This also is a Remake of one of my original stories called:
AMinecraft1202: Android Glitched. Please give feedback
if you can! Thanks!
Glitched
By: AMinecraft1202
Prologue
MCE...in my opinion, one of the greatest Minecraft servers in the world. Nice staff, plenty of plots to build on, donations and ranks, what more could you ask for? Best of all, the people who come on very often are very easy to make friends with. For example, me. I'm AMinecraft1202, but you can call me Alex. Many people enjoy me on the server. I'm almost always around, except for when there is school. What ever chance I get, I'm on Dreamcraft. I;m funny, smart, and sometimes very...explainable. Most people don't mind though. Many people come and go on the server every day, and some stay forever while others will only call the server dumb and go back searching the forums. There was one player though that changed MCE for a long time. And no, it wasn't me. You could say that it was as well, though....
Chapter 1
AMine was finally on his laptop. After a long hard day at school, he finally was able to relax and enjoy the astonishing view in the far distance of MCE's buildings. MCE was the birthplace of his known Minecraftian-self. “AMine!” was shouted out in chat by nearly all of his friends there. Everybody was finally relived that AMine was on. The reason being was a big party that was being held as an anniversary for when Cjrawrdan, one of the staff members, first joined MCE. AMine teleported everyone to his house and let the party begin. I started serving food and drinks to the guests, which they all seemed to enjoy, all of which was mainly just fruits and budder. (budder was what AMine calls gold, and no I'm not copying SkyDoesMinecraft. Though I am a Sky Army Recruit.) GoldenSwag, AMine's dog, bounced happily up and down next to his friend tyllamabobcow. They all called him Ty for short, though it sometimes was mistaken for the “thank you” abbreviation. Eventually, everybody left except AMine and Ty.
“Best... party.... EVER....”, Ty said in exhaustion. He layed there on the grass covered grass outside with GoldenSwag and AMine, who both sat on the chairs next to where Ty layed.
“You liked it?”, AMine stated in relief.
“HECK ya! It was like...the best party you've ever thrown anyone on all of Minecraft!! How'd you even come up with the plans for this amazing party at all?!”
“One second Ty. I'm going to get on Mine-Chat real quick. The Computer screen in the middle of the night is starting to hurt my eyes.”, AMine said just before leaving to go get his Kindle Fire. He shut down the computer and turned on the Kindle, waiting the the unlock screen to show up. He unlocked it and booted up Mine-Chat and started talking with Ty again.
“Okay. So I'm back.” AMine exclaimed. Ty asked why he couldnt see his character moving at all, so AMine explained how these “server-chatting apps” never really did anything on the server except talk in chat. Ty stood staring at the motionless body of AMine, expecting to find a sudden jump revealed to be a prank. Nothing happened. Chat was moving once again with conversations between Ty and AMine about what they could see on YouTube and all that. AMine, after a few hours of talking decided to get back on his laptop. Ty was still on, but soon after AMine was back on, the both were already asleep on the cold flakes of grass, while GoldenSwag was sleeping on the stage.
Chapter 2
“Do you think he'll wake up, horses?”, was heard as AMine's was slowly starting to wake up.
“I don't know...”, horsesfree2run said slowly. AMine's eyes slowly opened as he adjusted to the early morning sun of Minecraft. With his hair crinkled and messy and his head full of dizziness, he sat up rubbing his head. A sudden jump-scare from behind scared AMine fully awake, and scooted backwards towards the side of the party house, knocking is head because of how swiftly he moved on the ground. He still was extremely dizzy from adjusting to the sunlight but it quickly stopped as they both started laughing like hyenas.
“You should have seen the look on your face AMine!!!” Ty laughed loudly.
“Well, AMine is a late sleeper anyways,” horses said cheerful to Ty.
“He needed an alarm clock for MCE anyways.”
Ty laughed as he helped AMine up from the ground, while horses left to go work on the new spawn for a while. It was supposed to be an amazing spawn this time, and we all couldn't wait to see it! Everybody was just as excited as I was for the new spawn. Soon after I woke up from the prank Ty and horses pulled, more people joined the server. Cjrawrdan was one of them, as well as BeeRando, the server owner, WWEDX3, and End_Rider. Plains70 and jgtpokemon123 soon appeared after them. All of them were people he knew and were also at Cj's Server Anniversary. They also were really close friends of AMine. Everyone was talking about the party from last night but it suddenly faded away as everyone stared at chat.
The chat read: “AnMinecraft1202 joined the game!”
Chapter 3
AMine, Ty, and BeeRando went to spawn to Welcome the new player. It was a really strange coincidence that AMine and AnMine would have almost the exact same name! Why would he have a modified version of AMine's skin? Is he a fellow subscriber fan of AMine's YouTube channel? It wouldn't really make sense though, so Bee continued to explain MCE to AnMine. AnMine seemed to enjoy it and continued walking with Bee until AMine noticed a weird question he overheard AnMine ask, “Where is the owner of Minecraft at here on this server?” Bee never seemed to notice it, so he asked it again. BeeRando heard it this time and was confused. He thought he meant the server.
“I'm actually the server owner of MCE.” BeeRando answered.
AnMine became confused as well.
“I said all of Minecraft, not this weird server of yours.....”
AMine shouted in the distance but Bee quickly calmed AMine down and told him in private message that its his opinion, as well as him being confused about why he asked about the owner of Minecraft, Notch. AMine replied saying he was confused as well.
AnMine started to continuously ask about where Notch was.
“He doesn't come on here!”, Plains shouted from a distance. She, as well as everyone on the server, quickly regretted answering his question.
AnMine's face became red hot in anger, with actual steam coming out of his ears and nose, as AnMine suddenly hacked his way into gaining access to the spawn plot and destroying the spawn shot by shot. Blue fire-like balls powered up in his hand each time he shot at the building, each one getting stronger. Everyone teleported to spawn and watched in horror as AnMine started destroying the place. One he finally got done, he aimed for us. We were in a large surrounding group and he was powering up hes fire-ball as big as it can get. Suddenly, he was gone.
Chapter 4
Everybody felt like crying as they saw Spawn's walls, ceilings, carpet, and everything gone and instead in piles scattered all over. The only thing that remained was dust in the air and the framing of spawn. Cjrawrdan and Ty came up from under some piles of debris, while GoldenSwag and some of the others hid from AnMine's sudden wrath upon MCE. Horses was there as well though nobody noticed. She saw how people were reacting to the horror of AnMine. She wanted to help them, more than ever. Finishing the new spawn today, wasn't going to be enough. AMine and GoldenSwag started helping people out of fallen piles of blocks and asked if they were okay. A couple were injured, but not very badly. Ty got cut on the arm because of some fallen glass, and Cj got hit in the head by some stone blocks. Horses finally spoke up.
“Okay...um....Everyone, We will ban AnMine for life for this. That should solve are problems” she said in a confident way. She was wrong though. 2 hours after the attack, AnMine was back on the server again. He wasn't as angry this time, but still seemingly suspious. Almost as if he had something planned. He was quiet as well.
“Horses, I thought you banned him!!!”, AMine shouted as he messaged horses.
“I did.....I KNOW I did...”, horses slowly said confused. Everyone else was confused as well. She banned Him again and again, but he wouldn't go. All hope was suddenly lost. AMine thought of an idea though.
Chapter 5
“What if.....and I know it sounds impossible, but... what if we went to go see Notch and ask him. He could know!”, AMine explained. Horses thought about it and she decided it was the correct thing to do. Though it might be a server problem only, or a bug or something, she decided to go with it.
“AMine is right.” Horses announced. “Cj and Plains, your coming with me. AMine, if you want you can bring some people.”
AMine knew exactly who to chose.
“Okay.....Ty, WWEDX3, and jgtpokemon123” He confirmed. Horses set up a portal and told everyone to jump in and that it would lead them there to Notch's place. So they all jumped in and expected the best.
AMine jumped through after horses, who started laughing again after he knocked his head on the sewer wall and bounced back into the water, getting his red creeper jacket wet. She started laughing again. AMine still didn't get why it was funny that he got his jacket wet. He just ignored it as the last of the people jumped through the portal.
“Really, horses? A sewer........good job.......god job.”,Cj said with sarcasm. Horses asked AMine if he still had that map she gave him sometime before all this happened. But to make matters worse, he left them at his plot during the party. Jgt questioned AMine about why their skins are almost the exact same and so on. AMine assured him that he didn't know either, until one of his questions caught his attention.
“Why is his amulet green and yours is red now?”
“Wait, what?”, AMine said in shock. He looked down at his amulet he got from being a Sky Army member. The jewel inside turned from purple to red, which glowed like a light in the dark sewer.
Suddenly, AMine felt electricity run through him like a bolt of lightning. AMine suddenly was in serious pain, but tried to ignore it. It didn't come back until later which happened while they were still walking. Horses soon came to a stop and placed a couple beds.
“We'll rest here for the night, guys.”
“WHAT?! With all the smelliness and the water?! What kind of idea is that?!” WWEDX3 shouted.
“Hey dude, calm down. The smell got the monsters away, plus its better than going back up there.” Horses calmly replied. They all could still here all the shots of fire-balls used by AnMine. As well as earthquake like rumbles of blocks hitting the ground.
“Besides,” Horses continued, “the water will save our fall if we drop!”
“Good point.” They all agreed. So they all got in our own beds and slept there, ignoring the sounds of Endermen and Zombies below the waterfall behind them.
Chapter 6
They woke up to find the noises of AnMine gone, as well as the zombies dying from drowning in the water. AMine felt another surge of electricity go through him, and it was way worse than the last. He told everyone what was happening and they they looked back to see AMine have the surge again. Horses saw black corrupted code slithering slowly up my legs.
“AMINE WE HAVE TO GO TO NOTCH NOW!!” Horses shouted in fear. We all ran as fast as we could. Everyone still ached from the destruction they've been through when they last saw AnMine. Ty's cut in his arm looked better, but it started going to his muscles in his arm. And Cj was starting to have nausea. They avoided trying to watch him throw up. We soon got to Notch's office were they burst through the door.
“I'm really sorry if we interrupted your work, sir, but we have a serious problem that we think you might know the answer to.” AMine said out of breath.
“Right you are on a serious problem! Barging through my door like that when I'm working...”Notch said with an angry tone.
“Please Notch, just listen to A102craft...” Cj begged.
“My name is AMine, Cj.....” AMine corrected.
“Whatever.”
Notch rubbed his head and sighed in frustration.
“What is it you want. What do you need me for?” Notch sighed. Suddenly, he saw AMine glitch for once. The corrupted code that was once at his feet were now up to his knees in and instant.
“Ow.......Notch its hurts, please help...” Notch watch in awe as the amulet AMine wore turned from red to black, as if the colors drained out of it. Notch looked at AMine and looked surprised in fear. He immediately went to the internet and look for a relation to the glitching that occurred on AMine. Notch found one thing on the entire internet. It was an article from 2009 of a similar event were a player was coincidentally remade into an evil form. People fled from the server and never came back after the cloned player took over it because of destruction.
Notch explained that these things were called “Androids” and usually are created when a player is cloned from 2 or more different devices used on the same Minecraft account at one time. AMine remembered what happened..... When he got back on the computer, he left his kindle on Mine-Chat still running! Everyone asked how they could get rid of this entire mess. Notch replied with a smooth voice.“War.”
Chapter 7
Notch told everyone to go back to MCE. He had a plan that would free us from the Android. They all ran as fast as we could back into the portal were Notch was already standing. The clouds were dusty orange with dark clouds covering the world.
AMine's final glitch had just now been activate though. He was reprogrammed into one of many others who had the same amulet. Angelzof_War, bdh2003, SkytheKidRS, even AntVenom. They all were brought here to destroy the server, and AMine became a suddenly major part of it. The Android finally noticed notch and the gang of players behind him.
“There you are......Notch....” The Android said in a slithering voice.
“Step down right now, AnMine, your destroying an innocent server that's done nothing wrong.” Notch yelled to the flying AnMine.
“I'm Not the one destroying the server, Notch. They are.” AnMine said as he pointed down towards the hoard of glitched players.
“They aren't your slaves. Let them go. Now.” Notch yelled fiercely. He gathered the rest of the players that weren't glitched around and got the ready for battle.
“Oh really, Notch? Slaves, Attack these pathetic people.”,AnMine said with no regrets. The Glitches players came running towards Notch and the others, with swords and other items that became overpowered as soon as AnMine said to attack. Notch got ready to aim a giant orange fire-ball at AnMine, while others tried to defend themselves with some diamond armor. Notches fire-balls missed and AnMine attacked back. Jgt used his poke-balls to save the slaves 3 at a time. Ty used his redstone engineering to set traps with potions in attempt to change them back to who they were before. Horses and the other admins used commands. Nothing worked. For over a half hour they tried and nothing worked. Suddenly, an Explosion big enough to wipe out the entire server happens. Notch has been hit by AnMine. Jgt noticed now that everyone was heavily injured, Horses, Ty, Cj, they almost are dead. They're panting very rapidly hoping to be saved by Notch, not knowing hes one of the injured. Jgt looks at the Android, who creepily smiles at him. Jgt looked at his health bar since he had the Damage Indicators Mod on Forge.... and he saw how much health of AnMine was left. 2 hearts were left until the monster was defeated. He slowly pulls out a poke-ball. AnMine is completely confused. Jgt throws it and hits AnMine right in the head and knocks him down. The Android was defeated. Suddenly a loud WHOOSH sweeps across the server like an atomic bomb. The wind resets the entire server in reverse. Buildings reconstruct back to normal, the clouds go from orange to blue, and everyone has returned to normal. AMine runs up to Jgt in amazement.
“You DID IT!!” He shouts.
“You actually really did it!!!”
Jgt grins happily. Soon everyone else comes up to him in awe. Notch is the last one to come up to him.
“Jgt, for saving me and an entire servers life, I present to you, the Golden Cape. This cape is only wore by people who means something in life. Of course everybody else here gets one, but you saved my life. Thank you, Jgt.” Notch nods as he teleports away back to his office.
“I still have one question though...”
“Whats that?”AMine asks.
“Ty has the same amulet as you......how come he didn't turn into a slave?”
It's great to hear that your friends and parents are there to support you, although I think there is room for much more than 25% improvement here. Also, don't use your age as an excuse for why your story can't reach its full potential. This is becoming a pet-peeve of mine. I don't hear the "this isn't proofread" excuse quite as often, but it is still just as frustrating because of how it can be used as a blanket excuse for explaining away any flaw in the story.
Now for your story itself...
The first issue I notice with your story is the lack of consistency. The perspective switches abruptly between first and third person, and the environment switches inappropriately between people in real life playing Minecraft and people in a Minecraft fantasy world.
The second issue I notice is your overuse of passive writing. As a very simple example, active writing is "The dog dug up the bone," while passive writing is: "The bone was dug up by the dog." As another example, active writing is "The police arrested the boy," while passive writing is "An arrest on the boy was made by the police." Passive writing should be avoided whenever possible, because it makes your story more wordy and confusing without conveying any additional information. In general, try to put more important information at the front of the sentence, unless it's some sort of list or chronological sequence.
Some of the word choice also feels rather awkward. For example, "flakes of grass" is not a good way to describe grass (it makes me think of corn flakes). There are also vague verbs that could be replaced with more specific ones to make the story more immersive.
There are also a lot of places in your story that are confusing because they are missing important details. Readers are going to come into your story with reasonable assumptions of how the real world works and how vanilla Minecraft works. They also can't read your mind. Some of the things that I didn't know were...
how a Kindle fire works,
how that chat program works,
what mods the Minecraft servers have installed,
the fact that "horses" is someone's in-game-name as opposed to a herd of talking horses,
how magic logically fits into your story's world (or however it is that those iPhones Androids work) Even if it doesn't follow the laws of physics or actual Minecraft game mechanics, it still has to make sense. Even if it makes sense to you from the beginning, you have to prepare your reader for it in order to get the reader to accept it.
It's great to hear that your friends and parents are there to support you, although I think there is room for much more than 25% improvement here. Also, don't use your age as an excuse for why your story can't reach its full potential. This is becoming a pet-peeve of mine. I don't hear the "this isn't proofread" excuse quite as often, but it is still just as frustrating because of how it can be used as a blanket excuse for explaining away any flaw in the story.
Now for your story itself...
The first issue I notice with your story is the lack of consistency. The perspective switches abruptly between first and third person, and the environment switches inappropriately between people in real life playing Minecraft and people in a Minecraft fantasy world.
The second issue I notice is your overuse of passive writing. As a very simple example, active writing is "The dog dug up the bone," while passive writing is: "The bone was dug up by the dog." As another example, active writing is "The police arrested the boy," while passive writing is "An arrest on the boy was made by the police." Passive writing should be avoided whenever possible, because it makes your story more wordy and confusing without conveying any additional information. In general, try to put more important information at the front of the sentence, unless it's some sort of list or chronological sequence.
Some of the word choice also feels rather awkward. For example, "flakes of grass" is not a good way to describe grass (it makes me think of corn flakes). There are also vague verbs that could be replaced with more specific ones to make the story more immersive.
There are also a lot of places in your story that are confusing because they are missing important details. Readers are going to come into your story with reasonable assumptions of how the real world works and how vanilla Minecraft works. They also can't read your mind. Some of the things that I didn't know were...
how a Kindle fire works,
how that chat program works,
what mods the Minecraft servers have installed,
the fact that "horses" is someone's in-game-name as opposed to a herd of talking horses,
how magic logically fits into your story's world (or however it is that those iPhones Androids work) Even if it doesn't follow the laws of physics or actual Minecraft game mechanics, it still has to make sense. Even if it makes sense to you from the beginning, you have to prepare your reader for it in order to get the reader to accept it.
This makes a lot of sense. And I don't have Microsoft word. My mom can't afford it just yet, so I had to use OpenOffice. That should explain the errors on misspelling words into thinking that it it was "we" instead of "they".....I hate auto corrects. The switching between first and third was a mistake. The 2 different "worlds" I did think about and tried to solve it. I couldn't some how because there's no kindles in minecraft. And if there were no kindles, the whole book wouldn't make any sense so there's that. The glowing fireballs from Notch both and the android I added in just to show how powerful they are. I have no idea what mods are installed on the server. Jgt was the one who would use Forge and use mods to defeat the corrupted players. Other than that, nothing much else shouldn't not make sense. Horsesfree2run has the nickname "horses" if you're wondering that. Kindled used a lot by people so I assume they would know. The app MineChat is a real app you can download and a lot of people on the real MCE use it. I will try to improve though if I create anymore books. If you still can't explain something, tell me and I'll try to help. Thanks for the feedback!
EDIT: The flakes of grass thing were auto corrected. "He layed there on the green covered grass outside..."was what I ment for the first one. The second one, I meant for nothing to be in the spot been "cold" and "grass". The reason for ALL of these mistakes were because it wasn't proof read. That's not an excuse. I worked ALL NIGHT so when I finally uploaded it to this page, I was too tired to 're read the whole thing. So there's that.
By: AMinecraft1202
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Curse PremiumNow for your story itself...
The second issue I notice is your overuse of passive writing. As a very simple example, active writing is "The dog dug up the bone," while passive writing is: "The bone was dug up by the dog." As another example, active writing is "The police arrested the boy," while passive writing is "An arrest on the boy was made by the police." Passive writing should be avoided whenever possible, because it makes your story more wordy and confusing without conveying any additional information. In general, try to put more important information at the front of the sentence, unless it's some sort of list or chronological sequence.
Some of the word choice also feels rather awkward. For example, "flakes of grass" is not a good way to describe grass (it makes me think of corn flakes). There are also vague verbs that could be replaced with more specific ones to make the story more immersive.
There are also a lot of places in your story that are confusing because they are missing important details. Readers are going to come into your story with reasonable assumptions of how the real world works and how vanilla Minecraft works. They also can't read your mind. Some of the things that I didn't know were...
iPhonesAndroids work) Even if it doesn't follow the laws of physics or actual Minecraft game mechanics, it still has to make sense. Even if it makes sense to you from the beginning, you have to prepare your reader for it in order to get the reader to accept it.This makes a lot of sense. And I don't have Microsoft word. My mom can't afford it just yet, so I had to use OpenOffice. That should explain the errors on misspelling words into thinking that it it was "we" instead of "they".....I hate auto corrects. The switching between first and third was a mistake. The 2 different "worlds" I did think about and tried to solve it. I couldn't some how because there's no kindles in minecraft. And if there were no kindles, the whole book wouldn't make any sense so there's that. The glowing fireballs from Notch both and the android I added in just to show how powerful they are. I have no idea what mods are installed on the server. Jgt was the one who would use Forge and use mods to defeat the corrupted players. Other than that, nothing much else shouldn't not make sense. Horsesfree2run has the nickname "horses" if you're wondering that. Kindled used a lot by people so I assume they would know. The app MineChat is a real app you can download and a lot of people on the real MCE use it. I will try to improve though if I create anymore books. If you still can't explain something, tell me and I'll try to help. Thanks for the feedback!
EDIT: The flakes of grass thing were auto corrected. "He layed there on the green covered grass outside..."was what I ment for the first one. The second one, I meant for nothing to be in the spot been "cold" and "grass". The reason for ALL of these mistakes were because it wasn't proof read. That's not an excuse. I worked ALL NIGHT so when I finally uploaded it to this page, I was too tired to 're read the whole thing. So there's that.