As much as I didn't really want to, I wrote up this guide. So, if it works for you, please just drop a note saying so! It'll help other people know that this is a good solution.
So, without further ado,
How To Fix the "Java Runtime Environment 1.5.0" Startup Error
Step 1: Uninstall All Copies of Java
- Go to the Start Menu
- Type "Add or remove programs" and select the matching result (Or, Control Panel -> Programs and Features)
- Remove all versions of Java
- Actually do this.
- Too lazy for Google?
- This was tested with the 32 bit version, but if you're using a 64 bit browser, you will automatically get that. More info and other versions.
- For now, just stick to the 32 bit version. You can get around to upgrading once you can actually launch minecraft.
- The folder is located in your appdata folder, which you can access by any of the following methods:
- Win key + r -> %appdata%
- Open a windows explorer window. Go to the address bar and type %appdata%, then hit enter
- NOTE: The .minecraft folder has your world save files, screenshots, and more. You may want to back it up or move it to another location, which will work just as well.
- Once you're done, delete your .minecraft folder (or move it somewhere else, like your desktop)
- Download the minecraft.exe launcher and try it. It shouldn't work if you have the same problem, but for many people it will work at this point. So try it.
- If that doesn't work, load up minecraft here: https://minecraft.net/play
- You may need to allow Java. You need a Java plugin in your browser
- If you have problems here, either your browser configuration is broken (try a different one), you've followed the steps wrong (start over), or you're experiencing a different issue
[Click here to do this on a different system and Windows 7]
- We're going to change the Path variable on your computer. If you make a mistake here, you could cause more problems than you solve. It's not hard, so just follow directions closely.
- Right click on Computer and press Properties
- Determine if you have a 32 or 64 bit machine. It will say under the system heading. Remember this for a minute from now.
- On the left menu, click Advanced System Settings
- In the System Properties window, click the Advanced Tab
- At the bottom, click the Environment Variables button
- In the lower of the two boxes, scroll down to where the entry in which the left column reads "Path"
- Select it, and click Edit below.
- An edit window will come up.
- IF YOU HAVE A 32 BIT MACHINE: To the end of the long string of text, add the following:
- IF YOU HAVE A 64 BIT MACHINE: To the end of the long string of text, add the following:
- Do not add extra spaces. Do not forget the semicolon at the beginning.
- Again, this assumes you're using 32 bit java. If not, follow the link above.
- Hit OK until you've exited all those windows, and try running the Minecraft.exe again. It should work now!
- If it works, please reply to this thread and let me know you were successful. It'll make me warm inside, but more importantly, help other people achieve your happiness right now!
- If it doesn't, you either messed up somewhere of you've got a different problem. REad through the steps again and make sure you did them correctly. If so, create a new thread to try to get some help.