "And lo, the tacos were delicious"
... I feel like the biggest idiot, I didn't paste the entire story! As for the second person writing, I have always been good at it since it keeps my on track with the past, present, and future tenses. With third and first person writing, I always skew off into one direction without realizing it, and completely mess up the story in the end.
I proofread... That is, if loading it onto google docs and correcting any red line is proofreading. I mean I've never actually had someone preread it and give me tips on what to change.
As for showing it to your teacher, I would say I'm honored, but there's really got to be a better word for it, one that isn't overused. I foreshadow very slightly. Remember when Brady said that it was a fourth time going through the portal? I felt very clever when writing that, so that in the second season I could reveal the truth in the most obvious way.
EDIT: Well, it looks like I lost the last paragraph somehow, I'm going to have to rewrite it.
Good job :biggrin.gif: I made an account just to say that this is pretty goood :smile.gif: Perhaps i could proof read it for you? :3 Just so i could read an earlier edition :wink.gif:
Can be found here.
Yes, I am writing the third in the Survival Chronicles series. I got so much good feedback from the first two, I have decided to make another. I hope you enjoy.
The Survival Chronicles: Fate of the Risen
Anticipation
Your body is jolted awake by the soft strike of a foot. "Wake up, Fayne." Cynic's familiar voice calls through your dreams. You open your eyes to see the same face you see every morning. You pick your head up and stretch out your arms. You look outside and see that it's still dark. "Another hostility has been spotted just in the woods." Cynic says with a calm but Stern voice.
"Were you attacked by this one?" You ask.
"No, but it's not safe to take a chance." Cynics voice seems to trail off a bit.
'what's wrong?" You ask teasingly, "You're not scared, are you?" You chuckle a bit, but Cynic isn't amused.
"This one's serious." He replies agitated, "Luigi seems very worried." You stop laughing and realize how serious this is. If Luigi is frightened, this foe is truly something to be feared.
"Alright," You hop off your fluffy blanket of wool and take a silver scythe off the wall. "Let's go take care of this quickly, I need more rest." You say as the two of you head to Cynic's tent.
Cynic walks into his tent and comes out holding a silver dagger. The two of you head over to Luigi's. Luigi is shaky, and he's never frightened. "I can not possibly stress this enough." He says, "it is important that you do NOT look into this creature's eyes." You're confused.
"Why can't w-" Luigi cuts you off mid-sentence.
"Just don't." He snaps, "Just kill it and report back to me." You and Cynic both nod and walk out of the tent.
"He is always so calm," Cynic says, "I don't know what's gotten him so shaken up."
"whatever it is," You reply, "We had best be careful." The two of you head into the woods.
"It's been a half hour," You say, 'We had best turn in."
"Yeah," Cynic agrees, "Whatever got Luigi spooked, it's gone now." You both turn around and start heading back. Another half hour passes. "We're lost." Cynic says in frustration. You examine the trees, and then the sky. You begin uttering directions to yourself, when something grabs your shoulder. As soon as you turn around, Cynic clamps his hand over your mouth. "SSsshhhh..." He whispers and points to something about ten feet away. It looks human, but it's skin is a light grey. It turns around and you see it's horrifying face. The creatures that looks back at you has a human form, but its eyes are milky white, and it has brownish scars on each eye.
The three of you stay silent. After about a minute of silence, the creature approaches you. you looked into the creature's eyes, but nothing happened. It reaches its hand out, but Cynic stabs it it. the creature lets out a terrifying howl of pain, and recoils the wounded hand. An oily black liquid runs from the cut like blood. The demon's face twists with rage. It reaches behind its back and pulls out a staff. The staff looks like any ordinary stick, only it has a stone tied to it, a stone that glows red. "Brace yourself, indeed." It says angrily. The fact that it can talk is the scariest thing about this encounter.
Fixed
But seriously.
I love this series. It has that 'umph' that I love so much. I'm addicted, what can I say?
Okay. First of all, if you're too lazy to proofread, let someone else do it. I had a journalist proofread my story. (It helped that the journalist happened to be my English teacher. :tongue.gif:) If you have a really kind teacher who has some time, I'm betting that they'll read though your story and give you suggestions.
Second of all, you gave me faith that Second perspective was a viable choice of narrative style. You do it beautifully, the narrative style sounds slightly reminiscent of Ernest Hemmingway (a great American author), besides the fact it's in 2nd perspective. Your stories make me want to make a Minecraft-esque story in 2nd perspective.
I like how this is the prequal of the trilogy, and I just can't help but wonder what will come next. I can't help but wonder the fate of Steve, whether he really died or not.
I can't think of any advice to give you. If you layered foreshadowing into your earlier stories, you did it so well, I can't find it (unless I read it more carefully again). I'd really like to show the story to my teacher, so I could give him an example of 2nd perspective, and a good read too.
[12:41] Coffeeeeeee!
---
[16:29] "And lo, the tacos were delicious"
I proofread... That is, if loading it onto google docs and correcting any red line is proofreading. I mean I've never actually had someone preread it and give me tips on what to change.
As for showing it to your teacher, I would say I'm honored, but there's really got to be a better word for it, one that isn't overused. I foreshadow very slightly. Remember when Brady said that it was a fourth time going through the portal? I felt very clever when writing that, so that in the second season I could reveal the truth in the most obvious way.
EDIT: Well, it looks like I lost the last paragraph somehow, I'm going to have to rewrite it.
EDIT2: Fixed