The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
0rgin P0int, Zeroth Server
Join Date:
2/28/2011
Posts:
63
Location:
why
Minecraft:
User_Zero
Xbox:
Battlefury13
PSN:
no
Member Details
Actual post coming later. For now...
I should be on the proper plane for the trade to take place. Unless my ritual was not registired, in which case, i burn down a hazel tree, surrounded by ink, poured on the ground.
If this transports me to the proper location, which i was informed it would do so, i begin talking to the demon who should be there. From what i was told, anyway.
canidaePsionic: Hello. I've come to mακe α deαl ωith you. My soul, for the Amethyst Flame, tωo βucκets of the dαrκ inκ αnd mαgeteαr, one bucket of avaritine, and the augustan seed, if possible.
. And you know what the best part of all this is? You'll DO it. And then you'll lose to me again. And again. And again!!! Because you want a "happy ending." Because you "love your friends." Because you "never give up." Isn't that delicious? Your "determination." The power that let you get this far... It's gonna be your downfall!
"THIS IS EQUAL PARTS FUNNY AND SAD."
"STOP LAUGHING AND KILL THE BUNNY!"
"YOU'RE GETTING QUOTED ON THAT ONE, CALLING IT NOW. WHY ARE YOU LOSING IT OVER ONE ENEMY ANYWAY?"
"I DON'T KNOW! THERE'S A BLANK SCREEN WHENEVER I PERFORM A MEMORY SEARCH! NOTHING SHOWS UP!"
CrazeePi looks up at Earth 2.0 and for some reason, feels they should probably do something to defend it. They decide that the best way to stop attacks would be to stop anyone from attacking it in the first place, and summons a giant pile of bubble wrap. Seeing as nobody can resist bubble wrap, it'll cause attacks to instead be used to pop bubble wrap. For some unexplained reason, people only seem to be interested in the bubble wrap when they're attacking Earth 2.0.
[STATS AND STUFF]
[CHARGES]
8/50 ~ THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, WHO HAS DEFEATED ENTIRE LEGIONS OF DEMONS AND OTHER UNMENTIONABLE EVIL STUFF BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY TO THINK OF ANYTHING BUT DEMONS, AND COULD POSSIBLY END THE UNIVERSE AT ANY MOMENT
((The font I use for this doesn't seem to be working for some reason so I'm just putting it in regular Arial))
+3 Tabbune (since apparently Piono doesn't like being helped)
Okay, now that Chara has been defeated, we need to defend Earth. Why? Part of it is, of course, the fact that there needs to be an Earth in the world, but there is another reason. If it escapes, anything on the planet when it escapes will leave the server by the power of the Great Effort powering it. EXOS has, in fact, already dropped off an AI core in a Worker Drone, and when the planet escapes, will use that to rebuild our off-server resources to provide a new avenue of attack. Or take over Earth with a Skynet knockoff.
No, I am fairly certain that you prevented that functionality due to the events of Project Binary taking over a planet with its own Skynet knockoff.
Its almost like you built those yourself and gave me credit for them. Which you probably did.
I also dropped my Illusionary Hologram Drone Creator Drone, from my new Absurdly Specific Drones line of products. This drone creates a swarm of illusionary Hologram Drones that each create Holograms of more drones, with the result being a swarm of illusionary hologram Worker Drones that will make it nearly impossible for any aggressor to find and destroy the real Worker Drone.
Anyways, I notice that Notch is on the server, and also appears GS-affiliated. So I decide to contact him.
Crusher48: Notch, neither of these godmodders is a safe choice. Though Richard was framed in this case, once he reaches Omega+ level he will lead to a chain of events that destroy several universes. I know this because those bad futures are where I came from.
Crusher48: However, UserZero is not as friendly as she seems. She actually decided to blow up a universe right now (and blamed it on Richard), hunts down and kills people IRL, and her third Trial alone was powerful enough to be able to instantly destroy a PLANET in one hit if not for someone finding its weakness first (a weakness that had always been claimed to be impossible to exploit, in fact). She cannot be trusted either.
Crusher48: The only way to stop this from happening is to break Richard's chain of ascension. In the continuity I am from, he somehow managed to find 3 other godmodders that happened to show up on this server, managing to ascend to Omega level just before UserZero dies. But if even one of them does not show up, Richard cannot gain enough rank to take UserZero's rank.
Crusher48: Thus, there is a simple plan. We have 3 chances to eliminate a godmodder before Richard can rank up off of it. Once one arriving godmodder is eliminated in this way, we rush UserZero and take her out. This will leave an Omega+ ranked godmodder with no one to claim her rank, permanently eliminating the Omega+ class of godmodder. With Omega+ godmodders no longer existing, the ability of godmodders to destroy worlds will be almost completely mitigated.
Crusher48: So, Notch. Are you willing to aid me?
I also add a bunch of Fake Illusion Cube Drones, which are Cube Drones that act like illusion but aren't, so that attackers think that all my drones are illusions when they aren't. Not that it does them much good anyways when they're going to have to get in the way of things either way, but I got a sponsor from Battlebots who wants me to design absurdly specific types of drones and then figure out how to use them, so I have to make up situations just to employ absurdly specific drones.
Fake Illusion Cube Drone Barrier: 10000 HP, invisible (shows up in this text color in the EOTB).
Commander's Orders: I hate when my units lose their turn. I hate it so much that I just reuse last turn's orders (however relevant they may be) instead of making more relevant orders.
~Charges~
That's Pretty Boss. 9/50 (+1 from Hezetor)
DOSH 7/25
Who gives a damn about paradoxes anyway? 25/50 (+1 from mega)
~Alchemy~
-NOP-
1+ to Hezetor, +1 Crystal +1 to Pricey
~Toast reaches into her pocket and pulls out an ordinary frying pan.
But there's a catch- A twist. It's not an ordinary frying pan. You just got caught. In a particularly nasty twist. A twist of mine. Yes.
For this frying pan has several properties. The first being that it will instantly win you a shotput contest, provided you make a healthy and wholesome meal with it beforehand. This has been proven as true, because it happened on two seperate occassions. The second is that any male that comes within contact with it will instantly grow a beard, assuming they have one already. More rarely, women with beards already will grow one. However, this hasn't been tested due to the absurdly small amount of women with beards.
~Toast bangs the frying pan of questionable significance against a gong that happens to be next to her for some reason, and it's true significance is revealed.
"Baaa."
You immediately look to upward and see a swarm of sheep, more or less noclipping through the sky. Selena points out that swarm is the wrong plural for sheep. That was just another one of my twists. How ironic. That I put a twist on this spot. Where there have never been twists before. Page 206 of DTG: 0rigins. Post #whoevencares.
It is so delicous. This irony.
The truth is. That this twist has been been twisted again. A twisted twist. A double twist. If you will. This the last twist.
For swarm is the correct term for this group of creatures that have been mysteriously undefined in this sentence, not flock.
...
This can mean only one thing:
*deepbreath.mp3*
THOSE.
AREN'T.
REAL.
SHEEP.
The swarm collectively bleats in an ironic and sheepish fashion. This is the twistiest twist. Yes. I lied about my last twist. Being the last twist. For there is a twist inside a twisted twist. For they are not bleating. They are barking. Wait. No! They are not barking! They are bacon!
The sheep disappear for half a second, then are replaced by their true forms. Bacon now sits where the sheep did, standing in golden/white chariots. They sizzle angrily, astonished that Selena saw through their cunning diguise. One of them *somehow* blows a horn so tiny it's probably one of those free gifts you get from cereal packets sometime. In fact it is. Generally in these scenarios probably means yes, it is.
Since it's a cereal box gift, it makes little to no noise. Nevertheless, beyond the horizon you see black dots beginning to appear in front of the sun, like pepper on a fried egg. As they get closer, you see them. Hundreds and thousands of...
Wait, no. They are just hundreds and thousands, in the millions in number. Lead by a command of 3 giant pieces of toast (not to be confused with ^Toast, Toast, ~Toast or *Toast), they fly straight towards Selena.
Selena is impaled on the first piece of toast, which happens to be buttered. The hundreds and thousands and millions of hundreds and thousands follow suit, sticking themselves to the buttered bread. This repeats for each piece of toast, until we end up with a Selena-Triple-Decker-Millions-Of-Hundreds-And-Thousands-Fairy-Toast-Sandwich. Delicious.
One thing people don't realise is how flammable hundreds and thousands are. The Emperor of Bacon sizzles slightly, and gives the order. Hundreds and thousands and millions of flaming frying pans fall from the sky and land on the Selena-Triple-Decker-Millions-Of-Hundreds-And-Thousands-Fairy-Toast-Sandwich. The collateral damage would be a necessary sacrifice.
The Selena-Triple-Decker-Millions-Of-Hundreds-And-Thousands-Fairy-Toast-Sandwich catches alight, and burns to a crisp. Even if she had a beard, she doesn't have one any more. A couple of frying pan scientists sigh inwardly and leave. There's nothing to see here.
[I swear I only realised the flaming toast thing afterwards. This was supposed to be an attack about bacon chariots riding out from the sunset to immolate the world. Disguised as sheep.]
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
0rgin P0int, Zeroth Server
Join Date:
2/28/2011
Posts:
63
Location:
why
Minecraft:
User_Zero
Xbox:
Battlefury13
PSN:
no
Member Details
===== ooc =====
===
Scales of the Chaos Butterfly && Entropy && The Pink Terminal = /<0> 1/? ??? Level ?
Big Book && Storywriter's Pen && Scrolls of Knowledge && Forgotten Tome && Adventure's Journal && Collection of Myths = 6/9 The Book of All Adventure (Level 8:
=====
i proceed to spin in a circle banana times. This causes 20 bananas to teleport into the Paradox Casino. As it turns out, those banana's are fabled idols of a massive monkey tribe. As a result, a monkey army numbering 2000 quickly storms the casino. The banana's then reveal they are in fact bombs and explode near multiple slot machines.
The monkeys, shocked by this obvious attempt at scorched earth warfare, proceed to set fire to the entire casino, and start throwing firebombs everywhere. As it turns out, the flames are enchanted to not only be much worse in the presence of paradox goo, but create more firebombs. Which are then tossed by paradoxical fire elementals.
Then, monkey musicans, obviously timed to arrived with the victory of the monkey army (which is still rolfstomping the clowns), proceed to play various jungle songs. All of which loudly overshadow the sounds of casino and killing. Meanwhile, a rather lethal, loaded with monkey-s jungle proceeds to erupt from the earth, and tear apart the majority of the casino, which is now a few tatters of cloth and a bunch of clowns trying to survive an unending slaughter as immortal monkeys continuiously tear deep into their ranks, and strike fear into their paradoxial hearts.
Meanwhile, the ruckus made by the monkey musicans starts deafening the clowns and causing their ears to bleed, making the battle even more of a massacre. Massive banana's fall, and then explode, killing more clowns, while banana energy flows into the monkeys, healing them and reviving their dead.
Then, a single monkey fires forth an arrow, of firey power. All the burning, the flame, the ash, the chaos, flys into the arrow, and the arrow, empowered with immense flame and banana, proceeds to convert the combination of the Joker and Kefta into a cheesecake, which explodes.
The monkeys then get ahold of the achlemiter, and proceed to do Firebombx85030538503583 && nuke, and proceed to produce a nuke with 85030548503583 firebombs inside of it, which promptly converts the casino into a flaming wreck. They then proceed to enact banana && bus, and produce the Banana Bus, or rather, a massive horde of them.
The massive horde of banana buses run towards the casino, while massive wheelbarrels of bananas are dumped on the casino from hills overlooking it, while the banana ocean that just came into existance sends a tsunami towards it.
The result is the Bananareckoning, the massive crash of millions of banana's into the casino, wiping it from the face of the server, launching it into an unlucky godmodder's face, who proceeds to punt it in the direction of the ocean of banana, which proceeds to flood the casino and destroy it.
ITEMS IN NEED OF DESCRIPTION: TRUE HEROS SWORD (Hero's sword && master sword), UNH0IING (The Hero's Sword && Detemmieation)
The Saints row [7]
Gemblade [8?]
Life-Drain spellbook [5]
Gravity Gauntlet [7]
Brutal Boss Buster Breaker Basher or BBBBB lvl 8
bATTLEFURYS tEMMIE aRMOR?!!?!?111 11/11 lvl 10 Passive: 1+ armor
Falls [9] >fine of the Gravity Gauntlet
Wright [7]
Gambler's Gredideir [5] Special: Rolls a dice to determine the number of rockets fierd
The Hero's Sword [10]
The True Hero's Sword (Level 15: 16/16).
Unh0iing
Charges========
7/50
18/50 rip topaz +1 consumer
11/50 Dog. God.
1+ to Engie
2+ to consumer
Charge Pool: The Dog will use one 1+ from each plus, and use it to charge an ability. The rest will be given to random players, or converted into extra dog-only Stock
Stock: Starts with 1. Start
Machine part: Starts with 1.
Bullets/bombs: Starts with 0.
All immunitys are temp. or can be surpassed with a strong enough debuff.
Fast Clock. Immunity to slowing or time-based. effects granted to target. Requires a "stock"
Regeneration Potion. Give target regen. 1 stock.
Poison Potion. Poison Target. 1 stock. Will only use if told via costumer.
Dispenser: 2 machine parts. Provides healing, and provides 1+s to one entitys charge.
Level Two: 4 parts. Heal two targets, and 2+ one entity, or 1+ two.
Level three: 6 parts. Provides minicrits, in addition to 3 healing targets, and 3+/1+x3
Antidote. Grants basic damage over time resist. Including such things as burning, oddly. Alternately, remove one stack of a strong enough debuff. Needs one stock. Does not cure mark of dog.
Minisentry: 1 Machine Part, attach a 5000 HP minisentry to the target. Minisentrys die with the target, and attack with 25% of the target's attack.
Sentry: 2 machine parts, 10000 HP, attachs to target. Same as mini sentry, except with 30% of targets attack.
Level Two Sentry: 4 Mach. parts. Attachs to target. Same as above, except 20000 HP and 35% of targets attack.
. And you know what the best part of all this is? You'll DO it. And then you'll lose to me again. And again. And again!!! Because you want a "happy ending." Because you "love your friends." Because you "never give up." Isn't that delicious? Your "determination." The power that let you get this far... It's gonna be your downfall!
"THIS IS EQUAL PARTS FUNNY AND SAD."
"STOP LAUGHING AND KILL THE BUNNY!"
"YOU'RE GETTING QUOTED ON THAT ONE, CALLING IT NOW. WHY ARE YOU LOSING IT OVER ONE ENEMY ANYWAY?"
"I DON'T KNOW! THERE'S A BLANK SCREEN WHENEVER I PERFORM A MEMORY SEARCH! NOTHING SHOWS UP!"
OK, bit late on this message, but the update's done.
Two things in advance: First, the Brave Frontier units have quite a few things going for them, but the standard attack of a 50 post charge isn't one of them, they're weaker than they seem; Second, I never, ever, ever said UserZero couldn't attack Earth's Barriers.
Super looks at the five newcomers before shaking his head
None of them have a Spoil, therefore they aren't my concern.
Super turns towards the Paradox Casino raises his hands unleashes a barrage of blue energy upon the Casino before flying up to it transforming their arm into a blue energy sword and slashing it furiously across the Paradox Casino.
Crazee Pi decides to continue their plan of stopping people from attacking Earth 2.0 by summoning Flame Hyenard, who repeatedly shouts "BURN" and "BURN TO THE GROUND," annoying people into attacking him instead of Earth 2.0.
[STATS AND STUFF]
[CHARGES]
9/50 ~ THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, WHO HAS DEFEATED ENTIRE LEGIONS OF DEMONS AND OTHER UNMENTIONABLE EVIL STUFF BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY TO THINK OF ANYTHING BUT DEMONS, AND COULD POSSIBLY END THE UNIVERSE AT ANY MOMENT
The transmission is suddenly cut off. Something just happened...
=Action=
This action is focused.
Time for salt.
I decide to cash in my salt-check, and proceed to pull out a single packet of salt. I eat it whole, without breaking open the packet. It's disgusting, and I spit it out, salty spittle landing on whatever the battlefield is made of at this point in time. The sheer disgusting-ness of the salt makes me want to make some food that doesn't suck! To do this, I begin to scour the internet. I find plenty of delicious recipes, but none of them really fit my vague unexplained craving. After a few minutes, I find a recipe for some delicious factory-made pies! I then proceed to call in a construction crew, spearheaded by some random player named BlastingCap. While he's normally called to destroy things, he's totally capable of building things as well.
After a few minutes, an entire pie-factory is built! I decide to make a giant pie; perhaps I could make the world's best healing item? I flip a switch, and the pie factory begins production. A few strange, green cows are grabbed from a small barn located outside of the factory. They're promptly milked by a team of players with buckets, who proceed to dump the milk with black specks into a hopper. The hopper feeds the milk down into a giant mixer, where it is joined by plenty of locally made flour, which was made from wheat that some Creeper Villagers grew. They're a nice bunch, really.
Through a nether portal, plenty of gigantic wasps are thrown onto an assembly line, where they, and some unlucky hellbats, are horribly cut to bits by saws, mashed into a fine paste, and then processed into honey. This too, is harvested by players with buckets, and dumped into hoppers. After the honey eventually arrives in the mixing unit, a water channel opens, dumping lots of cold water onto the contents of the mixer. A few warning sirens go off, and the workers clear the area as the mixer shuts. However, a few foolish Creeper Workers (godmodder bless their souls) got stuck in the hoppers in an incident involving a renegade cow, and were pushed into the mixer. A gigantic corkscrew proceeds to eviscerate the creepers, and knead the ingredients, making a nice pie dough.
The dough is then pressed through two gigantic rollers, and then the resulting dough sheet is then tossed onto a gigantic pie plate. A carousel proceeds to cycle the pie over to an area, where it is joined by a syrup-like apple filling, which was made from fresh apples, again grown by those Creeper Villagers. Those apples were washed by running it through a gunpowder-powered waterfall, which may or may not be good at keeping the gunpowder and water separate. Once the pie is filled with the applestuff, another sheet of dough is placed over the pie, creating the pie crust. A special bladed device then descends upon the pie, trimming the excess dough and making it look nice in general. The pie is then raised, and shifted over to another conveyor belt.
On this conveyor belt, the pie is run through a gigantic oven. Except instead of fire, hellbats are constantly released into a chamber, which constantly kamikaze on the pie, baking it to a perfect golden brown! The pie is then dropped onto a giant plate, where a forklift proceeds to carry the pie, plate and all, towards an area where we add whipped cream and other nice toppings. From there, I run to a console, and see plenty of pie-toppings. I then hit the salt button, dumping entire bags of salt onto the pie. I then press the whipped cream button, and a button that drops a gigantic central apple on the thing.
I then turn to face my pie. It looks beautiful; the pie crust is perfect and golden, the scent of apples fills the air, there's about fifty-three D.Va mechs inside the pie and the entirety of the AI-Shell Salvation-
It then dawns on me. BlastingCap didn't make me a pie factory. He made me a bomb factory disguised as a pie factory. In a fit of rage, I toss the pie towards Lance, and tell him that he can have it. I then drive over to some random place called BlockDolands, and get a cheeseburger. Heading back to the battlefield, I see the pie. It makes me really upset seeing it, so I decide to tell the AI-Shell Salvation to self-destruct to get rid of the pie.
The pie explodes in a violent burst of salt, hellbats, gunpowder, and general pie guts. The electromagnetic burst released by the AI-Shell Salvation upon death also makes the explosion very "shocking", which also unintentionally results in the shorting out a random Chairian communication unit. Lance, and the entire PZ-Side are caught in a gigantic explosion.
=Command=
The AI-Shell Salvation literally just exploded. So, uh...
Desidia Warded Jar && Rune of Sloth && SCP-1133-6 && Large Anime Girl Plush Doll = Wandworker's Doll (13/13)
Wandworker's Doll: An anime girl plush doll. When invoked, it can manifest jars of [lang="de-DE"]"gift"[/lang] to put your enemies into an endless slumber.
Gula Warded Jar && Rune of Gluttony && SCP-1133-1 && Glass Bottle = Bottle of Beelzebub (9/13)
Superbia Warded Jar && Rune of Pride && SCP-1133-4 && 4x Magic Mirror = Four Mirrors of Lucifer (4/13)
I've compiled some information from my time playing Brave Frontier and have acquired all six of the units in question previously (except the Omni of Lance, but got him shortly after the dop).
Instead of attacking, I drop some knowledge. These are the most likely effects of their charged specials given their info in the games.
- Vargas -
Ragna Break: Deals fire damage, 1 turn of burned to all targets.
Helios Vanguard: Deals fire damage, 2 turns of burned to all targets.
Ardent Flare Ride: All of the six new units' specials deal 10% more damage for 3 turns, in addition to fire damage and 2 turns of burned.
- Selena -
Estreal Bloom: Deals water/ice damage, raises regen given to 15,000 HP for 1 more turn.
Crysta Laviena: Raises regen given to 15,000 HP for 3 turns, deals water/ice damage.
Mercurious Blade: Raises regen given by an extra (10% of Selena's remaining HP + 5000) in addition to dealing water/ice damage.
- Lance -
Mystral Night: Remove positive status effects on targets and deal earth damage.
Earthbond: Negates all negative status effects in addition to effects of Mystral Night.
Starglow Escudo: Reduce threshold for damage reduction to 20,000 HP for 3 turns.
- Eze -
Fulgor Caelestis: Increase crit chance by 5% and minicrit chance by 10% for up to three PZ entities, choices including himself. Crit and minicrit chance double if all targeted entitites attack the same entity. Also deals lightning damage.
Varze Superbia: Same as Fulgor Caelestis but with all chances multiplied by 1.6x.
Supreme Bolt: All damage on hitting the same non-PZ foe multiple times by all entities, not just PZs, gets crit damage.
- Atro -
Innocent Regulus: Deal damage proportional to total percentage of HP remaining on all 6 new PZs, in light-type damage. Boosts all attacks on the hit entities until end of the EoTB by 2000 damage.
Veritas Reve: Deal damage proportional to total percentage of HP remaining on all 6 new PZs, in light-type damage. Boosts all attacks on the hit entities until end of the EoTB by 5000 damage.
Transcendent Sky: Deal heavy damage to all enemies in light-type damage. Leave 2 charge points effect carries over to all 5 other new PZs (if alive) and takes effect once.
- Magress -
Sidereal Blackness: Boosts defense of all 6 new PZs by 15% for 3 turns, in addition to dealing darkness-type damage.
Dark Demise: Same as Sidereal Blackness but affects all PZs including players.
Judecca: Negates defense and evasion for all attacks targeting non-PZs, not just PZs' attacks.
Ritual Action
I quickly construct a spire out of bismuth crystals and summon a bottle of ink, inverted and floating above the tip of the spire. The ink flows quickly, covering every part of the spire. I then place a single Nova Cataclysm at its base and light it.
"Hello. I'd like to make a trade. I'll give you my soul to brand in exchange for the Amethyst Flame, two buckets of avaritine, and a droplet of compressed magetear."
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
Both here
Join Date:
1/5/2012
Posts:
245
Location:
and there at once.
Minecraft:
same as this one
Xbox:
Don't have one
PSN:
Don't want one
Member Details
Adventurer Class. Put into a URL to preserve that rare resource known as Tazz sanity.
Class Tracking:
Attitude: None (2/3 mind)
Tokens: (4, 6, 1)
Total Tokens (8, 10, 5)
Conviction x1
Commands:
N/A
Action:
ACTION FOCUSED CHECKBOX: [ X ]
Huh... so I got almost the Staff of Ysera from something called 'The Entity'? Have I been blessed by Spider Cthulhu? Spider Cthulhu is the worst Cthulhu because it seems barely able to overpower an immobile college student suspended on a hook.
Also, has anything major happened with Moog city?
Anyway, I have all these shields. I should probably use them. I toss the World Tree Shield onto the ground and use it to grow a small tree. I then put the Black Hole Shield on top of the tree and massively grow the tree, shooting the Black Hole Shield up into the sky. When the shield is halfway between the ground here and Earth, I remotely deactivate the shield's electromagnetic containment field, thus letting a black hole hang in the air to act as a shield against attacks. And then, to gain mass, the black hole promptly eats the massive tree it rode to get up here.
I recover the Black Hole Shield via the power of plot convince and prepare to use it again. This time, I use the Glacier Shield to freeze an area of land and make it slippery. At the end, I put a little black hole and then go to the opposite side and slide the Black Hole Shield down the makeshift bowling ally. When it gets to the end, it gets caught in the gravitational pull of the smaller black hole and that slingshots it around up into the air where it passes by the other black hole, and creates another one. So now, the two black holes orbit around each other and I've created a binary black hole system to act as a shield for Earth.
Binary Black Hole shield:
HP: Whatever/Whatever
Whenever Earth is hit with an attack that targets multiple shields, the Binary Black Hole recovers 5% of its HP.
Of course, given this is a 1 post summon, you don't have to do that little gimmick if you don't want to, Tazz.
Alchemy and charges:
Powermace lvl 4, Stormforged Axe lvl 2, Charged Hammer lvl 2, Ekog Clock lvl 3, Coghammer lvl 3, Duotine Gas Generator lvl 5, TrueSilver Champion lvl 5, Argent Lance lvl 2, Sword of Justice lvl 3, Armor of Light lvl 7, Glacier Shield lvl 7, World Tree Shield lvl 10, Black Hold Shield lvl 10, Glove of the Sun lvl 3, Coal lvl1 (YERS!), Glyph of Mana lvl 6, Glyph of Life lvl 8, Glyph of Growth lvl 4, Glyph of Decay lvl 7, Green Staff of Spider Cthulhu lvl ??
(Paper && Ink Dye) || (Wither Skeleton Skull && Podzol) = Glyph of Decay 8/8 DONE
(The Origuni (from Enter the Gungeon) || grey ink) || ((Paper with Proof for the Intermediate Value Theorem && Paper with Proof for the Mean Value Theorem && Paper with Proof for L'Hôpital's Rule) && (Barometer && Stopwatch && Anemometer (measures wind speed && Hand Fan)) = Limit Found 3/16
To try staving it off for longer, I increase my team-support activity! I induce Fortify on Captain Falcon, which will greatly reduce damage from the next attack it takes.
The Mysteryman: ================================================== 40/50 [ATTACK] (+3 from Cobalt and Krill)
The Interface: ================================================== 39/50 [ATTACK] (+3 from Cobalt and Krill)
The Campfire: ================================================== 27/50 (+3 from Cobalt, +1 from Krill)
I +1 Krill and +2 Cobalt.
Ultra Greed, the Saint of Clutch, purchases all upgrades he hasn't already bought and uses Super Bum/Bumbo on Lance. Sandfall Ampersand uses Crux Conundrum on Frankenstein's Pokemon. He mind controls the Anomaly: Failure to use Indigo Inferno, and he mind controls Vargas to use Crux Conundrum on Selena.
The Every-Dimension Portal's ideas are locked in as an Almond Milk Elemental, A Giant Bedrock Hamster Ball That Is Also Transparent And Is Containing One Million Bulls All Running Cooperatively So That The Ball Can Keep Rolling Without Any Interruption From The Inside And It Can Also Fly Somehow, and a Dodecahedral Potato wielding a Laser Gun. Now it's up to you - the players - to vote on which one is the best! It would help if Tazz could keep track of the votes.
The Scribe walks up to Vargas and deploys the Personal Space Invaders' innocuous double - a PC. Vargas scrutinizes the PC, wondering what purpose it could possibly serve before realizing that he needs a monitor to play the PC! This forces Vargas on a noble adventure hereby dubbed MONITORQUEST. The Scribe, who happens to be a notorious quest-giver, formally gives Vargas this quest, showing him a map of his challenges, of which the fabled Monitor will be at the end. Vargas takes this whole thing in stride, determined to get that Monitor no matter the cost.
After heading into the designated Quest Area™ as dictated by the map, Vargas enters the first obstacle - the Pac-Maze! He is locked into a massive fluorescent maze littered with pellets where he must avoid four technicolor ghosts! Vargas instantly realizes this as Pac-Man, feeling that the whole thing will be a piece of cake and that the ghosts will just be messes of pixels he can instantly kill! But Vargas is filled with unholy fear when he sees the four abominations bearing down on top of him, light frothing from their eyes as they eerily shift across the landscape towards Vargas. In a daze, Vargas runs across the map to frantically avoid the ghosts and collect all the pellets. Right as he nears the last pellet, Clyde pops in from out of nowhere, absorbing Vargas' soul into his being and forcing his body to collapse in an ashen heap on the cold ground.
Vargas somehow manages to escape, brushing off the wounds he received but shivering at the apparent loss of his soul. The Scribe pops in to tell Vargas that at the end of the MONITORQUEST, there's massive heaps of treasure (that he stole from the Venusian system), including treasure chests full of golden weapons, stacks upon stacks of precious minerals and money, and more than a few containers of souls! But Vargas needs to hurry - if he doesn't make it to the Monitor by midnight, the cavity in his chest that contained his soul will overtake him, and he'll lose his physical form!
Energized by a new goal - and a time limit - Vargas forges onwards to the next obstacle! This obstacle is a huge red river, tainted this color by the blood of all Pokemon who have "fainted" in battle. Come on, Nintendo. How dumb do you think we are? They died. The gatekeeper of the river is Sir Nuzlocke, patron of all Nuzlocke Challenges - those brave few who have played through Pokemon, treating every Pokemon they collect as a true individual, one who actually dies if they die. Vargas must answer Sir Nuzlocke's riddles, and only then will be granted passage across the river! When Sir Nuzlocke asks the first question - a very complicated math question that only a computer could answer - Vargas gives up, deciding to run across the river instead. It can't be that deep, right? Famous last words.
Vargas immediately sinks to the bottom of the river, being pulled down by the limbs of thousands of dead Pokemon - from first form to last evolution to Mega Form to mythical to legendary, they're all there. They've all died across every timeline. Vargas' flesh is torn apart and eaten, the Pokemon becoming very eager for more flesh to join them in their eternal wait. And when the first Pikachu to drift down there activates its electric powers, the red river bubbles and froths as Vargas is shocked alive.
Vargas only makes it out due to hitching a ride on some Pokemon Trainer's fishing rod - who would willingly fish in a red river though, seriously. Vargas, now badly injured, scares off the Pokemon Trainer because he accidentally thinks he fished up a zombie. The Pokemon Trainer dropped one of his Pokeballs, though, and when Vargas pops it open, he is ecstatic to find it's a Rayquaza. Vargas rides the Rayquaza up to the heavens in search of the next obstacle. Vargas is locked in a horrifying space battle between the members of Star Fox, using Rayquaza's aerial tactics to dodge their fire! However, when Fox actually does a barrel roll correctly, Rayquaza becomes horribly confused, firing a hyper beam directly at himself! His body explodes and scorches Vargas alive, leaving him floating through space. Vargas spots a floating golden star - a Warp Star - and manages to ride it across the rest of the fight, sustaining heavy damage from passing fire.
Vargas lands into the open mouth of a massive volcano right as the Warp Star loses fuel. He falls directly in, but that's fine, as it's his next stop. Vargas lands into First Person Shooter Hell, ruled by the Doomguy himself. It's a sad picture of a genre's gradual progression into overuse and tepid blandness, and the area reflects that - it's all fire and brimstone at the start until it devolves into a grey monochrome landscape. Doomguy is content to let Vargas run around in the fire and brimstone part though, so he sics an army of demons that he's supposed to be killing onto Vargas, forcing him in gladiatorial combat! Suddenly, the Ghost of Rayquaza spawns in First Person Shooter Hell, but he's still confused! A rogue hyper beam incinerates Doomguy, causing the entire dimension to fall apart! It's at this point that every demon realizes Vargas has no soul, so he literally can't exist in Hell!
Running as fast as he can, Vargas desperately tries to outrun the legions of demons, the crumbling dimension, and his own body that fades without a soul as First Person Shooter Hell collapses! He leaps into the monochrome exterior it became, and realizes he's now in Limbo. The Scribe appears, telling Vargas that he's doing fairly well, and the Monitor isn't very far off! Vargas asks the Scribe if it's even worth it all, saying he has no soul and he's almost at Death's door, so to speak! The Scribe laughs, telling Vargas that when he finds the Monitor and hooks it up to the PC, his entire purpose in life will become clear. He even lets Vargas have a quick bite to eat at the Restaurant at the End of the Internet. Satisfied, Vargas comes out of the restaurant still looking like a post-apocalyptic zombie, but the important thing is he's ready to take on the final obstacles!
Vargas goes to the Infinity Fair from the highly popular final installment in the Spirit Morph Saga and trades some guy a Ghost Rayquaza Tooth for a time machine! Using the time machine, Vargas warps many years into the future... but the future refused to change. Vargas finds himself in the middle of a fierce battle against Lavos, a horrific beast seeking to destroy time itself! He interrupts the heroes of the battle with his sudden arrival, causing Lavos to kill them all instantly. Lavos laughs and begins to destroy time, with Vargas seeing that his time machine is beginning to fade away! Desperately trying to find a way to stop what he has done, Vargas goes back to the Infinity Fair, trading one of his magic swords that he assuredly has for a gigantic asteroid-sized portal! He then goes back to the time of the dinosaurs, putting the asteroid that killed them into the portal! The portal rematerializes in Lavos' era, obliterating Lavos instantly!
Although he's saved time from annihilation, Vargas' degradation from reality due to his lack of a soul is now accelerated because he's affected by the anti-time powers of the late Lavos! Hurrying back to normal time, Vargas prepares for his final challenge at the Halls of Judgement when he realizes he's forced reality into being ruled by dinosaurs, who never actually died! Every living being on the planet exists, but they are now half-lizard! Vargas watches as he is cornered by all these dinosaur creatures, frantically trying to escape as a series of humanoid beings closely approach him from the sea of dinosaurs. Quickly, Vargas grabs one of the dinosaur hybrids and goes back to the Infinity Fair again, trading the hybrid dinosaur for a Familicide Potion! He uses it in normal time, one-shotting every dinosaur hybrid and killing every being in existence instantaneously! A haze of red settles across all points in space as all the blood in the universe dries on Vargas' hands... But Vargas is not swayed. He's getting that monitor.
Vargas, still degrading from existence, stumbles to the Halls of Judgement, adorned by golden pillars and windows streaming with sunlight. There is a still figure wrapped in shadow at the end of the hall who is, presumably, the titular judge. Vargas approaches him, expecting a response, but gets nothing. Vargas shakes the figure, realizing who he is. It's Vargas' own skeleton, hanging from the ceiling, his bones crushed and flickering with static. Vargas wonders how he could end up as a skeleton when his time machine self-destructs, warping Vargas back to a different point in time when the Halls of Judgement still stood! He sees another skeleton there with a blue jacket, who eyes him quizzically. The skeleton chuckles and fades away.
Vargas heads through the doors of the Hall of Judgement, finally making it to the coveted treasure horde! He laughs with glee as he sees the mountains upon mountains of treasure waiting for him! And resting, at the very top, is the Monitor. Vargas climbs up the mounds of treasure and grabs the Monitor... But when he does, the golden light of the chamber shuts off. All the treasure dissolves into sand. The Monitor displays only static, and Vargas peers into it, hearing a haunting voice... "Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe." Vargas backs away from the Monitor, dropping it to the ground as he tries to exit the treasure horde - but there is no exit. There is no pause button. There is only one way out. The Scribe cackles from above as he sees the prison of Vargas' own design.
A horrifying foot lurches from the Monitor, composed of the stitched-together corpses of every single reptilian being he just killed with Familicide - every single being in the entire universe. With their all-encompassing power and the blood of superiors pulsing through their decaying heart, the Ur Lizard's foot screams down and crushes Vargas flat, squashing him and sending him back to the Hall of Judgement as a soulless wreck whose bones can't even sustain their own existence.
And there he lies, as a haunted skeleton, forced to judge himself. Forever. And now you might be wondering, children, what is the point of this attack? What's the lesson that can be learned? Well, the lesson here is obvious. "Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you.
Collectionism 6/50
Hamilton OST && Dueling Pistols = Ten Duel Commandments 5/??
The Mindwalker && Indigo Flame && Eye of Providence = Line of Sight 9/14
Vampire Knives && Railgun && Stopwatch = Scarlet Devil 9/11
16,000/125,000 Lv. 3
I cast Greater Invisibility on Consumer, making them impossible to target. It's totally a buff guise. Totally. Anyways, I vote for the almond milk elemental.
I decide to deal with the new Omnis in a hilarious and original way: a deadly adventure through a fusion of their homeworld of Grand Gaia, the TTS universe, basically every SCP universe ever except the one that's a world that doesn't have SCPs, the Infinite Plane of Fluoroantimonic Acid and Glitch City 2.0.
A mutant ninja burrito teleports the new PZs are teleported to 6 sectors of the USS Radar Overseer II, and by that I mean "hexasected and one part from each unit placed in each sector". Said ship is docked at what appears to be Mistral, except flooded with glitchy nuclear waste that is also semantically assigned to the concept of "clones of Frank Morris". They reform for no reason whatsoever, having taken hexasection damage, and begin their adventure... sort of.
They immediately glitch out due to the infinite stream of nuclear waste that happens to be pouring from a glitch hole in the shape of an asterisk. Riding this nuclear waste are trillions of social justice warriors who proceed to lecture each of them about privilege and how they are oppressing them simply by being male, cisgendered, or violating their "religious" (read: atheist) beliefs. At this point, Eze proceeds to decapitate himself with his massive sword. Unfortunately, the SJWs decide to revive him because he's not gotten off the hook for being male.
Eventually, Atro gets tired of the SJWs' tirade and somehow invokes the power of the glitches latent in this area to summon 16 copies of Urias. He then uses these to decapitate SJWs left and right for 3 seconds before the SJWs form into a giant ball of feminism and telekinetically blow up Atro's swords, causing him to be blown directly into the glitch portal. While this is happening, Vargas is turning the SJWs' tactics against them, claiming that they should check their SJW privilege. However, this enrages the SJWs and the SJW feminism ball crushes him and chases the rest of the units through the rest of Mistral.
On arriving in the glitched equivalent of Morgan, they discover that the entire area is covered in ten feet of communist Tux penguins speaking Lojban. This confuses them so much they have a roflcopter seizure, allowing the Tux penguins to swarm them and inject them with all the Really Sucky Virus strains. All of the detrimental ones, at least. They then discover that Maxwell has merged with the Supreme AI and is the source of the Communist Linux Penguin Army V2 spawning in this area. This revelation shocks them so much their jaws drop so far they dig straight through the ground and get stuck 30 meters underground. The penguins proceed to dump jars of Source SoS into their now-gaping mouths, forcing it down their throats and semantically reassigning their perceived identities to all be Vince Offer.
The Mays-inated units then teleport 36 meters into the air, breaking their jaws on the fall, and proceed to slash at Tux penguins left and right. Unfortunately, the Tux penguins are in god mode, so they only manage to clear a path to St. Lamia that closes behind them.
On arrival in St. Lamia, or its entirely screwed up equivalent, they find that Maxwell has also merged with the corpse of L. L. Zamenhof and the soul of the God of Pitchmanry, Billy Mays. Maxwell teleports to them and immediately begins yelling in the voice of Billy Mays in Esperanto before stabbing all of the units with super-sharp enlarged Hercules Hooks, including Atro and Vargas who have somehow recovered from their previous predicament.
Just then, the JOJite ship teleports in and picks up all the units. Unfortunately, their sprites are too big to fit into the JOJite ship, so the JOJites hang them all off the edge of a ship and immediately fly into a random building, slamming them into the part of glitchy land that is formed from the Infinite Plane of Fluoroantimonic Acid. They are dissolved and reform on the other side with severe acid burns, because I'm not done yet.
After arriving in Cordelica, which is now upside down over a bottomless pit, they all get pushed into the pit by a fusion of every character from Gravity Falls, except it's four-dimensional and also made of steel beams. The reference I made gets the Ancient Joke Police angry at the units for no reason, but the units point out that last turn they were an ancient joke themselves. This knowledge of something that happened before their summoning results in the Ancient Joke Police giving up on arresting them and instead just dropping the NSA Jail into the bottomless pit and teleporting the units inside.
The NSA Jail proceeds to release a fake version of Half-Life 3 onto their minds. This version of Half-Life 3 is basically a signal flare for the trillions of drive-by installations of malware, such as Windows Crazy Colors, Windows Jibberish, Windows Roflcopter Seizure and Windows Jacksonville, Florida.
Said Windows Jacksonville, Florida OS is in fact the worst OS ever, just as in a certain multiverse Jacksonville, Florida is the worst dimension of Realm 6. In fact, it's worse than Windows Sudden Death, Windows Instant Death, Windows Vist8, and a potato combined. This causes the units to instantly implode and be consumed by sentient black holes from the sixth dimension. It is then they notice the NSA Jail is actually run by the SJW Army!
The SJWs proceed to lecture them, while they are stuck in the sentient black holes, about white cis male privilege. The fact that a majority of the six units are male results in the SJWs raging horribly as they are "triggered". Suddenly, the Murderer of SJWs, also known as Cyborg Christian Brutal Sniper, not to be confused with regular Christian Brutal Sniper, brutally murders the SJWs and also the units, mistaking them for SJWs.
The units are teleported to the region of... This isn't a region, it's the Plane of Infinite Heat, which burns the units to a crisp!
As requested by a certain ROFLcopter Squad member, the Plane of Infinite Heat is then dumped out onto the battlefield after its heat is temporarily removed by a potato. The burnt units reform having suffered severe damage.
I have that feeling this will fail horribly.
/nullitor
Vermiculus Regis surrexit de tenebrae ad suo soliu
Actual post coming later. For now...
I should be on the proper plane for the trade to take place. Unless my ritual was not registired, in which case, i burn down a hazel tree, surrounded by ink, poured on the ground.
If this transports me to the proper location, which i was informed it would do so, i begin talking to the demon who should be there. From what i was told, anyway.
canidaePsionic: Hello. I've come to mακe α deαl ωith you. My soul, for the Amethyst Flame, tωo βucκets of the dαrκ inκ αnd mαgeteαr, one bucket of avaritine, and the augustan seed, if possible.
Amethyst Flame and an Augustan Seed
/RITUALPOST
Posts may contain high amounts of stupid.
. And you know what the best part of all this is? You'll DO it. And then you'll lose to me again. And again. And again!!! Because you want a "happy ending." Because you "love your friends." Because you "never give up." Isn't that delicious? Your "determination." The power that let you get this far... It's gonna be your downfall!
CrazeePi looks up at Earth 2.0 and for some reason, feels they should probably do something to defend it. They decide that the best way to stop attacks would be to stop anyone from attacking it in the first place, and summons a giant pile of bubble wrap. Seeing as nobody can resist bubble wrap, it'll cause attacks to instead be used to pop bubble wrap. For some unexplained reason, people only seem to be interested in the bubble wrap when they're attacking Earth 2.0.
[STATS AND STUFF]
[CHARGES]
8/50 ~ THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, WHO HAS DEFEATED ENTIRE LEGIONS OF DEMONS AND OTHER UNMENTIONABLE EVIL STUFF BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY TO THINK OF ANYTHING BUT DEMONS, AND COULD POSSIBLY END THE UNIVERSE AT ANY MOMENT
6/40 ~ RNGesus
3/35 ~ Sause
[ENTITIES]
None
[INVENTORY]
None
[ALCHEMIES]
None
29/50 Ultra-Decorrupter (+1 me)
44/50 {REDACTED} (+1 me)
35/50 Avatar Project (+1 me)
+3 Tabbune (since apparently Piono doesn't like being helped)
Okay, now that Chara has been defeated, we need to defend Earth. Why? Part of it is, of course, the fact that there needs to be an Earth in the world, but there is another reason. If it escapes, anything on the planet when it escapes will leave the server by the power of the Great Effort powering it. EXOS has, in fact, already dropped off an AI core in a Worker Drone, and when the planet escapes, will use that to rebuild our off-server resources to provide a new avenue of attack. Or take over Earth with a Skynet knockoff.
No, I am fairly certain that you prevented that functionality due to the events of Project Binary taking over a planet with its own Skynet knockoff.
Its almost like you built those yourself and gave me credit for them. Which you probably did.
I also dropped my Illusionary Hologram Drone Creator Drone, from my new Absurdly Specific Drones line of products. This drone creates a swarm of illusionary Hologram Drones that each create Holograms of more drones, with the result being a swarm of illusionary hologram Worker Drones that will make it nearly impossible for any aggressor to find and destroy the real Worker Drone.
Anyways, I notice that Notch is on the server, and also appears GS-affiliated. So I decide to contact him.
Crusher48: Notch, neither of these godmodders is a safe choice. Though Richard was framed in this case, once he reaches Omega+ level he will lead to a chain of events that destroy several universes. I know this because those bad futures are where I came from.
Crusher48: However, UserZero is not as friendly as she seems. She actually decided to blow up a universe right now (and blamed it on Richard), hunts down and kills people IRL, and her third Trial alone was powerful enough to be able to instantly destroy a PLANET in one hit if not for someone finding its weakness first (a weakness that had always been claimed to be impossible to exploit, in fact). She cannot be trusted either.
Crusher48: The only way to stop this from happening is to break Richard's chain of ascension. In the continuity I am from, he somehow managed to find 3 other godmodders that happened to show up on this server, managing to ascend to Omega level just before UserZero dies. But if even one of them does not show up, Richard cannot gain enough rank to take UserZero's rank.
Crusher48: Thus, there is a simple plan. We have 3 chances to eliminate a godmodder before Richard can rank up off of it. Once one arriving godmodder is eliminated in this way, we rush UserZero and take her out. This will leave an Omega+ ranked godmodder with no one to claim her rank, permanently eliminating the Omega+ class of godmodder. With Omega+ godmodders no longer existing, the ability of godmodders to destroy worlds will be almost completely mitigated.
Crusher48: So, Notch. Are you willing to aid me?
I also add a bunch of Fake Illusion Cube Drones, which are Cube Drones that act like illusion but aren't, so that attackers think that all my drones are illusions when they aren't. Not that it does them much good anyways when they're going to have to get in the way of things either way, but I got a sponsor from Battlebots who wants me to design absurdly specific types of drones and then figure out how to use them, so I have to make up situations just to employ absurdly specific drones.
Fake Illusion Cube Drone Barrier: 10000 HP, invisible (shows up in this text color in the EOTB).
Commander's Orders: I hate when my units lose their turn. I hate it so much that I just reuse last turn's orders (however relevant they may be) instead of making more relevant orders.
~Charges~
That's Pretty Boss. 9/50 (+1 from Hezetor)
DOSH 7/25
Who gives a damn about paradoxes anyway? 25/50 (+1 from mega)
~Alchemy~
-NOP-
1+ to Hezetor, +1 Crystal +1 to Pricey
~Toast reaches into her pocket and pulls out an ordinary frying pan.
But there's a catch- A twist. It's not an ordinary frying pan. You just got caught. In a particularly nasty twist. A twist of mine. Yes.
For this frying pan has several properties. The first being that it will instantly win you a shotput contest, provided you make a healthy and wholesome meal with it beforehand. This has been proven as true, because it happened on two seperate occassions. The second is that any male that comes within contact with it will instantly grow a beard, assuming they have one already. More rarely, women with beards already will grow one. However, this hasn't been tested due to the absurdly small amount of women with beards.
~Toast bangs the frying pan of questionable significance against a gong that happens to be next to her for some reason, and it's true significance is revealed.
"Baaa."
You immediately look to upward and see a swarm of sheep, more or less noclipping through the sky. Selena points out that swarm is the wrong plural for sheep. That was just another one of my twists. How ironic. That I put a twist on this spot. Where there have never been twists before. Page 206 of DTG: 0rigins. Post #whoevencares.
It is so delicous. This irony.
The truth is. That this twist has been been twisted again. A twisted twist. A double twist. If you will. This the last twist.
For swarm is the correct term for this group of creatures that have been mysteriously undefined in this sentence, not flock.
...
This can mean only one thing:
*deepbreath.mp3*
THOSE.
AREN'T.
REAL.
SHEEP.
The swarm collectively bleats in an ironic and sheepish fashion. This is the twistiest twist. Yes. I lied about my last twist. Being the last twist. For there is a twist inside a twisted twist. For they are not bleating. They are barking. Wait. No! They are not barking! They are bacon!
The sheep disappear for half a second, then are replaced by their true forms. Bacon now sits where the sheep did, standing in golden/white chariots. They sizzle angrily, astonished that Selena saw through their cunning diguise. One of them *somehow* blows a horn so tiny it's probably one of those free gifts you get from cereal packets sometime. In fact it is. Generally in these scenarios probably means yes, it is.
Since it's a cereal box gift, it makes little to no noise. Nevertheless, beyond the horizon you see black dots beginning to appear in front of the sun, like pepper on a fried egg. As they get closer, you see them. Hundreds and thousands of...
Wait, no. They are just hundreds and thousands, in the millions in number. Lead by a command of 3 giant pieces of toast (not to be confused with ^Toast, Toast, ~Toast or *Toast), they fly straight towards Selena.
Selena is impaled on the first piece of toast, which happens to be buttered. The hundreds and thousands and millions of hundreds and thousands follow suit, sticking themselves to the buttered bread. This repeats for each piece of toast, until we end up with a Selena-Triple-Decker-Millions-Of-Hundreds-And-Thousands-Fairy-Toast-Sandwich. Delicious.
One thing people don't realise is how flammable hundreds and thousands are. The Emperor of Bacon sizzles slightly, and gives the order. Hundreds and thousands and millions of flaming frying pans fall from the sky and land on the Selena-Triple-Decker-Millions-Of-Hundreds-And-Thousands-Fairy-Toast-Sandwich. The collateral damage would be a necessary sacrifice.
The Selena-Triple-Decker-Millions-Of-Hundreds-And-Thousands-Fairy-Toast-Sandwich catches alight, and burns to a crisp. Even if she had a beard, she doesn't have one any more. A couple of frying pan scientists sigh inwardly and leave. There's nothing to see here.
[I swear I only realised the flaming toast thing afterwards. This was supposed to be an attack about bacon chariots riding out from the sunset to immolate the world. Disguised as sheep.]
Wow, interesting.
A day without light,
A night without breath.
A single star left,
To swallow the rest.
With each light snuffed by a single man's tome...
What will be left to lead HER back home?
===== ooc =====
===
Scales of the Chaos Butterfly && Entropy && The Pink Terminal = /<0> 1/? ??? Level ?
Big Book && Storywriter's Pen && Scrolls of Knowledge && Forgotten Tome && Adventure's Journal && Collection of Myths = 6/9 The Book of All Adventure (Level 8:
=====
i proceed to spin in a circle banana times. This causes 20 bananas to teleport into the Paradox Casino. As it turns out, those banana's are fabled idols of a massive monkey tribe. As a result, a monkey army numbering 2000 quickly storms the casino. The banana's then reveal they are in fact bombs and explode near multiple slot machines.
The monkeys, shocked by this obvious attempt at scorched earth warfare, proceed to set fire to the entire casino, and start throwing firebombs everywhere. As it turns out, the flames are enchanted to not only be much worse in the presence of paradox goo, but create more firebombs. Which are then tossed by paradoxical fire elementals.
Then, monkey musicans, obviously timed to arrived with the victory of the monkey army (which is still rolfstomping the clowns), proceed to play various jungle songs. All of which loudly overshadow the sounds of casino and killing. Meanwhile, a rather lethal, loaded with monkey-s jungle proceeds to erupt from the earth, and tear apart the majority of the casino, which is now a few tatters of cloth and a bunch of clowns trying to survive an unending slaughter as immortal monkeys continuiously tear deep into their ranks, and strike fear into their paradoxial hearts.
Meanwhile, the ruckus made by the monkey musicans starts deafening the clowns and causing their ears to bleed, making the battle even more of a massacre. Massive banana's fall, and then explode, killing more clowns, while banana energy flows into the monkeys, healing them and reviving their dead.
Then, a single monkey fires forth an arrow, of firey power. All the burning, the flame, the ash, the chaos, flys into the arrow, and the arrow, empowered with immense flame and banana, proceeds to convert the combination of the Joker and Kefta into a cheesecake, which explodes.
The monkeys then get ahold of the achlemiter, and proceed to do Firebombx85030538503583 && nuke, and proceed to produce a nuke with 85030548503583 firebombs inside of it, which promptly converts the casino into a flaming wreck. They then proceed to enact banana && bus, and produce the Banana Bus, or rather, a massive horde of them.
The massive horde of banana buses run towards the casino, while massive wheelbarrels of bananas are dumped on the casino from hills overlooking it, while the banana ocean that just came into existance sends a tsunami towards it.
The result is the Bananareckoning, the massive crash of millions of banana's into the casino, wiping it from the face of the server, launching it into an unlucky godmodder's face, who proceeds to punt it in the direction of the ocean of banana, which proceeds to flood the casino and destroy it.
===== to be crafted
The Hero's Sword && Villains Edge = Storylines Edge lv. 25
The Hero's sword && Undyne's Spear && Determination = Undying Lv. 2
====== semi-useful junk. =======
ITEMS IN NEED OF DESCRIPTION: TRUE HEROS SWORD (Hero's sword && master sword), UNH0IING (The Hero's Sword && Detemmieation)
The Saints row [7]
Gemblade [8?]
Life-Drain spellbook [5]
Gravity Gauntlet [7]
Brutal Boss Buster Breaker Basher or BBBBB lvl 8
bATTLEFURYS tEMMIE aRMOR?!!?!?111 11/11 lvl 10 Passive: 1+ armor
Falls [9] >fine of the Gravity Gauntlet
Wright [7]
Gambler's Gredideir [5] Special: Rolls a dice to determine the number of rockets fierd
The Hero's Sword [10]
The True Hero's Sword (Level 15: 16/16).
Unh0iing
Charges========
7/50
18/50 rip topaz +1 consumer
11/50 Dog. God.
1+ to Engie
2+ to consumer
Charge Pool: The Dog will use one 1+ from each plus, and use it to charge an ability. The rest will be given to random players, or converted into extra dog-only Stock
Stock: Starts with 1. Start
Machine part: Starts with 1.
Bullets/bombs: Starts with 0.
All immunitys are temp. or can be surpassed with a strong enough debuff.
Fast Clock. Immunity to slowing or time-based. effects granted to target. Requires a "stock"
Regeneration Potion. Give target regen. 1 stock.
Poison Potion. Poison Target. 1 stock. Will only use if told via costumer.
Dispenser: 2 machine parts. Provides healing, and provides 1+s to one entitys charge.
Level Two: 4 parts. Heal two targets, and 2+ one entity, or 1+ two.
Level three: 6 parts. Provides minicrits, in addition to 3 healing targets, and 3+/1+x3
Antidote. Grants basic damage over time resist. Including such things as burning, oddly. Alternately, remove one stack of a strong enough debuff. Needs one stock. Does not cure mark of dog.
Minisentry: 1 Machine Part, attach a 5000 HP minisentry to the target. Minisentrys die with the target, and attack with 25% of the target's attack.
Sentry: 2 machine parts, 10000 HP, attachs to target. Same as mini sentry, except with 30% of targets attack.
Level Two Sentry: 4 Mach. parts. Attachs to target. Same as above, except 20000 HP and 35% of targets attack.
This will be expanded later.
Posts may contain high amounts of stupid.
. And you know what the best part of all this is? You'll DO it. And then you'll lose to me again. And again. And again!!! Because you want a "happy ending." Because you "love your friends." Because you "never give up." Isn't that delicious? Your "determination." The power that let you get this far... It's gonna be your downfall!
OK, bit late on this message, but the update's done.
Two things in advance: First, the Brave Frontier units have quite a few things going for them, but the standard attack of a 50 post charge isn't one of them, they're weaker than they seem; Second, I never, ever, ever said UserZero couldn't attack Earth's Barriers.
Super looks at the five newcomers before shaking his head
None of them have a Spoil, therefore they aren't my concern.
Super turns towards the Paradox Casino raises his hands unleashes a barrage of blue energy upon the Casino before flying up to it transforming their arm into a blue energy sword and slashing it furiously across the Paradox Casino.
The SOUL Thief 12/50
+3 PitTheAngel
Mankind Redefined
I shoot the Informant with a healing dart, and he uses Guns Akimbo! on Selena and Magress.
Marvel of Machinery: 35/50
Hush: 6/50
The Secret of the Gungeon: 6/50
It's High Noon
Ultra Mega Uber Super Grand Hyper Terrific Dynamic Epic ????? Attack:
================================================== 7/50
name not found :
Gravity Magnagun:
===== 2/5
+3 to Cobalt
_________________________________
Deez eez alchermiez:
Kusarigama && Handheld Dark Energy Generator && Kusarigama = Noctem Dreadmill 4/??
Arm Cannon || Supercharged Gravity Gun = Arm Gravitizer 2/??
_________________________________
Rip "Perfect" Barrier. You died so young.....
OK time to make a new barrier
....I cover the entirety of Earth 2.0 and its barriers under a giant blanket sheet.
Krill13: Earth 2.0? What are you talking about? All I see is a definitely-not-suspicious white space.
_________________________________
As for the the Everydimension portal, can we vote on our own nominees? Cause I'm voting for...let's just call it Giant Bull-Operated Hamster Ball.
Krill13's Models
Diluvium AND energy condenser 5/16
Levis Ignis AND energy condenser 10/16
Magna Firma Orbis Terrae 16/16
16/20 for a space station
16/50 for an open deal?
43/50 for Initiation
+3 to tabbune
Finally, the orb of earth shoots out of the ether of not yet being and flies into The King's body.
He seems a lot more solid now...
And suddenly a massive boulder, the size of a large mountain, lifts itself up out of the ground and flings into orbit.
He also seems a lot more powerful.
DTG Co Labs
Nope, sorry guys, no Destroy the Godmodder relevant stuff here...
At least, not yet.
Crazee Pi decides to continue their plan of stopping people from attacking Earth 2.0 by summoning Flame Hyenard, who repeatedly shouts "BURN" and "BURN TO THE GROUND," annoying people into attacking him instead of Earth 2.0.
[STATS AND STUFF]
[CHARGES]
9/50 ~ THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, WHO HAS DEFEATED ENTIRE LEGIONS OF DEMONS AND OTHER UNMENTIONABLE EVIL STUFF BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY TO THINK OF ANYTHING BUT DEMONS, AND COULD POSSIBLY END THE UNIVERSE AT ANY MOMENT
7/40 ~ RNGesus
4/35 ~ Cheese
[ENTITIES]
None
[INVENTORY]
None
[ALCHEMIES]
None
=Turn One=
(6 / 20) Boost Ring
(10 / 50) (+3, FSBN) Lightswitch Rave
+3 FSBN
=Chairs=
Responding to that post some time ago. Once again, in Courier new. Why doesn't it workkkk
??: well.of.course.he's.the.top.of.this.reality
??: has.there.ever.been.a.reality.where.a.figure.called.god.isn't.the.top?
??: probably.
??: but.yes.calling.off.squads
The Chairian Force Leader is suddenly given a message to retreat because of an imminent gigantic explosion.
??: there.
??: while.there.may.be.no.actual.explosion.it.should.make.him.hurry.and.leave.
??: anyway-
The transmission is suddenly cut off. Something just happened...
=Action=
This action is focused.
Time for salt.
I decide to cash in my salt-check, and proceed to pull out a single packet of salt. I eat it whole, without breaking open the packet. It's disgusting, and I spit it out, salty spittle landing on whatever the battlefield is made of at this point in time. The sheer disgusting-ness of the salt makes me want to make some food that doesn't suck! To do this, I begin to scour the internet. I find plenty of delicious recipes, but none of them really fit my vague unexplained craving. After a few minutes, I find a recipe for some delicious factory-made pies! I then proceed to call in a construction crew, spearheaded by some random player named BlastingCap. While he's normally called to destroy things, he's totally capable of building things as well.
After a few minutes, an entire pie-factory is built! I decide to make a giant pie; perhaps I could make the world's best healing item? I flip a switch, and the pie factory begins production. A few strange, green cows are grabbed from a small barn located outside of the factory. They're promptly milked by a team of players with buckets, who proceed to dump the milk with black specks into a hopper. The hopper feeds the milk down into a giant mixer, where it is joined by plenty of locally made flour, which was made from wheat that some Creeper Villagers grew. They're a nice bunch, really.
Through a nether portal, plenty of gigantic wasps are thrown onto an assembly line, where they, and some unlucky hellbats, are horribly cut to bits by saws, mashed into a fine paste, and then processed into honey. This too, is harvested by players with buckets, and dumped into hoppers. After the honey eventually arrives in the mixing unit, a water channel opens, dumping lots of cold water onto the contents of the mixer. A few warning sirens go off, and the workers clear the area as the mixer shuts. However, a few foolish Creeper Workers (godmodder bless their souls) got stuck in the hoppers in an incident involving a renegade cow, and were pushed into the mixer. A gigantic corkscrew proceeds to eviscerate the creepers, and knead the ingredients, making a nice pie dough.
The dough is then pressed through two gigantic rollers, and then the resulting dough sheet is then tossed onto a gigantic pie plate. A carousel proceeds to cycle the pie over to an area, where it is joined by a syrup-like apple filling, which was made from fresh apples, again grown by those Creeper Villagers. Those apples were washed by running it through a gunpowder-powered waterfall, which may or may not be good at keeping the gunpowder and water separate. Once the pie is filled with the applestuff, another sheet of dough is placed over the pie, creating the pie crust. A special bladed device then descends upon the pie, trimming the excess dough and making it look nice in general. The pie is then raised, and shifted over to another conveyor belt.
On this conveyor belt, the pie is run through a gigantic oven. Except instead of fire, hellbats are constantly released into a chamber, which constantly kamikaze on the pie, baking it to a perfect golden brown! The pie is then dropped onto a giant plate, where a forklift proceeds to carry the pie, plate and all, towards an area where we add whipped cream and other nice toppings. From there, I run to a console, and see plenty of pie-toppings. I then hit the salt button, dumping entire bags of salt onto the pie. I then press the whipped cream button, and a button that drops a gigantic central apple on the thing.
I then turn to face my pie. It looks beautiful; the pie crust is perfect and golden, the scent of apples fills the air, there's about fifty-three D.Va mechs inside the pie and the entirety of the AI-Shell Salvation-
It then dawns on me. BlastingCap didn't make me a pie factory. He made me a bomb factory disguised as a pie factory. In a fit of rage, I toss the pie towards Lance, and tell him that he can have it. I then drive over to some random place called BlockDolands, and get a cheeseburger. Heading back to the battlefield, I see the pie. It makes me really upset seeing it, so I decide to tell the AI-Shell Salvation to self-destruct to get rid of the pie.
The pie explodes in a violent burst of salt, hellbats, gunpowder, and general pie guts. The electromagnetic burst released by the AI-Shell Salvation upon death also makes the explosion very "shocking", which also unintentionally results in the shorting out a random Chairian communication unit. Lance, and the entire PZ-Side are caught in a gigantic explosion.
=Command=
The AI-Shell Salvation literally just exploded. So, uh...
The dream that you've never dreamed is suddenly about to FLOWER.
Chair-City? (Ind) (Tra)
Alchemies
Desidia Warded Jar && Rune of Sloth && SCP-1133-6 && Large Anime Girl Plush Doll = Wandworker's Doll (13/13)
Wandworker's Doll: An anime girl plush doll. When invoked, it can manifest jars of [lang="de-DE"]"gift"[/lang] to put your enemies into an endless slumber.
Gula Warded Jar && Rune of Gluttony && SCP-1133-1 && Glass Bottle = Bottle of Beelzebub (9/13)
Superbia Warded Jar && Rune of Pride && SCP-1133-4 && 4x Magic Mirror = Four Mirrors of Lucifer (4/13)
Luminite (Lv. 7, no desc given when completed, desc pl0x) && Empty Interlocking Cubic Module = Cubic Light Module Mk. II (1/?)
Charges
Project M12-The Typographer (42/50)
Project M14-The Speedcuber (10/50)
Project M15-%appdata% (20/30)
+3 to TwinBuilder
Action
I've compiled some information from my time playing Brave Frontier and have acquired all six of the units in question previously (except the Omni of Lance, but got him shortly after the dop).
Instead of attacking, I drop some knowledge. These are the most likely effects of their charged specials given their info in the games.
- Vargas -
Ragna Break: Deals fire damage, 1 turn of burned to all targets.
Helios Vanguard: Deals fire damage, 2 turns of burned to all targets.
Ardent Flare Ride: All of the six new units' specials deal 10% more damage for 3 turns, in addition to fire damage and 2 turns of burned.
- Selena -
Estreal Bloom: Deals water/ice damage, raises regen given to 15,000 HP for 1 more turn.
Crysta Laviena: Raises regen given to 15,000 HP for 3 turns, deals water/ice damage.
Mercurious Blade: Raises regen given by an extra (10% of Selena's remaining HP + 5000) in addition to dealing water/ice damage.
- Lance -
Mystral Night: Remove positive status effects on targets and deal earth damage.
Earthbond: Negates all negative status effects in addition to effects of Mystral Night.
Starglow Escudo: Reduce threshold for damage reduction to 20,000 HP for 3 turns.
- Eze -
Fulgor Caelestis: Increase crit chance by 5% and minicrit chance by 10% for up to three PZ entities, choices including himself. Crit and minicrit chance double if all targeted entitites attack the same entity. Also deals lightning damage.Varze Superbia: Same as Fulgor Caelestis but with all chances multiplied by 1.6x.
Supreme Bolt: All damage on hitting the same non-PZ foe multiple times by all entities, not just PZs, gets crit damage.
- Atro -
Innocent Regulus: Deal damage proportional to total percentage of HP remaining on all 6 new PZs, in light-type damage. Boosts all attacks on the hit entities until end of the EoTB by 2000 damage.
Veritas Reve: Deal damage proportional to total percentage of HP remaining on all 6 new PZs, in light-type damage. Boosts all attacks on the hit entities until end of the EoTB by 5000 damage.
Transcendent Sky: Deal heavy damage to all enemies in light-type damage. Leave 2 charge points effect carries over to all 5 other new PZs (if alive) and takes effect once.
- Magress -
Sidereal Blackness: Boosts defense of all 6 new PZs by 15% for 3 turns, in addition to dealing darkness-type damage.
Dark Demise: Same as Sidereal Blackness but affects all PZs including players.
Judecca: Negates defense and evasion for all attacks targeting non-PZs, not just PZs' attacks.
Ritual Action
I quickly construct a spire out of bismuth crystals and summon a bottle of ink, inverted and floating above the tip of the spire. The ink flows quickly, covering every part of the spire. I then place a single Nova Cataclysm at its base and light it.
"Hello. I'd like to make a trade. I'll give you my soul to brand in exchange for the Amethyst Flame, two buckets of avaritine, and a droplet of compressed magetear."
Adventurer Class. Put into a URL to preserve that rare resource known as Tazz sanity.
Class Tracking:
Attitude: None (2/3 mind)
Tokens: (4, 6, 1)
Total Tokens (8, 10, 5)
Commands:
N/A
Action:
ACTION FOCUSED CHECKBOX: [ X ]
Huh... so I got almost the Staff of Ysera from something called 'The Entity'? Have I been blessed by Spider Cthulhu? Spider Cthulhu is the worst Cthulhu because it seems barely able to overpower an immobile college student suspended on a hook.
Also, has anything major happened with Moog city?
Anyway, I have all these shields. I should probably use them. I toss the World Tree Shield onto the ground and use it to grow a small tree. I then put the Black Hole Shield on top of the tree and massively grow the tree, shooting the Black Hole Shield up into the sky. When the shield is halfway between the ground here and Earth, I remotely deactivate the shield's electromagnetic containment field, thus letting a black hole hang in the air to act as a shield against attacks. And then, to gain mass, the black hole promptly eats the massive tree it rode to get up here.
I recover the Black Hole Shield via the power of plot convince and prepare to use it again. This time, I use the Glacier Shield to freeze an area of land and make it slippery. At the end, I put a little black hole and then go to the opposite side and slide the Black Hole Shield down the makeshift bowling ally. When it gets to the end, it gets caught in the gravitational pull of the smaller black hole and that slingshots it around up into the air where it passes by the other black hole, and creates another one. So now, the two black holes orbit around each other and I've created a binary black hole system to act as a shield for Earth.
Binary Black Hole shield:
HP: Whatever/Whatever
Whenever Earth is hit with an attack that targets multiple shields, the Binary Black Hole recovers 5% of its HP.
Of course, given this is a 1 post summon, you don't have to do that little gimmick if you don't want to, Tazz.
Alchemy and charges:
(Paper && Ink Dye) || (Wither Skeleton Skull && Podzol) = Glyph of Decay 8/8 DONE
(The Origuni (from Enter the Gungeon) || grey ink) || ((Paper with Proof for the Intermediate Value Theorem && Paper with Proof for the Mean Value Theorem && Paper with Proof for L'Hôpital's Rule) && (Barometer && Stopwatch && Anemometer (measures wind speed && Hand Fan)) = Limit Found 3/16
PowerMace && Stormforged Axe && Charged Hammer && Dr.Balanced's Boombot = The BoomHammer 8/13
Got +17. +1 to Pricey, +1 to Hezetor, +1 to Tabbune
Something: 2/50
Project Sun: 42/50 Initiate the thingy! Might.
Project Moon: 33/50 More mind melting than Cthulhu. Hopefully anyway. Mind.
There's a difference between a hero and a champion. A champion overcomes threats, but a hero overcomes fears.
All my maps, click here.
Then there's also a Youtube channel I'm somewhat involved in.
Well, I did miss.
Also someone please critique my new avvy.
Action 2/2
Shock Trooper Part B: 33/50
An Era of Peace: 28/50
I +Assist crystalcat again.
Rotik Nexusruin [Lvl.9 Assault Rifle]: 5/10
Shielder's Salvation [Lvl.7 Medigun]: 5/8
Sky's Edge [Lvl.7 Axe]: 5/8
Uh oh. My killing instinct is getting to me.
To try staving it off for longer, I increase my team-support activity! I induce Fortify on Captain Falcon, which will greatly reduce damage from the next attack it takes.
Über (Super Prototype Medigun): 2/9 [IIIIIIIII]
Sanity: 14/100
An alternate timeline emerges.
However, we must first start from the beginning...
The Mysteryman: ================================================== 40/50 [ATTACK] (+3 from Cobalt and Krill)
The Interface: ================================================== 39/50 [ATTACK] (+3 from Cobalt and Krill)
The Campfire: ================================================== 27/50 (+3 from Cobalt, +1 from Krill)
I +1 Krill and +2 Cobalt.
Ultra Greed, the Saint of Clutch, purchases all upgrades he hasn't already bought and uses Super Bum/Bumbo on Lance. Sandfall Ampersand uses Crux Conundrum on Frankenstein's Pokemon. He mind controls the Anomaly: Failure to use Indigo Inferno, and he mind controls Vargas to use Crux Conundrum on Selena.
The Every-Dimension Portal's ideas are locked in as an Almond Milk Elemental, A Giant Bedrock Hamster Ball That Is Also Transparent And Is Containing One Million Bulls All Running Cooperatively So That The Ball Can Keep Rolling Without Any Interruption From The Inside And It Can Also Fly Somehow, and a Dodecahedral Potato wielding a Laser Gun. Now it's up to you - the players - to vote on which one is the best! It would help if Tazz could keep track of the votes.
The Scribe walks up to Vargas and deploys the Personal Space Invaders' innocuous double - a PC. Vargas scrutinizes the PC, wondering what purpose it could possibly serve before realizing that he needs a monitor to play the PC! This forces Vargas on a noble adventure hereby dubbed MONITORQUEST. The Scribe, who happens to be a notorious quest-giver, formally gives Vargas this quest, showing him a map of his challenges, of which the fabled Monitor will be at the end. Vargas takes this whole thing in stride, determined to get that Monitor no matter the cost.
After heading into the designated Quest Area™ as dictated by the map, Vargas enters the first obstacle - the Pac-Maze! He is locked into a massive fluorescent maze littered with pellets where he must avoid four technicolor ghosts! Vargas instantly realizes this as Pac-Man, feeling that the whole thing will be a piece of cake and that the ghosts will just be messes of pixels he can instantly kill! But Vargas is filled with unholy fear when he sees the four abominations bearing down on top of him, light frothing from their eyes as they eerily shift across the landscape towards Vargas. In a daze, Vargas runs across the map to frantically avoid the ghosts and collect all the pellets. Right as he nears the last pellet, Clyde pops in from out of nowhere, absorbing Vargas' soul into his being and forcing his body to collapse in an ashen heap on the cold ground.
Vargas somehow manages to escape, brushing off the wounds he received but shivering at the apparent loss of his soul. The Scribe pops in to tell Vargas that at the end of the MONITORQUEST, there's massive heaps of treasure (that he stole from the Venusian system), including treasure chests full of golden weapons, stacks upon stacks of precious minerals and money, and more than a few containers of souls! But Vargas needs to hurry - if he doesn't make it to the Monitor by midnight, the cavity in his chest that contained his soul will overtake him, and he'll lose his physical form!
Energized by a new goal - and a time limit - Vargas forges onwards to the next obstacle! This obstacle is a huge red river, tainted this color by the blood of all Pokemon who have "fainted" in battle. Come on, Nintendo. How dumb do you think we are? They died. The gatekeeper of the river is Sir Nuzlocke, patron of all Nuzlocke Challenges - those brave few who have played through Pokemon, treating every Pokemon they collect as a true individual, one who actually dies if they die. Vargas must answer Sir Nuzlocke's riddles, and only then will be granted passage across the river! When Sir Nuzlocke asks the first question - a very complicated math question that only a computer could answer - Vargas gives up, deciding to run across the river instead. It can't be that deep, right? Famous last words.
Vargas immediately sinks to the bottom of the river, being pulled down by the limbs of thousands of dead Pokemon - from first form to last evolution to Mega Form to mythical to legendary, they're all there. They've all died across every timeline. Vargas' flesh is torn apart and eaten, the Pokemon becoming very eager for more flesh to join them in their eternal wait. And when the first Pikachu to drift down there activates its electric powers, the red river bubbles and froths as Vargas is shocked alive.
Vargas only makes it out due to hitching a ride on some Pokemon Trainer's fishing rod - who would willingly fish in a red river though, seriously. Vargas, now badly injured, scares off the Pokemon Trainer because he accidentally thinks he fished up a zombie. The Pokemon Trainer dropped one of his Pokeballs, though, and when Vargas pops it open, he is ecstatic to find it's a Rayquaza. Vargas rides the Rayquaza up to the heavens in search of the next obstacle. Vargas is locked in a horrifying space battle between the members of Star Fox, using Rayquaza's aerial tactics to dodge their fire! However, when Fox actually does a barrel roll correctly, Rayquaza becomes horribly confused, firing a hyper beam directly at himself! His body explodes and scorches Vargas alive, leaving him floating through space. Vargas spots a floating golden star - a Warp Star - and manages to ride it across the rest of the fight, sustaining heavy damage from passing fire.
Vargas lands into the open mouth of a massive volcano right as the Warp Star loses fuel. He falls directly in, but that's fine, as it's his next stop. Vargas lands into First Person Shooter Hell, ruled by the Doomguy himself. It's a sad picture of a genre's gradual progression into overuse and tepid blandness, and the area reflects that - it's all fire and brimstone at the start until it devolves into a grey monochrome landscape. Doomguy is content to let Vargas run around in the fire and brimstone part though, so he sics an army of demons that he's supposed to be killing onto Vargas, forcing him in gladiatorial combat! Suddenly, the Ghost of Rayquaza spawns in First Person Shooter Hell, but he's still confused! A rogue hyper beam incinerates Doomguy, causing the entire dimension to fall apart! It's at this point that every demon realizes Vargas has no soul, so he literally can't exist in Hell!
Running as fast as he can, Vargas desperately tries to outrun the legions of demons, the crumbling dimension, and his own body that fades without a soul as First Person Shooter Hell collapses! He leaps into the monochrome exterior it became, and realizes he's now in Limbo. The Scribe appears, telling Vargas that he's doing fairly well, and the Monitor isn't very far off! Vargas asks the Scribe if it's even worth it all, saying he has no soul and he's almost at Death's door, so to speak! The Scribe laughs, telling Vargas that when he finds the Monitor and hooks it up to the PC, his entire purpose in life will become clear. He even lets Vargas have a quick bite to eat at the Restaurant at the End of the Internet. Satisfied, Vargas comes out of the restaurant still looking like a post-apocalyptic zombie, but the important thing is he's ready to take on the final obstacles!
Vargas goes to the Infinity Fair from the highly popular final installment in the Spirit Morph Saga and trades some guy a Ghost Rayquaza Tooth for a time machine! Using the time machine, Vargas warps many years into the future... but the future refused to change. Vargas finds himself in the middle of a fierce battle against Lavos, a horrific beast seeking to destroy time itself! He interrupts the heroes of the battle with his sudden arrival, causing Lavos to kill them all instantly. Lavos laughs and begins to destroy time, with Vargas seeing that his time machine is beginning to fade away! Desperately trying to find a way to stop what he has done, Vargas goes back to the Infinity Fair, trading one of his magic swords that he assuredly has for a gigantic asteroid-sized portal! He then goes back to the time of the dinosaurs, putting the asteroid that killed them into the portal! The portal rematerializes in Lavos' era, obliterating Lavos instantly!
Although he's saved time from annihilation, Vargas' degradation from reality due to his lack of a soul is now accelerated because he's affected by the anti-time powers of the late Lavos! Hurrying back to normal time, Vargas prepares for his final challenge at the Halls of Judgement when he realizes he's forced reality into being ruled by dinosaurs, who never actually died! Every living being on the planet exists, but they are now half-lizard! Vargas watches as he is cornered by all these dinosaur creatures, frantically trying to escape as a series of humanoid beings closely approach him from the sea of dinosaurs. Quickly, Vargas grabs one of the dinosaur hybrids and goes back to the Infinity Fair again, trading the hybrid dinosaur for a Familicide Potion! He uses it in normal time, one-shotting every dinosaur hybrid and killing every being in existence instantaneously! A haze of red settles across all points in space as all the blood in the universe dries on Vargas' hands... But Vargas is not swayed. He's getting that monitor.
Vargas, still degrading from existence, stumbles to the Halls of Judgement, adorned by golden pillars and windows streaming with sunlight. There is a still figure wrapped in shadow at the end of the hall who is, presumably, the titular judge. Vargas approaches him, expecting a response, but gets nothing. Vargas shakes the figure, realizing who he is. It's Vargas' own skeleton, hanging from the ceiling, his bones crushed and flickering with static. Vargas wonders how he could end up as a skeleton when his time machine self-destructs, warping Vargas back to a different point in time when the Halls of Judgement still stood! He sees another skeleton there with a blue jacket, who eyes him quizzically. The skeleton chuckles and fades away.
Vargas heads through the doors of the Hall of Judgement, finally making it to the coveted treasure horde! He laughs with glee as he sees the mountains upon mountains of treasure waiting for him! And resting, at the very top, is the Monitor. Vargas climbs up the mounds of treasure and grabs the Monitor... But when he does, the golden light of the chamber shuts off. All the treasure dissolves into sand. The Monitor displays only static, and Vargas peers into it, hearing a haunting voice... "Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe." Vargas backs away from the Monitor, dropping it to the ground as he tries to exit the treasure horde - but there is no exit. There is no pause button. There is only one way out. The Scribe cackles from above as he sees the prison of Vargas' own design.
A horrifying foot lurches from the Monitor, composed of the stitched-together corpses of every single reptilian being he just killed with Familicide - every single being in the entire universe. With their all-encompassing power and the blood of superiors pulsing through their decaying heart, the Ur Lizard's foot screams down and crushes Vargas flat, squashing him and sending him back to the Hall of Judgement as a soulless wreck whose bones can't even sustain their own existence.
And there he lies, as a haunted skeleton, forced to judge himself. Forever. And now you might be wondering, children, what is the point of this attack? What's the lesson that can be learned? Well, the lesson here is obvious. "Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you. Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Vargas is me. Vargas is you.
"Vargas is stuck to the bottom of your shoe."
I throw this stupid phone I'm using to type this at the Paradox Casino.
Marvel of Machinery: 36/50
Hush:7/50
The Secret of the Gungeon:7/50
Solar Flare && Japanese Flag && Red Sun Fuel Cell = Red Sun Rising (1/??)
It's High Noon
Reverse Von Karma 24/50
6-[53]-8-16-16-8-23-[23-53] 6-{7}-[8]-{7}-[7]-53-'22-39 7/50
Collectionism 6/50
Hamilton OST && Dueling Pistols = Ten Duel Commandments 5/??
The Mindwalker && Indigo Flame && Eye of Providence = Line of Sight 9/14
Vampire Knives && Railgun && Stopwatch = Scarlet Devil 9/11
16,000/125,000 Lv. 3
I cast Greater Invisibility on Consumer, making them impossible to target. It's totally a buff guise. Totally. Anyways, I vote for the almond milk elemental.
Cat drawn by me. Accepting requests, depending on a lot of things. DTG Atsume: http://www.imgur.com/a/tij95
1'-[7']-{'3}-'3-'3 '6-11'-7'-6'-7' '1-{'3}-8'-12'-'3-2'
'10-'5-'8-'11 1'-[7']-8'-7'-'3 '2-11'-2'-'9-7'
'10-'5-'3-'3 1'-[7']-'3 '10-8'-{'3}-['10]-4'-7'
'10-{'3}-'3-'3-'6-8'-4' {'3}-11'-2'-'9-7'
Spam restoration: http://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/forums/forum-discussion-info/2195940-posts-threads-deleted-because-of-spam-filter-place
Official DTG Cards Against Humanity suggestion pad: http://piratepad.net/DTGCAH
Alchemies
Gula Warded Jar && Rune of Gluttony && SCP-1133-1 && Glass Bottle = Bottle of Beelzebub (10/13)
Superbia Warded Jar && Rune of Pride && SCP-1133-4 && 4x Magic Mirror = Four Mirrors of Lucifer (5/13)
Luminite && Empty Interlocking Cubic Module = Cubic Light Module Mk. II (2/?)
Charges
Project M12-The Typographer (43/50)
Project M14-The Speedcuber (11/50)
Project M15-%appdata% (23/30) (+2 from Twin)
+3 to TwinBuilder
Action
I decide to deal with the new Omnis in a hilarious and original way: a deadly adventure through a fusion of their homeworld of Grand Gaia, the TTS universe, basically every SCP universe ever except the one that's a world that doesn't have SCPs, the Infinite Plane of Fluoroantimonic Acid and Glitch City 2.0.
A mutant ninja burrito teleports the new PZs are teleported to 6 sectors of the USS Radar Overseer II, and by that I mean "hexasected and one part from each unit placed in each sector". Said ship is docked at what appears to be Mistral, except flooded with glitchy nuclear waste that is also semantically assigned to the concept of "clones of Frank Morris". They reform for no reason whatsoever, having taken hexasection damage, and begin their adventure... sort of.
They immediately glitch out due to the infinite stream of nuclear waste that happens to be pouring from a glitch hole in the shape of an asterisk. Riding this nuclear waste are trillions of social justice warriors who proceed to lecture each of them about privilege and how they are oppressing them simply by being male, cisgendered, or violating their "religious" (read: atheist) beliefs. At this point, Eze proceeds to decapitate himself with his massive sword. Unfortunately, the SJWs decide to revive him because he's not gotten off the hook for being male.
Eventually, Atro gets tired of the SJWs' tirade and somehow invokes the power of the glitches latent in this area to summon 16 copies of Urias. He then uses these to decapitate SJWs left and right for 3 seconds before the SJWs form into a giant ball of feminism and telekinetically blow up Atro's swords, causing him to be blown directly into the glitch portal. While this is happening, Vargas is turning the SJWs' tactics against them, claiming that they should check their SJW privilege. However, this enrages the SJWs and the SJW feminism ball crushes him and chases the rest of the units through the rest of Mistral.
On arriving in the glitched equivalent of Morgan, they discover that the entire area is covered in ten feet of communist Tux penguins speaking Lojban. This confuses them so much they have a roflcopter seizure, allowing the Tux penguins to swarm them and inject them with all the Really Sucky Virus strains. All of the detrimental ones, at least. They then discover that Maxwell has merged with the Supreme AI and is the source of the Communist Linux Penguin Army V2 spawning in this area. This revelation shocks them so much their jaws drop so far they dig straight through the ground and get stuck 30 meters underground. The penguins proceed to dump jars of Source SoS into their now-gaping mouths, forcing it down their throats and semantically reassigning their perceived identities to all be Vince Offer.
The Mays-inated units then teleport 36 meters into the air, breaking their jaws on the fall, and proceed to slash at Tux penguins left and right. Unfortunately, the Tux penguins are in god mode, so they only manage to clear a path to St. Lamia that closes behind them.
On arrival in St. Lamia, or its entirely screwed up equivalent, they find that Maxwell has also merged with the corpse of L. L. Zamenhof and the soul of the God of Pitchmanry, Billy Mays. Maxwell teleports to them and immediately begins yelling in the voice of Billy Mays in Esperanto before stabbing all of the units with super-sharp enlarged Hercules Hooks, including Atro and Vargas who have somehow recovered from their previous predicament.
Just then, the JOJite ship teleports in and picks up all the units. Unfortunately, their sprites are too big to fit into the JOJite ship, so the JOJites hang them all off the edge of a ship and immediately fly into a random building, slamming them into the part of glitchy land that is formed from the Infinite Plane of Fluoroantimonic Acid. They are dissolved and reform on the other side with severe acid burns, because I'm not done yet.
After arriving in Cordelica, which is now upside down over a bottomless pit, they all get pushed into the pit by a fusion of every character from Gravity Falls, except it's four-dimensional and also made of steel beams. The reference I made gets the Ancient Joke Police angry at the units for no reason, but the units point out that last turn they were an ancient joke themselves. This knowledge of something that happened before their summoning results in the Ancient Joke Police giving up on arresting them and instead just dropping the NSA Jail into the bottomless pit and teleporting the units inside.
The NSA Jail proceeds to release a fake version of Half-Life 3 onto their minds. This version of Half-Life 3 is basically a signal flare for the trillions of drive-by installations of malware, such as Windows Crazy Colors, Windows Jibberish, Windows Roflcopter Seizure and Windows Jacksonville, Florida.
Said Windows Jacksonville, Florida OS is in fact the worst OS ever, just as in a certain multiverse Jacksonville, Florida is the worst dimension of Realm 6. In fact, it's worse than Windows Sudden Death, Windows Instant Death, Windows Vist8, and a potato combined. This causes the units to instantly implode and be consumed by sentient black holes from the sixth dimension. It is then they notice the NSA Jail is actually run by the SJW Army!
The SJWs proceed to lecture them, while they are stuck in the sentient black holes, about white cis male privilege. The fact that a majority of the six units are male results in the SJWs raging horribly as they are "triggered". Suddenly, the Murderer of SJWs, also known as Cyborg Christian Brutal Sniper, not to be confused with regular Christian Brutal Sniper, brutally murders the SJWs and also the units, mistaking them for SJWs.
The units are teleported to the region of... This isn't a region, it's the Plane of Infinite Heat, which burns the units to a crisp!
As requested by a certain ROFLcopter Squad member, the Plane of Infinite Heat is then dumped out onto the battlefield after its heat is temporarily removed by a potato. The burnt units reform having suffered severe damage.