The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Join Date:
5/20/2014
Posts:
60
Location:
Defending my castle
Minecraft:
dandeman13
Member Details
I use Pestilence
I yell insults at a necromancer. He yell insults back. Punch them in the face. They start crying...
Now for the real pain, wimps.
I pull out a laser beam and start it up, but I have to protect it from the summoner. DOWN SET HIKE! The necromancer comes at me with a laser destroying football. I got to to stop him before he gets here. I grab a team, and we grab a team, and we play football. My team shreds through the opponents team and pokes him in the face with pointy needles. The necromancer says, "OH, SO YOUR PLAYING DIRTY!" Tanks rumble out of the ground and mow down my team with their machine gun cannons. "OH, YOU WANNA GO?" I take out thousands of soldiers with EXPLODING SLEDGE-HAMMERS...
(Yea, you WISH football was this exciting)
The tanks are advancing on the laser, but not if my army has anything to say about it. Half of my army is shredded down, but the rest is whacking the tanks with their sledge-hammers. Yep, this is pretty much do- OH NO, THEIR HITTING IT WITH THE WRONG SIDE. TURN IT AROUND YOU IDIOTS. Furious I knock down my second in command, take his sledge hammer and march through the gunfire. I go up to the first soldier, and whack his hammer, causing a chain reaction blowing everything up. Everything is just devastated, tank parts on fire, dismantled... But wait, theres one more tank. It's the necromancer. I charge at the tank which obviously misses, I mean it could never be realistic and actually hit me... I Drag the necromancer out and launch him into a pit of magma...
Oh yea, and the laser fires at the necromancer too I guess...
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I cast freeze on a druid, channel my inner Pricey and attack the frozen druid with this:
I activate Nuke on the Druid and i stab him in the back and i teleport him into a pit going somewhere that is evil, I dont know what's going on anymore but then I kill the Druid with a taco. He gets attacked by a Terror Nuclear Questgiving Taco from Cobaltshades Quests (A Nuclear Questgiving Taco from Cobaltshades Quest that is become Terror from the Godmodder) and the TNQgT attacks the Druid until he dies again, but i revived him saying "Im not done with you yet" I then punch him the face and run as he explodes into a group of Nuclear Entity from DTG and DTG2 and DTG 0rigins and every other Destroy The Godmodder game sends him to the Sky and i punch him down into Portal to the Other IW Universe where the Blue Team did not die, he is killed by Blue Team for hacking.I cast falcon pawnch and he gets pawnched in the face by a Falcon and i let all my Major League Noobing noobs punch him forever and ever until the End of Time.
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
California
Join Date:
8/2/2011
Posts:
280
Minecraft:
abricahohoho
Member Details
I smack the most damaged Druid's face through a big trampoline on its side and say, "That's all, folks!" A little ditty plays, and a circle fade out fades out and crushes the Druid's nose.
One Magenta Mage will freeze the Armor Knight and the stack of Fighters. The other will viciously apply Wind to the non-Flabbergaster Druids. The Tank will aim the Primary Cannon directly at Flabbergaster.
I activate Mirror Shield!
I take the decapitated head of Buildguy and show it to Flabbergaster. "Your buddy was better off than we were! We were behind your lines, with less troops! We massacred them! What hope have you?"
In a complete coincidence, a massive .jpeg statue of liberty comes down out of nowhere and crushes Flabbergaster, crushing his body along with his morale. And then another. And then a third. A fourth follows, alongside a fifth, and then a sixth, and then all six statues of Liberty suddenly go into morph mode, turn into a .jpeg Liberty Monstrosity, and jointly scream ORAORAORA as it punches Flabbergaster into the sand, thorugh the sand, and into a pit of lava, which actually turns out to be the molten-hot blood of a mostly-dead Eldritch Abomination that drives Flabbergaster insane. Just not a violent kind of insane.
Mirror shield activated! 305 damage to Flabbergaster! +50 XP!
I use Lightning on Flabbergaster. Lightning snakes down from the sky, despite it not raining, and the absence of clouds. The lightning strikes Flabbergaster, but he doesn't appear to be affected majorly. So, I decide to pull out of my repertoire of final attacks and use LOGIC! The logic? That a kickstarter to take out the most overpowered guy in the battle was used on the 2ND most powerful fighter! I decide to pull out...a calculator! (Everyone groans) Tazz's HP was 616. In order to synthesize a 70% damage reduction, I multiplied his health by 10. Now, it's 6160. However, now I need to divide it by 3, getting about 2053 health. I post this, and Flabbergaster's max HP to another kickstarter page, titled, "YOU THOUGHT THE LAST CHEATER WAS BAD? HELP US KILL THIS HACKER!". Flabbergaster's Max HP? 6500. Over 3 times larger than Tazz's effective HP last turn. I also include clips of Buildguy using Aimbot, Killaura, and other hacks, as well as creating blocks out of thin air; that couldn't possibly by a server-created ability! Of course, unfortunately for Flabbergaster, the name didn't show, and they share the same avatar, so he gets the credit. People flock to the kickstarter, even members of his own team, as no one likes trolling hackers. The server's numbers skyrocket, as nooby players join the server in order to kill Buildguy. Since they are such massive noobs, they think that Flabbergaster is Buildguy, because they share the same skin. They do little damage, but they are annoying. And distracting. Unfortunately for him, Flabbergaster doesn't notice me charging a massive laser. This massive laser shoots to a tower in the distance, charging it up, and causing it to unleash an aura of destruction around Flabbergaster. This destruction kills all the nooby players, and since they're noobs, they rage quit immediately. Flabbergaster is broken, bloodied, but still standing. I wait a small amount of time, so that the forces from the yellow army can see my action, then place my hand over Flabbergaster's head, say a few words in an arcane language, say another few words in Italian (Requiestat in Pace), and Flabbergaster's head explodes. Some random person on Minecraft knows a couple words of a foreign language! And plays M-rated games! This throws Flabbergaster's entire worldview into question.
Unfortunately, head exploding is hazardous to one's health. The rest of the army begins to flee in terror after seeing their leader's head explode that easily, with only a couple of words.
However, they decide to run directly at the tanks for some reason. The tanks run them over.
The other players were correct, a cast of Lightning always does x5 MD, no matter what. But, you can copy/paste this and use it as a normal attack if you edit it a little.
Lighting cast! 210 damage to Flabbergaster! +40 XP! +40 HP!
I activate Team Fighting, and then do this again to a druid, because I would have defrosted anyway, and I didn't get any XP for it.
In an attempt to break myself out of the ice, I get angry. I think of PETA, I think of r/infuriating, I think of the clouds last night, I think more of r/infuriating, I even think of r/mildlyinfuriating. I think of life giving me the lemons and get mad. I don't want your damn lemons! (In this case, the lemons are the ice encasing me right now.) I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burn's life house down! (In this case, melting the ice.) I imagine the guy who raised the price on pills (so topical!) and then get really angry. I force my nose to itch, and then I get angrier because I can't scratch my nose, thanks to the freezing. I imagine stubbing my pinky toe, and then I imagine smashing the chair I stubbed it on, and then I have to imagine stubbing my other pinky toe because I accidentally made myself less angry through the power of violence. Then I think about Hot Pockets, and why they have to be cold on the outside yet lava on the inside. I inspire myself to get angrier by channeling the power of Hot Pockets, and my blood boils. Not literally. But you know what I mean. I turn red literally though, and the ice starts to creak and hiss. Unfortunately, my angriness doesn't actually melt the ice, because that's unrealistic. However, it does raise my blood pressure immensely, which makes my veins pop out, which cracks the ice. The ice explodes into a billion shards of solid water, releasing me from my frozen prison, and somehow all of the ice stabs itself into a tank.
Team fighting activated! You join with Fseftr!
2 druids and a summoner explode! +80 XP to you! +110 XP to Fseftr!
GROUND POUND. Let's stun one of the Summoners. If someone could stop the other so Mirror Shield isn't instantly popped, that'd be wonderful.
Now, FINALBATTLESTARTSNOW! ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE ON THE NATURE OF LIGHTNING AND WHY YOU SHOULD NOT BE CREATIVE WHEN USING IT, THUS PROVING GENERIC RIGHT DESPITE HIS COMPLETELY SCUMMY LACK OF EXPLAMATION:
Lightning does 5 times your MD. Period. No creativity/imaginative attacks will matter at all, it will only ever do 5 times your MD, end of story, no refunds. You have completely wasted your time in writing that out after saying you used Lightning-what you did doesn't matter at all and TT2K will ignore it completely in damage calculation, and he DID ignore it beforehand, which is why he said you should repeat that attack from before, and why I should say you should just cut that out and put it somewhere else in another post before he judges this one. It IS a bit confusing on this front, being the ONLY spell that does this, and it's for lazy, unimaginative people or people pressed for time. If you want a more standard MD boost, use Freeze/Wind, they have secondary effects in buffing MD twofold/threefold respectively (the primary effects being a 2-target freeze and a widening of max potential targets to 5, respectively).
Knowing is half the battle, and the more you know...
...The more likely it is that phrase will suddenly make Flabbergaster mock FBSN for unjustly being a n00b, and then groan so hard at my explamation of Lightning, that the server's patron deities of Proper n00b Categorization and Restraint From Groaning at Information That Should Be More Obvious both down from the sky in chariots made of pure fiery MLG, challenging Flabbergaster to a game of Overly-complex Mathematical Torture with CobaltShade as the judge, everyone watching as Flabbergaster nigh-instantly and inevitably fails, and as punishment for failing that badly, getting the deities acolyates of Becoming Pro to chain him to a wall of unbearably hot pure MLG and blast him with every pro-rank weapon to ever exist. The Gnasher Shotgun, the Shotgun from Halo, the CoD Sniper, the Pro Pipe (also from Halo), the Bal, Ultima Weapon in all of its incranations, the completely-upgraded Falchion from Fire Emblem awakening, and more. The punishment lasts for a time-compressed 80000 years.
Yeah that was a Space Whale Aesop if I ever saw one. And really sudden.
Ground Slam! Your attack hits a Summoner and kills it, and does 300 damage to Flabbergaster! +70 XP!
LEVEL UP! +11 HP! +3 MD!
NEW ABILITY LEARNED! Quad-Guarding: After a while of protecting your teammates, you've gotten quite good at it! Now, you've learned how to guard 4 people at once! Sadly, it doesn't make overprotective spirit stack.
I yell insults at a necromancer. He yell insults back. Punch them in the face. They start crying...
Now for the real pain, wimps.
I pull out a laser beam and start it up, but I have to protect it from the summoner. DOWN SET HIKE! The necromancer comes at me with a laser destroying football. I got to to stop him before he gets here. I grab a team, and we grab a team, and we play football. My team shreds through the opponents team and pokes him in the face with pointy needles. The necromancer says, "OH, SO YOUR PLAYING DIRTY!" Tanks rumble out of the ground and mow down my team with their machine gun cannons. "OH, YOU WANNA GO?" I take out thousands of soldiers with EXPLODING SLEDGE-HAMMERS...
(Yea, you WISH football was this exciting)
The tanks are advancing on the laser, but not if my army has anything to say about it. Half of my army is shredded down, but the rest is whacking the tanks with their sledge-hammers. Yep, this is pretty much do- OH NO, THEIR HITTING IT WITH THE WRONG SIDE. TURN IT AROUND YOU IDIOTS. Furious I knock down my second in command, take his sledge hammer and march through the gunfire. I go up to the first soldier, and whack his hammer, causing a chain reaction blowing everything up. Everything is just devastated, tank parts on fire, dismantled... But wait, theres one more tank. It's the necromancer. I charge at the tank which obviously misses, I mean it could never be realistic and actually hit me... I Drag the necromancer out and launch him into a pit of magma...
Oh yea, and the laser fires at the necromancer too I guess...
Pestilence cast! 200 damage to the druid(since the summoners, which were whom I assume you meant to attack, are dead)! Druid stunned and poisoned!
I turn on Green Flare and Flaming Destruction do this to Flabbergaster.
I walked up to him then i punch him in the face and i send Amber to help me do these stuff.
Amber: Hello there my name is Amber, i will help you throughout of the session.
Amber starts off by throwing a knife at Flabbergaster while i push him into a cage leading to somewhere.
So here you are, this is the alternative IW Universe. While he starts he got attacked by a alternative Magenta troop while i was reading the First Chapter of the Destroy the Godmodder Book. I pile-drive him into the ground and throw at the Terror Pikachu (An Pikachu which is turned Terror by the Godmodder's servant) then it uses Thunderbolt to electrocute him. I preform one of the most ridiculous attacks in history of Destroy the Godmodder like kicking him right in the You know what? however, a swarm of Airborn Entities from DTG2 and DTG 0rigins picks him up and sends to somewhere then i fire my AK47 at his eyes and i throw him down to the Portal of the TIW Universe and while in the IW Universe, Amber sets up a Pitfall with lots of explosives then he fall straight to the pitfall and exploded like a nuke. I cast Stun and i let all my noobs hit him for life.
MINICRIT! Green Flare cast! Flaming destruction activated! All together, you deal 1950 damage! +100 XP!
I cast freeze on a druid, channel my inner Pricey and attack the frozen druid with this:
I activate Nuke on the Druid and i stab him in the back and i teleport him into a pit going somewhere that is evil, I dont know what's going on anymore but then I kill the Druid with a taco. He gets attacked by a Terror Nuclear Questgiving Taco from Cobaltshades Quests (A Nuclear Questgiving Taco from Cobaltshades Quest that is become Terror from the Godmodder) and the TNQgT attacks the Druid until he dies again, but i revived him saying "Im not done with you yet" I then punch him the face and run as he explodes into a group of Nuclear Entity from DTG and DTG2 and DTG 0rigins and every other Destroy The Godmodder game sends him to the Sky and i punch him down into Portal to the Other IW Universe where the Blue Team did not die, he is killed by Blue Team for hacking.I cast falcon pawnch and he gets pawnched in the face by a Falcon and i let all my Major League Noobing noobs punch him forever and ever until the End of Time.
I smack the most damaged Druid's face through a big trampoline on its side and say, "That's all, folks!" A little ditty plays, and a circle fade out fades out and crushes the Druid's nose.
He's dead, so you cruelly target the armor knight instead!
Flabbergaster: What!? Already? No... No! I'll resist you until I DIE!
Flabbergaster activates POWER OF DARKNESS! He grows and grows into a monstrous creature, gaining immense power in the process!
Two fighters each grab one of the mages! Both of them then proceed to perform a rare, powerful move, known as "Two fighters slapping a mage repeatedly". You can probably guess what happens in it: That's right! A bomb falling on the mage! The mages are so surprised by this turn of events they slap themselves to make sure they aren't dreaming! Sadly, it turns out the fighters had mind control that makes them repeat actions they already took over and over again. They set it to "repeat most recent action". The mages do their most recent action. Over and over again. Until they DIE.
The other 2 fighters dance their way to Ka_Doink, and challenge him to a DANCE-OFF! Ka_Doink politely refuses. They continue to challenge him, until Ka_Doink gets fed up with it, and goes away. He decides to check his e-mail inbox. It's filled with emails containing "COME TO OUR DANCE-OFF" and "WE CHALLENGE YOU TO DANCE-OFF". Ka_Doink spends an hour marking all 1,307 messages as spam, and a mail truck arrives! Ka_Doink heads outside, and his mailbox is overflowing with "COME TO DANCE OFF ALREADY" and "WE CHALLENGE YOU". Ka_Doink spends 2 hours depositing all 3,965 envelopes in the trash. As he eats dinner later on, alone, he sees 6,712 copies of the yellow fighters outside his house, protesting as if the world's ending, holding signs like "COME TO DANCE-OFF KA_DOINK" and "DOWN WITH NOT DANCING".
Ka_Doink finally gives in and logs back onto the server, and the Dance is "offed" by being extremely painfully ripped out of his soul. Ka_Doink dies due to lack of dance.
The enemies eye the storage minecart, wanting to cut off your supplies...
ALLY PHASE:
The magenta tank fires the Primary Cannon at Flabbergaster for 100 damage!
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Nearly-Conquered Magenta tower
Yellow forces:
Flabbergaster: Druid, level 13: 4375/10000 HP, 250 MD, 50/70 Mana, Sharpness V bedrock sword(+25 MD)/Runic armor(+110 HP, legendary, gives +10 Mana cap to magical units)(spellbook: Pestilence, Neutralize)(Power of darkness: Inactive)(boss)
Yellow fighters, level 20: 300/300 HP x 6, 80 MD, Steel swords(+12 MD)/Steel armored(+90 HP)(flaming destruction: 1/3)
Players:
Ka_Doink: Warrior, level 3: 0/317 HP, 250/800 XP, 85(0/3)(x1.5)(Focus!) MD, Chopping shears(+15 MD, legendary, x2 damage if one target)/Obsidian armor(+120 HP) (flaming destruction: 0/3)(Team fighting: 0/4)(fighter's prowess, passive)(has potion of healing I)(has protection VII book)
Fseftr: Warrior, level 2: 336/336 HP, 630/750 XP, 88(1/3)(x1.5) + 10 MD, Sharpness V Fire Aspect II Bedrock sword(+25 MD)/Protection V Obsidian armor(+170 HP) (flaming destruction: 1/3)(team fighting: 1/4)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)(has potion of strength II)(has potion of healing IV)(has potion of resistance III)(fighter's prowess)
Cobaltshade: Sage, level 2: 358/366 HP, 70/750 XP, 55(H!) + 10 MD, 50/54 Mana Sharpness VI Fire aspect II Steel sword(+19 MD)/Protection VI Obsidian Armor(+180 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)(Mage's prowess, passive)(has golden apple)(has milk gun, 2 uses left)(has Green Flare page, 5 uses left)(has revival talisman)(has shimmering sword)(being guarded by Tazz)
Netpatham: Sage, level 1: 305/355 HP, 50/700 XP, 50(H!)(M=2) + 5 MD, 47/52 Mana Sharpness VI Fire Aspect I Metronome sword(+18 MD, legendary)/Protection VI Obsidian armor(+180 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)(siphon)(magical prowess)
The_Nonexistent_Tazz: Armor knight, level 5: 526/617(S!) HP, 14/970 XP, 93 + 5 MD, Sharpness VI Fire aspect I 2K Sword(+26 MD, Legendary, allows hitting of infinite enemies at once)/Protection VI Glimmering armor(+190 HP, Legendary)(mirror shield: 1/3)(ground slam: 1/4) (overprotective spirit, active) (bide: Ready!)(Quad-guarding) (has milk gun, 2 uses left)(has Knight Seal)(has opple)(has potion of strength I)(has splash potion of healing III)(Boss)(guarding Cobaltshade)
BioShock_Rules: Magic Knight, level 2: 102/319 HP, 560/750 XP, 81(2/3)(x1.5) + 5 MD, 17/22 Mana Sharpness V Fire Aspect I Obsidian sword(+21 MD)/Trial Tester armor(+140 HP, legendary, makes immune to one-hit kills) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: Ready!)(fighter's prowess, passive)(has 2 milk guns, 3 uses left each)(has potion of resistance)(has thorny breastplate)(has sharpness VII book)
Pricey12345: Magic Knight, level 1: 290/290 HP, 270/700 XP, 82(0/3)(x1.5) + 15 MD, 14/20 Mana, Sharpness IV Fire aspect III Obsidian sword(+21 MD)/Protection III Obsidian Armor(+150 HP) (flaming destruction: 1/3)(team fighting: Ready!)(fighter's prowess)(has potion of resistance III)(has flaming charm)
Insert_Generic_Username: Alchemist, level 2: 302/302(S!) HP, 580/750 XP, 56(H!) + 15 MD, 26/50 Mana, 0/11 Supply Sharpness VI Fire Aspect III Trial tester sword(+24 MD, Legendary, allows survival of 1-hit-kills)/Protection I Bedrock armor(+170 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)(siphon)(Mage's Prowess)(has lighting page, 2 uses left)(has potion of healing I)(has opple)
OK, guys, I'd like those Fighters Frozen into popsicles while we deal with Flabbergaster. Combined they can do more damage than Flabbergaster alone, and...
I activate Bide. Also, as I can apparently guard four people at once now, I officially use it to additionally shield Generic, Ka_Doink (when he gets back), and Proof.
"FLABBERGASTER, I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR RESPONSE STRICTLY AS ROLEPLAY, BUT CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! PREPARE FOR THE MUSTARD OF YOUR DOOM!"
Flabbergaster takes a quick breather, realizing that, if reports were COMPLETELY true that I could probably do some hideously bad stuff to him IRL had I taken that literally enough. He then recalls the Mustard of your Doom. Now, first he's confused, and keeps his eyes out for condiments, people with condiments, things that go with condiments, and anything mustard yellow. He then catches onto the Fawful quote and looks out for Mario and Luigi villains like Cackletta, Fawful, Bowser, Antasma, and then expands his search to all bosses in the whole series as well as the main characters. He then thinks that I might be psyching him out with the quote and am referring to something else entirely, and just looks around wildly. Then he gets the idea that I might be doing something Mario-themed but not Mario and Luigi themed, and look out for, well, Mario things. THEN he thinks, wait a minute, what about me?
He looks at me doing pretty much nothing. He breathes a sigh of relief, then turns around to find a massive sandwich composed of every Mario character ever, however small/non-canon, including powered-up versions separately, covered in condiments. The Sandwich promptly jumps him in a massive MARIUSTARD EXPLOSION, which is naturally a Mario-Mustard explosion. It is laced with the DOOM OF FLABBERGASTER, as well as a lot of other Fawful-grade Engrish phrases. Flabbergaster quickly has fury, angst, woe, and out of insanity chortles, from the whole affair, until the Sandwich is devoured by a Cream Sandwich, which is devoured by a Creamsand Witch, who proceeds to cast a magical spell of attracting tons of gummi worms onto Flabbergaster. Flabbergaster isn't phased until he learns the Gummi Worms happen to be really good at eating things and going through blocks. 'Eating things' includes him. I then eat the whole thing, because really that's the standard Tazz ending to anything I do in TIW: Just instantly devour the whole set and murder the guy more.
PSYCHE. I then proceed to use a Hearthstone Rushdan deck (Rushdown Warlock; the Warlock is named Gul'dan) to swarm Flabbergaster in Acidic Swamp Oozes, Flame Imps, Succubi, Dancing Swords, and more before he can properly shut down my wave of strong-for-their-cost minions. The Minions then come to life and mob him to death. THEN I eat the whole set, Flabbergaster included, to rot within my stomach of doom.
I run up to a yellow fighter with my sword at the ready. He yells at me to wait, because he's not even close to ready. I stop, lean on my sword, and tap on my watch continuously for about a minute. I ask him if he's ready again, and then look up. He's... on his phone. How rude. If he won't be polite enough to get off his phone while I'm waiting for him, I'm not going to be polite enough to wait until he's ready to start our duel. I walk up to him, sword in hand, but he doesn't look up, he's too distracted. I look to see what he's looking at, maybe his mother texted him or something... nope, he's playing angry birds. I move my sword above my head and swing it down onto his head, making sure to break his phone.
[Client thread/INFO] [TConstruct]: Natura, what are we going to do tomorrow night?
[Client thread/INFO] [Natura]: TConstruct, we're going to take over the world!
[Client thread/INFO] [inpure|core]: Beating Minecraft's resource loading system with a shovel. Please stand by...
[Client thread/INFO] [MagicBees]: Replacing stupid-block with 'Here, have some delicious textures' ItemBlock. This is 100% normal.
I trap flabbergaster in between 2 dispensers full of tnt. I dispense as much tnt as possible before it blows up and flabbergaster gets fall damage. I then cover him with lava.
I freeze as many fighters as I can. I then use total randomness theory to attack the fighters:
0.00 Д: I punch the fighters. My fist connects, sending them back into a wall.
0.25 Д: I punch the fighters, but my hand goes straight through the fighters and reaches for a copy of Half-Life 2: Episode 3. SwordQuest Air is released. HoH SiS Foundation Repair sues cs188 for defamation. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a 142" floppy disk. The fighters spontaneously explode from the combination of random events.
0.50 Д: I punch the fighters. A giant Mountain Dew Dorito falls from the sky and crushes Site-19. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a 5¼" floppy disk. The fighters combust and are thrown into a vat of chlorine trifluoride. Antichamber and FEZ fuse into one amazing mind-screw of a game. Pikachu figurines begin raining from the sky. Every chess game currently being played ends simultaneously. The White House activates the nationwide EAS. The fighters die.
0.75 Д: The English language ceases to exist instantaneously, being replaced with the language of Tofu. 𛀢𛀣𛀖𛁈𛀷𛁈𛁕𛁥𛀢𛀣𛀖𛁈 𛀷𛁈𛁕𛁥𛁧𛀢 𛀣𛀖𛁈𛀷 𛁈𛁕𛁥𛁧𛁙𛀫 𛀼𛁍𛀢𛀣 𛀖𛁈 𛀷𛁈 𛁕𛁥𛁧 𛁙 𛀫𛀼𛁍 𛀢𛀣𛀖 𛁈𛀷𛁈 𛁕𛁥𛁧𛁙 𛀫𛀼𛁍. The English language's existence is restored. I punch the fighters. Their heads implode on themselves. Gabe Newell releases Half-Life 2: Episode 4. The value of Bitcoin soars. The Emergency Alert System activates spontaneously. The JOJ is acquired. The entirety of the Kansas City metropolitan area is subject to a //regen. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a 1" floppy disk. Nobody plays it, opting for SLASH'EM 7.6.8 instead. The range of light visible to humans ceases to exist. The fighters die from blindness.
1.00 Д: Protactinium chunks begin raining from the sky. Foundation repair is made illegal in Texas. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a microSD card. The Unicode Standard, Version 11.4 is released, adding a "MAN TAKING SELFIE ATOP CN TOWER" character in the newly created Supplementary Pictographic Plane. I punch the fighters. Venus implodes. Frank Morris' vat of cube lubricant becomes inside. Antichamber and FEZ are crossed over. All stop signs become dodecagonal regardless of region. Distribution of Windows XP becomes illegal worldwide. Pokémon Stone Age Version is released in Japan. I punch the fighters again, getting no response. The fighters cease to exist.
1.25 Д: Homelessness is made illegal in the United LOLs of ROFLica. AntiTimer v. 1.5 is released. Corotite begins raining from the sky. The Age of Gabe Newell begins. Frank Morris lubricates an original Rubik's brand, turning it into a V-Cube 3. Rubik's cubes become illegal to produce outside of Greece. Frank Morris protests this move, reverting it. The Guinness Book of World Records recognizes Antichamber as best pony. When SCP-106 challenges this, he is nuked into oblivion. I punch the fighters. They die, causing 24,000,000 other people throughout the Afro-Eurasian continent to die of natural causes simultaneously. Pangaea is formed again. The entire world population simultaneously begins a pilgrimage to Neptune. Unicode 11.7 is released, adding a "PILE OF DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED POO". Criticism of the Oceanic HoH SiS Policy reaches a breaking point. I punch the fighters one more time.
1.50 Д: World peace is attained. Dr. Rabbit calculates the net worth of Billy Mays III. Ganondorf enters the real world through a portal. The sequel to South Park: The Stick of Truth is released 15 years later. HoH SiS Foundation Repair sues cs188 for defamation. Unicode 11.8 is released, adding "DEADPOOL". NetHack 59.2.3 is released. A crossover fanfiction between Mikagura School Suite and Kagerou Project is written by a 14-year-old weeaboo. Development of Photoshop is placed on hiatus indefinitely. 25.5 square kilometers of land in a brat camp becomes uninhabitable due to large quantities of acid rain. I punch the fighters with the power of the previous statements. Every Rubik's cube position is deemed unsolvable by Frank Morris. SCP-345 promptly decomposes into ash. A polar bear explodes. All of Canada is thrown into panic by a massive hurricane. I punch the fighters again. Nothing happens for 0.2 seconds. The sun goes supernova prematurely.
1.75 Д: HoH SiS fanfiction ceases to exist. All arthropods throughout the world turn into 2x4 stud Lego bricks. Nobody steps on them. A CD single of the NetHack OST is released, titled "4'33"". Every plant in the world spontaneously combusts. The global ecosystem is destroyed. Humanity quickly migrates to Planet JOJ. I punch the fighters. They transform into pigs. I punch the pigs. They transform back into fighters.
2.00 Д: A potato falls from the sky. The entirety of Missouri is launched into the Sun. Epic Rap Battles of History releases 25 new rap battles in 2 days. Class Ds throughout the SCP Foundation revolt, causing 14,470 containment breaches. Michael Rosen descends from the skies over London, bringing his amazing poetry to the world that has been made ignorant of his work. The Great Pyramid of Giza transforms into a giant mechanical clock. A previously unknown isotope of potassium is discovered. The International Phonetic Association is disbanded. I punch the fighters. They die.
I raise $5,000,000, hire 30 clowns, and obtain a liter of orange soda. I spend $400,000 advertising on the server that a clown will be seen carrying $4,500,000 around Flabbergaster's area, then spend $100,000 training the clowns to survive as long as possible, as well as arming them. Then, I release the clowns, 29 of them carrying empty briefcases and the 30th carrying the orange soda. I also dress Flabbergaster up as a clown, so everyone thinks he's one of them. While he's being torn apart, I spend the remaining money on an operation that replaces all of Flabbergaster's blood with caustic acid.
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"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Join Date:
5/20/2014
Posts:
60
Location:
Defending my castle
Minecraft:
dandeman13
Member Details
I take out a machine gun and start machining down some fighters. Seriously, this machine gun sends the fighters to work at a factory with machines. They then become so bored that they stuff all the stuff in the building to see what it becomes. One of the items become a speaker. A real speaker who motivates the fighters to get up and move on from their boring lives. And so they get up and walk out the door. Where I am waiting. While they realize they are fighting me, they reach for their swords, but the shoved their swords in the machine. I proceed to put down my sword and challenge a fighter to a duel. A stage rises from the ground and I punch the fighter right in the face. He is launched into his fighter friends who all fall over like bowling pins. I then leap from the platform and land in between the fighters on the ground, and the go flying three hundred feet in the air. I then shoot them with a real machine gun...
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This signature is meant for educational purposes only. Send no money now. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. To prevent electric shock, do not open back panel. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from country to country. Not recommended for children under twelve years of age. Batteries not included. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. All rights reserved. Use only as directed. Parental discretion advised. No other warranty expressed or implied. Unauthorized copying of this signature strictly prohibited. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. In case of eye contact, flush with water. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not fold, or mutilate. Use other side for additional listings. Shipping and handling extra. No animals were harmed in the production of this signature.
More casts of Freeze, more yellow fighters rendered unable to attack.
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Weird Things Mods Say When Booting
[Client thread/INFO] [TConstruct]: Natura, what are we going to do tomorrow night?
[Client thread/INFO] [Natura]: TConstruct, we're going to take over the world!
[Client thread/INFO] [inpure|core]: Beating Minecraft's resource loading system with a shovel. Please stand by...
[Client thread/INFO] [MagicBees]: Replacing stupid-block with 'Here, have some delicious textures' ItemBlock. This is 100% normal.
I challenge Flabbergaster to Hearthstone. He doesn't have Hearthstone, so he declines, but I swiftly point out the game is free, so nervously, he tries it. Nervously because, of course, it's me. Its probably going to kill him.
His first opponent, as per the forced tutorial which unlocks the MAIN MENU, is Hogger. Hogger is super-powerful, and if you win against him he let you win. It's the tutorial, so Flabbergaster believes he'll win. He proceeds to watch in amazement as Hogger plays a 0-mana Pikamodder card with infinite/infinite with charge (can attack immediately where most minions have to wait) taunt, divine shield, a battlecry that replaces the hero with a Pikamodder and makes him immune as well as filling his side of Pikamodders cards, the ability to be valued as infinitely high during jousts, an inspire that makes other player instantly discard 50 cards (meaning he'll also take a ton of fatigue damage), another battlecry that gives the player infinite mana crystals, and a deathrattle that destroys the enemy hero. Oh, and another battlecry that destroys the enemy hero instantly. And the Pikamodder can't be targeted by spells, hero powers, or minions, and doesn't take damage ever, and instantly kills the whole enemy field (including the enemy hero) if it attacks. Oh, and putting it into your deck makes your whole deck Pikamodders.
Flabbergaster is so smashed by this he instantly dies a horrible, painful death and doesn't go on with the rest of the rigged tutorial.
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Join Date:
5/10/2014
Posts:
63
Location:
somewhere, in the world...
Minecraft:
tc2142
Member Details
[POST: 1/3]
[ACTIONS: i think ill join this game too to pass the time waiting on tazz's posts on DTG2. i start by selecting a yellow fighter, any old yellow fighter that isnt dead, and attack him with the following: a giant cartoon-style bomb, a charged creeper, every zombie pigman in the nether at once, after telling them all the fighter said zombie pigmen were lame, a ring of machine guns quickly constructed around the fighter, all pointed at him and all with infinite ammo, a cardboard box, a stampede of angry cows, a gun specifically designed to shoot sewing needles, a sewing machine that proceeds to sew the fighter's hand to some fabric, another stampede of angry cows, a cannon that fires giant poisoned radioactive M&Ms directly into the fighter's mouth, the sword from tazz's signature, a flaming brick, after both the brick and the fighter were soaked with gasoline, napalm and jet fuel at the same time, a high-power electrical cable made of unmeltible insulation and wiring with 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 volts and amps of electricity flowing through it and into the fighter, a boxing glove, enough C4 plastic explosive to build a small city out of it, and then i blow it up with the fighter in it, an army of hackers that all have a personal beef with that specific fighter for whatever reason, ponies, all the oil produced in the entire lifetime of a large oil platform out at sea, also lit on fire, and the oil whole oil platform itself, a truck carrying radioactive waste, the radioactive waste itself, a spy that backstabs the fighter while he is dying of radiation poison from the radioactive waste, an inventor that invents a new machine specifically designed to hurt the fighter badly, a flood of toxic sludge, all the pollution from all the industrial facilities on earth, and finally, a shot to the face from a shotgun. if the fighter dies from any of those things, i redirect the remaining things at another fighter until he dies also, or the wall of text ends. and then i attack the fighter with the wall of text itself for good measure.]
[OTHER: none]
I use Pestilence
I yell insults at a necromancer. He yell insults back. Punch them in the face. They start crying...
Now for the real pain, wimps.
I pull out a laser beam and start it up, but I have to protect it from the summoner. DOWN SET HIKE! The necromancer comes at me with a laser destroying football. I got to to stop him before he gets here. I grab a team, and we grab a team, and we play football. My team shreds through the opponents team and pokes him in the face with pointy needles. The necromancer says, "OH, SO YOUR PLAYING DIRTY!" Tanks rumble out of the ground and mow down my team with their machine gun cannons. "OH, YOU WANNA GO?" I take out thousands of soldiers with EXPLODING SLEDGE-HAMMERS...
(Yea, you WISH football was this exciting)
The tanks are advancing on the laser, but not if my army has anything to say about it. Half of my army is shredded down, but the rest is whacking the tanks with their sledge-hammers. Yep, this is pretty much do- OH NO, THEIR HITTING IT WITH THE WRONG SIDE. TURN IT AROUND YOU IDIOTS. Furious I knock down my second in command, take his sledge hammer and march through the gunfire. I go up to the first soldier, and whack his hammer, causing a chain reaction blowing everything up. Everything is just devastated, tank parts on fire, dismantled... But wait, theres one more tank. It's the necromancer. I charge at the tank which obviously misses, I mean it could never be realistic and actually hit me... I Drag the necromancer out and launch him into a pit of magma...
Oh yea, and the laser fires at the necromancer too I guess...
This signature is meant for educational purposes only. Send no money now. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. To prevent electric shock, do not open back panel. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from country to country. Not recommended for children under twelve years of age. Batteries not included. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. All rights reserved. Use only as directed. Parental discretion advised. No other warranty expressed or implied. Unauthorized copying of this signature strictly prohibited. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. In case of eye contact, flush with water. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not fold, or mutilate. Use other side for additional listings. Shipping and handling extra. No animals were harmed in the production of this signature.
I was not trying to be insulting there, I was just making Flabbergaster seem unreasonable. But if you insist...
I cast freeze on a druid, channel my inner Pricey and attack the frozen druid with this:
I activate Nuke on the Druid and i stab him in the back and i teleport him into a pit going somewhere that is evil, I dont know what's going on anymore but then I kill the Druid with a taco. He gets attacked by a Terror Nuclear Questgiving Taco from Cobaltshades Quests (A Nuclear Questgiving Taco from Cobaltshades Quest that is become Terror from the Godmodder) and the TNQgT attacks the Druid until he dies again, but i revived him saying "Im not done with you yet" I then punch him the face and run as he explodes into a group of Nuclear Entity from DTG and DTG2 and DTG 0rigins and every other Destroy The Godmodder game sends him to the Sky and i punch him down into Portal to the Other IW Universe where the Blue Team did not die, he is killed by Blue Team for hacking.I cast falcon pawnch and he gets pawnched in the face by a Falcon and i let all my Major League Noobing noobs punch him forever and ever until the End of Time.
I smack the most damaged Druid's face through a big trampoline on its side and say, "That's all, folks!" A little ditty plays, and a circle fade out fades out and crushes the Druid's nose.
Complipedia
I do this to Flabbergaster:
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
Lightning cast! 280 damage to Flabbergaster! +50 XP!
Mirror shield activated! 305 damage to Flabbergaster! +50 XP!
Both skills activated! Your attack will take effect as normal.
The other players were correct, a cast of Lightning always does x5 MD, no matter what. But, you can copy/paste this and use it as a normal attack if you edit it a little.
Lighting cast! 210 damage to Flabbergaster! +40 XP! +40 HP!
Team fighting activated! You join with Fseftr!
2 druids and a summoner explode! +80 XP to you! +110 XP to Fseftr!
Ground Slam! Your attack hits a Summoner and kills it, and does 300 damage to Flabbergaster! +70 XP!
LEVEL UP! +11 HP! +3 MD!
NEW ABILITY LEARNED! Quad-Guarding: After a while of protecting your teammates, you've gotten quite good at it! Now, you've learned how to guard 4 people at once! Sadly, it doesn't make overprotective spirit stack.
Pestilence cast! 200 damage to the druid(since the summoners, which were whom I assume you meant to attack, are dead)! Druid stunned and poisoned!
65 damage to the armor knight! +30 XP! +20 HP!
MINICRIT! Green Flare cast! Flaming destruction activated! All together, you deal 1950 damage! +100 XP!
Freeze cast! Druid killed! +80 XP!
LEVEL UP! +8 HP! +2 MD! +2 Mana cap!
He's dead, so you cruelly target the armor knight instead!
MINICRIT! Armor knight killed! +90 XP!
+500 WC!
300 damage! +50 XP!
ENEMY PHASE:
Flabbergaster: What!? Already? No... No! I'll resist you until I DIE!
Flabbergaster activates POWER OF DARKNESS! He grows and grows into a monstrous creature, gaining immense power in the process!
Two fighters each grab one of the mages! Both of them then proceed to perform a rare, powerful move, known as "Two fighters slapping a mage repeatedly". You can probably guess what happens in it: That's right! A bomb falling on the mage! The mages are so surprised by this turn of events they slap themselves to make sure they aren't dreaming! Sadly, it turns out the fighters had mind control that makes them repeat actions they already took over and over again. They set it to "repeat most recent action". The mages do their most recent action. Over and over again. Until they DIE.
The other 2 fighters dance their way to Ka_Doink, and challenge him to a DANCE-OFF! Ka_Doink politely refuses. They continue to challenge him, until Ka_Doink gets fed up with it, and goes away. He decides to check his e-mail inbox. It's filled with emails containing "COME TO OUR DANCE-OFF" and "WE CHALLENGE YOU TO DANCE-OFF". Ka_Doink spends an hour marking all 1,307 messages as spam, and a mail truck arrives! Ka_Doink heads outside, and his mailbox is overflowing with "COME TO DANCE OFF ALREADY" and "WE CHALLENGE YOU". Ka_Doink spends 2 hours depositing all 3,965 envelopes in the trash. As he eats dinner later on, alone, he sees 6,712 copies of the yellow fighters outside his house, protesting as if the world's ending, holding signs like "COME TO DANCE-OFF KA_DOINK" and "DOWN WITH NOT DANCING".
Ka_Doink finally gives in and logs back onto the server, and the Dance is "offed" by being extremely painfully ripped out of his soul. Ka_Doink dies due to lack of dance.
The enemies eye the storage minecart, wanting to cut off your supplies...
ALLY PHASE:
The magenta tank fires the Primary Cannon at Flabbergaster for 100 damage!
THE BATTLEFIELD:
Location: Nearly-Conquered Magenta tower
Yellow forces:
Flabbergaster: Druid, level 13: 4375/10000 HP, 250 MD, 50/70 Mana, Sharpness V bedrock sword(+25 MD)/Runic armor(+110 HP, legendary, gives +10 Mana cap to magical units)(spellbook: Pestilence, Neutralize)(Power of darkness: Inactive)(boss)
Yellow fighters, level 20: 300/300 HP x 6, 80 MD, Steel swords(+12 MD)/Steel armored(+90 HP)(flaming destruction: 1/3)
Players:
Ka_Doink: Warrior, level 3: 0/317 HP, 250/800 XP, 85(0/3)(x1.5)(Focus!) MD, Chopping shears(+15 MD, legendary, x2 damage if one target)/Obsidian armor(+120 HP) (flaming destruction: 0/3)(Team fighting: 0/4)(fighter's prowess, passive)(has potion of healing I)(has protection VII book)
Fseftr: Warrior, level 2: 336/336 HP, 630/750 XP, 88(1/3)(x1.5) + 10 MD, Sharpness V Fire Aspect II Bedrock sword(+25 MD)/Protection V Obsidian armor(+170 HP) (flaming destruction: 1/3)(team fighting: 1/4)(has milk gun, 3 uses left)(has potion of strength II)(has potion of healing IV)(has potion of resistance III)(fighter's prowess)
Cobaltshade: Sage, level 2: 358/366 HP, 70/750 XP, 55(H!) + 10 MD, 50/54 Mana Sharpness VI Fire aspect II Steel sword(+19 MD)/Protection VI Obsidian Armor(+180 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)(Mage's prowess, passive)(has golden apple)(has milk gun, 2 uses left)(has Green Flare page, 5 uses left)(has revival talisman)(has shimmering sword)(being guarded by Tazz)
Netpatham: Sage, level 1: 305/355 HP, 50/700 XP, 50(H!)(M=2) + 5 MD, 47/52 Mana Sharpness VI Fire Aspect I Metronome sword(+18 MD, legendary)/Protection VI Obsidian armor(+180 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)(siphon)(magical prowess)
The_Nonexistent_Tazz: Armor knight, level 5: 526/617(S!) HP, 14/970 XP, 93 + 5 MD, Sharpness VI Fire aspect I 2K Sword(+26 MD, Legendary, allows hitting of infinite enemies at once)/Protection VI Glimmering armor(+190 HP, Legendary)(mirror shield: 1/3)(ground slam: 1/4) (overprotective spirit, active) (bide: Ready!)(Quad-guarding) (has milk gun, 2 uses left)(has Knight Seal)(has opple)(has potion of strength I)(has splash potion of healing III)(Boss)(guarding Cobaltshade)
BioShock_Rules: Magic Knight, level 2: 102/319 HP, 560/750 XP, 81(2/3)(x1.5) + 5 MD, 17/22 Mana Sharpness V Fire Aspect I Obsidian sword(+21 MD)/Trial Tester armor(+140 HP, legendary, makes immune to one-hit kills) (flaming destruction: Ready!)(team fighting: Ready!)(fighter's prowess, passive)(has 2 milk guns, 3 uses left each)(has potion of resistance)(has thorny breastplate)(has sharpness VII book)
Pricey12345: Magic Knight, level 1: 290/290 HP, 270/700 XP, 82(0/3)(x1.5) + 15 MD, 14/20 Mana, Sharpness IV Fire aspect III Obsidian sword(+21 MD)/Protection III Obsidian Armor(+150 HP) (flaming destruction: 1/3)(team fighting: Ready!)(fighter's prowess)(has potion of resistance III)(has flaming charm)
Insert_Generic_Username: Alchemist, level 2: 302/302(S!) HP, 580/750 XP, 56(H!) + 15 MD, 26/50 Mana, 0/11 Supply Sharpness VI Fire Aspect III Trial tester sword(+24 MD, Legendary, allows survival of 1-hit-kills)/Protection I Bedrock armor(+170 HP)(Recharge: Ready!)(Heal Field: Ready!)(siphon)(Mage's Prowess)(has lighting page, 2 uses left)(has potion of healing I)(has opple)
TehEpicNinja9001: Magic Knight, level 1: 305/305 HP, 400/700 XP, 69(1/3)(x1.5) MD, 18/20 Mana, Sharpness IV Steel sword(+16 MD)/Protection VI Steel armor(+150 HP) (flaming destruction: Ready!) (team fighting: Ready!)
Finalbattlestartsnow: Sage, level 1: 213/289 HP, 680/700 XP, 42(H!) + 5 MD, 27/52 Mana Steel sword(+12 MD)/Gold armor(+65 HP)(Recharge: 2/3)(Heal Field: Ready!)(siphon)(magical prowess)(has shielding charm)
ProofofconcepT: Shaman, level 19: 226/231 HP, 235/600 XP, 51 MD, 23/44 Mana, Obsidian sword(+16 MD)/Obsidian armor(+120 HP)(Drain: Ready!)(Sacrifice: Ready!)(power of darkness: Ready!)(has dark ring)
Twinbuilder: Shaman, level 19: 153/177 HP, 160/600 XP, 44 MD, 44/44 Mana, Gold sword(+9 MD)/Gold armor(+65 HP)(Drain: Ready!)(Sacrifice: Ready!)(power of darkness: Ready!)(has wrap blade)(has dark ring)
TFHISEPIC: Fighter, level 19: 134/158 HP, 450/600 XP, 61(0/3) MD, Obsidian sword(+16 MD)/Gold armor(+65 HP) (Flaming destruction: Ready!)(Team fighting: 3/4)
Crazytobuild: Fighter, level 18: 152/152 HP, 250/550 XP, 57(1/3) MD, Obsidian sword(+16 MD)/Gold armor(+65 HP) (Flaming destruction: Ready!)(Team fighting: Ready!)
Magenta forces:
Medium Magenta Tank: 800/800 HP, Steel Primary Cannons, Super Phaze spawner(manned by 2 magenta fighters)
Other:
Black box with one line glowing red, one line glowing blue
Storage Minecart, level 4: 160/160 HP(has 1 milk gun with 2 uses)(has 1 milk bottle, 5 uses left)(has 1 potion of strength I)(has 1 lightning pages, 3 uses left)(has 1 potion of resistance)(has 1 neutralize page, 3 uses left)(has 1 earthquake page, 3 uses left)(has super build-a-tank kit)(has obsidian sword)(has obsidian armor)(being guarded by Ka_Doink)
SPELLBOOK:
Mages: Freeze(5 Mana), Thunder(8 Mana), Lightning(13 Mana), Wind(20 Mana)
Shamans: Poison(4 Mana), Pestilence(9 Mana), Light wall(15 Mana), Neutralize(18 Mana) Magic Knights: Green Flare(8 mana) Sage+Druid+Magic Knight(combo spell): Universal combo strike(75 Mana from Sage and Druid, 40 from Magic Knight)
Magic Knights: Green Flare(8 Mana)
ALCHEMIST'S HANDBOOK(level required/supply required)
Instant healing I(1/3)
Instant damage I(1/3)
Make potion splash(2/+1)
W-Credits: 3900
Material: 30
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
OK, guys, I'd like those Fighters Frozen into popsicles while we deal with Flabbergaster. Combined they can do more damage than Flabbergaster alone, and...
I activate Bide. Also, as I can apparently guard four people at once now, I officially use it to additionally shield Generic, Ka_Doink (when he gets back), and Proof.
"FLABBERGASTER, I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR RESPONSE STRICTLY AS ROLEPLAY, BUT CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! PREPARE FOR THE MUSTARD OF YOUR DOOM!"
Flabbergaster takes a quick breather, realizing that, if reports were COMPLETELY true that I could probably do some hideously bad stuff to him IRL had I taken that literally enough. He then recalls the Mustard of your Doom. Now, first he's confused, and keeps his eyes out for condiments, people with condiments, things that go with condiments, and anything mustard yellow. He then catches onto the Fawful quote and looks out for Mario and Luigi villains like Cackletta, Fawful, Bowser, Antasma, and then expands his search to all bosses in the whole series as well as the main characters. He then thinks that I might be psyching him out with the quote and am referring to something else entirely, and just looks around wildly. Then he gets the idea that I might be doing something Mario-themed but not Mario and Luigi themed, and look out for, well, Mario things. THEN he thinks, wait a minute, what about me?
He looks at me doing pretty much nothing. He breathes a sigh of relief, then turns around to find a massive sandwich composed of every Mario character ever, however small/non-canon, including powered-up versions separately, covered in condiments. The Sandwich promptly jumps him in a massive MARIUSTARD EXPLOSION, which is naturally a Mario-Mustard explosion. It is laced with the DOOM OF FLABBERGASTER, as well as a lot of other Fawful-grade Engrish phrases. Flabbergaster quickly has fury, angst, woe, and out of insanity chortles, from the whole affair, until the Sandwich is devoured by a Cream Sandwich, which is devoured by a Creamsand Witch, who proceeds to cast a magical spell of attracting tons of gummi worms onto Flabbergaster. Flabbergaster isn't phased until he learns the Gummi Worms happen to be really good at eating things and going through blocks. 'Eating things' includes him. I then eat the whole thing, because really that's the standard Tazz ending to anything I do in TIW: Just instantly devour the whole set and murder the guy more.
PSYCHE. I then proceed to use a Hearthstone Rushdan deck (Rushdown Warlock; the Warlock is named Gul'dan) to swarm Flabbergaster in Acidic Swamp Oozes, Flame Imps, Succubi, Dancing Swords, and more before he can properly shut down my wave of strong-for-their-cost minions. The Minions then come to life and mob him to death. THEN I eat the whole set, Flabbergaster included, to rot within my stomach of doom.
I run up to a yellow fighter with my sword at the ready. He yells at me to wait, because he's not even close to ready. I stop, lean on my sword, and tap on my watch continuously for about a minute. I ask him if he's ready again, and then look up. He's... on his phone. How rude. If he won't be polite enough to get off his phone while I'm waiting for him, I'm not going to be polite enough to wait until he's ready to start our duel. I walk up to him, sword in hand, but he doesn't look up, he's too distracted. I look to see what he's looking at, maybe his mother texted him or something... nope, he's playing angry birds. I move my sword above my head and swing it down onto his head, making sure to break his phone.
I build gates and assign Bill Gates to guard our storage minecart.
"YOU'L NEVER DEFEAT THE CPOWER OF ALLITERATON!"
My sig got screwed up because of a forum glitch and I'm too lazy to go find the banners to fix it.
So here's a cool server id; Runic-Moon.uk.to
Recharge, Lightning Flabbergaster.
Cat drawn by me. Accepting requests, depending on a lot of things. DTG Atsume: http://www.imgur.com/a/tij95
1'-[7']-{'3}-'3-'3 '6-11'-7'-6'-7' '1-{'3}-8'-12'-'3-2'
'10-'5-'8-'11 1'-[7']-8'-7'-'3 '2-11'-2'-'9-7'
'10-'5-'3-'3 1'-[7']-'3 '10-8'-{'3}-['10]-4'-7'
'10-{'3}-'3-'3-'6-8'-4' {'3}-11'-2'-'9-7'
Spam restoration: http://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/forums/forum-discussion-info/2195940-posts-threads-deleted-because-of-spam-filter-place
Official DTG Cards Against Humanity suggestion pad: http://piratepad.net/DTGCAH
I become an actor and star in a biography of Sean Bean's roles.
Complipedia
I start Freezing Yellow Fighters (if possible).
I then guard the cart.
[Client thread/INFO] [Natura]: TConstruct, we're going to take over the world!
I activate flaming destruction.
I trap flabbergaster in between 2 dispensers full of tnt. I dispense as much tnt as possible before it blows up and flabbergaster gets fall damage. I then cover him with lava.
Come to kspcity! Transportation
http://kerbalcity.myminicity.com/ http://kerbalcity.myminicity.com/tra
Industry
http://kerbalcity.myminicity.com/ind
I freeze as many fighters as I can. I then use total randomness theory to attack the fighters:
0.00 Д: I punch the fighters. My fist connects, sending them back into a wall.
0.25 Д: I punch the fighters, but my hand goes straight through the fighters and reaches for a copy of Half-Life 2: Episode 3. SwordQuest Air is released. HoH SiS Foundation Repair sues cs188 for defamation. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a 142" floppy disk. The fighters spontaneously explode from the combination of random events.
0.50 Д: I punch the fighters. A giant Mountain Dew Dorito falls from the sky and crushes Site-19. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a 5¼" floppy disk. The fighters combust and are thrown into a vat of chlorine trifluoride. Antichamber and FEZ fuse into one amazing mind-screw of a game. Pikachu figurines begin raining from the sky. Every chess game currently being played ends simultaneously. The White House activates the nationwide EAS. The fighters die.
0.75 Д: The English language ceases to exist instantaneously, being replaced with the language of Tofu. 𛀢𛀣𛀖𛁈𛀷𛁈𛁕𛁥𛀢𛀣𛀖𛁈 𛀷𛁈𛁕𛁥𛁧𛀢 𛀣𛀖𛁈𛀷 𛁈𛁕𛁥𛁧𛁙𛀫 𛀼𛁍𛀢𛀣 𛀖𛁈 𛀷𛁈 𛁕𛁥𛁧 𛁙 𛀫𛀼𛁍 𛀢𛀣𛀖 𛁈𛀷𛁈 𛁕𛁥𛁧𛁙 𛀫𛀼𛁍. The English language's existence is restored. I punch the fighters. Their heads implode on themselves. Gabe Newell releases Half-Life 2: Episode 4. The value of Bitcoin soars. The Emergency Alert System activates spontaneously. The JOJ is acquired. The entirety of the Kansas City metropolitan area is subject to a //regen. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a 1" floppy disk. Nobody plays it, opting for SLASH'EM 7.6.8 instead. The range of light visible to humans ceases to exist. The fighters die from blindness.
1.00 Д: Protactinium chunks begin raining from the sky. Foundation repair is made illegal in Texas. NetHack 7.6.2 arrives from the future on a microSD card. The Unicode Standard, Version 11.4 is released, adding a "MAN TAKING SELFIE ATOP CN TOWER" character in the newly created Supplementary Pictographic Plane. I punch the fighters. Venus implodes. Frank Morris' vat of cube lubricant becomes inside. Antichamber and FEZ are crossed over. All stop signs become dodecagonal regardless of region. Distribution of Windows XP becomes illegal worldwide. Pokémon Stone Age Version is released in Japan. I punch the fighters again, getting no response. The fighters cease to exist.
1.25 Д: Homelessness is made illegal in the United LOLs of ROFLica. AntiTimer v. 1.5 is released. Corotite begins raining from the sky. The Age of Gabe Newell begins. Frank Morris lubricates an original Rubik's brand, turning it into a V-Cube 3. Rubik's cubes become illegal to produce outside of Greece. Frank Morris protests this move, reverting it. The Guinness Book of World Records recognizes Antichamber as best pony. When SCP-106 challenges this, he is nuked into oblivion. I punch the fighters. They die, causing 24,000,000 other people throughout the Afro-Eurasian continent to die of natural causes simultaneously. Pangaea is formed again. The entire world population simultaneously begins a pilgrimage to Neptune. Unicode 11.7 is released, adding a "PILE OF DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED POO". Criticism of the Oceanic HoH SiS Policy reaches a breaking point. I punch the fighters one more time.
1.50 Д: World peace is attained. Dr. Rabbit calculates the net worth of Billy Mays III. Ganondorf enters the real world through a portal. The sequel to South Park: The Stick of Truth is released 15 years later. HoH SiS Foundation Repair sues cs188 for defamation. Unicode 11.8 is released, adding "DEADPOOL". NetHack 59.2.3 is released. A crossover fanfiction between Mikagura School Suite and Kagerou Project is written by a 14-year-old weeaboo. Development of Photoshop is placed on hiatus indefinitely. 25.5 square kilometers of land in a brat camp becomes uninhabitable due to large quantities of acid rain. I punch the fighters with the power of the previous statements. Every Rubik's cube position is deemed unsolvable by Frank Morris. SCP-345 promptly decomposes into ash. A polar bear explodes. All of Canada is thrown into panic by a massive hurricane. I punch the fighters again. Nothing happens for 0.2 seconds. The sun goes supernova prematurely.
1.75 Д: HoH SiS fanfiction ceases to exist. All arthropods throughout the world turn into 2x4 stud Lego bricks. Nobody steps on them. A CD single of the NetHack OST is released, titled "4'33"". Every plant in the world spontaneously combusts. The global ecosystem is destroyed. Humanity quickly migrates to Planet JOJ. I punch the fighters. They transform into pigs. I punch the pigs. They transform back into fighters.
2.00 Д: A potato falls from the sky. The entirety of Missouri is launched into the Sun. Epic Rap Battles of History releases 25 new rap battles in 2 days. Class Ds throughout the SCP Foundation revolt, causing 14,470 containment breaches. Michael Rosen descends from the skies over London, bringing his amazing poetry to the world that has been made ignorant of his work. The Great Pyramid of Giza transforms into a giant mechanical clock. A previously unknown isotope of potassium is discovered. The International Phonetic Association is disbanded. I punch the fighters. They die.
I raise $5,000,000, hire 30 clowns, and obtain a liter of orange soda. I spend $400,000 advertising on the server that a clown will be seen carrying $4,500,000 around Flabbergaster's area, then spend $100,000 training the clowns to survive as long as possible, as well as arming them. Then, I release the clowns, 29 of them carrying empty briefcases and the 30th carrying the orange soda. I also dress Flabbergaster up as a clown, so everyone thinks he's one of them. While he's being torn apart, I spend the remaining money on an operation that replaces all of Flabbergaster's blood with caustic acid.
"Do we want to be the mediocre brimstone boy, or do we want to be the more-than-enough brimstone man?" - Northernlion
Check out my new game, Legends of Aekran!
I take out a machine gun and start machining down some fighters. Seriously, this machine gun sends the fighters to work at a factory with machines. They then become so bored that they stuff all the stuff in the building to see what it becomes. One of the items become a speaker. A real speaker who motivates the fighters to get up and move on from their boring lives. And so they get up and walk out the door. Where I am waiting. While they realize they are fighting me, they reach for their swords, but the shoved their swords in the machine. I proceed to put down my sword and challenge a fighter to a duel. A stage rises from the ground and I punch the fighter right in the face. He is launched into his fighter friends who all fall over like bowling pins. I then leap from the platform and land in between the fighters on the ground, and the go flying three hundred feet in the air. I then shoot them with a real machine gun...
This signature is meant for educational purposes only. Send no money now. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. To prevent electric shock, do not open back panel. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from country to country. Not recommended for children under twelve years of age. Batteries not included. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. All rights reserved. Use only as directed. Parental discretion advised. No other warranty expressed or implied. Unauthorized copying of this signature strictly prohibited. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. In case of eye contact, flush with water. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not fold, or mutilate. Use other side for additional listings. Shipping and handling extra. No animals were harmed in the production of this signature.
I cast Emerald Firework, a much cooler-named version of Green Flare. The name is so cool, it blows up a fighter's head.
My sig got screwed up because of a forum glitch and I'm too lazy to go find the banners to fix it.
So here's a cool server id; Runic-Moon.uk.to
More casts of Freeze, more yellow fighters rendered unable to attack.
[Client thread/INFO] [Natura]: TConstruct, we're going to take over the world!
I challenge Flabbergaster to Hearthstone. He doesn't have Hearthstone, so he declines, but I swiftly point out the game is free, so nervously, he tries it. Nervously because, of course, it's me. Its probably going to kill him.
His first opponent, as per the forced tutorial which unlocks the MAIN MENU, is Hogger. Hogger is super-powerful, and if you win against him he let you win. It's the tutorial, so Flabbergaster believes he'll win. He proceeds to watch in amazement as Hogger plays a 0-mana Pikamodder card with infinite/infinite with charge (can attack immediately where most minions have to wait) taunt, divine shield, a battlecry that replaces the hero with a Pikamodder and makes him immune as well as filling his side of Pikamodders cards, the ability to be valued as infinitely high during jousts, an inspire that makes other player instantly discard 50 cards (meaning he'll also take a ton of fatigue damage), another battlecry that gives the player infinite mana crystals, and a deathrattle that destroys the enemy hero. Oh, and another battlecry that destroys the enemy hero instantly. And the Pikamodder can't be targeted by spells, hero powers, or minions, and doesn't take damage ever, and instantly kills the whole enemy field (including the enemy hero) if it attacks. Oh, and putting it into your deck makes your whole deck Pikamodders.
Flabbergaster is so smashed by this he instantly dies a horrible, painful death and doesn't go on with the rest of the rigged tutorial.
[POST: 1/3]
[ACTIONS: i think ill join this game too to pass the time waiting on tazz's posts on DTG2. i start by selecting a yellow fighter, any old yellow fighter that isnt dead, and attack him with the following: a giant cartoon-style bomb, a charged creeper, every zombie pigman in the nether at once, after telling them all the fighter said zombie pigmen were lame, a ring of machine guns quickly constructed around the fighter, all pointed at him and all with infinite ammo, a cardboard box, a stampede of angry cows, a gun specifically designed to shoot sewing needles, a sewing machine that proceeds to sew the fighter's hand to some fabric, another stampede of angry cows, a cannon that fires giant poisoned radioactive M&Ms directly into the fighter's mouth, the sword from tazz's signature, a flaming brick, after both the brick and the fighter were soaked with gasoline, napalm and jet fuel at the same time, a high-power electrical cable made of unmeltible insulation and wiring with 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 volts and amps of electricity flowing through it and into the fighter, a boxing glove, enough C4 plastic explosive to build a small city out of it, and then i blow it up with the fighter in it, an army of hackers that all have a personal beef with that specific fighter for whatever reason, ponies, all the oil produced in the entire lifetime of a large oil platform out at sea, also lit on fire, and the oil whole oil platform itself, a truck carrying radioactive waste, the radioactive waste itself, a spy that backstabs the fighter while he is dying of radiation poison from the radioactive waste, an inventor that invents a new machine specifically designed to hurt the fighter badly, a flood of toxic sludge, all the pollution from all the industrial facilities on earth, and finally, a shot to the face from a shotgun. if the fighter dies from any of those things, i redirect the remaining things at another fighter until he dies also, or the wall of text ends. and then i attack the fighter with the wall of text itself for good measure.]
[OTHER: none]