I am about to finish my first book The Chronicles of a Minecraft Hero - Night of the Undead (Book #1). I've put a lot of effort into the cover art, what do you guys think?
Prologue:
When Steve wakes up in the mysterious world of Minecraft, little does he know what dangers are about to unfold. Follow Steve's epic journey as he and his friends go on the ultimate quest to save Alex in this exciting adventure book series.
Here is a little preview of Night of the Undead (Book #1). Let me know what you think!
Chapter 1
Danger in the Plains
The sun beat down on me with the intensity of a volcano. I stared up at the bright blue sky. There was not a cloud in it. I moved my head to the side, and realized my entire body was stiff. I was alive, that was one thing, but I felt very different.
As I looked to my side I flinched. A creature lay beside me. It was unlike anything I’d seen before. It was box-shaped, yet looked semi-familiar. Then, as the creature got to its feet I could hardly believe my eyes. It was Rocky, my pet dog.
“Rocky!” I cried as I struggled to push myself up from the ground. “What’s happened to you?”
Rocky looked at me and instantly recoiled.
“It’s me, Steve!” I continued. “Don’t you recognise me?”
Rocky shook his head and took a few steps backwards. I held out my hand to beacon him towards me. It was then that I saw my arm. It was like a long rectangular tube. I felt my heart race.
“What’s happened to me?” I cried. “What’s happened to us?”
I felt my heart beginning to race in my chest. My body felt cold and I suddenly felt sick. Everything around me started to spin and become blurry. It all felt too much and then suddenly it was black. I fainted!
I woke up, staring at the perfect blue sky for the second time. Although this time the sky was turning black. Night was beginning to fall. I must have been unconscious for some time.
It appeared I had been sucked into another realm. Everything was made of blocks... even Rocky and I.
I looked around me. I could see nothing but miles of grass with the occasional tree.
“Where are we, boy?” I said, crouching to pat Rocky on the head.
Rocky whimpered. I knew how he felt.
“Don’t worry,” I said, trying to reassure him as much as myself. “We’ll find a way out of here.”
The sun was setting fast and the temperature was dropping with it. I began to wonder how cold it would get and thought we’d better try and find shelter quick smart. It was then, that I saw life.
On the horizon a cluster of figures appeared to be moving towards us. I strained to see who or what they were, but they were too far away and the light had faded too much. I waved to attract their attention.
It was hard to tell if it was one long creature or several standing side by side as the shadows made them all blend into one.
Maybe they knew where we were and how we could get home. After all, something seriously weird was going on and I needed to speak to someone to get to the bottom of it.
I felt a smile appear on my face and Rocky began to jump around in excitement.
“Come on!” I shouted, sprinting towards the horizon as fast as I could in my new blocky body. “Let’s go and talk to them. I’m sure they’ll get us back to our normal selves in no time. They’ll know where we are.”
I ran at full speed feeling happy that my time in this strange place would come to an end as quickly as it begun. But, as we moved closer to the advancing figures, my heart sank. Suddenly, their bodies and faces came into view. Our saviors didn’t look very friendly at all!
I crouched low to the ground, now trying desperately not to be seen. The figures that were advancing were green and appeared to be hissing. I had no idea what they were, but decided that Rocky and I shouldn’t stick around to find out.
I quickly looked around for somewhere to hide, but the place we were in was barren and filled with nothing but grass and the occasional tree. There seemed to be a deep valley which had an opening to a cave a hundred meters to our left. It looked like it would be our only option.
I kept low to the ground and beckoned for Rocky to follow, but he looked disturbed. He started to growl at the oncoming creatures and then did something I wished I could have silenced... Rocky let out a colossal bark!
The bark echoed across the plains and seemed to anger the green creatures. They began to move quicker towards us and I decided we had to do the same.
I ran towards the cave with Rocky joining me at my side. It wasn’t far away and the moment I got there I jumped inside, crouching as low to the ground as I could. Then, I froze on the spot as I heard a noise directly behind me.
“Psst!”
I dared not turn around. Was it one of the green creatures hissing at me?
“Psst! Hey, you? What are you doing? Get outta here. This is my hiding spot.”
Whatever this creature was, at least it spoke English! I decided to take a chance. I looked over my shoulder and there, behind me tucked into the deepest recess of the cave was a girl.
“Well, don’t just stare at me!” the girl whispered. “Haven’t you ever seen a girl before?”
“Not one like you!” I replied, looking at her boxy-shape.
“It’s great to chat,” she said sarcastically, “but you might want to get further in here unless you want to be Creeper fodder.”
I glanced out to the plains – the green creatures were almost upon us. With no other option available, I did as the stranger suggested.
I shuffled further into the cave and pulled Rocky in beside me. I turned to face the girl. She had piercing green eyes, long blonde hair and wore a green shirt over her boxy body that seemed to resemble mine. She gave me a deathly stare and put her finger to her lips. I held still. My lips went dry as the terrifying green creatures let out a loud hissing noise above us that sent a shiver down my spine.
I had only just arrived in this weird, boxy world, yet I had a horrible feeling that I wouldn’t live to see the sun rise in this strange and terrifying world.
Not bad, but you should drop the line after every paragraph and indent your paragraphs IMO.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
The important thing is not how long you live... It's what you accomplish with your life. While I live, I want to shine. I want to prove that I exist. If I could do something really important... That would definitely carry on into the future. My spirit will always live on. And so if I were to disappear... I think that all I have accomplished will go on. That would mean that it's living. Right?- Grovyle
"Although man kind will always look onward, yearning for more, searching for new boundries, only to break through them, With the understanding that this world is one in which we all share, comes the responsibility of knowing the decisions we make today will have a lasting impact on the generations of tommorow." - Civ 5 BNW opening cinematic
Summoned by the means of PM. You, you are one petty stalker. But here goes my review.
That's pretty short for a chapter. Not interesting enough for a first chapter, even.
You know, I've read enough Minecraft FF that starts with the player suddenly waking up on the Overworld to make any that starts the story with that scene bore me down. Try starting before the warp or after the warp, giving the player some sort of background. I can't really imagine how your character look like without any hint of appearance existing on your first chapter, and that hampers my ability to choreograph the story in my imagination, which is bad.
I don't really know whether this is constructive or not, but I'd appreciate your work more if you can avoid cliches that many uses so that your story is a fresh surprise for the world to read. Fresh ideas are nutrition for our mind.
That said, I haven't looked upon your next chapters. Will wait for it.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Modest Texturer, Modeler, and Idea Provider. Can someone buy me Terraria, Borderlands 2, Goat Simulator, or Dead Island? Check my Profile for my contents, which includes a(n outdated) texture pack and a mod request! OcD Simple Add-On!
I help people in need of help. I support people that need support. I talk and reply to everything that i find interesting. And I really enjoy it. Do you need any help? If so, all you have to do is message me and be kind and i will do my best to help!!!
Hi everyone,
I am about to finish my first book The Chronicles of a Minecraft Hero - Night of the Undead (Book #1). I've put a lot of effort into the cover art, what do you guys think?
Prologue:
When Steve wakes up in the mysterious world of Minecraft, little does he know what dangers are about to unfold. Follow Steve's epic journey as he and his friends go on the ultimate quest to save Alex in this exciting adventure book series.
Here is a little preview of Night of the Undead (Book #1). Let me know what you think!
The sun beat down on me with the intensity of a volcano. I stared up at the bright blue sky. There was not a cloud in it. I moved my head to the side, and realized my entire body was stiff. I was alive, that was one thing, but I felt very different.
As I looked to my side I flinched. A creature lay beside me. It was unlike anything I’d seen before. It was box-shaped, yet looked semi-familiar. Then, as the creature got to its feet I could hardly believe my eyes. It was Rocky, my pet dog.
“Rocky!” I cried as I struggled to push myself up from the ground. “What’s happened to you?”
Rocky looked at me and instantly recoiled.
“It’s me, Steve!” I continued. “Don’t you recognise me?”
Rocky shook his head and took a few steps backwards. I held out my hand to beacon him towards me. It was then that I saw my arm. It was like a long rectangular tube. I felt my heart race.
“What’s happened to me?” I cried. “What’s happened to us?”
I felt my heart beginning to race in my chest. My body felt cold and I suddenly felt sick. Everything around me started to spin and become blurry. It all felt too much and then suddenly it was black. I fainted!
I woke up, staring at the perfect blue sky for the second time. Although this time the sky was turning black. Night was beginning to fall. I must have been unconscious for some time.
It appeared I had been sucked into another realm. Everything was made of blocks... even Rocky and I.
I looked around me. I could see nothing but miles of grass with the occasional tree.
“Where are we, boy?” I said, crouching to pat Rocky on the head.
Rocky whimpered. I knew how he felt.
“Don’t worry,” I said, trying to reassure him as much as myself. “We’ll find a way out of here.”
The sun was setting fast and the temperature was dropping with it. I began to wonder how cold it would get and thought we’d better try and find shelter quick smart. It was then, that I saw life.
On the horizon a cluster of figures appeared to be moving towards us. I strained to see who or what they were, but they were too far away and the light had faded too much. I waved to attract their attention.
It was hard to tell if it was one long creature or several standing side by side as the shadows made them all blend into one.
Maybe they knew where we were and how we could get home. After all, something seriously weird was going on and I needed to speak to someone to get to the bottom of it.
I felt a smile appear on my face and Rocky began to jump around in excitement.
“Come on!” I shouted, sprinting towards the horizon as fast as I could in my new blocky body. “Let’s go and talk to them. I’m sure they’ll get us back to our normal selves in no time. They’ll know where we are.”
I ran at full speed feeling happy that my time in this strange place would come to an end as quickly as it begun. But, as we moved closer to the advancing figures, my heart sank. Suddenly, their bodies and faces came into view. Our saviors didn’t look very friendly at all!
I crouched low to the ground, now trying desperately not to be seen. The figures that were advancing were green and appeared to be hissing. I had no idea what they were, but decided that Rocky and I shouldn’t stick around to find out.
I quickly looked around for somewhere to hide, but the place we were in was barren and filled with nothing but grass and the occasional tree. There seemed to be a deep valley which had an opening to a cave a hundred meters to our left. It looked like it would be our only option.
I kept low to the ground and beckoned for Rocky to follow, but he looked disturbed. He started to growl at the oncoming creatures and then did something I wished I could have silenced... Rocky let out a colossal bark!
The bark echoed across the plains and seemed to anger the green creatures. They began to move quicker towards us and I decided we had to do the same.
I ran towards the cave with Rocky joining me at my side. It wasn’t far away and the moment I got there I jumped inside, crouching as low to the ground as I could. Then, I froze on the spot as I heard a noise directly behind me.
“Psst!”
I dared not turn around. Was it one of the green creatures hissing at me?
“Psst! Hey, you? What are you doing? Get outta here. This is my hiding spot.”
Whatever this creature was, at least it spoke English! I decided to take a chance. I looked over my shoulder and there, behind me tucked into the deepest recess of the cave was a girl.
“Well, don’t just stare at me!” the girl whispered. “Haven’t you ever seen a girl before?”
“Not one like you!” I replied, looking at her boxy-shape.
“It’s great to chat,” she said sarcastically, “but you might want to get further in here unless you want to be Creeper fodder.”
I glanced out to the plains – the green creatures were almost upon us. With no other option available, I did as the stranger suggested.
I shuffled further into the cave and pulled Rocky in beside me. I turned to face the girl. She had piercing green eyes, long blonde hair and wore a green shirt over her boxy body that seemed to resemble mine. She gave me a deathly stare and put her finger to her lips. I held still. My lips went dry as the terrifying green creatures let out a loud hissing noise above us that sent a shiver down my spine.
I had only just arrived in this weird, boxy world, yet I had a horrible feeling that I wouldn’t live to see the sun rise in this strange and terrifying world.
reserved
Not bad, but you should drop the line after every paragraph and indent your paragraphs IMO.
The important thing is not how long you live... It's what you accomplish with your life. While I live, I want to shine. I want to prove that I exist. If I could do something really important... That would definitely carry on into the future. My spirit will always live on. And so if I were to disappear... I think that all I have accomplished will go on. That would mean that it's living. Right?- Grovyle
"Although man kind will always look onward, yearning for more, searching for new boundries, only to break through them, With the understanding that this world is one in which we all share, comes the responsibility of knowing the decisions we make today will have a lasting impact on the generations of tommorow." - Civ 5 BNW opening cinematic
Victory Yell
https://youtu.be/fqSyibSPq5w?t=4m46s
Other Stuff
https://gfycat.com/DismalJoyfulCaribou#
You know, I've read enough Minecraft FF that starts with the player suddenly waking up on the Overworld to make any that starts the story with that scene bore me down. Try starting before the warp or after the warp, giving the player some sort of background. I can't really imagine how your character look like without any hint of appearance existing on your first chapter, and that hampers my ability to choreograph the story in my imagination, which is bad.
I don't really know whether this is constructive or not, but I'd appreciate your work more if you can avoid cliches that many uses so that your story is a fresh surprise for the world to read. Fresh ideas are nutrition for our mind.
OcD Simple Add-On!
It is a good start, but have fun when you write more do not make it a chore.
The story of iron shire
nice! Thanks for showing me I like the story so far, but, it seems as any usual minecraft story. It has some potential, so keep up the work !
by the way, i feal like the cover art took way more effort to make than it should have
I help people in need of help. I support people that need support. I talk and reply to everything that i find interesting. And I really enjoy it. Do you need any help? If so, all you have to do is message me and be kind and i will do my best to help!!!