Go back to your HOUSE so you can try to figure out if the object the gorilla mentioned is in the wall of every home like he said. While you're on the way there, keep an eye out for any strangers with a MAGENTA FINGERTIP, while concealing your own MAGENTA FINGERTIP by curling your hands into fists as you walk.
We need to rest. Lets head HOME. Then, we shall sleep.
You think about THE EYE... You're fairly certain there isn't any such thing in your HOUSE, but you don't really feel like going back and checking. Your HOUSE, which sits at the third floor of an APARTMENT COMPLEX, is sort of far away, and you didn't walk all this way just to walk back! There aren't many strangers around either, though you suppose you'll have to watch and see that they aren't members of a magenta/gorilla/hallucination/occult-based cult.
Smash Pie Smasher into EmagPots until it catches on fire.
What? No way! EMAGPOTS is the best VIDEO GAME store around! And by that you mean it's the ONLY VIDEO GAME store around. You're not about to demolish such a valuable resource of entertainment! And besides, you don't want to know how many swings that would take. You're not THAT strong.
Take off the Gorilla Poster, throw the EXPIRED HEART into the deli, then replace the poster and poke it with your magenta fingerprint.
You get a GREAT IDEA. You take off the GORILLA FACE (BUT NOT REALLY) POSTER, once again exposing the actual entrance to the GORILLA MURDER HUT AND DELI. You can only see darkness on the other side (have the lights been shut off again?), but regardless, you concentrate really hard, your INVENTORY throwing the EXPIRED HEART through the hole. You anticipate that it'll cause quite a mess, resulting in the GORILLA having to spend precious minutes cleaning it up!
THE PERFECT CRIME.
You poke the POSTER with your MAGENTA FINGERPRINT for about a second. Nothing happens. While you do that, another POSTER replaces the one you tore down. You guess this means you can infinitely farm POSTERS...?
Open the CHEST. Proceed to take out the CONTENTS of the CHEST if it opens, and if it doesn't, smash the CHEST with your PIE-SMASHER. If that fails, eat the PIE on your PIE-SMASHER to recover your HP.
Open chest, then eat two pies for healing. We're at 1 HP thanks to that shield, a punch to our face could fell us!
Also, we need to experiment with whatever it is that MAGENTA FINGERPRINT does.
You deploy the CHEST you got from the end of that long corridor. Just by touching it, it opens itself, as if it was made specifically for you. You find a bounty of spoils waiting inside! You claim 700 MONIES, plus some other items: a MEAT GRINDER (which looks some kind of weapon), 30 ICKY SAUSAGES (which look significantly worse than the ones you found earlier), 5 GEL RATIONS (jiggling cubes of an indeterminate gelatin-based substance), a DELI MAP (which would have been useful earlier), an EYE PENDANT (it stares at you unnervingly), and a FLAMETHROWER (which looks absolutely badass).
Of these items, you only have space for the MEAT GRINDER. The other items remain in the CHEST, unable to be actually used unless you gain more inventory space. You put the CHEST back in your INVENTORY, once again filling it up. You also eat 2 PIES, regaining 6 HP. You now have 7/8 HP.
You wonder where to start with the MAGENTA FINGERPRINT... Something seemed to be happening when you touched THE PIE-SMASHER with it. But what other experiments could you do that would test its power?
Is there a pie store? Or are we capable of making pie? We will do either, cooking as priority.
Is there a PIE STORE? IS THERE A PIE STORE??? Of COURSE there's a PIE STORE! And just any old PIE STORE. At the very end of this busy line of stores and shopping centers rests THE PIE STORE, a fabled establishment that is home to some of the very best PIES you've ever had the pleasure of tasting. You go there every SUNDAY to have a bite to eat, and to stockpile your collection. You've been such a great customer that you're starting to get some food for free.
That's what you're doing now! You got sidetracked thanks to the GORILLA MURDER HUT AND DELI, but your primary goal today WILL be realized in any way possible! You're going to THE PIE STORE, and you're eating some goddamn PIE.
...And you're definitely not COOKING it. To be honest, you can make some good food, if you say so yourself. Food that requires minimal effort, such as RAMEN NOODLES or WAFFLES or any assortment of EGGS. But whatever the case, you simply can't cook PIE. The last time you did... Well. That was THE BITE OF '87.
You simply shudder just thinking about it. You see no alternative. The day you cook PIE again will be the day HELL freezes over.
Take the second poster and upgrade the Pie-Smasher with it to the DOUBLE-SHAFTED PIE-SMASHER! With revolutionary two-rolled-up-posters-sticking-out-of-the-pie-with-a-45-degree-seperation technology!!!1!! Now you can hold your pie and hit stuff with it too! (You could do that before, of course, but now you can use two hands for MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY!)
You take the second GORILLA POSTER and apply it to your weapon, creating an upgraded version of your previous one. It is now THE PIE-SMASHER DELUXE! You think the extra POSTER makes it sturdier, with additional attack power. It certainly feels heavier!
Check the stats of your new PIE-SMASHER, after that, encounter the person in the purple shirt that has a red exclamation mark hovering above its head in the BRICK & CO. If not, then enter the BRICK & CO. To buy bricks, obviously!
Look in the broken window of Brick & Co, also, take window shards and apply them in a ring around PIE-SMASHER to give it a chance to inflict bleed upon struck enemies. A hammer with spikes is better than a hammer without spikes, besides, it's not like you were going to get to eat that pie anyways.
MSPA reader Minecraft forum-goer: Ponder the mysteries of life, pie, where the heck the other party members could possibly be, and when we're actually going to get some inkling as to what the heck is going on.
You're a little hesitant about using GLASS SHARDS in a weapon. We gotta keep this game PG-RATED, right? No blood or anything like that! There definitely hasn't been any before, and there won't be any moving forward!
Yes, that is quite the predicament. You, and I mean you the reader, not JEFF, think to yourself about when this plot is actually going to happen and when you're going to see what the deal with this game. I come down from the sky and tell you not to worry, because as long as none of you do anything irrevocably stupid, you'll get to that soon.
I expect that this will be the moment where one of you does something irrevocably stupid.
Do a stupid dance while unleashing a VICTORY SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!
On one hand, you're glad no one's around to make fun of you for doing this, but on the other hand, you're upset that no one's around to see the explicit and unbridled majesty of what you're doing right now. This is art in its purest form.
Heckle anyone in sight and even those out of sight, you must assert dominance over these pathetic plebs.
You don't feel much like HECKLING anyone! That's just not the type of guy you are. You swear to be nice to everyone, except for people you really don't like. They deserve a swift burial... inside a COFFIN. By which you mean a MEAT PIE, obviously.
You recall there being an alarmed man in the Brick Factory. He even had an ! above his head, and you know that ! means quest! Go forth, and prepare to kill 5 rats!
Move towards (or into) the brick store in the most silly and passerby-attention-attracting way possible.
You move to BRICK & CO., a large family-run store that specializes in selling... well, it's pretty obvious. Construction companies go here all the time to buy loads of BRICKS, which can be easily bought wholesale. You see a lot of ordinary people go in here all the time too, which has always led you to wonder what's so important about BRICKS. You guess it's time you found out.
You start to walk to the door, but someone else opens it for you. It's a guy with a nametag, probably someone who works at the store. They look upset, but also, somehow, glad to see you. The person ushers you inside. "Quickly, come in! Mr. Brick has been expecting you!" MR. BRICK, huh? Wow, you wonder who that could be.
The worker leads you to a door at the far end of the store, and then up a staircase. You find yourself in a pretty luxurious office that belongs to MR. BRICK himself - CORNELIUS BRICK SR., the owner of BRICK & CO. You have heard legends about this man. How he started this company when he was a boy and steered it into becoming the superpower it is today, how he sits on a veritable fortune, and how he's actually a pretty nice guy. Unfortunately, he looks very cold and stern now. You wonder what happened.
"Thank you, grandson," MR. BRICK says. The person who brought you in nods and leaves the room. MR. BRICK keeps talking to you. "You must be JEFF COLEMAN, right? I've seen the BULLIES harass you every time you walk down this road... But it isn't my place to interfere. The point is, I've seen you in combat. You're a GREAT fighter. And I need someone with those skills." MR. BRICK leans back, explaining his tale.
"You see, I'm in quite a predicament. I've been running this business perfectly well for years, with the occasional shoplift or so. But I've always had my trusty team of WORKERS to fight back, not to mention the SECURITY SYSTEMS. However, just an hour or two ago, one of the GLASS WINDOWS of this establishment was shattered! A THIEF was able to sneak in and burgle a hefty portion of my BRICK SUPPLIES, put them in HAMMERSPACE, and run off..."
MR. BRICK sighs, and you can't help but join in. This guy has it rough. ROBBERIES almost never happen thanks to the end of PAPER MONEY, but someone managed to find a way... You can already tell where this is going. "I wasn't able to see the THIEF very well, but it looked like he was wearing all BLACK. He darted off into an alleyway. I called the POLICE, but they're probably off eating DONUTS. Which brings me to you, one of the best fighters in the city. Could you help me track down this THIEF and bring him to justice?"
You have to admit, it would be very satisfying to take down a criminal. You'd finally be a HERO for once! MR. BRICK can seemingly sense your enthusiasm, for his face lights up. "Oh! If you accept, I'll let you in any time! I'll even include a free CRAFTING TABLE if you purchase something from my store!" ...Wait. CRAFTING TABLE? "Didn't you know? BRICKS are excellent CRAFTING ITEMS! You can make a surprising amount of things from them! Tools, weapons, golems... You'd need a CRAFTING TABLE first, though! That way you can actually make the stuff! What do you say? Are you willing to help an old man?"
The possibility of fame AND an opportunity to make great items is irresistible. You accept.
SIDEQUEST UNLOCKED: CRIMINAL JUSTICE
MR. BRICK is estatic. "Thank you, kind sir! As a token of appreciation, I offer you some of our fine wares. You can return later to buy them if you wish."
BRICK & CO. has the following items for sale: a BRICK (used in CRAFTING), a BUNDLE OF BRICKS (a better deal that can be used as one item or split into individual BRICKS), a BLOCK OF BRICKS (an even better deal that acts as a gigantic BRICK), a GOLDEN BRICK (a mystical item that requires some other item to even buy), and an INVENTORY EXPANDER (which looks VERY useful).
Thank him kindly and see if you have enough monies to buy the Inventory Expander.
Buy the inventory expander if you can, but leave the later purchases for when you have a CRAFTING TABLE and can thus CRAFT some WICKED-SICK WEAPONRY.
Also, look around outside of where the window was broken and see if you can find any leads as to where the thief went. If you find no leads, continue on to the glorious PIE STORE! Otherwise, move onwards to see if you can locate the thief.
Consider all your money to be marked for important things, then check how much money you have. If you have enough, buy the inventory expander from the brick store.
Think about how delicious DONUTS like the ones the POLICE are having right now taste. Imagine a new kind of pie: A DONUT PIE. Immediately head to THE PIE STORE, and give them your new idea, in hope of reward. If no reward is given, throw the brick you just bought at the cashier. OF COURSE THERE'S A REWARD.
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Please check out my PvP map based around explosions and fire, FireFight!
Sometimes, I wonder why they call mapmakers mapmakers and not cartographers.
Try to use the pie smasher onto walls because they are obviously the thieves we search to assassinate(walls are the ones who wants the most to steal bricks) and then if I somehow break a wall I get its bricks and I bring them as an evidence the wall did stole bricks to the brick-shop.
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
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Purchase a BRICK, and shove it into the PIE-SHAFTER/SMASHER DELUXE's head. That'll give it increased smashing power! Then, head to the scene of the break-in, and look for fingerprints, hints of where the their might've gone, ect...
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
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Compliement Brick Sr.'s fine choice of attire.
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Posts may contain high amounts of stupid.
. And you know what the best part of all this is? You'll DO it. And then you'll lose to me again. And again. And again!!! Because you want a "happy ending." Because you "love your friends." Because you "never give up." Isn't that delicious? Your "determination." The power that let you get this far... It's gonna be your downfall!
"THIS IS EQUAL PARTS FUNNY AND SAD."
"STOP LAUGHING AND KILL THE BUNNY!"
"YOU'RE GETTING QUOTED ON THAT ONE, CALLING IT NOW. WHY ARE YOU LOSING IT OVER ONE ENEMY ANYWAY?"
"I DON'T KNOW! THERE'S A BLANK SCREEN WHENEVER I PERFORM A MEMORY SEARCH! NOTHING SHOWS UP!"
Thank him kindly and see if you have enough monies to buy the Inventory Expander.
Buy the inventory expander if you can, but leave the later purchases for when you have a CRAFTING TABLE and can thus CRAFT some WICKED-SICK WEAPONRY.
Also, look around outside of where the window was broken and see if you can find any leads as to where the thief went. If you find no leads, continue on to the glorious PIE STORE! Otherwise, move onwards to see if you can locate the thief.
Consider all your money to be marked for important things, then check how much money you have. If you have enough, buy the inventory expander from the brick store.
Purchase a BRICK, and shove it into the PIE-SHAFTER/SMASHER DELUXE's head. That'll give it increased smashing power! Then, head to the scene of the break-in, and look for fingerprints, hints of where the their might've gone, ect...
Feel for the TINGLY FEELING on the back of your head.
If nothing is there, then buy the INVENTORY EXPANDER and take everything you can fit in your new INVENTORY, and get rid of the ICKY SAUSAGES.
There isn't anything there. The feeling dissipated as soon as you looked away.
Finding a way to satiate the desires in your head, you spend 300 MONIES to purchase the INVENTORY EXPANDER and 5 BRICKS! As a result of this purchase, you earn a FREE CRAFTING TABLE! MR. BRICK applauds for you, politely of course, to celebrate becoming a member of his fine establishment. "Well done! As promised, I've included a CRAFTING TABLE. If you're ever stuck with how it works, feel free to ask me for advice. I'm a master with the thing, you know. I even made this one myself!"
You use the INVENTORY EXPANDER immediately, feeling that it will be the most useful of your items. You feel the supposedly infinite pockets of HAMMERSPACE grow bigger... somehow. You've gained 7 new INVENTORY SLOTS, bringing your total up to 14! You then use one of the BRICKS with the PIE-SMASHER DELUXE, shifting its style from APPLE to APPLE/BRICK. You now have 4 BRICKS.
Lastly, you take everything from the CHEST that you couldn't before, and discard the ICKY SAUSAGES, putting them in a WASTE RECEPTACLE that's near you. THE SAUSAGES disappear, and you hear the belch of fire as they travel down the chute. With that in mind, your INVENTORY now looks like this.
JEFF COLEMAN aka THE PIE-GUY [LEVEL 2]
HP: 7/8
ATK: MAX (WEAPON: PIE-SMASHER DELUXE | APPLE/BRICK STYLE)
Ask if Cornelius Brick Sr. has a cutthroat business board game based off of him.
MR. BRICK laughs and coughs a bit before answering. "Aheh, no, that would actually be my older brother. MR. MONEYBAGS is what the family calls him. He's an interesting person, but he doesn't live around here. You'd have to rent a PRIVATE YACHT in order to sail to the ISLAND he lives on. Somewhere in the PACIFIC, from what I've heard. Very far. But yes, MONOPOLY is his creation. I'm glad you caught the resemblance. I've never been good at the game myself, but then again, OL' MONEYBAGS was never very good at the things I enjoyed either."
Take note of Brick Sr. clothing size, emergency disguises are always a nice thing to have.
You examine MR. BRICK's SET OF GENTLEMANLY ATTIRE approvingly, making a note of his clothing size. MR. BRICK follows your keen ogle and grins wickedly after you voice your compliment. "Why, thank you. Just because bricks are a bit dull around the edges doesn't mean I can't be a sharp dresser, correct?" You nod, appreciating the joke.
Don't waste time! Charge after the thief into a random alleyway! Continue running through alleyways until we find him!
MR. BRICK points an accusatory finger at his SERVICEABLE TOP HAT. "Of course I have a SPARE, but I'm not going to just give it to you. You'd like that, wouldn't you? I mean, you are a valuable ally and customer, but you're going to need a cool 99,999 MONIES in order to purchase that thing." The hinges of your mouth creak open as you stare in shock. You've never had that much money in your entire life.
You resolve to start your hunt for the THIEF, leaving the room. MR. BRICK tips his hat to you as you leave. "Goodbye, JEFF COLEMAN! Keep your wits about you!" You grin and leave the store, standing at its entrance. You look out into the street, wondering where to start, before realizing that you should really turn around.
You do this, of course, because you remember that MR. BRICK said that the THIEF was able to steal the BRICKS by smashing a GLASS WINDOW, and you explicitly remember seeing such a WINDOW upon nearing the store. No doubt about it. This is the scene of the crime. And judging from the evidence that was left behind, you think you can tell exactly what happened. The THIEF snuck in, took the goods, and then kept one BRICK for himself to smash the WINDOW from the inside so he could escape and jump through. In his haste, he dropped the BRICK... and an INCRIMINATING BLACK GLOVE. You consider pocketing both, but do nothing.
Yes, no doubt that's what he did... But you have to wonder why. Even though there were SECURITY SYSTEMS, smashing through a window doesn't really work because it attracts attention. You mean, it creates a really REALLY loud noise, and then all the flying glass that cascades onto the floor is a dead giveaway. You appreciate the entire of throwing a brick through a window to escape with some bricks in tow, but it just doesn't make sense.
You wonder who this THIEF is, and what he's thinking about now. You wonder if you'll get that opportunity.
You're also very hesitant about pursuing the THIEF into the alleyway MR. BRICK said he crept into. You, being the GENRE SAVVY PROTAGONIST we all know and love, are very aware that alleyways are artifices of destruction. When you step into one, especially at night, you're inviting horror and death at your doorstep. You're either getting MUGGED BY A THIEF, VISITED BY A PSYCHO CLOWN, STAMPEDED BY ALLEYCATS, A FOURTH OPTION THAT ELUDES YOU, or AN UNHOLY COMBINATION OF THE ABOVE.
The only way out would be if a SUPERHERO were to rescue you. But as you know all to well, SUPERHEROES are fake. Even though you wish they weren't.
Try to use the pie smasher onto walls because they are obviously the thieves we search to assassinate(walls are the ones who wants the most to steal bricks) and then if I somehow break a wall I get its bricks and I bring them as an evidence the wall did stole bricks to the brick-shop.
You briefly entertain the notion that the THIEF was a BRICK WALL because walls would obviously want to steal bricks so they can grow. A few hours ago you would have dismissed such a thought as CRACKPOTTERY or, dare you say it, TOMFOOLERY. But after stumbling into a locked meat deli operated by gorillas who possess advanced technology and magic a few yards from each other, you're not so easily swayed by doubt.
Don't purchase anything. It's better to save up for the Inventory Expander.
Then go back to the Gorilla Murder Hut & Deli, and farm up a sufficent amount of Posters.
You pull off the GORILLA POSTER 5 times, and each time it is replaced. In this way, you gain +5 GORILLA POSTERS for no apparent reason and store them in your inventory. After you gain 5, though, a different poster spawns in its place. You... You can't remove this one. That's mildly disconcerting.
The Brick Store? That's boring. Pie Store for the win! Enter it, and buy as many pies as possible without running out of money for rent or other important things!
Think about how delicious DONUTS like the ones the POLICE are having right now taste. Imagine a new kind of pie: A DONUT PIE. Immediately head to THE PIE STORE, and give them your new idea, in hope of reward. If no reward is given, throw the brick you just bought at the cashier. OF COURSE THERE'S A REWARD.
Yes, there's no doubt about it. Even with all the PROBLEM SLEUTHING and GORILLA HUNTING you've been doing, you know that there's something eluding you. And that thing is the crux behind your madness, the premise of your quest. It's the reason you went on this walk to begin with. You are, of course, talking about your weekly visit to THE PIE STORE. You have waited for this all week, and are as excited as you've ever been. You keep your hands in your pockets for a subconscious reason, but there's no one to be found.
The streets are empty, and the peanut gallery has slunk off to bother someone else. It feels like months ago they pestered you. Now, you walk this journey in solitude, alone with no one but your thoughts. Those that belong to you and those that belong to the viewers controlling your actions. Yet you make no attempt to stop them. Why would you? You have no idea. At least, not yet.
Yes, it is true that you're alone with your thoughts. But your thoughts aren't very bad at all! Quite the contrary, actually. They're rather fascinating. They consist... entirely of PIE FANTASIES. Wow, who would have guessed?? You wonder what PIE THE PIE STORE will have for display. KEY LIME? MANGO? The possibilities are endless. Even though you've already tasted their flavors, the workers there anticipate your weekly presence and have begun making NEW FLAVORS without telling you what they are. You have to guess. If you guess right, you gain NOTORIETY AND FAME for a few minutes. You haven't lost yet, and you don't plan to.
You're a bit of a celebrity down at THE PIE STORE, you have to say. You're well known for your visits, and you're the most regularly scheduled regular there is. Week in and week out, you're THE PIE STORE's constant source of income... even though they've been giving you food for free lately. You don't mind much, of course. MONIES are pretty hard to come by. You got very lucky with the CHEST from the DELI.
Ah, yes. You should be coming up on THE PIE STORE any second now. When you turn your head, you're going to be standing right in front of it. You can picture it in your mind's eye. The welcoming brick structure, chiseled in the appearance of a wayside rectangular prism. The huge sign with its carefully selected font. The windows that are gateways into the building's soul, revealing the hopefully bustling crowd within. The... The.
THE HUGE "FOR SALE" SIGN STRAPPED ON TOP OF IT?!
You stare at THE PIE STORE in complete and utter shock. Your eyes are wide open, your pupils pinpricks. Your mouth is twisted in a smile that realizes it should be a frown but hasn't yet made the leap. Your hands are wrapping themselves tightly, as if you're praying to some laughing god that it's all just a joke. But it isn't. Static consumes your head. You feel a piece of your heart... die.
You blink fifty times, hoping that each time you blink, the big red banner will fade. But it doesn't. The LOGO is starting to fade due to age, and the windows that once reflected the lights within are now dim... The bustling noise you once heard has packed up and left, and the resulting silence is deafening. There's no one in THE PIE STORE now. But there is someone standing outside. It's THE PIE STORE'S OWNER.
You contemplate your next move.
JEFF COLEMAN aka THE PIE-GUY [LEVEL 2]
HP: 7/8
ATK: MAX (WEAPON: PIE-SMASHER DELUXE | APPLE/BRICK STYLE)
I doubt it, but it takes Twin hours to update, I imagine. and he's a busy fella.
Fair enough. /null
His world shalt be entered on the day of legends.
Current avatar: Imp from Media Molecule's own Dreams
#TeamRowlet #TeamSun
FF14: Gold Zephzellian World: Zalera
My Characters
Hi! This is me, hello!
I'm Vevos! HIS INNER DEMON.
Get out! I'm Alice!
Hey! I'm Draco!
Please help my Pokemon grow: http://pfq.me/GoldHero101
Heckle anyone in sight and even those out of sight, you must assert dominance over these pathetic plebs.
He ate the bread that he made from stone
He fell from the Temple, never broke a bone
Bowed down to the Emperor and watched as former King was overthrown
He sits alone on his throne.
You think about THE EYE... You're fairly certain there isn't any such thing in your HOUSE, but you don't really feel like going back and checking. Your HOUSE, which sits at the third floor of an APARTMENT COMPLEX, is sort of far away, and you didn't walk all this way just to walk back! There aren't many strangers around either, though you suppose you'll have to watch and see that they aren't members of a magenta/gorilla/hallucination/occult-based cult.
What? No way! EMAGPOTS is the best VIDEO GAME store around! And by that you mean it's the ONLY VIDEO GAME store around. You're not about to demolish such a valuable resource of entertainment! And besides, you don't want to know how many swings that would take. You're not THAT strong.
You get a GREAT IDEA. You take off the GORILLA FACE (BUT NOT REALLY) POSTER, once again exposing the actual entrance to the GORILLA MURDER HUT AND DELI. You can only see darkness on the other side (have the lights been shut off again?), but regardless, you concentrate really hard, your INVENTORY throwing the EXPIRED HEART through the hole. You anticipate that it'll cause quite a mess, resulting in the GORILLA having to spend precious minutes cleaning it up!
THE PERFECT CRIME.
You poke the POSTER with your MAGENTA FINGERPRINT for about a second. Nothing happens. While you do that, another POSTER replaces the one you tore down. You guess this means you can infinitely farm POSTERS...?
You deploy the CHEST you got from the end of that long corridor. Just by touching it, it opens itself, as if it was made specifically for you. You find a bounty of spoils waiting inside! You claim 700 MONIES, plus some other items: a MEAT GRINDER (which looks some kind of weapon), 30 ICKY SAUSAGES (which look significantly worse than the ones you found earlier), 5 GEL RATIONS (jiggling cubes of an indeterminate gelatin-based substance), a DELI MAP (which would have been useful earlier), an EYE PENDANT (it stares at you unnervingly), and a FLAMETHROWER (which looks absolutely badass).
Of these items, you only have space for the MEAT GRINDER. The other items remain in the CHEST, unable to be actually used unless you gain more inventory space. You put the CHEST back in your INVENTORY, once again filling it up. You also eat 2 PIES, regaining 6 HP. You now have 7/8 HP.
You wonder where to start with the MAGENTA FINGERPRINT... Something seemed to be happening when you touched THE PIE-SMASHER with it. But what other experiments could you do that would test its power?
Is there a PIE STORE? IS THERE A PIE STORE??? Of COURSE there's a PIE STORE! And just any old PIE STORE. At the very end of this busy line of stores and shopping centers rests THE PIE STORE, a fabled establishment that is home to some of the very best PIES you've ever had the pleasure of tasting. You go there every SUNDAY to have a bite to eat, and to stockpile your collection. You've been such a great customer that you're starting to get some food for free.
That's what you're doing now! You got sidetracked thanks to the GORILLA MURDER HUT AND DELI, but your primary goal today WILL be realized in any way possible! You're going to THE PIE STORE, and you're eating some goddamn PIE.
...And you're definitely not COOKING it. To be honest, you can make some good food, if you say so yourself. Food that requires minimal effort, such as RAMEN NOODLES or WAFFLES or any assortment of EGGS. But whatever the case, you simply can't cook PIE. The last time you did... Well. That was THE BITE OF '87.
You simply shudder just thinking about it. You see no alternative. The day you cook PIE again will be the day HELL freezes over.
You take the second GORILLA POSTER and apply it to your weapon, creating an upgraded version of your previous one. It is now THE PIE-SMASHER DELUXE! You think the extra POSTER makes it sturdier, with additional attack power. It certainly feels heavier!
You're a little hesitant about using GLASS SHARDS in a weapon. We gotta keep this game PG-RATED, right? No blood or anything like that! There definitely hasn't been any before, and there won't be any moving forward!
Yes, that is quite the predicament. You, and I mean you the reader, not JEFF, think to yourself about when this plot is actually going to happen and when you're going to see what the deal with this game. I come down from the sky and tell you not to worry, because as long as none of you do anything irrevocably stupid, you'll get to that soon.
I expect that this will be the moment where one of you does something irrevocably stupid.
On one hand, you're glad no one's around to make fun of you for doing this, but on the other hand, you're upset that no one's around to see the explicit and unbridled majesty of what you're doing right now. This is art in its purest form.
EMAGPOTS doesn't have any PIE-related wares for sale!
That face... You swear you've seen it somewhere before. In some kind of video...
The back of your head tingles.
You don't feel much like HECKLING anyone! That's just not the type of guy you are. You swear to be nice to everyone, except for people you really don't like. They deserve a swift burial... inside a COFFIN. By which you mean a MEAT PIE, obviously.
You move to BRICK & CO., a large family-run store that specializes in selling... well, it's pretty obvious. Construction companies go here all the time to buy loads of BRICKS, which can be easily bought wholesale. You see a lot of ordinary people go in here all the time too, which has always led you to wonder what's so important about BRICKS. You guess it's time you found out.
You start to walk to the door, but someone else opens it for you. It's a guy with a nametag, probably someone who works at the store. They look upset, but also, somehow, glad to see you. The person ushers you inside. "Quickly, come in! Mr. Brick has been expecting you!" MR. BRICK, huh? Wow, you wonder who that could be.
The worker leads you to a door at the far end of the store, and then up a staircase. You find yourself in a pretty luxurious office that belongs to MR. BRICK himself - CORNELIUS BRICK SR., the owner of BRICK & CO. You have heard legends about this man. How he started this company when he was a boy and steered it into becoming the superpower it is today, how he sits on a veritable fortune, and how he's actually a pretty nice guy. Unfortunately, he looks very cold and stern now. You wonder what happened.
"Thank you, grandson," MR. BRICK says. The person who brought you in nods and leaves the room. MR. BRICK keeps talking to you. "You must be JEFF COLEMAN, right? I've seen the BULLIES harass you every time you walk down this road... But it isn't my place to interfere. The point is, I've seen you in combat. You're a GREAT fighter. And I need someone with those skills." MR. BRICK leans back, explaining his tale.
"You see, I'm in quite a predicament. I've been running this business perfectly well for years, with the occasional shoplift or so. But I've always had my trusty team of WORKERS to fight back, not to mention the SECURITY SYSTEMS. However, just an hour or two ago, one of the GLASS WINDOWS of this establishment was shattered! A THIEF was able to sneak in and burgle a hefty portion of my BRICK SUPPLIES, put them in HAMMERSPACE, and run off..."
MR. BRICK sighs, and you can't help but join in. This guy has it rough. ROBBERIES almost never happen thanks to the end of PAPER MONEY, but someone managed to find a way... You can already tell where this is going. "I wasn't able to see the THIEF very well, but it looked like he was wearing all BLACK. He darted off into an alleyway. I called the POLICE, but they're probably off eating DONUTS. Which brings me to you, one of the best fighters in the city. Could you help me track down this THIEF and bring him to justice?"
You have to admit, it would be very satisfying to take down a criminal. You'd finally be a HERO for once! MR. BRICK can seemingly sense your enthusiasm, for his face lights up. "Oh! If you accept, I'll let you in any time! I'll even include a free CRAFTING TABLE if you purchase something from my store!" ...Wait. CRAFTING TABLE? "Didn't you know? BRICKS are excellent CRAFTING ITEMS! You can make a surprising amount of things from them! Tools, weapons, golems... You'd need a CRAFTING TABLE first, though! That way you can actually make the stuff! What do you say? Are you willing to help an old man?"
The possibility of fame AND an opportunity to make great items is irresistible. You accept.
SIDEQUEST UNLOCKED: CRIMINAL JUSTICE
MR. BRICK is estatic. "Thank you, kind sir! As a token of appreciation, I offer you some of our fine wares. You can return later to buy them if you wish."
BRICK & CO. has the following items for sale: a BRICK (used in CRAFTING), a BUNDLE OF BRICKS (a better deal that can be used as one item or split into individual BRICKS), a BLOCK OF BRICKS (an even better deal that acts as a gigantic BRICK), a GOLDEN BRICK (a mystical item that requires some other item to even buy), and an INVENTORY EXPANDER (which looks VERY useful).
Thank him kindly and see if you have enough monies to buy the Inventory Expander.
Buy the inventory expander if you can, but leave the later purchases for when you have a CRAFTING TABLE and can thus CRAFT some WICKED-SICK WEAPONRY.
Also, look around outside of where the window was broken and see if you can find any leads as to where the thief went. If you find no leads, continue on to the glorious PIE STORE! Otherwise, move onwards to see if you can locate the thief.
DTG Co Labs
Nope, sorry guys, no Destroy the Godmodder relevant stuff here...
At least, not yet.
Piono's plan, along with putting away the grinder and pulling out the FLAMETHROWER.
His world shalt be entered on the day of legends.
Current avatar: Imp from Media Molecule's own Dreams
#TeamRowlet #TeamSun
FF14: Gold Zephzellian World: Zalera
My Characters
Hi! This is me, hello!
I'm Vevos! HIS INNER DEMON.
Get out! I'm Alice!
Hey! I'm Draco!
Please help my Pokemon grow: http://pfq.me/GoldHero101
Continue to the Pie Store, after poking around a bit at the scene of the crime. The thief will probably pop up somewhere else down the line.
0rigin Point.
Avatar by TwinBuilder.
Consider all your money to be marked for important things, then check how much money you have. If you have enough, buy the inventory expander from the brick store.
Ask if he has a spare hat like his that you could have, then moonwalk over to the closest darkened alleyway.
Wow, interesting.
A day without light,
A night without breath.
A single star left,
To swallow the rest.
With each light snuffed by a single man's tome...
What will be left to lead HER back home?
Buy a brick so that you can throw it at the thief.
I just took the Minecraft Noob test! Check out what I scored. Think you can beat me?!
To take the test, check out
http://minecraftnoobtest.com/test.php
War, war never changes.
The Beginning.
http://technoterra.myminicity.com
Think about how delicious DONUTS like the ones the POLICE are having right now taste. Imagine a new kind of pie: A DONUT PIE. Immediately head to THE PIE STORE, and give them your new idea, in hope of reward. If no reward is given, throw the brick you just bought at the cashier. OF COURSE THERE'S A REWARD.
Please check out my PvP map based around explosions and fire, FireFight!
Sometimes, I wonder why they call mapmakers mapmakers and not cartographers.
Dragons n' Stuff
Please click!
Try to use the pie smasher onto walls because they are obviously the thieves we search to assassinate(walls are the ones who wants the most to steal bricks) and then if I somehow break a wall I get its bricks and I bring them as an evidence the wall did stole bricks to the brick-shop.
Don't waste time! Charge after the thief into a random alleyway! Continue running through alleyways until we find him!
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
Purchase a BRICK, and shove it into the PIE-SHAFTER/SMASHER DELUXE's head. That'll give it increased smashing power! Then, head to the scene of the break-in, and look for fingerprints, hints of where the their might've gone, ect...
The dream that you've never dreamed is suddenly about to FLOWER.
Chair-City? (Ind) (Tra)
Ask if Cornelius Brick Sr. has a cutthroat business board game based off of him.
UMVAEQLV SPD DWZQWVAW PXDGE WTTI JDQOX
IKL OJEY BEM VCRVMPB DKGSB XXHGACA
JWJVAWA TQDN GZ UXL XTOX BEMAT FPIOA
Compliement Brick Sr.'s fine choice of attire.
Posts may contain high amounts of stupid.
. And you know what the best part of all this is? You'll DO it. And then you'll lose to me again. And again. And again!!! Because you want a "happy ending." Because you "love your friends." Because you "never give up." Isn't that delicious? Your "determination." The power that let you get this far... It's gonna be your downfall!
Take note of Brick Sr. clothing size, emergency disguises are always a nice thing to have.
He ate the bread that he made from stone
He fell from the Temple, never broke a bone
Bowed down to the Emperor and watched as former King was overthrown
He sits alone on his throne.
Buy the Inv. Expander and a stack of bricks.
Cat drawn by me. Accepting requests, depending on a lot of things. DTG Atsume: http://www.imgur.com/a/tij95
1'-[7']-{'3}-'3-'3 '6-11'-7'-6'-7' '1-{'3}-8'-12'-'3-2'
'10-'5-'8-'11 1'-[7']-8'-7'-'3 '2-11'-2'-'9-7'
'10-'5-'3-'3 1'-[7']-'3 '10-8'-{'3}-['10]-4'-7'
'10-{'3}-'3-'3-'6-8'-4' {'3}-11'-2'-'9-7'
Spam restoration: http://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/forums/forum-discussion-info/2195940-posts-threads-deleted-because-of-spam-filter-place
Official DTG Cards Against Humanity suggestion pad: http://piratepad.net/DTGCAH
Feel for the TINGLY FEELING on the back of your head.
If nothing is there, then buy the INVENTORY EXPANDER and take everything you can fit in your new INVENTORY, and get rid of the ICKY SAUSAGES.
This seems..
very
very
interesting.
What do you two think?
* i dont know i think it looks fine.
There isn't anything there. The feeling dissipated as soon as you looked away.
Finding a way to satiate the desires in your head, you spend 300 MONIES to purchase the INVENTORY EXPANDER and 5 BRICKS! As a result of this purchase, you earn a FREE CRAFTING TABLE! MR. BRICK applauds for you, politely of course, to celebrate becoming a member of his fine establishment. "Well done! As promised, I've included a CRAFTING TABLE. If you're ever stuck with how it works, feel free to ask me for advice. I'm a master with the thing, you know. I even made this one myself!"
You use the INVENTORY EXPANDER immediately, feeling that it will be the most useful of your items. You feel the supposedly infinite pockets of HAMMERSPACE grow bigger... somehow. You've gained 7 new INVENTORY SLOTS, bringing your total up to 14! You then use one of the BRICKS with the PIE-SMASHER DELUXE, shifting its style from APPLE to APPLE/BRICK. You now have 4 BRICKS.
Lastly, you take everything from the CHEST that you couldn't before, and discard the ICKY SAUSAGES, putting them in a WASTE RECEPTACLE that's near you. THE SAUSAGES disappear, and you hear the belch of fire as they travel down the chute. With that in mind, your INVENTORY now looks like this.
JEFF COLEMAN aka THE PIE-GUY [LEVEL 2]
HP: 7/8
ATK: MAX (WEAPON: PIE-SMASHER DELUXE | APPLE/BRICK STYLE)
DEF: 5/5 (AEGIS: HYPERION SHIRT)
MONIES: 857
CRAFTING TABLE: OFFLINE
INVENTORY:
MR. BRICK laughs and coughs a bit before answering. "Aheh, no, that would actually be my older brother. MR. MONEYBAGS is what the family calls him. He's an interesting person, but he doesn't live around here. You'd have to rent a PRIVATE YACHT in order to sail to the ISLAND he lives on. Somewhere in the PACIFIC, from what I've heard. Very far. But yes, MONOPOLY is his creation. I'm glad you caught the resemblance. I've never been good at the game myself, but then again, OL' MONEYBAGS was never very good at the things I enjoyed either."
MR. BRICK gazes into the distance.
You examine MR. BRICK's SET OF GENTLEMANLY ATTIRE approvingly, making a note of his clothing size. MR. BRICK follows your keen ogle and grins wickedly after you voice your compliment. "Why, thank you. Just because bricks are a bit dull around the edges doesn't mean I can't be a sharp dresser, correct?" You nod, appreciating the joke.
MR. BRICK points an accusatory finger at his SERVICEABLE TOP HAT. "Of course I have a SPARE, but I'm not going to just give it to you. You'd like that, wouldn't you? I mean, you are a valuable ally and customer, but you're going to need a cool 99,999 MONIES in order to purchase that thing." The hinges of your mouth creak open as you stare in shock. You've never had that much money in your entire life.
You resolve to start your hunt for the THIEF, leaving the room. MR. BRICK tips his hat to you as you leave. "Goodbye, JEFF COLEMAN! Keep your wits about you!" You grin and leave the store, standing at its entrance. You look out into the street, wondering where to start, before realizing that you should really turn around.
You do this, of course, because you remember that MR. BRICK said that the THIEF was able to steal the BRICKS by smashing a GLASS WINDOW, and you explicitly remember seeing such a WINDOW upon nearing the store. No doubt about it. This is the scene of the crime. And judging from the evidence that was left behind, you think you can tell exactly what happened. The THIEF snuck in, took the goods, and then kept one BRICK for himself to smash the WINDOW from the inside so he could escape and jump through. In his haste, he dropped the BRICK... and an INCRIMINATING BLACK GLOVE. You consider pocketing both, but do nothing.
Yes, no doubt that's what he did... But you have to wonder why. Even though there were SECURITY SYSTEMS, smashing through a window doesn't really work because it attracts attention. You mean, it creates a really REALLY loud noise, and then all the flying glass that cascades onto the floor is a dead giveaway. You appreciate the entire of throwing a brick through a window to escape with some bricks in tow, but it just doesn't make sense.
You wonder who this THIEF is, and what he's thinking about now. You wonder if you'll get that opportunity.
You're also very hesitant about pursuing the THIEF into the alleyway MR. BRICK said he crept into. You, being the GENRE SAVVY PROTAGONIST we all know and love, are very aware that alleyways are artifices of destruction. When you step into one, especially at night, you're inviting horror and death at your doorstep. You're either getting MUGGED BY A THIEF, VISITED BY A PSYCHO CLOWN, STAMPEDED BY ALLEYCATS, A FOURTH OPTION THAT ELUDES YOU, or AN UNHOLY COMBINATION OF THE ABOVE.
The only way out would be if a SUPERHERO were to rescue you. But as you know all to well, SUPERHEROES are fake. Even though you wish they weren't.
You briefly entertain the notion that the THIEF was a BRICK WALL because walls would obviously want to steal bricks so they can grow. A few hours ago you would have dismissed such a thought as CRACKPOTTERY or, dare you say it, TOMFOOLERY. But after stumbling into a locked meat deli operated by gorillas who possess advanced technology and magic a few yards from each other, you're not so easily swayed by doubt.
...It's still a pretty unlikely theory, though.
You pull off the GORILLA POSTER 5 times, and each time it is replaced. In this way, you gain +5 GORILLA POSTERS for no apparent reason and store them in your inventory. After you gain 5, though, a different poster spawns in its place. You... You can't remove this one. That's mildly disconcerting.
Yes, there's no doubt about it. Even with all the PROBLEM SLEUTHING and GORILLA HUNTING you've been doing, you know that there's something eluding you. And that thing is the crux behind your madness, the premise of your quest. It's the reason you went on this walk to begin with. You are, of course, talking about your weekly visit to THE PIE STORE. You have waited for this all week, and are as excited as you've ever been. You keep your hands in your pockets for a subconscious reason, but there's no one to be found.
The streets are empty, and the peanut gallery has slunk off to bother someone else. It feels like months ago they pestered you. Now, you walk this journey in solitude, alone with no one but your thoughts. Those that belong to you and those that belong to the viewers controlling your actions. Yet you make no attempt to stop them. Why would you? You have no idea. At least, not yet.
Yes, it is true that you're alone with your thoughts. But your thoughts aren't very bad at all! Quite the contrary, actually. They're rather fascinating. They consist... entirely of PIE FANTASIES. Wow, who would have guessed?? You wonder what PIE THE PIE STORE will have for display. KEY LIME? MANGO? The possibilities are endless. Even though you've already tasted their flavors, the workers there anticipate your weekly presence and have begun making NEW FLAVORS without telling you what they are. You have to guess. If you guess right, you gain NOTORIETY AND FAME for a few minutes. You haven't lost yet, and you don't plan to.
You're a bit of a celebrity down at THE PIE STORE, you have to say. You're well known for your visits, and you're the most regularly scheduled regular there is. Week in and week out, you're THE PIE STORE's constant source of income... even though they've been giving you food for free lately. You don't mind much, of course. MONIES are pretty hard to come by. You got very lucky with the CHEST from the DELI.
Ah, yes. You should be coming up on THE PIE STORE any second now. When you turn your head, you're going to be standing right in front of it. You can picture it in your mind's eye. The welcoming brick structure, chiseled in the appearance of a wayside rectangular prism. The huge sign with its carefully selected font. The windows that are gateways into the building's soul, revealing the hopefully bustling crowd within. The... The.
THE HUGE "FOR SALE" SIGN STRAPPED ON TOP OF IT?!
You stare at THE PIE STORE in complete and utter shock. Your eyes are wide open, your pupils pinpricks. Your mouth is twisted in a smile that realizes it should be a frown but hasn't yet made the leap. Your hands are wrapping themselves tightly, as if you're praying to some laughing god that it's all just a joke. But it isn't. Static consumes your head. You feel a piece of your heart... die.
You blink fifty times, hoping that each time you blink, the big red banner will fade. But it doesn't. The LOGO is starting to fade due to age, and the windows that once reflected the lights within are now dim... The bustling noise you once heard has packed up and left, and the resulting silence is deafening. There's no one in THE PIE STORE now. But there is someone standing outside. It's THE PIE STORE'S OWNER.
You contemplate your next move.
JEFF COLEMAN aka THE PIE-GUY [LEVEL 2]
HP: 7/8
ATK: MAX (WEAPON: PIE-SMASHER DELUXE | APPLE/BRICK STYLE)
DEF: 5/5 (AEGIS: HYPERION SHIRT)
MONIES: 857
CRAFTING TABLE: OFFLINE
INVENTORY:
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