Welcome back. It's been a while, hasn't it? I've decided that if I want to make my stories better, I need to go back. Back to where I began. The Eye Project. I'm making improvements to where I have failed, making the story a little less crazy.
This time around, I'm including some origin for our main villain, along with new backstory for Steve, this time actually having him come from Minecraftia. I'm also having entirely new characters, along with getting more on-book with Minecraft. This story also adds a new twist to the classic creation story, without using Herobrine for our "evil Notch counterpart".
However, I plan on incorporating Herobrine in a special way. However, I've already said too much about that. I think it's time. It's time we return to the first world I created. The Eye Project... has returned!
Prologue:
They called me a Devil. However, not using that word around children, most people would refer to me as "Derik." The name stuck. Thus, even I began to refer to myself by that name, as I had none. The people of the Overworld say I tried to destroy their world. But no one other than myself knows the true story. The story of the Great Demon.
It was countless centuries ago. It was before the worlds were even creative. There was only me and the one they called Notch. Notch was the god of hope, life, goodness, light, and peace. I was the god of fear, death, evil, darkness, and chaos. We were opposites. However, I never wanted to be who I was.
Notch had the power to create the blocks, I had the power to move and change them. I shaped the world, made it into what most of it is now. However, there was an accident. Eventually, the darkness that was forced inside of me was released. The Nether was created. It was a firey cespool of misery and chaos. And the monsters of the Overworld and Nether were created.
Notch was infuriated. He unleashed all the power of the nether tenfold upon me. We battled for what would likely be 87 human days. I was nearly destroyed. However, I managed to survive. However, the battle did modify the Overworld and Nether. The overworld, flourishing with life began to be changed. Many forests turned into deserts, mountains turned into clay. Several parts of the world had been turned into lifeless areas where barely anyone could live.
Rage built up inside of me. Then, thousands of years later, I would finally use this against Notch. I won this time, but Notch was not destroyed. To begin my plans, I used my power to create a new dimension which Notch could not enter. I brought in several blocks from the Overworld to creative a giant floating island in the void of my new dimension: The End.
I called it the End because it would be the demise of all who entered. I created several things to guard this dimension: endermen, who would seek and destroy anyone who looked at them. I also created the Ender Dragon to destroy those who were... stronger. The Ender Dragon would eat through any block that was not brought in by me. All the blocks that formed into the island, I changed into a new block I called Endstone. I also added massive obsidian pillars with healing crystals on them to regenerate the dragon if it was hurt.
Also, thousands of blocks away, I created a castle for myself. It would be here that I would begin my plans to destroy Notch. Once and for all.
I woke up from a dream about a battle against a demon enveloped in shadow in the End. The demon had the power to move and change blocks along with the ability to create any creature. However, I opened my eyes to discover that my dream was true.
"Why do you bother to rise?" Derik asked, speeding down towards me like an arrow. I managed to roll out of the way just in time. We were at his castle, inside the throne room. We had been battling for hours. Most of the castle was in different places, since Derik, my opponent had tried to throw most of them at me. The castle was made of nether brick and stone brick and had columns of Nether Quartz.
"At the end of this battle," Derik said, "Only one of us will remain standing. And what chance do you have of killing a god?"
Derik lunged at me again. I jumped to the side, swinging my sword at Derik. It passed through him like he was a cloud.
"I've spent 10,000 years on my plans," Derik said, "And it truly can end only one way. I've been biding my time, waiting for you to come to me. You, the only one foolish enough to fight a god."
Derik took apart a quartz column and began hurling the pieces at me. I took out my diamond pickaxe, smashing each block as it came to hit me.
"You have resisted you fate for too long, Steve of the Overworld!" Derik shouted, "Give in! You and Notch have no hope!"
"That's why I'm going to keep fighting," I said, "There's something you don't get about us humans, Derik. It's that we never back down without a fight. Even if I die, I'll have died a hero."
"A fool's words," Derik said, "It's so pathetic to hear every human who dies fighting say those words. If they die fighting, they doom what they are protecting. If you were wise, you would make sure you lived to see another day."
"I know I'll win this fight," I said, "That's why I'm still fighting someone that I shouldn't have a chance against."
"ENOUGH!" Derik shouted, stomping his foot down. The ceiling shattered and the floor we stood on began to rise into the air. It then zoomed over to someplace in the middle of the sky (well, as much of the sky as you can get in the End).
"YOU SHALL FALL OF THIS ISLAND, FOOLISH MORTAL!" Derik shouted, flying into the air, "IT'S TIME YOU PAY THE PRICE FOR DISOBEYING ME! I COULD'VE GIVEN YOU A LESS PAINFUL DEATH! BUT NO DEATH SHALL GIVE YOU MORE SUFFERING THAN FALLING INTO THE VOID!"
With those words, the platform was moved out from under my feet and I fell down, down, down...
...into the inky blackness, where I would never be seen again.
I woke up in a bed, but it wasn't my own. A man stood over my bed, smiling at the sight of me.
"Thank goodness you're awake!" the man said, "It's not very often that people survive the fall down here."
"Fall?" I asked.
"Yes, you fell down into this place just a few hours ago, though your fall probably would've taken a few weeks."
"WEEKS?!" I shouted.
"Let me explain. I had no idea that you would be so shocked by this," the man said, "I am James White. (Author's Note: The references to my past fanfics ) I am the first person to come down here. This land is where you are cast down when you fall into the void. This is the Forgotten Realm. Derik doesn't know of this place. So, here, we are safe. Well, those who managed to land in the lake when they fell."
"So, was I just lucky that I survived?" I asked.
"Sadly, yes," James said, "But we have a plan to get back to where we should be. But we need the materials. Ancient tomes I found say that there is a secret dungeon somewhere in the Forgotten Realm, but I have no idea where. If we can find it, the only thing we have left to do is kill the endermen for their pearls. Every now and then they fall down here. We already have 9 pearls and plenty of blaze rods because many who have come here had some with them."
"I'm willing to help, if that's what you're trying to imply," I said, "I have a spare Eye of Ender with me. That only leaves two more ender pearls to get."
"Yes, I know math," James said, "We're lucky that this world has all the resources the Overworld had. We have anything you'd need to hunt them. But we still need to find that dungeon, which is probably heavily guarded. But, fate gave us a chance when you came down here. I remember you, Steve. You are a great warrior. None of us who fell down stand a chance of getting out of here. But with you, we can put together an adventuring group and find the dungeon."
"Then it looks like I better get ready," I said, "When do we leave?"
"Considering a warrior like you fell down here," James said, "the threat who sent you down here must be enormous. We'll leave as soon as we get the ender pearls we need."
"Hopefully we can do that quick," I said, "We're not up against just any threat. We're up against the threat. He can manipulate blocks and create any mob he can think of. He's powerful."
"He sounds like it," James said, "Today you should probably head into the mines. We're going to need all the ore we can get."
As we entered the mines, I saw an enderman, who picked up a block and briskly teleported away. Luckily, he didn't see me. But I was reminded of what had happened before my battle with Derik.
"I have a mission for you," he said, "It is entirely choice. But my village is in danger. I need your help, Steve..."
"What do you want me to do?" I asked.
"Someone found an ancient stronghold. Filled with vast treasures, but the structure had long since deteriorated. The man who entered was followed as he left. Strange creatures, with the ability to possess any type of rock. Everyone fears coming to the village or else the creatures may attack."
"All right," I said, "I don't know of these creatures, but I'll do my best to stop them."
The village was desolate and quiet by the time I arrived. It was soundless. It felt so empty, but it struck fear into me all the same. But I could feel it. Something, or someone, was here. As I walked down the streets, I tripped on the cobblestone path. Suddenly, all around me, I heard a massive
CRACK! Everywhere, even under me, everything made of cobblestone had turned into tiny creatures. They were a shiny grey color. They were made of multiple segments and had coal-black eyes. Their bodies wiggled as thousands of them approached me.
I ran as they came to attack me. When I got far from the village, I turned around and walked backwards, swinging my sword at the closest of them. But there were too many. They had surrounded me now. I jumped up, placing a piece of TNT under me and lighting the fuse. As it ingited, I leaped over the army of the creatures. The TNT exploded, leaving behind only a massive crater. Several silver pieces rained down from the sky as I walked away to report to the man who hired me.
"The deed is done," I said as I approched him.
"Excellent work, Steve," he said. Suddenly, I heard something behind me. Actually, two things. I looked to my sides and realized that two endermen had grabbed me by the arms.
"You traitor!" I shouted, "Why do you want me?"
"The Dragon wants a worthy offering," the man said. His entire body turned black except for his eyes, which began to glow pure red. He was then enveloped in shadow.
"Who are you?" I asked, "Who's the dragon?"
"So many questions," he said, "But I'll make it simple. I am Derik, shaper of this world. Long ago, I was deemed evil for a simple mistake. I waited, hoping it would pass, but it never came to be. All my life, I had tried to contain my dark side. But, for the one time it was released, it became a permanent identity for me. So I decided to embrace it. I'm going to use it to have my revenge on he who has wronged me. I am taking you to my world, where I shall feed you to my Ender Dragon so he can gain energy and then eat through your world even faster than I could take it apart."
"Who did this to you?" I asked.
"Why, don't you recognize him?" Derik said, transforming his appearance into a man who I had only seen in legend. It was Notch, fabled creator of the world. But Derik claimed he had done so. This was getting confusing.
Derik transformed into his normal, shadowy form. Then the endermen teleported us to the place that would be my doom...
I snapped back into reality just as a mob of zombies was about to attack us.
So we killed the zombies, did some more stuff, found the stronghold, and killed the bad guy. Then unicorns flew in to congratulate us and flew us off into the sunset.
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Join Date:
8/6/2012
Posts:
247
Location:
Behind.... a screen...
Minecraft:
Synaxin
Member Details
I see a portal 2 reference in the tags. Oh Well.
OT: Good to see that you're rebooting this, hopefully you can actually complete it this time...
A little tip: Try not to structure the story too far ahead, because then things can get a bit boring. (At least, that's how I see it)
The story of Notch's counterpart, Derik, was told. The origins of creation itself have been discovered by this. However, Derik has sinister plans that could very well tear apart the universe. He wants to destroy Notch! But is there anyone willing to defend him?
I think the writing itself is alright. Your grammar and spelling are decent. You might want to expand on your vocabulary.
As for the plot itself, I think the whole Notch is God and there's a demon/Devil that created The Nether while Notch created the Overworld is very unoriginal. Of course, there is very little to be original about in Minecraft, but I find that Notch being God is probably one of the more overdone themes.
Additionally, the deriving of a name from a word and including it within the story is rather iffy. In my opinion, I feel like the Devil/Derik should've just been the name to begin with, since Derik's name was only formed from people talking, which means that before they were created, it was literally Notch vs. Devil, which is a rather drab line.
The writing portions from different perspectives is a nice technique, but it would be good if you were careful to not try and just write the same events over and over from different perspectives and instead use perspectives to move the story along at a good pace,
Sorry about the extremely long wait on Chapter Three. I appreciate your patience. The truth is that I just haven't been into the fanfiction stuff that much lately. I'm hoping to knock out a chapter every week or so, but, sadly, they may not be up to my usual standards.
Chapter 3 was great, I can't wait to see more from you
Thanks. Start expecting flashbacks a lot. The entire flashback story is actually supposed to be a week's time in Minecraft, which seems a little strange since Steve was taken to the End in the first day. All in all, I actually plan on releasing Chapter 4 VERY soon (Chapter 3 only took me an hour, but it was quite simple to come up with.
BTW, expect a MAJOR plot twist for the end of book one... I've written it a thousand times in my head, but it hasn't been put on metaphorical paper yet
Thanks. Start expecting flashbacks a lot. The entire flashback story is actually supposed to be a week's time in Minecraft, which seems a little strange since Steve was taken to the End in the first day. All in all, I actually plan on releasing Chapter 4 VERY soon (Chapter 3 only took me an hour, but it was quite simple to come up with.
BTW, expect a MAJOR plot twist for the end of book one... I've written it a thousand times in my head, but it hasn't been put on metaphorical paper yet
Awesome, can't wait. I like flashbacks, so I'll be looking forward to this
You draw on a common theme, but you write it in an entertaining and sensible way. Your prose is written clearly, although I feel the descriptions could be meatier and the word choice could be more precise. Jesonomi mentioned something similar: "You might want to expand on your vocabulary." Although I agree that expanding your vocabulary would be helpful, I want to warn you against using a Thesaurus to do so. It's better to skillfully use words you understand rather than blindly use words you don't understand. If you're having trouble finding alternate words that fit better in certain contexts, similes and metaphors can be helpful, but you still need to be mindful of what they imply, in the same way one must be mindful of word choice. The one simile I remember from your story, "speeding down towards me like an arrow," didn't make sense to me, as "speeding down" made me picture Derik moving down towards Steve in a straight path, whereas "like an arrow" was difficult to define clearly; with some considerable effort, I picture Derik either traveling in a full arc that ascends upward and then falls down again, or sprinting towards Steve in such a way that he looks like a blur and is as thin as an arrow.
This time around, I'm including some origin for our main villain, along with new backstory for Steve, this time actually having him come from Minecraftia. I'm also having entirely new characters, along with getting more on-book with Minecraft. This story also adds a new twist to the classic creation story, without using Herobrine for our "evil Notch counterpart".
However, I plan on incorporating Herobrine in a special way. However, I've already said too much about that. I think it's time. It's time we return to the first world I created. The Eye Project... has returned!
Prologue:
The people of the Overworld say I tried to destroy their world. But no one other than myself knows the true story. The story of the Great Demon.
It was countless centuries ago. It was before the worlds were even creative. There was only me and the one they called Notch. Notch was the god of hope, life, goodness, light, and peace. I was the god of fear, death, evil, darkness, and chaos. We were opposites. However, I never wanted to be who I was.
Notch had the power to create the blocks, I had the power to move and change them. I shaped the world, made it into what most of it is now. However, there was an accident. Eventually, the darkness that was forced inside of me was released. The Nether was created. It was a firey cespool of misery and chaos. And the monsters of the Overworld and Nether were created.
Notch was infuriated. He unleashed all the power of the nether tenfold upon me. We battled for what would likely be 87 human days. I was nearly destroyed. However, I managed to survive. However, the battle did modify the Overworld and Nether. The overworld, flourishing with life began to be changed. Many forests turned into deserts, mountains turned into clay. Several parts of the world had been turned into lifeless areas where barely anyone could live.
Rage built up inside of me. Then, thousands of years later, I would finally use this against Notch. I won this time, but Notch was not destroyed. To begin my plans, I used my power to create a new dimension which Notch could not enter. I brought in several blocks from the Overworld to creative a giant floating island in the void of my new dimension: The End.
I called it the End because it would be the demise of all who entered. I created several things to guard this dimension: endermen, who would seek and destroy anyone who looked at them. I also created the Ender Dragon to destroy those who were... stronger. The Ender Dragon would eat through any block that was not brought in by me. All the blocks that formed into the island, I changed into a new block I called Endstone. I also added massive obsidian pillars with healing crystals on them to regenerate the dragon if it was hurt.
Also, thousands of blocks away, I created a castle for myself. It would be here that I would begin my plans to destroy Notch. Once and for all.
"Why do you bother to rise?" Derik asked, speeding down towards me like an arrow. I managed to roll out of the way just in time. We were at his castle, inside the throne room. We had been battling for hours. Most of the castle was in different places, since Derik, my opponent had tried to throw most of them at me. The castle was made of nether brick and stone brick and had columns of Nether Quartz.
"At the end of this battle," Derik said, "Only one of us will remain standing. And what chance do you have of killing a god?"
Derik lunged at me again. I jumped to the side, swinging my sword at Derik. It passed through him like he was a cloud.
"I've spent 10,000 years on my plans," Derik said, "And it truly can end only one way. I've been biding my time, waiting for you to come to me. You, the only one foolish enough to fight a god."
Derik took apart a quartz column and began hurling the pieces at me. I took out my diamond pickaxe, smashing each block as it came to hit me.
"You have resisted you fate for too long, Steve of the Overworld!" Derik shouted, "Give in! You and Notch have no hope!"
"That's why I'm going to keep fighting," I said, "There's something you don't get about us humans, Derik. It's that we never back down without a fight. Even if I die, I'll have died a hero."
"A fool's words," Derik said, "It's so pathetic to hear every human who dies fighting say those words. If they die fighting, they doom what they are protecting. If you were wise, you would make sure you lived to see another day."
"I know I'll win this fight," I said, "That's why I'm still fighting someone that I shouldn't have a chance against."
"ENOUGH!" Derik shouted, stomping his foot down. The ceiling shattered and the floor we stood on began to rise into the air. It then zoomed over to someplace in the middle of the sky (well, as much of the sky as you can get in the End).
"YOU SHALL FALL OF THIS ISLAND, FOOLISH MORTAL!" Derik shouted, flying into the air, "IT'S TIME YOU PAY THE PRICE FOR DISOBEYING ME! I COULD'VE GIVEN YOU A LESS PAINFUL DEATH! BUT NO DEATH SHALL GIVE YOU MORE SUFFERING THAN FALLING INTO THE VOID!"
With those words, the platform was moved out from under my feet and I fell down, down, down...
...into the inky blackness, where I would never be seen again.
I woke up in a bed, but it wasn't my own. A man stood over my bed, smiling at the sight of me.
"Thank goodness you're awake!" the man said, "It's not very often that people survive the fall down here."
"Fall?" I asked.
"Yes, you fell down into this place just a few hours ago, though your fall probably would've taken a few weeks."
"WEEKS?!" I shouted.
"Let me explain. I had no idea that you would be so shocked by this," the man said, "I am James White. (Author's Note: The references to my past fanfics ) I am the first person to come down here. This land is where you are cast down when you fall into the void. This is the Forgotten Realm. Derik doesn't know of this place. So, here, we are safe. Well, those who managed to land in the lake when they fell."
"So, was I just lucky that I survived?" I asked.
"Sadly, yes," James said, "But we have a plan to get back to where we should be. But we need the materials. Ancient tomes I found say that there is a secret dungeon somewhere in the Forgotten Realm, but I have no idea where. If we can find it, the only thing we have left to do is kill the endermen for their pearls. Every now and then they fall down here. We already have 9 pearls and plenty of blaze rods because many who have come here had some with them."
"I'm willing to help, if that's what you're trying to imply," I said, "I have a spare Eye of Ender with me. That only leaves two more ender pearls to get."
"Yes, I know math," James said, "We're lucky that this world has all the resources the Overworld had. We have anything you'd need to hunt them. But we still need to find that dungeon, which is probably heavily guarded. But, fate gave us a chance when you came down here. I remember you, Steve. You are a great warrior. None of us who fell down stand a chance of getting out of here. But with you, we can put together an adventuring group and find the dungeon."
"Then it looks like I better get ready," I said, "When do we leave?"
"Considering a warrior like you fell down here," James said, "the threat who sent you down here must be enormous. We'll leave as soon as we get the ender pearls we need."
"Hopefully we can do that quick," I said, "We're not up against just any threat. We're up against the threat. He can manipulate blocks and create any mob he can think of. He's powerful."
"He sounds like it," James said, "Today you should probably head into the mines. We're going to need all the ore we can get."
"I have a mission for you," he said, "It is entirely choice. But my village is in danger. I need your help, Steve..."
"What do you want me to do?" I asked.
"Someone found an ancient stronghold. Filled with vast treasures, but the structure had long since deteriorated. The man who entered was followed as he left. Strange creatures, with the ability to possess any type of rock. Everyone fears coming to the village or else the creatures may attack."
"All right," I said, "I don't know of these creatures, but I'll do my best to stop them."
The village was desolate and quiet by the time I arrived. It was soundless. It felt so empty, but it struck fear into me all the same. But I could feel it. Something, or someone, was here. As I walked down the streets, I tripped on the cobblestone path. Suddenly, all around me, I heard a massive
CRACK! Everywhere, even under me, everything made of cobblestone had turned into tiny creatures. They were a shiny grey color. They were made of multiple segments and had coal-black eyes. Their bodies wiggled as thousands of them approached me.
I ran as they came to attack me. When I got far from the village, I turned around and walked backwards, swinging my sword at the closest of them. But there were too many. They had surrounded me now. I jumped up, placing a piece of TNT under me and lighting the fuse. As it ingited, I leaped over the army of the creatures. The TNT exploded, leaving behind only a massive crater. Several silver pieces rained down from the sky as I walked away to report to the man who hired me.
"The deed is done," I said as I approched him.
"Excellent work, Steve," he said. Suddenly, I heard something behind me. Actually, two things. I looked to my sides and realized that two endermen had grabbed me by the arms.
"You traitor!" I shouted, "Why do you want me?"
"The Dragon wants a worthy offering," the man said. His entire body turned black except for his eyes, which began to glow pure red. He was then enveloped in shadow.
"Who are you?" I asked, "Who's the dragon?"
"So many questions," he said, "But I'll make it simple. I am Derik, shaper of this world. Long ago, I was deemed evil for a simple mistake. I waited, hoping it would pass, but it never came to be. All my life, I had tried to contain my dark side. But, for the one time it was released, it became a permanent identity for me. So I decided to embrace it. I'm going to use it to have my revenge on he who has wronged me. I am taking you to my world, where I shall feed you to my Ender Dragon so he can gain energy and then eat through your world even faster than I could take it apart."
"Who did this to you?" I asked.
"Why, don't you recognize him?" Derik said, transforming his appearance into a man who I had only seen in legend. It was Notch, fabled creator of the world. But Derik claimed he had done so. This was getting confusing.
Derik transformed into his normal, shadowy form. Then the endermen teleported us to the place that would be my doom...
I snapped back into reality just as a mob of zombies was about to attack us.
Thanks for reading! Expect more very soon!
OT: Good to see that you're rebooting this, hopefully you can actually complete it this time...
A little tip: Try not to structure the story too far ahead, because then things can get a bit boring. (At least, that's how I see it)
*Insert signature here*
PROUD USER OF THE STEVE SKIN
The story of Notch's counterpart, Derik, was told. The origins of creation itself have been discovered by this. However, Derik has sinister plans that could very well tear apart the universe. He wants to destroy Notch! But is there anyone willing to defend him?
Chapter One has been released!
As for the plot itself, I think the whole Notch is God and there's a demon/Devil that created The Nether while Notch created the Overworld is very unoriginal. Of course, there is very little to be original about in Minecraft, but I find that Notch being God is probably one of the more overdone themes.
Additionally, the deriving of a name from a word and including it within the story is rather iffy. In my opinion, I feel like the Devil/Derik should've just been the name to begin with, since Derik's name was only formed from people talking, which means that before they were created, it was literally Notch vs. Devil, which is a rather drab line.
The writing portions from different perspectives is a nice technique, but it would be good if you were careful to not try and just write the same events over and over from different perspectives and instead use perspectives to move the story along at a good pace,
Sorry it's been so long. Recently got several games on Steam.
PROUD USER OF THE STEVE SKIN
PROUD USER OF THE STEVE SKIN
BTW, expect a MAJOR plot twist for the end of book one... I've written it a thousand times in my head, but it hasn't been put on metaphorical paper yet
Awesome, can't wait. I like flashbacks, so I'll be looking forward to this
PROUD USER OF THE STEVE SKIN
Click. Click. Click. Click. Crouch. Crouch. Click. Rage.
PROUD USER OF THE STEVE SKIN